I don’t know if you’re on the up and up with the blog drama going around, but allow me to add fuel.
A journalist for the New York Times spent the day with us at Bloggy Boot Camp in Baltimore. She interviewed a bunch of moms and was incredibly friendly and we were thrilled to have one of our own help spread the word in a way that might help other moms find a community they too, can lean on and learn from.
Bloggy Boot Camp was created by Tiffany and Heather of SITS as a way to:
a.) impart pearls of wisdom to bloggers who are fairly new to the community.
b.) Empower bloggers who might not be new, but could use some sound advice on how to grow their blog.
and
c.) foster the relationships women are forming online by providing a safe space to meet and be merry.
The article that was published is titled, “Honey, Don’t Bother Mommy. I’m Too Busy Building My Brand” and it’s getting plenty of reactions from mom bloggers everywhere because the first half insinuates that mommy bloggers can’t be great moms and blog at the same time.
That because we’re blogging, we’re not interested in “sneaking vegetables into our kids’ meals” or teaching our babies to read. The hilarious part about that is that many of us are blogging about SNEAKING VEGETABLES INTO OUR KIDS’ MEALS!! I find it incredible that we, as mother’s who blog, can be criticized for not being attentive to the very subjects some of us blog about.
You gotta love a society that in one breath expresses the importance of mother’s having “me” time and the idea that if mother is happy then EVERYBODY’s happy, and in the next breath criticizes women for spending time on a hobby that makes it possible for some to help with their family finances.
After going on and on to Pat about how irritated I was with the article, he tried to stay balanced and asked me three interesting questions, here’s the gist of our conversation:
1.) “Why do you care about this when the article wasn’t even directed towards you?”
“Because it was directed to mommy bloggers EVERYWHERE! And I am one. And I was there and I feel like they totally missed the mark on what that conference was about…plus those are my friends they’re being snarky about! How much do you want to bet that the rude attitude journalists take towards mommy bloggers comes from the knowledge that there are some mommy bloggers making more money writing than they are and we didn’t have to leave our families or get a degree to do it.”
2.) “Since when can’t you take a couple jabs and not roll with it?”
“Since they’re picking on something I’m sensitive about and I desperately want to be a good mom and I try so hard. To have people criticizing what I do makes me second guess myself and sometimes I DO feel like maybe I should get off the computer and pretend I’m interested in a bug Kainoa sees on the door and oh. my. gosh you’re RIGHT! Me being offended by this totally stems from mother’s guilt!! Can we never shake the mother’s guilt!?! If I stopped blogging and spent every moment of every day tuned in to what my kids are saying and doing and learning and baking chocolate chip cookies, than I’d be desperate and lonely for adult interaction and for a way to express myself as an individual. But if I spend fractions of my day tuned in to people who keep me from feeling lonely and occupying myself with an outlet for my creative genius and I skip the chocolate chip cookies, then I get criticized for not being a perfect mom. It’s a lose lose. I can’t win.”
and finally,
3.) “What’s for dinner?”
“You know…I am SO fed up with The Man right. Make your own dinner and get me a mimosa STAT! I gotta go find that bug Kainoa was talking about and teach someone to read around here. These kids are IDIOTS and it’s ALL. MY. FAULT!”
In short.
I’m tired of defending mommy bloggers.
As it turns out it IS possible to raise amazing children AND blog at the same time. If you can make some money in the process? Bravo.
In fact, I am here to tell you that you can raise amazing children, run a home daycare, breed a colony of mice, keep a house clean, maintain friendships, volunteer for field trips, foster rescue dogs, manage finances, cook a mean lasagna, grocery shop, workout, paint your nails, spend hours at Target, keep your man happy *wink wink*, blog AND make money at the same time.
Why? Because we’re women and we’re amazing and we don’t need a newspaper to validate us.
We have each other.
{ 147 comments… read them below or add one }
Favorite part: “Why? Because we’re women and we’re amazing and we don’t need a newspaper to validate us.”
It’s crazy that people try to shut women down. They must not know the amazing skills and multi-tasking abilities that mothers have.
We have to keep doing what we love, and shaking our fingers at the nay-sayers.
Signed,
Another mom blogger with a job, a blog, and two very smart, healthy and well taken care of kiddos.
A FREAKING MEN!! Cannot wait to kiss you @ Bloggy Boot Camp woman…and I will too!
I’m not a Mom but I am deeply offended on your behalf!
You said it all and you said it beautifully so I only have one word for my comment: Bravo!!
I am over here weeping.
Seriously. To end with our picture just remind me of what an incredible day it really was.
Blog friends are real.
And, my brain didn’t turn to mush the day I popped out that kid- in fact, I have gotten smarter, more organized, more compassionate and funnier ever since.
So there, NYT. Take that.
You know, after I read the article and we chatted I went to bed that night with an uneasy feeling about being a mommy and blogging. In fact, I had a dream that I was being charged with child endangerment and neglect because I blog.
Jeff laughed at the dream when I told him about it but it hit me hard. Why do I have to choose between two things that I am very passionate about, my kids and blogging, just because I am a mom?
If I was at a job and blogged, no one would bat an eye. No one has an issue that my husband plays games online during his work day at lunch. Why should it matter that during my work day which is at home, I am on the computer when I have a spare minute or two?
My philosophy of mothering is different than the norm and it includes me being on the computer. I am so tired of defending this to other people because I am not doing anything wrong, none of us are.
Off to read the article.
I read the article as well & thought it was bull. I’m hoping that it was due to editorial additions, like the offensive title, that it came out as it did. I wasn’t at the conference but I found the portrayal toward mothers who are blogging offensive to all mothers & highly stereotypical.
You know, I’ve only been blogging less than two whole months, so I’m hesitant to jump in here, but from what I have read and seen, the conference looked fun. Since when is that a crime? Mothers get pulled in a million different directions, daily, so what if a day off was taken? I also see in the mommy blog community that it is possible to be an amazing mom, wife, cook, maid, look beautiful, write insightfully and funny at the same time, inspire others, and generally be the super star of your world ALL while having a blog :) Goooooooood for you guys!
