That Kid

I had a lovely childhood all things considered.

We were not poor…at least…we didn’t KNOW we were poor…at least I didn’t. But I also wasn’t the child eating hostess cupcakes and string cheese in my lunch everyday like Brionne. And I didn’t have fancy hair bands and ribbons in my hair like Erin. My Mom did not spoil us with frivolous purchases and still we had plenty.

So why do I find myself bouncing out of bed at 1am to hurry and try to purchase books from Maile’s Scholastic book order online? And when I realize I missed the deadline, why am I emailing her poor teacher, begging her to let me make my order anyways?

Why am I making special trips to Target to ensure my daughter has a shirt to wear for Red/White/and Blue day? Why am I sending my daughter to school with twenty dollars to purchase gifts for her family from the “santa store” when five or ten dollars would be plenty? Why am I nuts about making sure she has at LEAST 25 cents in her backpack for popcorn Friday?

I’ll tell you why. Part of it is because I love her SOOOO much I just want her to feel it any way that I can. But a lot of it is because I don’t want MY kid to be that kid in class who doesn’t get a book when that giant box of brand new Scholastic books comes in from the office.

I don’t want MY kid to be that kid in class who doesn’t get to show off her shirt at circle time because it’s not the right color. I don’t want MY kid to walk into the Santa Store and not have enough money to buy her family the Christmas presents she wants to buy them. I don’t want MY kid to be that kid without 25 cents on popcorn Friday. And I don’t want MY kid to be that kid who never has hostess cupcakes in her lunch.

I had a sad revelation today though. By choosing to be that Mom who gives her kid everything, who am I hurting? In creating that kid who is never without…am I also creating the kid who is always without? Am I creating the kid who’s looking at my kid and wishing HE always had books coming in from Scholastic? Am I causing someone in the classroom to wish SHE had money to buy all of her family members Christmas presents in the Santa Store? Or is that even my bag to borrow? Do I really need to feel guilty? Is it my responsibility to make sure all the kids in her class have cupcakes in their lunches?

Truth be told I spoil my kids rotten…only they’re not rotten so much as they are just cute.

And this whole “staying on top of things to make sure my kids never feel left out” will probably last…ohhhh…another year until Laina’s is in school…at which point I feel obligated to give her the standard “middle child shaft”.

Tagged as: bad mom, good mom, Spoiled kids