It was Maile’s second birthday. I find it to be of no great coincidence that my most memorable God moment occured on the anniversary of her birth. The little being who started this whole ball in motion.
“Worthy worthy you are worthy, worthy is the Lord.
Holy holy you are holy, holy is the Lord.
Here I am, take me as an offering….”
I listened to the words and thought about what it means to be worthy and holy and what it means to open yourself up and allow yourself to be vulnerable to God. ‘Here I am’, I thought, ‘I want to believe. I’m trying. Take me. Teach me. Tell me what to do…”
I held on to my baby with one arm and wiped tears with the other.
When the song was over the pastor stood up to give his word and then he stopped himself. A thoughtful look on his face. Before he continued with his sermon, he said he felt an overwhelming need to say something to someone in the church who was having trouble opening up and truly connecting to God. He said that this person is wondering why they cry all the time.
I looked around. This is a joke right? I searched the church for other crying women as I slumped down in my seat.
He said he felt like the person he was speaking to was a young lady who has had a particularly tough life and has developed a hard shell to help her get through the problems she’s had growing up.
Because of that, he said, she has an “unnaturally” difficult barrier to break down and, although she wants to be close to God, this barrier she has spent her life building makes it hard to allow herself to become vulnerable.
I mean honestly. The words knocked the wind out of me. Whether they were meant for me or not. They still do. But he wasn’t done.
He said that God wants her to know He’s here. He hears her. He knows her struggle and that it’s ok to let go. He’s here. He said God knows the gentle soul and heart that she has inside and that “the reason she cries so easily is because she’s letting God in”.
The barriers are coming down and she’s becoming vulnerable. His message to this girl was that He knows it has been, and will continue to be a difficult journey to God, but He knows she is trying and to not give up.
And that was it. My answer. My reassurance. My encouragement. My moment.
I felt it and I feel it still.
Jim Fruehan says
Thanks for sharing your testimony!
Amen
Embejo says
Wow! I loved your story. Thanks for sharing.
Dana says
Mostly 99% of your posts and videos are funny-ish. I’m glad I found this one because sometimes when I break in church and get all leaky, I wonder why I’m the only one crying. I’m happy to hear that someone else cried in church one time, too.
Dana says
Or four. It might have been four times.