Ugh! You are so right, that whole article totally played on our ever present mom guilt. That journalist should know, since she is a mom, we all feel guilty constantly anyway.
I wish that it had been a positive, accurate account of what that day was, but it wasn’t and now the NYTimes has given “mommy bloggers” everywhere something to be rally against.
AMEN SISTAH! A friend from college just tweeted me the article so I’m off to go read it; naturally I didn’t hear anything about it till I logged on to Twitter during nap time b/c I’m too busy playing blocks with my 13 month old. :-p
Great post Kat. I could not agree with you anymore. My husband asked me why I was all upset, and I wasn’t even at the conference! I think it was a low blow for the reporter to suggest that we don’t care for our families.
Bravo Kat, Bravo!
Wow what an awesome post! I have to agree with Krystyn on the favorite part! Why do moms always have guilt? Because people like that make us feel awful. We are not only moms but human beings and like everyone else we deserve some time to do what we love. Its not fair for anyone to make us feel like we are not paying attention to our children just because we blog.
Bravo! Women are amazing and this article definitely didn’t show an accurate view of what really happened at bootcamp or what we are really like as bloggers.
Amen.
And really? If we’re so laughable, then why are they even talking about us? Oh yeah, because we threaten their entire way of life.
Love your post! As someone who is just getting into blogging, I had a slightly different response. My whole purpose for beginning to blog is to escape what you describe in #2 –> I have spent the last 3 years devoting every ounce of my existence to my children (3, 5, and 7) and my spouse (the 36 year old child).
Even if I spend 8 hours a day blogging (which I am sure I will not as I just don’t have that many hours in the day), it is a far cry from the FIFTEEN PLUS hours I spent away from my children and husband when I was practicing law. Do I miss being an attorney – at times. Do I miss the big pay check – of course. Do I miss having other adults to interact with and use my brain – absolutely. But what I don’t miss is having my oldest tell people that mommy doesn’t love him anymore b/c all she does is work and she’s never home. If blogging provides me with some much-needed brain time and I still get to pick up my kids from school, bake cookies and run screaming from the bug, then I pick that any day.
Dang it! I’m not a mommy, but I am a blogger and that article ticks ME off! First they say that women should get back out of the working world and be SAHM (which I’m all for, just for the record), but then you can’t stay home and blog and be a Mom. What the heck?!!!! Blogging doesn’t take 24/7. People need creative outlets, be it a woman blogging, making jewelry, painting, calling friends. And yes, women can do all those things, have a job, blog and raise a family. IT HAPPENS. IT IS HAPPENING. And I find that the Moms out there who blog are finding alternative ideas on handling situations for children, by communicating with other Mom’s. I think Mothers blogging is FANTASTIC! I think BLOGGING is great!
So, let’s get to the REAL crux of the matter. The REAL issue that journalist have…. Bloggers SCARE journalist. We get the word out. We write about it. We don’t just sit and stare at a television and agree with everything that is dished out to us. We get on the computers and VOICE opinions and it REACHES people. That…. is the power of bloggyland. And it scares the daylights out of media. We take the control away from media.
Thanks for adding another reason to my list of why newspapers in general are becoming more and more obsolete. And really, it’s the NYT. Should we care?
Carry on Mommy Bloggers. Don’t bother giving them the hits. I’m still pea green I wasn’t at the Boot Camp. SiTS ladies rock.
(Sundays don’t count in Lent ;-)
I read about that NYT article. Do people even read newspapers anymore? Seriously, they need to sit down and take a few notes from the mommy bloggers!
Bravo, Kathy.
Well said.
Here’s my take on it as a journalist AND mom blogger myself. (Who was at Bloggy Boot Camp & thought you were great, Kat!) I think a lot of what people are objecting to is the title of the story and some of the flip comments about minivans and tutus. I’m willing to bet the reporter had nothing to do with that. Editors write headlines that they think will attract reader interest and boy, did this one. I don’t know who the editor was, but this being the NYT I’m betting it’s not a young, hip, social-media-savvy type. So maybe that’s where some of the “what are these crazy soccer moms up to now?” tone comes from.
I honestly didn’t read the article as condescending or trying to make us moms feel guilty. The COMMENTS, on the other hand, dear God! I commented on the NYT site that it’s not an either/or activity. I don’t blog OR pay attention to my kids, blog OR try to support my family, blog OR make real-world connections. You CAN do all these things, as any multitasking mom knows.
It IS kind of frightening so many people out there seem to think that, but seriously — do not let some newspaper article determine your self worth. I left the conference feeling like mom bloggers rock and I’m proud to be a part of that community.
I have 2 points to make. One is publishing companies don’t hire quality writers – they hire celebrities. It’s great that the blogasphere allows a venue for talented writers who are shut out because they are not high profile. Still point one, but newspaper writers are no longer journalists (I can say that because I have a journalism degree and was a member of the Society of Professional Journalist when its by-laws required journalists to be “Objective” – which it changed in the 80s to allow subjectivity – called Yellow Journalism and sent people to jail at the turn of last century). The public is tired of it and I imagine newspaper writers are feeling defensive.
The second point, which is really more important, is the biblical perspective on mothers working outside the home. Just read the Proverb 31 woman who bought and sold land to provide nice things for her home and nice clothes for her household. I have always felt home entrepreneurship needed to grow beyond pyramid businesses for women to be able to holisticly apply their gifts in a multi-dimensional way. If you can create a business and make a profit in the blogahood – go for it and God bless you for it – just like the Proverb 31 Mama!
Your freaking amazing, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
Well said MamaKat… I think Bloggy Boot Camp has “made it”… We got our first, big, ugly, NEGATIVE COMMENT. We’ve arrived!
Honestly, having been in Baltimore and experienced first hand the incredible generosity, humor, sincerity, and community that was shown by Tiffany and all the other women in attendance, it boggles my mind how it could be twisted and turned into something that sounds so cheap and shallow. Bah Humbug! And honestly, I feel a little sorry for the author that somehow she missed the whole point.
I have a degree from a swanky League school. I had a salary with lots of zeros in it, and I have a business consulting business that is thriving. So if the NYTimes doesn’t like that I’m a stay-at-home-mommy-who-blogs-for-the-fun-of-it, their loss!
