An instant message exchange with my little sister:
me: I want to run away.
Baby: you did this once before when you were like 9, and I cried… but you came back after a couple laps around the block… im calling your bluff
me: I have that EXACT memory…only Lolo was the one who ran away.
Baby: seriously? haha… am I totally stealing your memory? or did you run away too?
me: I don’t know. I might have. Mom was a bitch.
Baby: i never ran away… mom was saintly
me: My problems:
1.) Was going to take the kids for a walk, but can’t find Kainoa’s boots.
2.) Girl peed her pants.
3.) I have no idea WHERE she was when she peed her pants and I keep stepping IN WET SPOTS! My feet are covered in urine.
Baby: oh hell no. but i cant talk, my child is potty training and crapped his pants not once but twice yesterday for poor daycare lady…
me: 5.) I’ve put the markers and coloring books away approximately thirty times and they KEEP getting them back out.
6.) I’ve asked the kids to clean up approximately 22 times and they’re STILL playing.
7.) I put pizza in the oven 10 minutes ago with intentions of starting lunch and naptime early and JUST looked to see if they’re done only to find they’re still sitting ON TOP of the oven. Ok I think that’s it. Poor daycare lady is right. I would have slapped your child.
Baby: oooh man. one of them days!!
me: I can’t believe mom used to slap us…can you even imagine striking a person in such a manner?
Baby: i never got slapped… mom was saintly
me: Mom has slapped me at least twice in my lifetime…but it may have been closer to five times.
me: Yeah like, “HOW DARE YOU!!!!!” whack. I can’t say it’s ever crossed my mind. And that makes me feel good about myself. But I was a brat to mom…can hardly blame her.
Baby: I haven’t spanked yet, and I think again, I seriously never got spanked either. maybe once or twice? All that was ever done to me was the cheek squeeze, the arm squeeze, and the strong placing of me – like grabbing my shoulders and moving me to sit somewhere – SLAM.
me: Hahaha…yes…the strong placement for sure.
Baby: I too am guilty of those things! but spanks and slaps aren’t in the arsenol, doesn’t even come to mind…slaps??? that is borderline funny! are you kidding me?
Baby: we should keep this conversation to relay back to one another the day one of us smacks our kid in the face.
me: Haha…you know it will be me first. But it will probably be Pat I slap. For calling me a slut.
Baby: hahahaaa for sleeping with another daddy blogger
me: eww.
Baby: hahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaa…these online relationships can get out of control… first its just friendly, then your in vegas at a convention, one drink leads to the next and he’s bringing you back to the room he’s sharing with another daddy blogger for a secret rendezvous
me: I’m dry heaving. That’s seriously so gross. But yes. Very possible.
Baby: hhahahaaaaaaahaha