What NOT to do to keep your children occupied while you spend time on the computer…ahem…from what I’ve heard:
-Do not respond to requests from your child by repeating the phrase “I’m not your mother” or “That sounds good why don’t you go ask your mom”…this will only frustrate your child and cause them to act out in a way that forces you to disrupt your “business” online.
-Do not give your four year old permission to pour her own cereal. Inevitably this will lead to more work for you than is necessary.
-Do not give your children bird seed to sift through in a sensory table and then leave them unattended unless you’re interested in finding seeds in every conceivable kitchen crevice for the next 313 days.
-Do not assume that because you can’t hear your children that they are reading quietly to themselves in a corner.
-Do not leave your child alone with a basket of folded laundry.
-Do not encourage your child to start their own blog and have them “follow” you on yours.
-Do not demand that your child clean up his mess in the playroom and than act ASTONISHED that it’s still a mess ten minutes later.
-Do not eat ice cream in front of your child while blogging and try explaining you’re conducting a giveaway review on said ice cream which is why you MUST eat it and they must not.
-Do not distract your kids by telling them to go “find Dad and check out what he’s building” when you know full well that Dad is not home….ummm…never mind…do do that…it’s brilliant….but may lead to some disappointment.
And finally…
-Do not tell your child you will take them to Disneyland if they play quietly for 20 minutes and then hope they’ll later forget the promise. They won’t.
{ 59 comments… read them below or add one }
LOL hilarious. Have you tried covering each child with an upside down laundry basked with something heavy on top to hold it in place? This could buy you some time ;-)
HAHAHA!!! I love it!
Actually a luandry basket is one of my kids’ favorite toys.
My favorite by far is “That sounds good, why don’t you go ask your mom?”
I’m SO using that one. I mean I’m NOT using that one….who would do that?
Lol. Of course they are reading quietly to themselves in a corner! Where else would they be? I would also add to never assume that just because there is another adult in the house, they are watching the children. Especially if that other adult is male :).
AMEN!!
Do not tell your child you have changed your name from Mum, and then get exasperated when they spend the next 20 minutes trying to guess your ‘new’ name…
Love those!
Also – Don’t just say ~ yea, yea, sure…… ~ God only knows what you just agreed to!
I’m always nodding my head when I’m on the phone while whispering loudly “YESSS!! DO WHATEVER YOU WANT HONEY JUST DON’T BURN THE HOUSE DOWN MMKAY!?!”
I hand out fruit snacks like crazy to keep them distracted.
Great advice and very fuuny – Im SURE my daughter is reading quietly…
…isnt she?!
Not blog-induced but may usefully be applied – I heard an interview with a a man whose dad used get him to lie on the floor and ‘unscrew’ the boy’s bellybutton. His dad said he had just loosened the bolt that held the boy’s lower half in place and if he tried to get up then his bottom would fall off!
In this same programme a woman related who she lost deep trust in her parents when she found out age 11 that the world DIDN’T used to be in b&w as her mother had told her when she was four. Too, too funny.
Oh Lordy, silence from children means that they have probably found matches and burnt the house down.
I always know I should check on them if it’s quiet, but a bit of burnt lumber is worth my 2 minutes of peace. Isn’t it????
Ha! I gotta take notes on these … your vast experience will help me in the future!
So glad that I have gotten old enough to have kids that cna entertain themselves for themost part. Usually right behind me on the Xbox or the Wii
I don’t know if it would work with kids, but feeding my dog gets him to stop bumping my arm preventing me from typing or using my mouse.
Oh my gosh……you crack me up!!!!!!!
I am cracking up, very funny post! I love the line “Do not assume that because you can’t hear your children that they are reading quietly to themselves in a corner.”
You make me laugh even on a Monday morning, thank you!
Hahaha LOL! I totlly agree with the “Do not assume that because you can’t hear your children that they are reading quietly to themselves in a corner.” When it is the quietest time, that’s when my 13 mths old boy is up to some mischief…
Great posts and I love your blog! Been wanting to participate in your Writer’s Workshop and hope I could do that one of this days!
TeeHee, that put a smile on my face this morning.
:)
Wait, kids won’t clean up the play room by themselves? Well that makes me wonder what my kids have been doing upstairs all morning.
I agree with all those don’ts and kids have a memory that if you promise them something-you have to do it or more whining comes back again.
Where you at my house? Because really I’ve had the folded laundry incident happen ;)
Love this! Also, do NOT believe your kids when you hear a crash and ask what happened and they say nothing!
I did NOT learn that one the hard way when I used to be a babysitter ;)
I love it! When the house gets quiet, ALWAYS assume disaster!