And that’s all I’m gonna say ’bout that.
I sure hope that writer is reading this….what a LAME excuse for an article. She totally missed the mark, and she must not be a mom either. Otherwise, why, then would it be OK to be a MOM and a paid writer who pokes fun at other moms who write for a hobby?
Oops, I meant 90s – all good journalists do need editors:)
F#$% anyone who doesn’t think. What you do is awesome!
yeah if you look at the pics on my blog my kid looks pretty miserable. must be the fact i hog tie her in the closet to get some writing done. what’s a mommy blogger to do??
in all seriousness great post! found you on mommy blogs :)
YOU GO GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OR SHOULD I SAY, “MOM”
Personally, I am not a mom, but I am offended for all you guys, as a woman, and as a woman who will probably be a mommy blogger one day. As a student, I get attacked for spending all my time blogging/social networking, instead of doing my school work. Well you know what, I got on the DEAN’S LIST last semester, and god knows how many times I frequented Facebook, Twitter, Blogger, et cetera, et cetera…
So, these journalists can suck it…in a non-offensive way. And my mom wonders why I don’t want to work for newspapers…
You tell them, sister. It was an insulting article, and just proved that they don’t get it…at all. Personally I was also angry that they insinuated every mommy blogger is a SAHM…I’m a mommy, a blogger and, unfortunately a fulltime member of the workforce. They make us all sound so two dimensional.
sqweeeee!
you said it kitty kat!
“foster the relationships women are forming online by providing a safe space to meet and be merry.”
I love this post.
I was blessed to have attended Bloggy Boot Camp and I experienced IN REAL LIFE the amazing spirit of these women, many of whom I was beginning to know, not only through the hard work and dedication that they put into their own blogs, but through the support and encouragement they invest into the blogs of their fellow SITS’tas. (Talk about people having your back!)
I left with a sense of renewed pride; for being a women, for being a mom, for being a wife, for being a friend, for being a writer wanna-a-be, and most importantly, for simply being a grasshoppa in training who has so very much to learn in life about everything!
This women from the NYT’s betrayed our trust by infiltrating our “safe space” under false pretenses. It took five minutes of me speaking with her for me to recognize that vibe. It took five mintues for me to know to walk away. We shared personal information with her believing her interest in our blogs and our lives was authentic. She was forthecoming about her role at the conference only after information was shared.
And while we briefly discussed her wayward tactic later when our small group ran right upstairs, yanked out our laptops and started purchasing our first dot coms, we never for a moment expected such a betrayal.
And yes, we were THAT excited. That excited to begin implementing everything that we had learned that we couldn’t even wait to get started. That is what Bloggy Boot Camp meant for us. Exactly what you just voiced in this post, Momma Kat!
It is unfortunate that this woman collected a handful of silly facts and weaved an entire web of negativity that sorely misrepresents the value of the conference, its objectives and what the conference meant for all of us who attended.
Even still, it doesn’t even come close to taking away the value of the day for me. I refuse to give her that power.
‘Cause us SITS’ tas–we got each others back!
Enjoy your Mimosa–
sorry—couldn’t resist :)
Simply bravo….
OMG, NO WAY did she diss us?! What bull! I have to find this article. It’s amazing that bloggers are slammed when I know people who spend every free second on face book or twitter. I find the most amazing advice and people through blogging. It makes feel like I don’t need to be perfect but also gives me tips on how to pretend to be! Show me the perfect mom, show me one that spends every free second with her children and then show me those kids and that moms sanity. It’s not possible. Okay, I’m not even making sense, I’m just MAD! I’m going to take precious time away from my son now to find this article and perhaps give her a piece of my mind.
Here is what I think. These people are hypocrites. They say that woman can have it all and SHOULD. But when there are women who have figured out how to REALLY have it all and raise our kids, then they don’t know what to say or do. And so the criticize and pick apart those of us who are at home with our children doing what we do best and still making a difference. That’s what I think!
I’m not a mommy blogger but I do have many friends and blogs I read all relating to “mommy blogs” and I could not agree with you more. Its nuts to think that someone would write a story like that about some of the most amazing people that I know. I mean really, blogging is going to take all of your focus off of your kids?!?! What about the horrible situations some children are in out there, mothers who are drunks or drug addicts, kids who are abandoned and taken care of by foster families…..and they are going to take their precious time and newspaper space to talk about you awesome women in such a terrible way…
Ugh, I’m not reading the NY Times anytime soon!
You should send in this post to the Editorial Section!
Beautifully, beautifully stated, Kat!
Hmmm….while I haven’t read the article, did the author mention that the very REASON most of us began—and continue—to blog is because of our love of our children, our passion for parenting, and our desire to revel collectively in our role? Heaven forbid some mom bloggers can find a way to supplement their family experience, written history and maybe even income with the blogging past-time.
Sending you a big batch of “guilt-be-gone”—-you have no reason to feel guilty….and every reason to be proud. :)
(LOVE that picture of you and Tiffany…she’s a doll, and I SOOO wanted to be there with you all in Baltimore. Maybe Philly, or DC….)
I think you hit the nail on the head with the fact that mommy bloggers are increasing in popularity and journalism is decreasing. I read the article and I thought it horrible and insensitive and an ambush. Really, really bad taste.
Amen sister. I was definitely upset at that article – those are my friends too. And I wasn’t there but definitely would have loved to have been. I think that lady just may not have connected with anyone there & was jealous at Tiff’s hotness.
Such a great post!!
I just read the article through Kirtsy and the author of the NYT article has a blog…a MOMMY BLOG!!! Check it out here:
http://www.jenmen.com/
Look, I think there IS the danger that we can spend all our time online and give our babies only half of our attention and give them our second best, wothout actually meaning to! In years gone by, it was called day time tv. The only difference is that now its interactive and we actually gain from it emotionally and intellectually. The article, though, and its tone, were disgusting! If it were about a religious or ethnic group it would have caused huge waves as it was undermining, underhanded and plain mean. Especially since the reporter was so two faced and yes, it was offensive. But then, I don’t earn a monthly paycheck, so what do I know. i’m just a mother, and a bad one, obviously as I sit soothing my teething baby at 2am rather than just leaving her to cry in a room on her own.
