I think I may very well be the only grown American in….America who doesn’t own a cell phone. You heard me right. I don’t own a cell phone.
See, I used to have a real old school flip phone, but turns out when you give phones to one year olds in an effort to keep them quiet, they get broke.
Mine broke and I was all, “Paaaaat why don’t you order me a new phone????” and he was all, “your grown.” and I was all, “yeah, but I don’t know anything…who am I even supposed to call?” and he was all, “Verizon” and I was all, “UGH. Why can’t you just do it?? You know I’ll go in and end up with the most expensive phone in the store!” and he was all, “yeah that’s true…don’t get one…I’ll do it.”
And that was a year ago.
So guess who came skipping home with a brand new fancy pants phone of his own this week?
Now…I haven’t pushed the no phone issue for a couple reasons. #1 I’m always home. No need to waste all that money on a phone I can only use on the weekends. And #2 I use Pat’s phone when I do go out.
Now…I’m starting to push the phone issue for a couple different reasons. #1 How fun would it be to snap pictures of my travels when I DO go out!?! I could have gotten a photo of that crazy checker who told me he wanted to be Ron Jeremy for Halloween. #2 Pat is no longer willing to let me use his phone. He even has a fancy lock on it that he begrudgingly gave me access to.
me: Hey I’m taking all three kids by myself to go pick up our little foster dog…we’ll be traveling to a real shady part of the city at 8 o’clock at night, can I bring your phone in case we get car jacked by a bunch of gun yielding gangsters?
me: You’re just staying home right?? You’re not going to be using it??
me: Seriously Pat?
pat: No that’s fine…just ummm….just don’t scratch it…okay Kat?
While driving to dinner the other night I was all consumed with thoughts of Catching Fire…the sequel to the Hunger Games, but Pat wouldn’t let me be.
pat: Check it out Kat, you can search things on the internet by talking to it…
pat: Watch this…”Mama Kat’s Losin’ It”….ohhh…it found Mama Cat…with a ‘C’…
pat: Let’s try another one…’that girl’….ohhh…it found ‘batgirl’…
me: Maybe if you actually spoke English…
pat: Maybe if you actually WERE English!
me: Good one Pat.
pat: Okay but look at this…there’s GPS in here and when I type in the address to where we’re going it will actually recite the directions while you drive.
pat: Let’s try it out…now watch…okay so here is where we’re going…looks like it’s right over here in the south side…see Kat look…
me: Are you seriously showing me a map right now? You may as well be showing me a poem written in Japanese Pat…you know better than that!
And then the thing actually got us to where we were going and I was all, “soooo how much did that cost?” and “does it have internet access?”…and then I was all, “you know if you don’t want me to use your phone anymore we really should look in to getting me one just like it…it’s much too dangerous for me to be traveling without a phone…what if the mountain blows up or something?”
So guess which grown American is no longer going to be the only girl in…America without a cell phone?
Am I spoiled or what!?!
A rhetorical question…feel free not to answer that one.
Reasons I Love My Husband:
1.)He brings me warm bottles to give to the baby in the middle of the night when I am cussing him out in my head.
2.)He ignores my juvenile behavior and patiently waits for me to get over myself and discuss our finances like an adult.
4.)He sat at the door of the operating room, after I was rushed in following an emergency c-section, waiting for word of my condition…for six hours.
5.)He drives 45 minutes out of his way to go get me sushi on Friday night because I’m hungry and moody and tired and he wants me to be happy.
6.)He says things like, “Kat. Who are the most important people in your life? We are all here. We all love you. We’re not going anywhere. Just remember that.” and makes me feel better when things start getting to me.
7.)He takes time away from HIS job and comes home on a moments notice to help ME with MY job.
8.) When I’ve had a tough day with the kids he lets me talk it out until I run out of gas and then suggests we send them to a different daycare.
10.)He will never leave me for Kathy Lee Gifford because he thinks she’s outdated and fears for his life.
11.) He supports my shopping habit and watches the children as I single handedly delay our family’s future for a few cute tops…ok a lot of cute tops…and some shoes…maybe a clutch.
13.)He doesn’t take sides when I tell him to whack our son for an entire day of horrid behavior but instead delicately puts his hand on our baby boy’s head and turns to me to say, “My God Kat, he’s burning up!!” and then asks me to fetch the motrin.
#15. He buys me stuff to keep me from breaking his stuff.