2009

Writer’s Workshop: SPEECH!!!

December 30, 2009 · 66 comments

It’s really not a good idea to ask me to speak at your wedding. Yeah I sound all articulate and well spoken and crap on the blog, but in real life….not good.

At my sister Lolo’s wedding I talked about how happy I was for her and my brother in law. How I remembered the nights we sat up painting each other’s toe nails and giggling about the funny things he said or did. How I knew he was the one for her and all these years later it’s clear that I was right.

Doesn’t sound that bad, does it? And it wouldn’t be that bad…if it were true. The truth is I can’t stand feet, I never stayed up late giggling with my sister about anything, and I gave my brother in law a REALLY hard time when he was dating her.

I told him I liked her ex better and that the ex was like a brother to me and then my future brother in law said he didn’t care if I died. I considered that a personal challenge. You sure as hell WILL care if I die!! So I won him over. But I couldn’t exactly tell THAT story on their wedding day, which is why I made one up.

My little sister Baby’s wedding wasn’t SO bad…but I did announce to the lovebirds and everyone in the reception hall that Baby was “like Britney Spears” (who was off her rocker at the time) and her husband was like “Kevin Federline” (who was and is a complete douche rocket). And they’re divorced…so awesome comparison on my part.

The great thing is that instead of recognizing that speaking in front of crowds is not my “strong suit” I actually volunteer myself to humiliate myself. Have I mentioned I’m going to be at the SITS Bloggy Boot Camp in March? If you’re interested in watching me make a fool of myself in person be sure to sign up…although I’m going to attempt to do as little “talking” as possible and just more of the “drinking on the side and smiling” that I like to do.

In the spirit of wedded bliss and me not giving a speech about it, here are some recent pictures from a very dear cousin’s wedding.

LOVED her dress!

I know this is way edited, but I looked super sweaty before and now I just look blurry…and blurry is better as I always say.

Our table….and my brother’s number one. Apparently.

And of course I had to do a wedding dancers video part II…I do make a cameo in this one. Don’t miss it.

(Dear Lord please don’t let my uncle kill me for that last clip. Amen).

Now it’s your turn!

Choose a prompt, post it on your blog, and come back and sign Mr. Linky. Be sure to sign up with the actual post URL and not just your basic blog URL (click on the title of your post for that URL). For good comment karma try to comment on the three blogs above your name!!

The Prompts:

1.) Your pet wants to guest post on your blog.

2.) You wake up one day with an unusual super power that seems pretty worthless—until you are caught in a situation that requires that specific “talent.”

3.) Write about a speech you gave at a wedding.

4.) Write a letter to someone you received poor customer service from.

5.) It’s time to list your New Year’s resolutions for 2010.

{ 66 comments }

Princess Kat

December 29, 2009 · 49 comments

These people will pay me $50 to dress up as a Disney Princess for a little girl’s birthday party. What will YOU pay me to do it and blog about it. Times are tough ya know.

“Hi
I am looking for a young adult ( at least 18) that would be interested in performing at my daughters 5th birthday party. You would have to get your own princess dress which I’m sure you could get at the party store, you might even be able to rent one?? The party is January 9th and you would have to be here for proble an hour and a half, max proble 12 kids- I’m looking to pay around $50- if you could do face painting or know some dance I might be able to pay a little more. So if this sounds like something you’d be interested in or know someone that might be please let me know!
Thanks! “

And I will hereby set up a trust in the amount of $50 for the well written bloggy friend who can step up and create an obituary for me after I die such as this one. One less thing for my family to think about. Thanks in advance:

“Karen Lee Born May 7th, 1953, returning suddenly December 20th, 2009. From the garden of Karen’s heart, sprouted the warmth of understanding and compassion, the fruits of generosity, giving and kindness, and the sweet blossoms of beauty and love. The strength of her roots has bound our hearts together forever. As a pebble in the sands of time, her life was genuine, pure and honest. We will follow her footprints, beachcombing through the shores of Eternity.”

Is it weird that my Mom found that obituary and printed it out to give to me when I stopped by for a visit? She knows nobody appreciates the depth and personal growth to be gained by flowery langauage like I do. Like a river overflowing with majesty from a mountain’s highest peaks…so too is my love for beautiful language. Though I am still impartial to my original obituary. I DON’T WANT TO DIE!!!

