Dear Ellen (Letter #12),

December 22, 2009 · 48 comments

Christmas is coming and I can NOT figure out what to get you! I mean, what do you get that special someone in your life who seems to have it all?? I did some research. I checked Etsy for some wonderful items made specifically with you in mind.

At first I considered the Noah’s Gay Wedding Cruise painting, but I figured your mansion is probably FILLED with religious based gay paintings and I want to get you something you don’t already have.


I found a twelve hundred dollar photo mosaic quilt, which is right in my price range, but there was only one left and I’d hate to take that off the market when surely there are hundreds waiting to snag that cozy piece of art.


This seven dollar coaster set would be PERFECT, but I don’t know how I feel about people putting their mugs on your mug.


Grocery shopping with your own canvas tote might be fun…certainly everyone would love shopping with self portraits displayed on their shopping bags, but like you do your own grocery shopping.


Dead end after dead end I realized there really isn’t anything I can get you that a.) you don’t already have and b.) you can’t afford to just buy yourself.

Instead I came up with a wonderful list of gifts you could get for me…I’m not high maintenance. Every year my family raves about how easy I am to shop for. It’s important to me to keep the meaning of Christmas in perspective and not get caught up in the commercialism that it has become. I wish more people could remember to live in peace and love one another all the time and stop running me off the street as they hunt down Zhu Zhu pets. But not everyone has the same centered peace of mind that I have.

I’ll get to the point. This is my very short list of things I’m wishing for this Christmas:

1.) My own African village.

2.) A rocket ship.

3.) A rare Pinta Island Tortoise.

4.) An identical twin sister.


5.) An invitation to be on your show.

Mull it over Ellen. Which of those four things do you think you could most conveniently present to me? Don’t worry there are two entire days left to contemplate and decide what it is you think would be most surprising and appreciated by me.

I’d also prefer the presentation of the gift you choose to be a surprise with a bit of a shock element. You know, don’t just mail it…perhaps you could organize some kind of parade in my neighborhood one morning. My family would wake to the sounds of a marching band and monkeys doing cartwheels in the street the way they do in street parades. That would be hysterical, but I don’t want to limit your ideas…just whatever comes to mind will be fine.

The countdown to Christmas has begun Ellen and I can’t wait to see what you come up with. It’s so great to have found a friend in you.

Looking forward to the big day!


Mama Kat


  • Letter #1: I’ve Contacted Ellen Degeneres
  • Letter #2: A Tentative Date With Ellen
  • Letter #3: Ellen And I Hate The Paparazzi
  • Letter #4: Ellen And I Are Like Soulmates
  • Letter #5: Ellen “Qwacks” Me Up
  • Letter #6: Ellen And I Have A LOT In Common.
  • Letter #7: Ellen’s Hidden Jewel
  • Letter #8: Ellen Is Destroying A Little Girl’s Dreams
  • Letter #9: Ellen is my Pen Pal
  • Letter #10: Ellen’s Huge Surprise
  • Letter #11: Ellen Is Like Wonder Woman.
  • Mama Kat Loves You When You Love Her


    When did I become my Mom December 23, 2009 at 2:36 am

    Good! Had started to miss your photoshop humour. :-)
    .-= When did I become my Mom´s last post: Awards – Day 2 =-.

    Mama Kat December 23, 2009 at 8:00 am

    I’m testing this comment plug in….are you getting this comment in your email?

    When did I become my Mom December 23, 2009 at 11:16 am

    Didn’t get it. May need to be a new post or a new comment?

    Scary Mommy December 23, 2009 at 3:04 am

    Ohhhh, I cannot wait for you to find Ellen under your tree Christmas morning! In a totally non- sexual way, I mean.

    Luschka December 23, 2009 at 3:53 am

    lol…. thanks for the giggle!
    .-= Luschka´s last post: Creatively Yours this Christmas =-.

    Los December 23, 2009 at 3:54 am

    So, Ellen is going to be a judge on American Idol … maybe you can sing yourself into her heart?

    angie December 23, 2009 at 4:20 am

    I’m gasping for air. I think this is your best Ellen letter ever. I’m glad to see that the gift I was going to buy you is on your list. Now that Ellen might buy you that African village though, I’m thinking maybe I should just let her buy it for you? :)

    MErry Christmas!

    Natalie December 23, 2009 at 5:48 am

    ‘Dear Ellen’ letters never get old!! Love ‘em!

    Ashley December 23, 2009 at 5:52 am

    OMG… I think Im going to write Ellen a letter myself and tell her you NEED to be on the show. I just read your other letters.. Hilarious..

    Shanna December 23, 2009 at 6:15 am

    I can’t wait for the day I read that you’ve actually been invited!

    Amanda December 23, 2009 at 6:16 am

    hehehehehe a good laugh for a Wednesday morning :)

    S Club Mama December 23, 2009 at 6:24 am

    seriously send these letters!

    Sage December 23, 2009 at 6:48 am

    Well maybe she will come down the chimney!

    Congrats on Hot Mama-dom!!

    Michelle December 23, 2009 at 7:09 am

    LOL! I loved that!

    June Freaking Cleaver December 23, 2009 at 7:11 am

    You had me at religious-based gay paintings.

    I can’t see how Ellen can deny you your birthright…especially since she will most likely fail on the identical twin gift.
    .-= June Freaking Cleaver´s last post: On Why I Must Now Suck Up to The Boy =-.

    Miss Angie December 23, 2009 at 7:32 am

    These are always so funny! I love Ellen.

    jennee December 23, 2009 at 7:41 am

    I love your Ellen letters!

    Princess of Sarcasm December 23, 2009 at 7:48 am

    I’m a relatively new follower, so I had lots of letters to catch up with. I couldn’t get Letter #11. :(

    I’m sure Ellen will get to you right after the “holy days.” And by “get to you” I mean “take out that restraining order.”