I enjoyed this post, MamaKat, because you skewered the NYT article quite aptly and still were vulnerable enough to say that it hurt. Which it did. I’ve only been blogging for six weeks, but it has been an utterly fantastic month and a half, and I was dismayed and confused to get such a patronizing assessment of the blogging world.
Listen, all I can say is Moms are unbelievable creatures–let’s face it, even if ALL WE DID was raise children (and we do a whole lot more than that), we would still be stunning! WE ARE DEVELOPING AND NURTURING HUMAN BEINGS, PEOPLE! What could be more important, more challenging, and more fantastic? Take us seriously, for God’s sake!
Okay, I’m done ranting. Off to have a mimosa!
Amen…
Amen, MamaKat! I was really surprised by the focus of the article. Why bother attend the whole conference and chat and participate if you’re going to write about us like that? Grr.
The fact is, we’re great moms. And we’re friends. And we’re doing something safe and harmless that we enjoy (which makes us better people!!) That’s all that matters.
I love you. I don’t love your mice, but you…you’re OK in my book.
I read the article and feel exactly the same way you do. You said it perfectly!
Oh, this was so good. I hate the New York Times, and I hadn’t even heard about this before I hated them. I agree that she’s probably jealous. Jealous of the life we get to write about, and that she (obviously) doesn’t have. What a terd.
It is 11:30 p.m. My kids have been in bed for hours, my kitchen is cleaned, the toys are put away, my bills are paid and the umpteenth load of laundry is folded. I just posted to my blog and now I’m reading and commenting. How is this taking away from my children?
Mommy guilt should be banned!
Christy
Well, didn’t you just sum up what we’re all thinking? Bravo.
AMEN to all the above!!!
You and Lula are making me want to run out into the streets and roar or something.
For real. You’re amazing. We’re ALL amazing.
Pats on the back all around. Except for the snarky journalist skulking in the back.
I am so printing this out and putting it on my wall. I absolutely love this entire post and everything contained therein. Having your voice, your amazing, intelligent, powerful, hilarious voice, stating everything that we get crap for and telling everyone why it’s bull…that’s why I love blogging. I don’t think anyone could have written it better. And by the way: I think some of those journalists know that we write better than them, and it really makes them whack-a-doo. So there. :)
You go momma! Well said…and I love how all these people that judge what we do and who we are have absolutely no understanding of it, and have never spent a day in our lives.
BRAVO and a Standing Ovation… YOU GO GIRL. I wish I had had this opportunity when I was raising my Children. Instead I had no adult conversation for 16 years unless it was with another room mother (there were very few of us, Most Moms worked and left the school stuff to us stay at home moms cause we didn’t have anything else to do) Now with an empty nest, I have a hard time remembering words longer than 4 letters its been so long since I’ve had the opportunity to use them :) I raise my cup to all you blogging moms and working moms.. (which is another point, waiting until your 50 to start working is not an option No one will hire you at this age with no experience. Like there is anything I CAN’T Do..LOL)
Great response, Kat!
It’s posts like these that make me even more proud to be a part of an incredible blogging community, especially SITS. If anything, the NY Times article and the posts I’ve read in response have made me more energized and excited about my mommy blogging community.
SF Bloggy Bootcamp, here I come!
-Aimee
Whoo. I didn’t know this drama was going down. Well said Mama Kat. It’s a bit of an assumption isn’t it, that we’re neglecting our kids in order to blog. I usually blog late at night once everyone’s in bed. What misses out so that I can blog? ME. MY SLEEP.
And do I sleep-in in the morning and neglect my kids because of last night’s blog post? Heck no.
I hope I don’t get slammed for saying this but I didn’t get the sense that she was bashing mothers at all. In fact, the piece struck me as fairly positive… how moms are learning to make the best of social networking so that they can make money AND connect with other moms.
Nowhere in the piece does she mention that moms are neglecting their children in favor of blogging. (Her line about hiding veggies in kids food or teaching babies to read struck me as tongue-in-cheek, sort of poking fun of two wildly popular fads.)
I think the problem here is the title of the piece, which is pretty misleading, but it was just an easy way for the Times to pull in readers. It’s typical journalism and right or wrong, we’ve all done that with our blog posts one time or another, haven’t we?
Not sure if you noticed, but she herself openly admits she is a mommy blogger. If you want to check out what she does, here’s her blog: http://www.jenmen.com. Maybe you can write to her there and open up a an effective dialog? My guess is that she’d like to hear from you.
You’re not going to get slammed, I think a lot of people share your view. A lot of people think that overall the article had some value to it and brought attention to a subculture that perhaps they weren’t aware of.
The thing is, when you start an article with a title like that and a couple of snarky paragraphs, not to mention this picture of moms ignoring their kids:
http://i57.photobucket.com/albums/g240/lizcoolmompicks/cmp2010/14moms-5-popup.jpg
the value to be had is lost on me.
If I start a comment by calling you ugly and proceed to talk about what a great friend you are….are you going to forget I called you ugly? Or is it still offensive?
Thanks for your thoughtful response!
It’s funny… I just showed this illustration to my husband and asked him what he thought it represented. (And I also asked him to be honest, and that it wasn’t a trick question.) His answer: it represents a woman who can do anything. (I swear! He wasn’t trying to score points with me!) Once I told him what the headline was, he understood how it could be seen that way too.
So, in other words, I understand what you are saying about the snark and how that changed the message that the writer was trying to get across. Full disclosure: I work in publishing and I know what editors do to stories to pull in readers. I am so used to these kinds of things (sadly) that I guess I saw right through it to the greater good of her piece. I agree that it stinks that it has to be packaged such a way to be seen as relevant.
I really do think you should contact her, though. It truly may have not been her intention to be offensive. And you might feel a little better too!
The Times got something wrong? Shocking! :)
Great post.
I wasn’t sure how I should take her article. Sometimes she seemed friendly, other times she seemed snide.
All I know is that I’m proud to be a Mommy Blogger.
Amen … and well said! Get your mommy blog on … we all know women can bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan … and never never allow their children to be illiterate! WTG!
