Memories of mom.
Is it safe to say I wasn’t always a big fan of Mom? In our family she was the one who said no. No we couldn’t turn the bathroom into a make believe castle. No we couldn’t blast The Beach Boys and use the couch as our surfboard. No we couldn’t eat dessert if we hadn’t finished our dinner. No. No. No. No. No.
What were we allowed to do you ask?
We were allowed to be quiet. We were allowed to color and read and sing hymns. Quietly. We were allowed to get along and be nice. We were allowed to clean our rooms and we were allowed to follow the rules.
But when Dad was in charge…everything changed. Dad was Mr. Yes Man. Dad didn’t know the rules. Dad came home from work and hugged Mom and tickled us and played his music and told his jokes. Discipline from Dad was serious business because it happened so rarely.
Secretly I wanted my Dad to marry Misty’s mom. Misty’s mom had a high pitched voice and let us make play dough from SCRATCH and called her kids Ladybug and Chuck. If she married my Dad everything would be rainbows and kittens and SUGAR. And I would have a sweet nickname.
I remember one night after Dad died I was taking a bath. Contemplating how very screwed I was to only have the “no” person left to rule the roost. Why did it have to be this way?
Mom came in to wash my hair and dry me off and I decided it was a great time to trick her with a very tricky question. I needed to be relieved of the guilt.
“Mom? Sometimes…when someone’s Mom or Dad dies…is it bad if that person kind of wishes it were the other one and not the one that died?”
She smiled quietly. No flicker of hurt in her eyes. No shadow of resentment cast. Just a tilt of the head and a trace of sympathy.
“Do you sometimes wish Dad was here taking care of you and I was the one in heaven?”
I had been trying to be vague, but she cut right to the chase. A big question nonetheless. I shook my head yes with a look that prayed I wasn’t hurting her feelings. Or making her mad.
“Wishing Dad were here is very normal Kathy. We all miss him. We all want him home. It’s okay.”
It’s okay. I wished her dead and it was okay. Spoken like a true Mother.
Here was a woman suffering the loss of her first great love. A woman shouldering the burden of yard work and finances and the care of six young children. A woman who’s devotion and love and work went highly unnoticed and unappreciated by her ungrateful seven year old daughter in the bathtub because she wasn’t allowed to use the couch as a surfboard. And yet here she was reassuring me.
It was okay.
Awesome.
And you know what is even more awesome? It’s that she doesn’t even remember the conversation. My words were not only not hurtful to her…they didn’t even lend themselves as something worth remembering. I didn’t even kind of hurt her feelings.
Maybe she didn’t realize how serious I was.
Now it’s your turn!
Choose a prompt, post it on your blog, and come back and sign Mr. Linky. Be sure to sign up with the actual post URL and not just your basic blog URL (click on the title of your post for that URL). For good comment karma try to comment on the three blogs above your name!!
The Prompts:
1.) Open letter to new moms.
2.) In honor of teacher appreciation week write a poem to a teacher you remember or currently know.
3.) I know my kids really love me because…
4.) Memories of mom.
5.) Describe a home cooked meal that makes you feel warm and fuzzy inside.
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{ 86 comments… read them below or add one }
Wow. I can remember saying things sort of like that. I clearly remember getting in trouble and sent to my room when my mom’s bff and her son (my bff) were over one day when I was 4. I rounded the corner and stood on the landing of the stairs and crossed my arms, mad that I was being sent upstairs, and grudgingly said “I HAAATE HER” with a seething voice. I saw my mom’s friend almost die laughing and my mom whipped around that corner and busted my ass for sassing like that. LOL.
I laughed about it once and like your mom, she had absolutely no recollection. It must be a protective mommy-feelings thing that God gives moms. Because Lord knows we hear it all!!
Wonderful post, Kat.
Awww this made me cry!!!
Awww, I think I’ve had thousands of those moments with my mom. Though my mom rarely forgets and has a great way of turning it around and making us feel guilty for it…even now. But I still love my mom despite it all :)
Any of your posts about your dad remind me so much about my own dad’s death. But even as an honest child I never would have been able to say that to my mom.
wow….this is such an amazing post. so transparent and vulnerable and beautifully written.
Moms are amazing for all that they do and I love it when the dad help around the house. what a great way to remember mom.
What a bitter sweet story. Too bad we can’t just keep both parents around forever. but I did find that I became much closer to my mom after my dad died so I guess that’s something.
I agree it would be nice to still have both my parents alive and well. For me, it was my mom who went first but then my dad and I grew closer.
Yeah keeping both parents would have been AWESOME! Alas, it was not meant to be, and yes I wouldn’t give my Mom up for ANYTHING now.
This is such a touching story. Your mom is one very strong woman to not have been affected by that at all.
Your Mum sounds amazing, it must have been so hard for her but she sounds like such a strong woman.
I’ve always thought your mom sounded absolutely remarkable.
