Don’t you feel even a teensy bit guilty for leading all your wonderful blogger friends to believe you dumped me?? How are you even sleeping at night? Remember how I laughed when you handed me your letter!?!
“What are you gonna do?? Go to Walmart??” I said and then laughed heartily. “AHAHAHAHAH AHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAH. That’s funny.”
Walmart has ADD. He’s too cluttered and crowded and chaotic for you. We both know this. Walmart ain’t got nothin’ on me babe.
You couldn’t resist the bright glow of my neon sign for even a week. My dollar deals, my squeaky clean floors, my vast array of well priced…well….everything. Ahahahaha hahahah ahahahah…aha aha….ahem.
Look. Let’s be honest. You and your “husband” may have issues with your over-spending with me, but you and I both know what the real problem is. Your jealous. You don’t like seeing me with all these other women. You don’t like seeing them flock to my doors as they beat you to my great sales. You don’t like shuffling through sloppy seconds as other women flip through the clothes racks before you.
And what can I say to that!?! I’m a ladies man. You’re married. We both have separate lives, but there’s enough love to go around and you know this. I’m all about spreading the love.
Now stop sneaking around and march back to your blog and tell everyone the truth about us. The truth as it has been since a week after you wrote that last letter and the truth as it will remain for the rest of your God given life. That we are friends with benefits and there ain’t nothin nor nobody who will ever stand in the way of that.
See ya soon babe…and it wouldn’t hurt for you to spruce yourself up a bit next time you come in.
Target.