BAM! You rocked that! Now, what’s for dinner?
Did someone mention dinner?
*Standing Ovation*
I didn’t have the same take you did on the article, but then again I didn’t attend the conference – and probably never will.
I don’t have a “brand”; I don’t have tons of followers.
I thought the author gave a positive spin on blogging, and mentioned the financial rewards that some bloggers can attain while also receiving validation by blogging.
Since we live in a fractured society, few of us live next door to our extended family, and many of us do not know our neighbors – blogging lets stay at home moms (a very isolating job) find like-minded women with whom they share the many joys and challenges of parenting.
Take several deep breaths, have a glass of wine…you’re doing a great job with the kids, the daycare, the “wink wink”…just relax!
I feel I am removed from the conversation somewhat – there are not many 50+ bloggers out there.
Call your moms and tell them to start, will ya? It’s lonely out here!
The ironic thing about all of this? I was so preoccupied with this whole article and the fallout, that I DID spend much of the weekend talking to bloggers, sorting through my thoughts and letting Jeff deal with the kids. And it was a shitty ass weekend. Thanks, NYT, for reminding me what I want to spend my time doing: Being a freaking mother.
I think it’s great moms these days can use blogging as an outlet and a way to connect with other people (not just moms). I am not a mom but every blogger has the juggling act going to balance everything and make time for what’s important and to keep blogging as a hobby and not let it overtake our lives. I enjoy reading many “mommy blogs” and think you are absolutely amazing and Wonder Woman! Don’t let that article get to you.
Hugs to you, hun!
Be happy. It’s pisses off the angry people!! I know this because I’m the Queen of Happiness. Want to borrow a tirara???
The reporter decided to take an angle that she knew would be controversial and get a lot of reads … Don’t worry about what she wrote – she’s just pimping herself out.
Amen to this. It’s so frustrating having to defend how we spend our free time. When in reality, 95% of the women who blog, only do it in their free time or when the kids are sleeping. What’s the difference in a mom who works outside the home and a mom who blogs? I don’t see the NY Times slamming mothers who have to go out and bring in an income.
She obviously missed the boat. As we had a hunch she might.
Ugh.
Blog friends ARE real.
i think the real snarkiness (and sexism) come from the editor that slapped the story with insulting title and cartoon.
i didn’t find the article offensive, and the author likely did not have control over the title and image.
just playing devil’s advocate…
and no mama guilt! yes, we can blog and connect online and still be there for our families and kids. absolutely:)
You know I 100% agree. I just commented on a blog saying that you can’t slap an offensive title (and cartoon) on an article and then expect that demographic to read it with an open mind.
Although there were other instances where I felt like MAYBE I was reading an insult, but couldn’t be sure. Why mention that Tiffany was barefoot and saying “you guys!” a lot? Was it to portray a relaxed environment or was it to dumb down Tiffany as a professional? Because that’s the way I took it. I don’t know, things like that.
yeah, that part about tiffany was a definite *zing*–i think you’re right. i bet the author was a little jealous, too, of the sisterhood and the casual vibe. i wonder how big a boys’ club the NYT is?
Mamas rock, plain and simple! There is no end to what we can do and how much we can juggle! Our voice does have value. We have experiences and resumes that put most corporate executive’s resumes to shame! We can manage, organize, counsel, create, control costs…all while never missing body language from the littlest that says, “I need a hug” or “I’m having a bad day”. We hone in on the smallest change in personalities or moods and have a pulse on every member of our family…their needs, their dreams, their desires!
What does blogging do? Gives us a healthy outlet!! I think most days I could explode with the level of multi tasking going on! Blogging is a good release without sacrificing being at home with my kids!
I say, to get a real read on Blogging mamas, a reporter should spend a day in her home and not at a conference! :)
Awesome. I completely agree!
Nicely put! Why not send an editorial letter to the paper?
*Standing up clapping*
Love it! Love you!
BRAVO! {clap, clap, clap, clap]!
You should TOTALLY send that to the NY Rag, I mean Times…. I’m not going to read the article because I need to keep my blood pressure down, and I know it sould go through the roof.
Well said, Mama!
I’m not even a Mommy and this got under my skin! I’m just a regular old blogger and it irked me because of the way it made women sound..like bloggers are a bunch of mindless sorority girls with no purpose.
I’m in marketing for a hospital and at times handle media calls. I’ll say it once and say it a thousand more times — journalists are just *like* this. They can’t help it. Newspapers are a dying breed. Most newspaper writers make next to nothing (NYT is different, presumably) and are forced to take unpaid leave, lose benefits or often lose their jobs. Newspaper readership is way down. Online journalism is the next new thing. In the past, you had to have a degree to write..now all you need is an internet connection and that threatens them. A LOT. I see it all the time. So clearly (to me) this is the case here.
You’re great — and have a positive attitude about it!
The only thing I can think to say (cause I’m so busy blogging and being a sucky parent) is BRAVO KAT!
OMG, look how tall I am in that picture! I should take all my photos next to Mama Kat.
You know, now that we have “done” the whole NYT thing, we should probably get in touch with Italian Vogue or something. I mean, we are pretty photogenic.
It’s my first visit here and now I know why everyone raves about your writing! Way to zero in on the response that many of us mommy bloggers felt toward that dang article. Sure there were some nice moments in there, but overall? Bleak! Never liked the NYT anyway- now I know to be wary of fully believing any future articles they write (who am I kidding? As if I fully believed before!).
Regardless though, it brought me here to you blog! YAY!!!
Great post!!!
So very true! Reporters can be such crap, I’m not even kidding. They hardly ever get things right. What’s wrong with them that they don’t understand real journalism anymore? Is the New York Times turning into a damn Tabloid?
Preach it sister!! You’re right, as a mom, your hands are tied on the way society views you, our hands have always been tied. I’m tired of people in everyday life rolling their eyes when I mention my blog..”it’s a waste”, “you spend all that time on nothing” but then they admit to the hrs on the comp playing solitaire for freakin sake! Geez when will the roles as parents be equal?? Daddy’s not knocked for playing golf, lifting weights, or sitting on his rear in front of the T.V. So why are we belittled for the relationships and support structures we as bloggers form?
