Dear Ellen (letter 17): Ellen Degeneres’s Fans Are Crazy

Dear Ellen,

This is getting awkward isn’t it?

Me over here with my 17 (and counting) letters and you over there with your tv show and your recording label and your five million Twitter followers and your mansion…not answering. any. of my letters.

I’m starting to feel like one of those weirdos who rallies together thousands of Facebook Fans in a “Help Get Blank On The Ellen Show” campaign. I think it’s sad when people throw themselves at the feet of celebrities…do they really even know the celebrities they’re worshiping? Do they really care about who these celebrities are or are they just using them to further their own non-existent careers?

I mean really…if you have 150,000 Facebook users “liking” your band well enough to support your effort to get on The Ellen Show…then why not throw yourself a concert…charge them each five bucks.

Boom you’re rich.

And yet still, they carry on with their campaigns and compete with all the other millions of people who want to be on your show. It’s ridiculous.

And pathetic.

And yet I feel like certain people might think I’m doing something similar, what with my rock video and my persistent letters and my bathroom concerts and what not. This all may come across as some kind of desperate plea to get on your show, but that is SO not the case. I realize I may have once or twice mentioned that I wanted to be the first mommy blogger ever on your show. But I was joking.

It’s called sarcasm.

Don’t get me wrong, if you wanted me on your show I wouldn’t disrespect you by turning you down, but it’s not the driving force behind my letter writing. I am not just ANOTHER crazed stalkerish fan. I don’t do that.

*I*.

Am.

A pen-pal.

I take my time. I pour out my heart. I open my soul. I foster helpless and hurting rescue dogs. I support breast cancer. I mean there is so much more here than sinking to the level of begging that I see coming from other people.

In fact, I think this would be a really great topic for one of your upcoming shows Ellen! You could talk about how when you’re famous it seems like everybody just wants to jump on that train and use your status to further their own careers.

…And I could come on and talk about how wrong that is and how, as your pen-pal, I can’t believe people would stoop to such levels.

I could talk about our letters and how I’ve always been in agreement with you on this issue.

We could roll my site URL across the bottom of the screen as a resource for a place people can visit throughout the show to talk about their feelings on the subject.

I think between the two of us we could really send a message loud and clear to those weirdos out there who insist on using celebrities as stepping stones. Is this not brilliant?

I’m so glad we’re friends Ellen.

Yours truly,

Kat

Dear Ellen

Comments

  1. says

    An Ellen letter o’ yours is the *perfect* way to start my day. And while its cold outside, barely lighter than pitch dark, and though I have dressed kidlets nibbling on their breakfasts behind me, I’m still in my jammies (soon to be remedied, of course!), my day is now just a little bit brighter & I’m smiling, thanks to you & your Ellen letter. And I’m thankful to know that even once Ellen does put you on her show, your Ellen letters will continue to come & make a morning brighter, because you are indeed Ellen’s pen pal. Wishing you a wonderful Wednesday, Kat! :>:>

  2. says

    Oh mama kat – i was already mirthful with giggles at the letter itself, but the picture at the end just send me over the edge into full on LOL laughter!
    I hope all your wildest dreams come true.
    vote for MamaKat!

  3. says

    Kat, I wish I knew how to help get your point across. You clearly have a valid point – you’re not desperate, not seeking attention solely for your profit – I know this. I just wish I could help.

    ;)

    Clever approach…

  4. says

    So, I just found your blog through your tweet and will admit that it caught my eye because of Ellen – whom I love! Know I don’t know her so really, how can I say I love her? I guess the same way I can say I love this post. Perfect! Especially the photo at the end – if nothing else, that should catch her eye :-)

  5. says

    These are SO good….can’t wait for the day when you get the call…..

    On a side note….you’re missing a couple fingers……

  6. says

    I look so forward to these letters. Love them!

    In fact, when you DO go on Ellen, I’ll be happy to sit in the audience and nod my head emphatically when you talk about being a true pen pal and not being, in any way, a celebrity stalker. I will clap demurely and look very serious when you talk about how sad it is that some people use celebrities for self promotion. And then, when Ellen gives a bajillion dollars to your charity of choice, and then rolls out a big cart full of gifts and charitable donations for the audience, I will whoop and holler with pride, knowing that I read your blog, and therefore I was, by association, a guest on the Ellen show.

  7. says

    I think you fit just perfectly into that chair! Someday she’ll get the message. She would be lucky to have you on her show. :)

  8. says

    I love that she’s gazing fondly at you while you just work the audience with your eyes. That’s the kind of subtle comfort that you only see between dear, committed pen pals. Well done.

  9. says

    This is hilarious! And I love the dress you’ve chosen to wear on Ellen when you talk about all those weirdos.

    P.S. I didn’t even notice the missing fingers! I just centered in on your gorgeous, beaming face. Love the web site in the background. :)

    I hope you get a reply; you deserve one.

  10. Kelsey says

    After reading your collection of (lovely) letters to Ellen, I believe that there are three possible explanations.

    1. Portia’s jealous of your hot, aproned butt and is burning your letters as they come in. Which is definitely a difficult task, burning an email I mean. High five Portia. Oh- I mean high five that you can burn an email, not high five for burning these particular documents from Ellen’s beloved pen pal.

    2. There’s been an error with Ellen’s contact info on her site- oh no! ALL of her emails are being forwarded to Oprah, who out of the kindness of her heart (Oprah’s all kinds of sweet like that), forwards them right on back. EXCEPT for yours. She’s all jealous that SHE doesn’t have a pen pal as super special as you! Stupid Oprah.

    3. Ellen’s producers have become super involved with the selection process for the show, and knowing how Ellen would be all over having you on, they’ve hacked into her computer and blocked your email. Why do they not want you to join in the goodness of the show? In fear that your shiny goodness will shadow over Ellen’s and drive her fan base to you, of course. That means a lost of $$$, which producers are all concerned about. Ellen wouldn’t care about the $$$. She’d care about her pen pal.

    So, I’m thinking that:

    1. You should send Portia an exclusive video of you and your man. It may help simmer her jealousy a bit.

    2. You should write to Oprah too, make her feel a little more secure in your relationship so that she passes the emails along.

    3. You should pay off Ellen’s producers. Have a bake sale or something, I’m sure you could find the funds.

    Anyway, best of luck in your endeavor, I’m certain these tips will help you out.

    You’re welcome!

  11. says

    This letter is GREAT! This weekend I am going to go and read ALL of them. Hmmm, I think you deserve a response from Ms. Ellen AND an appearance on the show. I will be thinking positive thoughts.

  12. says

    I have to say, I’m kind of disappointed. I thought, having just started with letter one less than a half hour ago, that by letter 17 you’d be announcing a date that you’ll be on the show.

    Wow.

    Oprah called Ellen’s people within MONTHS.

    And you’ve written for over a YEAR.

    Keep up the good fight! You will prevail!

  13. says

    I just started reading your website. I came over by way of seriously homemaker. You two are so funny. Just one question? Why did you stop writing to Ellen? Please tell me it is because you are finally going to be on her show.

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