Thanks for sharing this open post with us!
Beautiful post! Made me missed my mum even more… sob sob sob…
Moms are the best–the strongest people in the world and the hardest workers! (Good moms, that is.) Perhaps your mom didn’t remember because she was in grieving mode–things sometimes tend to be hazy during that time and she probably had more on her mind than usual too.
What an amazing post! I think we have all been there – it was the same way in my family, mom always said no and dad just wanted us to have fun. My mom was/is a little OCD so we weren’t allowed to get dirty or do a lot of things unless she wasn’t around!
Thank you for sharing this story :)
Heavy! I’m not sure how I would’ve reacted in that position, if I was your mother. Good for her! She definitely is a strong mom to have been able to perservere and raise a successful family alone.
Wow, Kat. That was beautiful. Thanks for sharing that story. And happy Mothers’ Day to you!
That was really a wonderful post. Can’t we all remember saying something that SHOULD have hurt our mothers only to have them love us so much it never really registers. Happy Mother’s Day.
wonderful post Kat…hope you are having a good day
Wow. I’m not sure if it’s a wonderful thing that your mom doesn’t even remember that conversation, or if it’s just plain sad that it made no impact on her. Poor Kat :o (((
Justine
It’s amazing how mom’s can recover so quickly from some of the things we do or say. Truly unconditional love!
I think it says alot about how great your mom is that she simply said “yes, it’s okay to wish that.” She honestly saw the question from your point of view, which can be a very hard thing to do. Bless your mama for her love and strength. :)
My Mom is the best at that! She’s always been able to see things from all perspectives and never jumps to take a side without thinking things through. It’s why all six of us call her anytime we’re in a bind. :)
Kat, what a beautiful post. I lost my dad only a few months ago, and I can’t imagine what the experience would have been like as a child. I can, however, imagine that I would have said something similar to my mother.
Next time one of my twins says “No! I don’t love you!” I’m going to try to remember this piece. Thanks for sharing.
Oh sniff!!! You made my mascara run this morning!
What a beautiful story and a huge testament to motherhood in general.
I feel for your mom … I really do. I’m the one who feels like her nowadays … Daddy is now the one my Little One wants, cries for, wishes were home more. And your mom truly defines what it means to be a mom.
Damn you’re good! This is probably one of my favorites, Kat.
This is my first foray into the writer’s workshop…I’m have so much fun reading the other responses — and your post as well! Thanks! Lo
man, i would have lost it. you mom was strong and gentle when i counted.
um, when IT counted. maybe she would have been gentle when i counted. or maybe she would have just told me “no! go read some hymns to yourself quietly.”
What a great mom. Glad you didn’t kill her while painting ;)
What a beautiful story Kat! She sounds like a great lady
My dad was the NO person and my mom usually was the Yes person. Just the opposite. Thanks for doing this tribute to our moms.
That’s what it’s like in my house. I’m the yes person and Pat is the no person…though I also crack down on my kids and demand silence sometimes. :) I’m a lot like my Mom in that way.
Wow! That one got me…made me cry :) I hope that I never have to have that specific conversation with my kids…I don’t think I could be nearly as strong as your mom! She sounds like a wonderful mom!
This was touching. It sounds like your Mom is a very strong and gracious woman.
Moms are some kind of amazing – thanks for sharing. :)
That is a beautiful story. Reminds me who I am supposed to be as a mother.
This made me tear up. My boys always prefer their dad over me, and for the same reasons…he says yes, he forgets about bedtime, he never cooks beans for dinner. But even when they scream that they want him, not me, it doesn’t change how much I love them.
Awww, she sounds like a wonderful mom – even if she didn’t let you surf on the couch. I can’t even imagine the weight of mourning your love and best friend while pulling your entire family through that experience. She sounds like an incredibly strong and loving woman.
And how do you repay that love? By forcing her to climb a ladder to paint your walls – sending her crashing to the floor, face covered in paint and on the brink of meeting her Maker. Please tell me that you’re not trying to kill her! lol
All kidding aside, you and your mother both have a great sense of humor and unwavering love. Happy early Mother’s Day to you both.
Kristi, Live and Love…Out Loud
@TweetingMama
Hahaha! Is this twice in two weeks I’ve talked about my Mom’s impending death?? Yes. Why yes it is.
She says her kids are what got her through each day. She couldn’t curl up and mourn and stay in bed everyday because we needed to eat. :)
So in a sense I like to think I’m the one who saved HER life by getting her through that…I guess SHE owes ME! ;)
And then, after all that forgivenss, you tried to take her down with a ladder and a can of paint.
Sounds like she is a pretty special person. Nos and all.
And that’s why moms are the most awesome people in the world. I can’t even tell you how many times I told my mom I hated her…fully meaning it at the time.
You meany, I’m crying already this morning! What an amazing story. Great writing.
That story brought tears to my eyes.