Very well said! I love that you’ve mastered mice breeding along with your mommy jobs. Pretty sure that makes you super-mom, cause I don’t know if I could do that for my kids!
That article was definitely bashing SITS (and poor Tiffany)! The title didn’t match the story–can we say attention grabber?–since she was bashing blogs that are striving for PR opportunities, not Mommy blogs in general.
I guess all of us 30 something, minivan driving, SAHM losers should retreat back into our sewing and baking and leave the writing to the “real” journalists, huh? Give me a break! A Mom can dedicate hours upon hours to her blog and spend lots of money running to conferences getting tips, but in the end it all boils down to the writing. If she’s good, people will read her. If she sucks, they won’t.
If a NY Times journalist feels threatened by a group of Mommy Bloggers…well, that’s just sad. I think it’s funny that her “article” read more like a snarky blog post than a piece of professional journalism.
But then again, I’m just a Mommy Blogger. What do I know? :)
Amen…just read the NY Times article…wow… but you go mama’s…keep being you and if that entails blogging than more power to you!
Let me start by saying that I’ve read your blog almost two years now. I’ve loved reading your posts and look forward to your quirky stories. As a stay at home mom myself I do agree that I have felt a bit more connected to the outside world by reading stories of other moms. I’m a bit surprised at your reaction to the nyt article though. I agree the title is a bit misleading but I found the article to be heavy on the positive side. Although I will have to say in reading your post I am wondering at the time it does take to keep a blog running. I had an online hobby at one time that I felt only took me a few minuets a day to do. One day my husband and I had a conversation that changed my view on that. I challenge you to put the laptop down. For two weeks disconnect from the Internet world, facbook, tweeting, all of it. Just see how much time it takes up not even the actual writing of a blog or the 5 min spent on tweeting but how much time you spend thinking about blogging, reading other blogs. How often your thoughts are preoccupied on what to blog on next instead of family or friends.
Eh. You know I tried that once for like 27 years and it didn’t work out for me.
In fact, the year before I started blogging I read over 90 books…..and quilted a bunch of baby blankets.
My theory is that I MUST have time to be creative and whether I’m blogging or not I will fill that time with SOMETHING.
Not only that, but I feel like the fact that I am thinking about my blog so often it keeps me tuned in to the funny things my kids are saying and doing and to what I’m feeling as a Mom. I actually think it makes me a better mom.
As far as the article goes, I can see how if you weren’t there it might not come off sounding as offensive as it does to me. But the editor chose to couple the article with an offensive title and cartoon which tainted the entire article for me and I read it with a tone that I’m not sure was originally intended. If I wrote a post and titled it “Lynn is a moron” and then proceeded to write about how Lynn is an okay friend….would you not still be offended by the title? Does the nice post make up for the slam? Would you read the article with a grain of salt knowing I just finished completely insulting you?
I don’t know…do you see how this could have been taken so poorly for many mom bloggers?
ps I don’t really think you’re a moron.
You go girl, you deserve a standing ovation.
GREAT post. I almost went to the conference, but with the knowledge I have know, I wish I could hop in a time machine and go back to that day. So I could either trip the author of that article or spill something all over her.
Considering that she is a “mommy blogger” who gets paid for it, the article really just sounds like sour grapes.
I have mixed feeling about the article.
On one hand, the fact that it was in the NYT sort of proves this whole Mommy Blogging thing deserves some sort of attention.
On the other, I, like so many bloggers, felt like it didn’t accurately portray just what was going on for the day.
One of my favorite things Tiffany said was something to the effect that everyone in that room was a Pioneer. That we were building something new, exciting and not quite fully formed… but it would be big.
I get chills thinking about that statement. It’s so awesome to think we were all there, supporting each other… not just hanging out with sippy cups (why did I miss those by the way???) in bare feet.
Then I learned she was a mommy blogger who was on the waiting list… before she got in.
THAT pisses me off.
Even more than the Twitter Stalker.
Even more than the fact a mediocre writer can end up in the Sunday edition of the NYT.
As a writer? My biggest fear is that something is going to go to print and have an error in it, or quote something incorrectly. I just wish she would have been more clear on her intent and focus of the article.
e
Wait … you earn money blogging? I must be a really bad mom as I don’t earn anything!!! HAHA!
I think (like with anything) you have to take it on a case by case basis. Some mommy bloggers probably aren’t good moms …. but most are. And some are spectacular. Most of us are just regular moms doing our best. And I’m with you … if I didn’t find this creative outlet, I would be going bonkers over here!
Amen sister! Women ARE amazing. Screw the NY Times. Aren’t they the paper that hired a journalist that fabricated all of his stories?!? Enough said.
I still say this has writing prompt written all over it!
Thanks for the clarification on your stance. My mind is still on the fence post. It’s amazing what mother’s guilt can do to you!
At first I was surprised, I hadn’t heard any drama. Then I read the article, twice. I was shocked, appalled and disgusted.
Finally I took all those emotions and wrote this… http://it-really-is-all-about-me.blogspot.com/2010/03/dear-new-york-times.html
which I am strongly considering sending over to the NYT. Hope you like it. <3
EXACTLY! We are moms and as moms we get a genetic code that makes us superwomen. Nothing to be guilty about. Hey, I’m neglecting my monkies to leave you a comment. LOL Better go see what disaster has befallen my poor boys and see why I smell poop. (Just kidding about the poop.)
I was at Francesca’s blog earlier. You made several good points about the article. I thought the weirdest quote, though, was the gal who talked about mommy bloggers being like 13 year olds who wouldn’t know what to do in the closet. That was very weird. And definitely not the first thing that would come to my mind.
Great response but it left me with some questions. Isn’t it hard doing ALL of that at the same time? I mean, rescuing a dog AND keeping your man happy at the same time seems odd to me. Add in the colony of mice and you’ve got some serious circus freak goin’ on. And do you eat the lasagna WHILE all this is happening? Can I have some?