My assistant shared a fantastic email with me that highlighted some of the dumbest things people have done on Facebook. It’s hilarious…but you all can’t handle some of the filthy language so I’m keeping it off the blog. I will share a couple of the less offensive status updates with you…there’s still some rough language though, so brace yourself Pollyanna:

{ 49 comments }

Your Assignment, Should You Choose To Accept

December 29, 2009 · 16 comments

Directions:

For you newbies it’s never to late to jump in!! Here is what you must do. Choose a prompt that inspires you most. Write. Come back this Thursday and paste the URL to your actual post (do this by clicking the title of your post after you hit publish, an extended URL will come up in the address bar. That’s the URL you want to use) into the Mister Linky that will be up…this way anyone can click on your name and head over to your place to see what you wrote.

Feel free to write on more than one prompt if you so desire. I do it all the time, but it’s my game…and I don’t know how to shut-up…so it should be expected. And remember the more comment love you give, the more comment love you get so comment comment away.

The Prompts:

1.) Your pet wants to guest post on your blog.

2.) You wake up one day with an unusual super power that seems pretty worthless—until you are caught in a situation that requires that specific “talent.”

3.) Write about a speech you gave at a wedding.

4.) Write a letter to someone you received poor customer service from.

5.) This time I really MEAN it! It’s time to list your New Year’s resolutions for 2010.

If you have a chance, pop on over to the inspiration for the prompt you find most interesting. Spread some comment love for crying out loud.

{ 16 comments }

‘Cause This Is Thriller

December 29, 2009 · 41 comments

I thought she would forget she had excused me from circle time to remove my coat.

I stood in the large closet of my Kindergarten classroom and wanted to sink right into the floor. If I could just be a tile on the floor…if I could wish myself into something else…than I would not have to take off my coat.

Mom and I had really battled it out before school that day. “You WILL wear it, now PUT IT ON!” she yelled. “But I don’t LIKE this SHIRT!” I yelled back.

Her arms were stronger than mine and that’s what put me in the uncomfortable predicament I was in. Those forceful arms and that frustrated motherly scowl. I tried to blend in with the other kids, but my teacher spotted me right away…sitting there on my carpet in circle time…the only kid with a coat still on.

“Kathy??? Please come out of the closet and join us for circle time…” my teacher sang.

Dammit!

She remembered.

Slowly…..ever so slowly I unzipped my puffy pink winter coat.

“Kaaaathy????”

Oh for crying out loud lady!!

I realized I had no choice. I would not turn to tile that day. I quietly cursed my mother as I slipped one sweaty arm out of each sleeve and than took one small step out from inside the closet (that’s not foreshadowing by the way. I’m not a lesbian…though somedays I wish I were).

I closed my eyes. Waited for the laughter that was sure to follow when my five year old peers looked down to discover that I had come to school dressed in a Michael Jackson Thriller cropped t-shirt complete with fringed ends.

My teacher took one look at me and knew why I had been hiding in the closet for so long. “Please have a seat Kathy.

I slunk over to my carpet and secretly vowed to one day humiliate my mother the way she did me, when the long arms of her law could not reach me.

Because little is more humiliating than looking like Michael Jackson in front of your entire Kindergarten class.

Seemed only natural to post one of the best 11 seconds of my life I’ve ever recorded to the song Thriller with this post. Enjoy. Again.

{ 41 comments }

Things That Make Me Go Waaaaa!

December 27, 2009 · 56 comments

(If you get a chance remember to check out my current blog love shout outs this week…great tips and fun reads.)

10.) The fact that I can’t afford to buy myself a hot pink cottage and matching tractor on Farmville.

9.) The fact that after 2,432 requests I finally got sucked into that stupid Facebook game and now take to fertilizing crops and pining for tractors during my down time when I should be doing more productive things like tweeting about the condition of my hair.

8.) The fact that Marcy, my New York City Kitty, is STILL in the Kent animal shelter after all this time. PLEASE New Yorkans…SOMEBODY adopt that poor kitty. For crying out loud I already PAID her adoption fees!!

7.) Losing the cable that we definitely were not stealing because I don’t do bad things like accept free cable when it just so happens our house might have been receiving it. (Dear Bravo E! MTV and VHI, my life has not been the same without you. Please come back soon. Kisses.)

6.) Snot.

5.) Sinking my teeth into a sandwich I spent four minutes creating only to see a giant spot of mold staring back at me from the other side of said sandwich.

4.) The fact that I have to work when I’d rather just be a millionaire and spend my mornings dropping kids off at montessori school and my afternoons getting my hair done.

3.) Unidentifiable stenches that seem to permeate the entire house but cannot be located…if I were a bet’in woman I’d say SOMEONE has hidden a sippy cup full of rotten milk around here somewhere. Paaaaat????

2.) The fact that this post has no pictures on it.

1.) The fact that my camera. is. LOST! I couldn’t handle it before and I can’t handle it now….my brain is officially consumed with the whereabouts of my beloved and barely working camera. Come home to me soon baby.

{ 56 comments }

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