Oh girl, you are my hero!
I lie and tell them I get paid to blog
bwahahahahahaa.
This is hilarious! The last time things were quiet in the house my kindergartener son suddenly walked down the stairs with only a shirt and underpants on and said his pants had gotten wet. Don’t even want to know…
I assume you have removed all sharpies from you home years ago as I learned that lesson on day 1. I’m going to print your list and tape it to their foreheads.
I like the go find Dad idea even though he’s not home. That is my fave I think.
Oh my goodness! These were extremely funny. Part of the reason they are funny is I have used one or two of them. Fortunately, my daughter is 13 so it did not lead to disaster like it might have with a toddler.
I don’t dare try to blog when Delia is awake. LOL.
I know. I can’t really because I run the daycare all day, but I always get sucked in on the weekends!
Oh my oh my….sounds like you may have learned the hard way! I love that they should start a blog…HAHA!
Great tips :) Yes, quiet is most often more scary than noise.
I have told my daughter “if you let me get my work done then we’ll go to Disneyland this week.” She never forgets and we live close to that Mouse.
Is it okay if I let THEM eat ice cream while I blog? I mean, I might get a good 10 minutes of blogging out of it if I bring out a gallon and hand them each a spoon.
Silence is always deadly in our house. Just yesterday, an innocent 4 minute perusal of Twitter resulted in my 2 year old covering my 1 year old in permanent marker. It’s bad when you have to rationalize your parenting to yourself; MUCH worse when you have to do it to others. Thank you, permanent marker, you’ve caused permanent emotional scars.
I hope you took pictures :)
My 5 year old granddaughter says Can I blog with you? Sure…
Big mistake.
Then it’s Who is that? What’d they say? Who made that smiley? What’s it mean? Why’d you close that page? Are you done? Is that a new blog? Who is that one? What’d they say?
*sighs*
lol very funny. how about leaving candy in there site and 5 minutes later there bouncing all over the place your stumped trying to figure out why they are full of so much energy and you see the evidence on the floor “candy wrappers” LOL.
That’s one of the funniest things I’ve read in awhile, thanks for sharing!
This is soo funny. Too bad you can’t say, go make a gourmet meal for me, thanks! haha..just kidding :)
This is my favorite: “Do not encourage your child to start their own blog and have them “follow” you on yours.”
When I first started my blog, my husband said that I was talking less. I thought about it for a moment and said: Maybe it’s because I’m getting it out on my blog. So I suggested he follow it more closely.
CCCCCrap.
This isn’t a good idea?
“Do not encourage your child to start their own blog and have them “follow” you on yours.”
I have never done any of those. Ever. ;D hahahaha. Too funny.
So…going to Disneyland soon?
My six year old has been begging me to let her start her own blog……I have informed her that one addict in the family is enough! =)
Hilarious! Why do some of them sound so oh so familiar…like I could have written this post myself or something. Weird!
This was hilarious. Umm I don’t do any of those though lol
The basket of folded laundry and a kid, oh yeah that one, that would put me over the edge.
Sadie at heyMamas
Wait, what? There are blogging rules BLINK for real?
Hahaha…those are great. I will have to remember those. I agree. Finding daddy when he isn’t there is a great one. Tell them that daddy is playing hide and seek and he is somewhere in the house. Wow! Hours of time just came available….
Not birdseed, but fake snow at our house. Turns out that a hell of a lot of trouble can be caused with a single cup of fake snow and about 5 gallons of water. Picking the “snow” out of everything and everywhere.
I knew they were too quiet.
Those are too funny. I don’t know how I would have been able to blog (if I had even known what that is) when my kids were little. Its hard enough finding time now and they are teens. My hats off to you blogging moms with yunguns!
And for GAWD sake don’t sign up your students to blog….~rolls eyes~
~waves~
Hey there from under all my grading papers!
Brilliant Dos and Don’ts. Mine are all grown so I don’t have to come up with those clever distractions. Kind of miss it sometimes…. strike that… I didn’t NOT say that…. never mind…. regaining consciousness now.
Hilarious … as always.
And my Little One started his own “blog” (in a Word document). It is hilarious to see him typing gibberish on it. He’s mostly in it to change the fonts and colors and make the words really big or really small. The weird thing is, he has more followers than me.
and i ma THIS close to actually doing one of these. thank you for the reminders :)
Great post, I’ve only now seen it! :)
I’ve also tagged you over at mine http://www.itsmygoodlife.co.uk/2010/04/sunshine-award-whats-in-your-handbag.html
Apologies if you’ve already done it or you don’t want to take part.