Thank you for this incredible post!! I think it is SO hard to be a stay-at-home mommy without feeling like society snears at our JOB. When I take the time to sit down and blog, I also feel the ‘mommy guilt’ creeping up at me. It’s as if not being on an actual ‘payroll’ somewhere outside the home MEANS we better be following our children around at EVERY waking moment. AND any ‘time’ we create for ourselves is considered selfish and lazy. I’m sorry that this stigma exists at all. The truth is, I WORK hard at home. My hours are not 9-5, but more like ALL DAY AND NIGHT. I am a very active parent. House is clean, the laundry is folded (well, most of it…), my daughter gets healthy meals, playdates, reading time, craft time, etc. and I am there for her emotionally, mentally, physically… BUT momma needs a hobby… a social outlet to keep balance in my life, and of course sanity.
Blogging is a beautiful way to connect at intervals throughout the day. AND thanks to SITS, we have a fun outlet to meet and talk to other women when time allows:) Thank you for expressing yourself so well, and I back up your feelings 100%
You go Kat! All of this was so well said! I had no clue about the article since I don’t read the papers, but jeesh, was that the reporter’s intentions from the get-go? And by the way, your house is filthy.
Just kidding.
Justine :o )
Kat, you just need to use your Wonderwomen shield to deflect the bullets ;)
Mom’s know that we are the multi-taskers of the universe. There no audience for that article. We are feeding the animal by blogging about it.
Better to blog about dinner. Shake’n'bake for us – old faithful ;)
Wow, souns like SOMEONE needs to get a life! You’ve gotta be kidding me. I swear! I wonder if Mrs. New York Times has kids?? Maybe she could’ve been reading to them or fixing them vegetables in the time it took her to write an article talking crap about other moms! Maybe she should quit her job as a writer and be a SAHM. Either that or shut it!
The article definitely got my blood boiling. I love blogging, and I love reading people’s blogs and making new bloggy friends.
Better go teach my one year olds to read now, since apparently I’m a slacker bloggy mom…
Is it crazy that this post made me cry?
Mainly because I do deal with mommy guilt ALL.THE.TIME and I hate having it shoved in my face but then to have it forced on friends as well…just plain old sucks.
You said women blog about what they do at home and omgosh, you couldn’t say truer words. isn’t that what connects us all together and why we turn to each other for recipe tips, child rearing tips, homeschooling tips, potty training tips, etc?
I think the problem is we mommy bloggers are making newspapers like the NY Times realize THEY are a dying breed and rather than they embrace us, they are striking out. Stupidly.
Thank you for putting it so beautifully Kat. I knew there was a reason I have you on a pedistal ;)
very well said, kat. *applaud*
i remember the time when i had my son and i couldnt blog because i was so busy with the baby and other things, and no adult would talk to me for long periods because they were busy…looking back, i realized that i was short-tempered with everyone. i was hit by post-partum depression. now that i’m blogging more often (or read other mommy blogs), i find that i’m happier and more patient, maybe a bit more understanding.
blogging is my way to de-stress and to connect with other moms, to exchange ideas with. it’s important for us moms to know that we are not alone in wiping grape jelly off our kids’ face clean, that our child will eventually learn how to aim at the toilet when he pees, that things will get better. that WE experience the same thing, undergo the same thing, wherever we are.
ms. new york times may be leading a very sad life…
Great post! I personally feel a bit more well rounded since I’ve been posting a blog. I feel more connected to the world, friends, and family. In a way, I see why people keep journals and this is a type of journal, as it reminds us in writing of some of the things we live for. Why we laugh. How to become better at whatever interests us. I suppose one could get out of hand in the blogland but as far as I can tell, it is not the mommies doing it. Your list sums up what we are and we are awesome moms just a little bit more sane thanks to this literary outlet. There really is a part of our brains that need stretching and this helps.
That NEWSPAPER CAN SUCK IT!!!
That “woman” was away from her children during the interview… why wasn’t she teaching someone to read????
You are 100 percent right. Truthfully the article didn’t even bother me because I felt like she was just a hater and who’s the fool here, her or us? Exactly what you said above, if she could stay home, raise kids and blog while contributing to the household, uh, yeah, the problem with that is what?
And a big WHATEVER to people that are judging Mother’s for exploring other ways to be creative and entrepreneurial while maintaning their families, honestly they are just haters.
Sadie at heyMamas
Amen, sister. Amen. Preach it.
Loved it. So very true – what on EARTH is so wrong with a mommy blog? It’s not like we are out snorting lines of coke or throwing a sleeve of Saltines out to our kids who are out wearing nothing but a diapers and mud.
It’s insane.
You make me laugh though…
Very well said! I can’t believe that a fellow mommy blogger would put her fellow blog moms to shame. Sorry to hear she feels that way.
Kat, just following the drama. I read the NYT post on Facebook and have been following the conversation there, as well as on SITS. Throughout history, women have had to defend their lifestyle choices, and mommy guilt is an ubiquitous plague.
Amen! You said it beautifully!
Amen Amen! I would like to know how you keep a clean house. I haven’t figured that one out yet. ;)
I wish I had discovered bloggy world when my kids were younger. I’ve been missing out on some great fun! I definitely feel a mom who has a creative outlet, be it blogging, or painting, or crafting, or whatever, is a happier mom. And happier moms have happier families, no matter what anyone else says.
I’m just catching up all of this hoopla. Stange that she came out and joined you guys at the conference and then decided to talk crap. WTF??
We also have a long list of drugs that keep us on our toes….
Right on. Keep up the great work!!
Wow. Um. Wow. That artical was, well a little uncalled for. I personally have become a better mom, done more with my son, and had a million new, good ideas fed to me by other mommy bloggers. Blogging and reading blogs takes up less than an hour a day, for me, and it is totally worth it.
I recently found out that I am having twins. I had a mild panic attack, searched the blog world to find mothers of multiples blogs, made a few friends to talk me through this change, and feel a whole lot better. Without those mommy blogs, I would still be freaking out, as this happened two weeks ago.
Mommy blogs are a great resource for moms who want to be better moms. It’s the best resource I have found, I have learned more from blogs than all the books and magazines I have read combined.
Shame on her, the author. She either doesn’t get it or doesn’t care.
is that an apron you wearing?? if so I love & where did you get it!!!?? i need one!!