It was a beautiful story. Moms are amazing creatures, aren’t they?
Your mom sounds like an amazing woman – I cried reading the story!
Aw, that is sweet! Made me tear up a little bit…
Oh wow. I don’t even know what to say…
I love your story, it is very moving, and it is very interesting what different people remember from different points in their lives!
Ceratinly another fun topic to write about (I picked #5). Made me really want to start cooking and eating!
Wonderful post Kat. Your mom is awesome, no’s and all!! I really enjoyed doing Writer’s Workshop- it was my first time! :-)
This is a beautiful post!
How silly is it that I was crying at work when I read this. That is what being a mother is about. Seeing past the words and looking on the heart. What a sweet mother you have! I hope my kids will look back and think I am as kind as your mother!
I love your mom! Give her a big hug for me and tell her Happy Mother’s Day.
What a beautiful story:) You made me reflect on my own mother and no matter how bad I was she always forgave, always understood, and always loved me no matter what I said or did! I didn’t understand until I became a mother and geez now I want to tell her I’m sorry for being such a but hole and can’t:(
xoxox
Ms. Wanda
So sweet, and such a great writing prompt for Mother’s Day!
So touching. Thanks for sharing.
I can’t lie, my son saying that to me would break my heart. I’m glad that it didn’t hurt your mom, she must be one strong and amazing woman!
I hopped over here from Oops..there goes my mind and am so glad I did. What a great post – your Mom is indeed someone very special. I wrote a post the other day coincidentally about how Daddy is the fun person in our house and it seems it’s that way in the majority of homes. But who do our children turn to when they are in need of a hug? Mom.
that is sooo sweet! A family’s love is amazing
Gotta love family!
Crying my eyes out. That’s exactly the kind of mom I had and the kind of mom I try to be. I’m so glad you have her!
My mother died last year. These are the words I spoke at her memorial service.
This will be my first mother’s day without a mother. I was blessed she was my mom and my only hope is that my 4 boys will always feel the same about me.
Em
http://www.16ballsintheair.com
great post
That is such a beautiful post and a beautiful tribute to your mom. She sounds amazing. Thanks for sharing.
I can’t believe your mom didn’t remember that being said. I’d be worried about what a horrible mother I must be. That goes to show you how much confidence I have in myself. Your mother is amazing.
A lovely Mother’s Day tribute. I’m smiling, but there’s a little *tear* rolling down my cheek, too. :)
Wow this really made me tear up. Moms are so special and I don’t think we really realize how completely special until we are moms.
This post made me cry. I know with you I’ll always either laugh or cry. Without fail.
Your story was very touching. I almost cried. It was the opposite in our house. Sometimes it seemed like my mom couldn’t say no.
wow. that was a powerful story. TFS
First time posting! Thank you!
Thanks for letting me link up! I have wanted to link up for so long!! A Mother’s Day post was a great opportunity. I really love you blog…and your writing. :-)
Way to make me cry, Mama Kat.
It’s been a LONG time since I’ve posted on your writing prompts…but I just had the time to get a poem written. I used to look forward to your prompts and then LIFE has gotten in the way! Hopefully I can get back into blogging a bit more again. Things are hectic…glad that you still get your writing prompts out each week! :o)
This made me cry. I have both of my parents, so I don’t know the pain of losing one. But I definately know the unconditional love of a mother. I posted something about mothers on my blog, It started out as the #3 prompt in theory, but ended up more of my love for my child. Still has the heart of mother’s day to it tho.
I love this story. What a touching tribute. It motivated me to join in. Hope I’m not too late. (I had to enter twice because I blew it the first time. Sorry!)
Mothers are so understanding. At least the mothers of our mother’s generation. I think of the things I said to my mom that I thought would be hurtful and she too doesn’t remember them or brushed the comment off. Now if only I could be that kind of mom. My feelings are hurt when my daughters complain about dinner. :)
oh my golly now why did you have to go and make me cry like that????
That is so beautiful. I aspire to be that kind of mother. I can’t even imagine going through something like that – and remaning calm, strong and stoic. She must be quite a wonderful woman, despite her penchance for “no.”
Love this! What a picture of motherhood.
Mothers are awesome people. It is amazing the things they say and do all for the sake of their children. Happy Mother’s Day Mama Kat!
Now that’s an awesome mom! I would have been crying my eyes out if my kid said that to me!
Beautiful picture of motherhood. I cried and I’m crying now thinking of retelling this story to my sister. I bullshit a lot on my blog, but its coming across stories like these that I feel grounds my blogging experience and gives it a bit more meaning.
Thank you for sharing.
No wonder I feel as if I know you so well. My father died when I was 7 years old, in the first grade, leaving my mom with 6 children. My father had been my mother’s ONLY boyfriend/man/everything since she was 13. And, here she was, 39, with 6 kids, no father, and alone.
WOW. What an incredible post.
Wow.