I think I owe you a happy belated birthday! Are you aware that you just turned 52? What this tells the world is that you have officially come into your own. You are confident and composed and secure. You have love, you have money, you have fame. You. Have. MADE IT!
You know what this tells ME? That we’re one year closer to the END of The Ellen Show. Tell me Ellen…how will I skyrocket your show to even more superfamedom by allowing you to have me as your guest, if in fact, the show is no longer on the air?
I have every intention of continuing to write you letters until I’m 80, but what IF you stop doing your show before I turn 80? People will think I’m nuts for encouraging you to have me on a show doesn’t even exist. They may begin to think I’m not all there. They may encourage me to change the name of my blog to “Mama Done Lost Her Damn Mind”.
So while you’re out celebrating your 52nd with Portia and talking about where you’ll be vacationing next summer…I’m feeling a little uneasy about where things currently stand with us. Which is to say, nowhere.
I’m slightly concerned that after a year of writing, none of your interns have reached out to me. My offer to sleep with one of them still stands. I am not above the “Hollywood” way of making dreams come true.
And then it occurred to me that perhaps I’ve got it all wrong with the letter writing Ellen. How many times have we seen celebrities hit it big as youngsters only to find out that by jumping into show business so early they never actually learned to read? It happens all too often…which is why I’ve decided to share my very first Dear Ellen music video with you. Here’s hoping a Mama Kat original can help get my message across:
I can’t wait to serenade you in person Ellen!
Dear Blog Readers!
Coincidentally Ellen tweeted this last week: Attention Followers! We’re looking for fun new talent so send me a YouTube link with the tag #GetOnEllen. Can’t wait to see what you post.
GASP! is right. You know what this means right? Now, I have NO qualms with writing Ellen letters for the rest of my live long life. Show or no show. I will do it. And I have NO problems losing contests to people who are actually legitimately talented and in need of their big break. But how funny would it be if this ACTUALLY worked!?! What if I could be on the show and we could fill the audience with mommy bloggers! ALL of us could go! And she could give us all cars and send us to Bermuda and we could have a mini mommy blogging summer vacation together!!! Or not…but just what IF right?
If you feel so inclined, and you have a twitter account you can tweet my video to TheEllenShow and gently encourage her to foster a friendship with me.
This is the link to my video on youtube: http://bit.ly/d0ZsEo
And I’ll even make a few tweet suggestions for you if you don’t know quite what to say. You can say:
@TheEllenShow if I had a talk show I’d put @mamakatslosinit on it…but I don’t…so you should: http://bit.ly/d0ZsEo #GetOnEllen
@TheEllenShow She’s not sober, but she’ll be what you need @mamakatslosinit is your girl: http://bit.ly/d0ZsEo #GetOnEllen
@TheEllenShow Hey @mamakatslosinit ain’t no one trick pony…whatever that means…put her on your show! http://bit.ly/d0ZsEo #GetOnEllen
@TheEllenShow @mamakatslosinit has written you 13 letters and is now singing your good graces on youtube! http://bit.ly/d0ZsEo #GetOnEllen
@TheEllenShow @mamakatslosinit has written 13 letters to u…put her out of her misery: http://bit.ly/d0ZsEo #GetOnEllen
@TheEllenShow @mamakatslosinit is the most talented up &coming…well…nothing, but she made u a video: http://bit.ly/d0ZsEo #GetOnEllen
@TheEllenShow Ohhhhh dear Ellen….OHHHHHH dear Ellen!! Listen to @mamakatslosinit http://bit.ly/d0ZsEo #GetOnEllen
@TheEllenShow Not like we’re askin 4 a new van &a trip to Bermuda we just want @mamakatslosinit on ur show http://bit.ly/d0ZsEo #GetOnEllen
@TheEllenShow #GetOnEllen She sings, she dances, she drinks, she blogs… in kick-ass aprons http://bit.ly/aKPlGr @mamakatslosinit
I don’t know…what else could you say?