Oh no she didn’t!!! Thanx for this article. How dare they judge us. I think blogging is the best way to make a brand, make a living and get to spend time with your kids. Corporate America sure won’t give a damn if your kids ends up sick and you need to stay home with them.
Placing judgment on a mom’s creative monetary outlet is rude and ridiculous.
Thanx for sticking up for us chica!
Oh and I hear you with the mimosa thing. ;)
This is yet another reason why I don’t read the NY Times. They can suck it! Mommy bloggers rock! And now, I am craving a mimosa!
I read the article and like you was very irritated with her obvious disdain for what the boot camp was about.. I fired off my response lol.. http://singedwingangel.blogspot.com/2010/03/i-think-new-york-times-just-stepped-on.html
I prefer not to talk about my blogging to non-bloggers, so often their distaste is as open as the cheap ridicule of Trekies. It’s as if the concept of chronicling something is so out there and lacking value. I love how they dismiss it as a hobby or time-suck and then spend so much time trying to poke holes, piss us off or find ways to profit from our work. Bah. May their be mold in their blasted sippy cups one day.
Amen, sister! Mimosas sound good right now, but margaritas will work too.
You go Mama Kat! I’m not a mommy blogger, but kudos to you all that are. It’s hard enough for me to write, babysit, clean house, and take care of my parents. I can’t imagine having to do all that, and take care of little kiddos too. You mamas are something else! Break out the Wonder Woman costume girlfriend, just because!!
Right on sister.
The New York Times article was a great, fun piece about a group of bloggers that is quickly gaining clout. An important 21st Century trend piece and a fascinating read for anyone outside this world.
It was so clearly not directed at the Mommy bloggers, but to the New York Times’ global readership – a demographic that spans age groups, nationalities, sexual orientation and family composition.
Love it!!!!!!!!!! Really loved this post!
Amen, sister!
it seems rather underhand, going to the conference like that and then writing all the bad stuff, but that is what some journalists consider good writing. It’s a shame but not worth getting too upset about. Life goes on the same as ever regardless as to whether some paper says one thing or another.
So thrilled to be reading some of the excellent responses to that piece, that are frankly much better written than the original and probably will gain more attention from those of us who matter (yup, the mamas who blog).
Keep doing your thing Kat and don’t let The Man get you down ;-)
I think you’re so right, Kathy! I mean, honestly, I don’t understand why it’s not possible for a mother to blog and take care of her children. Those journalists have JOBS and I’m sure they manage to take care of their children, right? Let’s start criticizing working moms while we’re at it, k?
Why must they act like it’s ALL people do, too? I think we all have lives outside of blogging otherwise no one would have material to blog about. It’s not like we’re glued to a computer 24/7…I mean, sometimes it feels like it, but in reality, we’re NOT!
WOW…. how insulting. Good response back from you though.
Well said! I have learned more about being a good mom, wife, business owner, friend, and blogger because of this blog network we are privileged to be a part of.
AMEN!!
I came across this NYT article earlier this week, which led me to the Scary Mommy blog and then to your blog post– about the NYT article. I was surprised by your views because I didn’t remember anything negative at all about the NYT article. I just went back to read it again to see if I was missing something.
When the author of the NYT article wrote about hiding vegetables and teaching babies to read– she was making fun of silly fads in parenting (Come on, a whole cookbook about hiding vegetables in desserts and such? Teaching a BABY to read???) She seemed to be trying to make the point that mommy blogs are what many moms are interested in now. The author disclosed that she’s a mommy blogger as well. What I got out of the article was that it was so wonderful that moms like you have a professional and emotional outlet– doing something which can actually be quite lucrative.
I can see why you got upset about the title, but it came across to me as a way to grab the reader’s attention to read the story. I didn’t notice anything in the story that said that mothers were ignoring their children to blog. I’m sure that most people who are NYT readers understand the irony of the title.
Yeah in retrospect now I can kind of see what you’re saying. I think the title and the accompanying cartoon are what set the article up for me. I felt insulted, and when you feel insulted from the get go it’s kind of hard to read with an open mind. I think the reason the title was so offensive is because it hit a spot many of us moms are sensitive about…which is why I focused my post mainly on mother’s guilt.
If you were to write up a piece about healthy weight loss, but titled it “Fat People Are Slobs”…you might get a back lash from people who are overweight even though the rest of the article was fine. People who are sensitive about that topic are not going to see the humor in it and I think that’s why this article was so difficult for some of us.
I didn’t pick up a fun or humorous tone until I separated myself totally from the title and cartoon and REALLY focused on JUST the content. I hope you’re right though, and that most people just saw it the way you did….because I certainly had a hard time with it.
I just barely began blogging and read the article in the NYTimes. I appreciated the article and it made me even more excited to continue with my own blog. I was surprised by the reaction to the article, but thought your comments were great. I have four kids and feel like the blogging is really helping me be a better mom. I look for connections that otherwise I wouldn’t, just to have something to blog about. I think writing about things we are experiencing is healing – especially things that are hard and that all moms experience. Thanks for your thoughts. I will return to your blog for sure.
I saw the article and was quickly disgusted. I’ve been blogging since forever although only just recently put an extra effort into it (never even heard of SEO before!) but I can relate to what you wrote…once when my son was in the hospital due to bronchiolitis, after a whole night trying to console a sick baby who’s crying his head off and tried to wiggle out of his oxygen tent, I came home defeated and blog, thanking my friends who texted me, sending emails to wish him well, then suddenly someone started criticizing me saying I am a BAD MOMMY because I managed to post something when my son was in the hospital. WTH?! These people failed to recognized how therapeutic writing (blogging) is for me thus I’m a bad mommy? It hurts a lot more than I can stomach to hear that comment so yes, that article is very wrong. If only I was still in the States, I would love to join the SITS’ Bloggy Boot Camp! Btw: you’re one of my fave Mommy Blogger!
I don’t have any children, but my dog takes no offense at my blogging. As a matter of fact, she’s just happy I’m home. The Times needs to find more crackheads to target; creatively writing in an attempt to be heard just doesn’t qualify as irresponsible behavior.