Dear Ellen (letter 7)

April 6, 2009

After months of writing you and a lot of time praying and thinking about our situation, I get it. I think I finally get it.

I’m not big enough for you. I’m not “known”. I don’t have a “fan club”. I get it. I’ll have you know though, that I believe myself to be a “hidden jewel” if you will. And this jewel doesn’t need fancy cars and diamond rings and sassy chihuahuas to shine bright. I just wish you would open your eyes and see that.

Guess who Oprah had on her show yesterday Ellen?? Just guess. A mommy blogger. We SO could have beaten her to the whole “ooh I’ve got a mommy blogger on my talkshow” trend if only you had followed through but nay, Oprah will pave the way yet. again. Guess which mommy blogger Oprah will be featuring Ellen? Just guess.

Dooce.

Why can’t we step out of the Dooce box? Why’s it gotta be all about Dooce? Let me answer that for you Ellen. It doesn’t. It can be about Mama Kat. I may not be as recognizable and as widely followed as Dooce, but we do have some striking similarities.

I may not have gotten fired for writing about my job…but I did have a crazy assistant find all the horrible things I said about her on my blog and then retaliate by trying to ruin my home daycare. That’s kind of the same.

I am not Mormon nor do I make fun of Mormons on my blog…but I used to be Catholic and I am comfortable making fun priests and such. That’s kind of the same.

I did not have a baby and then suffer from post pardom depression, but I did birth three babies under the age of four and as a result sometimes drink heavily and consider drug use. That’s kind of the same.

My husband did not quit his job so that I could support him on the thousands of dollars I bring in from my blog, but I did pull in 32 dollars and 79 cents last month from my adsense and I could live off that…if…I were a hamster. That’s kind of the same.

I wish I could say your avoidance of my letters was only a disappointment to me. But it’s not. Every month I tell the children I care for that I might be going on The Ellen Show. They get so excited about seeing me on tv…alas, your producers have not been calling. What about the children Ellen? If mommy bloggers are not your thing, do consider the children.

I also want to add that I just loved your idea of getting yourself on the cover of Oprah’s magazine. The way you kept calling her and talking about it on your show and photoshopping your face into pictures with her…where EVER did you come up with that idea??

Ahem.

(letter 1)

(letter 2)

(letter 3)


(letter 4)

(letter 5)

(letter 6)

I don’t know either.

Call me Ellen…let’s work this out. If you want me to be a lesbian so that I can be the first LESBIAN mommy blogger ever interviewed on a talk show then I will consider making out with you. Let’s show Oprah WHO’S top talk show talker now!

Call me.

Mama Kat

  • Letter #1: I’ve Contacted Ellen Degeneres
  • Letter #2: A Tentative Date With Ellen
  • Letter #3: Ellen And I Hate The Paparazzi
  • Letter #4: Ellen And I Are Like Soulmates
  • Letter #5: Ellen “Qwacks” Me Up
  • Letter #6: Ellen And I Have A LOT In Common.
  • Mama Kat Loves You When You Love Her



    Previous post:

    Next post: