You know my Dad died when I was seven. Brain cancer. I told my cousin Laura that he got too smart for his own good and his brain blew up. Made sense at the time.
I haven’t talked much about Bob.
My mom married Bob four or five years after my Dad died. He was a brave, brave man for choosing to marry in spite of the six unruly children she was raising. Either that or he was stupid. We’ll stick with brave for the sake of storytelling.
I fought myself over Bob. On one side I wanted to hate that man. He was nothing like my Dad and I was way to angsty to just open my heart to him. On the other side he had a charm that could not be resisted. A love for nature and animals that I could relate to. And a silly sense of humor that was endearing and goofy.
He wore me down.
I grew up.
He got cancer.
Away at school I got a phone call with news of another failed treatment. It was bad news. It’s hard to hear news like that when you’ve lived those stages once already. It’s hard to hear news like that when you’re hoping against hope that this time will be different.
It’s hard to hear news like that.
I felt desperate. I felt blind sided. And I felt overwhelmingly sad. So I wrote a poem:
Crash
01.30.99
falling, falling
somebody do something
helpless and crying
God help me.
watching, just watching
this all over again.
Who took the carpet
out from under my feet?
falling, I’m falling
somebody do something.
He died three months later.
HAVE A HAPPY DAY!!!!
{ 72 comments… read them below or add one }
I can so relate to this! Lost my dad to cancer too, then my father-in-law to a sudden heart attack. Not fun.
Death is hard at any any age by any cause, but brain cancer and Alzheimer’s seem to be two of the more shattering ways to have a loved one go. My dad died of brain cancer and my father in law succumbed to Alzheimer’s. Our son lost both of his grandpas in a short time when he was between 5 and 7 and after being especially attached to them both – it took years until he was his former self. Hopefully you have been able to regain yourself with the passage of time.
It is so hard to deal with pain like this. It hurts most when it’s with the death of a loved one. Cancer though. I’ve never lost someone to it. I have however just learned of a friend’s BIL that just found out that he has 5 months to live. Cancer. He’s 40 yrs old. He has 2 young children, the youngest being 3. It’s so sad the older I get, the more death seems to surround me. It’s almost overwhelming sometimes. I need to remember to just live.
I like the poem. I think sometimes writing it out, your feelings, it helps. Thanks for sharing this. Sorry for your lose though.
Cancer is just evil. I’m sorry it has hit you so closely. xo
I can’t even imagine what it took for you, your siblings, and especially your mom to go through that. You must be made of strong stuff.
My heart hurts for you.
You story, really hits home to me right now. My Mom is losing her brother to brain cancer. He is still fighting to live but it won’t be long now. Its all I can think about.
Nice thoughts for going into the weekend, huh?
Sorry to hear about your post today, I’m impressed that you managed to write such an amazing poem. You are right you should write whatever you want, it’s your blog after all.
I wrote a post today that I’ve been putting off writing since September, thanks for giving me a push to write it today.
Jade
Awwwwwwww, M-K, I just want to hug you. Cancer is a bitch. :(
OK I haven’t done mine yet.. but that was beautiful..
This is very sad for you. So sorry you lost your biological father so early in your life and then had to see it happening again with your step dad. Hope it helped you to write about it. Sometimes writing does help us to deal with our deep feelings and emotions. I know it helped me when I wrote the book about my dad and me after he died in his memory. Life happens, can’t be silly all the time so don’t worry about this post not being what your readers expect. It lets us know you are more than one dimensional and deal with serious issues as well. Hope you have a wonderful day!
Unlucky. That’s what my son’s soccer coach says whenever anything bad happens. Goal missed…Unlucky. Ball smashes toddler (mine of course) in the face as he plays on the sidelines…Unlucky. Kid falls, break his ankle…Unlucky. I’d say this stuff of which you speak is pretty unlucky. Luckily you don’t let it get you down and control how you see the world. Or, maybe you do and you just hide it well from us with your sense of humor and your well wishes. Either way I like it. Your writing, not your luck, and I’m glad you share your gifts with us.
Just awful. An uncle I’m very close with seems to be having some of the same problems – his first wife died in 1998, the day after their son’s marriage (she had emphysema, but she looked relatively healthy). He was in a state of depression for more than a couple of years. Then, he met a great woman, married her and they’d been living a happy life together. Now, she has ALS.
Jeez …. talk about blindsiding me with this post. How awful. How tragic. Your poor mom. You poor kids.
That is very sad…the poetry is beautiful.. I remember the first moments after the phone call about my dad passing away…that blindsided me..I sat on the step with my two dogs, looking out into the sunshine as life went on…
That sucks, having lost a parent myself at a young age I know “that sucks” is a completely appropriate, thoughtful comment! I can’t imagine losing two. I’m sure that has given you a boat load of writing material.
As far as looking for a laugh today, it still was light and humorous. “HAVE A HAPPY DAY!!!!” You crack me up!
A professor I was had said “Scratch at comedy long enough and you’ll find true, deep-seeded pain.”
Love you writing, AS ALWAYS!
It IS possible to get through the illness and death of a loved one, but you’re not quite the same afterwards.
But there are children to feed and work that needs doing, so we get up, even though our heart is broken, and we just plod along.
And then one day, it gets a bit easier, although the loss is still there, and it still hurts – but it eventually becomes the loss of someone cherished, and we miss them – but we’re able to see the sun shining or the kids laughing, and we smile a genuine smile.
And when it happens the second time, we hope we can draw on the strength we had to muster when we first met that monster, cancer.
I’m so very sorry you’ve had to go through that pain not only once, but twice in your life. I hope the pain has subsided at least a little.
I couldn’t come up with a good topic that I felt comfortable putting on my blog this week so I will just have to join in next week. :)
Awe, Kat, come here and let me just give you a big hug! I’m so sorry.
Aw man. I’m so sorry. I just want to reach up and hug you.
I think it’s a good thing to share your hurts and your vulnerability, otherwise, you don’t seem like a real person. We’ve all gone through heartbreaking times, and we can connect with each other in a way that we couldn’t if we all remained superficial. I’m so sorry for your losses.
you made me cry.
and after I said something nice, here I am, back again to annoy you.
I CANNOT get the button for the writing workshop to appear on my blog. What is wrong with me???? Any suggestions?
Cancer sucks. Lost my Dad and it only took three months. From the picture of health to nothing. Tragic. I’m still not really sure how to handle it.
oh Kathy…do you know the talent you have for letting out emotions? laughter or tears. such a blessing to call you my friend.
My dad died of cancer when I was less than 3. I can’t imagine losing two dads when I was old enough to remember it all. Writing has always been wonderful therapy for painful moments in my life. You have such a talent for expressing yourself.
Happy travels today! See you soon!
thank you for sharing an amazing post and such a beautiful poem. you are truly talented. take care.
Yikes! That really is a blind-side crash. Great post, Kathy, I don’t mind that you’re not happy and funny all the time — shows us you’re real. Luv ya, lots. Hoping to post my workshop post later today, and I’ll link up then!
I tried tot think of something useful to say and all I could come up with is “I’m very sorry”.
Oh MK. I’m so sorry.
Be safe today.
Hugs.
Inevitable. Painful. part of life. I have been to very few funerals in my time. Too young mostly. But I have eight great siblings and my time is coming. Factor in the peripherals and it is even more daunting the pain I will endure. I am just lucky that tragedy has not struck and taken one so young from us yet. And a poem written from the heart is always wonderful. Hugs to you!
I’m so sorry for all that you have had to endure!
Oh my goodness Kat. I’m so sorry. *HUGS*
cancer is so unbelievably not fair. and to have it strike twice, so similarly?
i love the simplicity with which you told this.
I’m sorry. I’m right there with you. My mother survived two recurrences of breast cancer, only to get taken down when the breast cancer spread to her brain. The fact that there are so many people that can relate to your story is telling, and helpful. Beautiful poem.
As it’s been said before, I can relate on more than one point. Lost my dad at 10 to a brain aneursym and my step dad to brain cancer!!
I hurt for you today. I am so sorry for your loss. He was a brave and good man.
What a sad story! I can’t imagine what it’s like to lose a parent. I definitely consider myself blessed to have both of my parents around. Cancer is so ugly, indiscriminating and ruthless. I’m so sorry you had to experience the loss of your father at such a young age and the loss of yet another father at such a pivotal time of your young adult life. :(
On a sidenote, (Sorry. That’s a horrible transition isn’t it?) you’re not going to believe this. I wrote a poem called “Falling” back in 2005 that I also incorporated into my blind-sided article about divorce. I hope you’ll be able to stop by and take a look-see at my poem. Have a great day Kat!
Krist, Live and Love…Out Loud
@TweetingMama
I’m annoyed for you. I really am. I am angry that you should go through this twice and that all the money and expertise and science we throw at this vile disease can’t stop this happening once. I’d be a crap counsellor!
hi, wanna hear something creapy? I lost my dad 6 days before I turned seven. Then my mom dated Mark, whom I both loved and hated, then when I was in college I got a phone call that he had died in his sleep. They were engaged to be married.
How sad. I can’t imagine losing one father, nevermind two. I’m so sorry.
Oh no. That’s so awful, I’m sorry! :(
I HATE CANCER and I pray for a cure!
Love your poem….it is simply stated but your feelings portrayed so well.
What a terrible thing to go through twice. Your poem captured that beautifully.
Cancer is no good. I’m sorry you had to lose two dads! My mom and stepmom both had cancer, though both survived to this point, and I’d be lying if i said I wasn’t blind-sided with the news both times. I don’t think you can ever expect that kind of news.
you gave me shivers with that post, I ma so sorry to read you and your family had to go through that twice
Time does not seem to heal the wounds but time does give us a chance to reflect. May your memories and reflections carry you through the pain of lost.
Great idea! Thanks!
Oh I am so sorry for you that you have gone through all of that pain, and not just once but twice. That makes me sad for you. And yet, you are still hysterical.
Sadie at heyMamas
Wow. I can’t even imagine being your mom. Thanks for sharing this.
that story sucked…so sorry that happend to you and your family.
I’ve lost three family members to cancer. Each time I hoped this one will have a different ending. None of them were my father or step-father. I can’t imagine that pain. But one was the closest thing I had to a father growing up – my grandfather. One was my father-in-law, and the other my mother-in-law. Cancer sucks. I want to wear it on a shirt and shout it to the world.
Thanks for sharing your pain. It’s sometimes hard to do.
That is so sad; I’m so sorry for you and your family.
I am always in awe of how you dealt with all these things and how you can communicate what you experienced so clearly and honestly. To tell you the truth, I read your blog because I love you’re writing and think you are a great woman! Funny, sad, serious, goofy – all of it. We can’t be funny all the time because everything we go through isn’t funny, and sometimes certain things just call for seriousness instead of humor. This was beautifully written, and I don’t think you should ever feel one bit guilty if you write something that’s not funny.
That stinks! We’re going through that right now with my dad. He has Alzheimers, and they just put him on hospice. Oh well, I guess that’s part of life I guess.
Awww. So sorry mama kat. He sounds like he was a great guy.
Man that really stinks! I can’t imagine what it would be like to lose my father and then lose a second person who was also like a father to me. I am so sorry!
I am so sorry, what a horrible thing. I am currently reading the blog of the little girl with brain cancer that was on Dr. Phil, and it sounds so hard for the whole family. You are a strong strong woman. My heart was breaking reading that story…..and Bob has a kind smile. I bet he was quite the person.
What a horrible loss, Kat, especially after losing your dad to cancer too. The blow must have been even harder on your poor mom.
Your poem was poignant and touching. Thank you for sharing!
Justine
I am so sorry. I could never imagine losing a parent but I do understand the pain of losing someone close to you as I lost my sister just four months ago. My thoughts go out to you as I know what emotions writing about such sad events can bring up.
Very beautiful. I met a friend a few years ago who was such an amazing person it was like she just popped into our lives but almost as soon as she was there she was gone again when she was killed in a wreck. I think sometimes the beautiful people we get to know for just a moment can have profound impact on our lives almost like they are too much for this world.
I wanted to share with you a poem that I wrote after losing our daughter, Hannah. Innocence is taken away when we experience horrible, horrible life-changing moments. But may be these moments have allowed you to feel so much and to make us, your readers feel it too. Perspective is born-to feel the world more consciously perhaps. I pray for your peace. You’ll see them again,Kat.
love,
sc
Where can you be?
In all the shades of blue that a sky could be.
Where can you be?
In every butterfly who wings are open and free.
Where can you be?
In every spring’s flower and winter’s bark tree.
Where can you be?
In all feathery birds and buzzing bees.
Where can you be?
In every tall mountain top to the depth of the sea
Where can you be?
In the eyes of my son, which are filled with such glee.
Where can you be?
In every shared name that I hear repeatedly.
Where can you be?
In all life which is as far as the eye can see.
Where can you be?
In heaven, being loved and living joyfully.
For you changed me.
My eyes were closed and now I can see.
Of all the beauty and love that God has created until eternity.
Where can you be?
In my heart always as I carry you with me.
llll
This poem gave me goosebumps. So sweet. Thank you!!
Your poem is very touching. I love reading your writings, and want to thank you first hand for sharing something so personal. HUGS
Well, my assignment is late, but better late than never! The photos more than make up for the delay, I think. At least the last one does. Because after all, who doesn’t look good in waders?
Christy
Hi cousin,
As you know I follow your blog and even after the warning I thought ok I can totally handle this. For whatever reason this one got me. I think originally I had the same feelings about Bob, he is not Uncle Gary and slowly but surely he grew on me. Nothing but niceness (is that a word) and love came from him. Love our family!
Cousin Angie
p.s. Did you get a hold of Matt while in Baltimore..I’d love to hear that story if you did!!!
you wrote this so well. honestly, lovingly.
i don’t have the guts to do it, but i’m working on finding my writing voice. on giving life to the words, the stories, the moments, that have shaped me. they are marinading in my mind. i hope when i cook them up they will be nourishing. and maybe even delicious.
Oh, my friend, that is so sad!
My first time joining in on the writing prompts. I was thinking about this particular story anyway since I had to come face to face with the woman who blind-sided me last weekend. This helped me choose which part of the story to tell.
I totally posted it to the wrong blog, this link is correct.
What a heartbreaking story. When my aunt died of cancer, I ran from the memories for a while, but then I embraced them. They are all I have left of a beloved family member. I keep her picture in a prominent place in our house, and I share stories of her with my kids whenever I can. They never got to meet her, but I hope the imprint she made on my heart will rub off on them.