    Maybe you should just go straight to Oprah…she falls for these kinds of tactics. Or better yet, why don’t you start a campaign to kick Whoopie off The View so I can have a reason to start watching it again? I’d much rather see people who are actually still funny fighting it out. (You replace Whoopie and I’ll replace the antique Barbara.) Deal?
    .-= Princess of Sarcasm´s last post: Christmas Caroles…or something like it. =-.

    Mama Kat December 23, 2009 at 8:07 am

    Barbara is so vintage. Let’s do it!

    But I’m not giving up on Ellen. She has to come around. And she’s proof positive this tactic might work…after all it did get her on the cover of Oprah.

    You might be right…moving to Oprah might be more effective. Let’s get real….I might need to start with Tyra.

    ps Here’s letter 11, thanks for letting me know that link was broken!

    BJ_Mama December 23, 2009 at 7:59 am

    I wish I lived closer to you…I really want to see that parade.

    3 Men & a Lady December 23, 2009 at 8:22 am

    She is really playing hard to get, isn’t she?

    3 Men & a Lady December 23, 2009 at 9:47 am

    Is the last post thingy broke? Mine isn’t showing.

    Amo December 23, 2009 at 8:40 am

    Certainly Ellen has to hear you someday. I kind of hope she never calls so you will keep writing these hilarious letters. These letters are my faves on your blog. I think Ellen will love mommy bloggers. Really, you’re not kidding. Somedays, her show is ALL we’ve got.

    Susan@my2boyz December 23, 2009 at 8:41 am

    LOVES IT!!! your Ellen letters crack me up and i hope she is actucally reading them and you get on the show!!!

    Mama Kat December 23, 2009 at 8:56 am

    Princess – Barbara is so vintage. Let’s do it!

    But I’m not giving up on Ellen. She has to come around. And she’s proof positive this tactic might work…after all it did get her on the cover of Oprah.

    You might be right…moving to Oprah might be more effective. Let’s get real….I might need to start with Tyra.

    ps Here’s letter 11, thanks for letting me know that link was broken!

    Chrissy MacCEO December 23, 2009 at 9:27 am

    I LOVE your Dear Ellen letters!! She better come through with something from that list!!!

    Jen @ buried with children December 23, 2009 at 9:53 am

    I really, really hope that you get your Christmas wish!

    Mama Kat December 23, 2009 at 9:53 am

    Hmmmm…the comment luv? You’re right….I’ll go check it out.

    Mama Kat December 23, 2009 at 9:54 am

    Jen if I get my Christmas wish I promise to invite each and every one of you to the parade in my honor. Monkeys and all.

    This Mama Works It! December 23, 2009 at 10:07 am

    I am relatively new to your blog. But OMG this letter and all your others are hilarious!! I love it! Aim high girl I can definitely see you on Ellen someday soon!

    When did I become my Mom December 23, 2009 at 11:18 am

    You know that one of these days you’re going to end up on Ellen and have a laugh over your letters, right?

    Kimberly December 23, 2009 at 11:23 am

    Dear Ellen,
    All I want for Christmas is for you to have MamaKat on your show. You don’t have to get me anything else!

    Mama Kat December 23, 2009 at 11:38 am

    Welcome to my world Mama! :) Together we will crusade and I will get us ALL on the Ellen show. But first we’ll start with just me mkay?

    Trudy December 23, 2009 at 1:07 pm

    You are going to have a really big Ellen moment someday…it will trump your wildest dreams, I just KNOW it!

    Heather Bowen December 23, 2009 at 1:53 pm

    Do you really send these to her? I think you should. This seems exactly like the thing that she would love. I could totally see her reading these on air. How great would that be? Maybe all your readers should start bombarding the show with letters demanding that you be on. I think that would work, don’t you?

    Foursons December 23, 2009 at 2:07 pm

    You go girl. (I think I’ve heard Ellen say that, right?) Don’t forget- when you’re on her show be sure to mention me. Mkay? Love ya.

    Kekibird December 23, 2009 at 3:02 pm

    You know, maybe a little more umph in your posts will get her to respond. Kinda like….adding dancing midgets or something just as spectacular. Just a thought!

    Dawn December 23, 2009 at 3:30 pm

    So, have they contacted you with a restraining order yet?

    Screwed Up Texan December 23, 2009 at 3:37 pm

    This was freaking hilarious! I havnt read the other letters, but if they are as funny as this one she has no choice really than to organize a parade down your street. Tell her I wanna come too.

    kisatrtle December 23, 2009 at 4:12 pm

    As always, I’m completely shocked that you haven’t heard from her! Merry Christmas!

    Jenners December 23, 2009 at 7:22 pm

    Someday Mama Kat … someday she will come.

    Emmy December 23, 2009 at 8:07 pm

    Awesome! I hope you get your Christmas wish :)

    adrianscrazylife December 23, 2009 at 11:19 pm

    These are great. This sounds like exactly the kind of thing she would go for. I’ll enjoy watching you on there and remembering that I knew you when.

    Crista December 24, 2009 at 7:57 am

    I blogged about you! :)

    Life with Kaishon December 24, 2009 at 8:08 am

    I hope she does surprise you with a fantastic parade with monkeys flipping! Keep your camera by your bed at all times! : ) Merry Christmas to you and your super sweet family!

    Maya December 28, 2009 at 12:36 am

    Oh PLEASE tell me you really do send these in!!!!

    Catherine January 25, 2010 at 1:31 pm

    This is too funny! Maybe you can start a FB petition or something.

    Those always make a difference in this cold and dark world that we live in…

    wendy April 26, 2010 at 3:19 am

    Just read all your letters and OMG you are hilarious!!!!

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