Since receiving an extremely creepy email in the form of a power point presentation that displayed both a map to my home and to my daughters school, I’ve been thinking a lot about safety on the internet.
Many of us who start blogging have a teeny nagging voice inside warning us to be careful online. I had it when I started blogging which is why in the beginning my blog was private. After spending some time blogging I began to reason with myself:
Look at all the people out here who give real names and real locations and they’re completely fine.
If someone wants to hurt me or my family it would be much easier to do so by simply following me home from the grocery store.
Statistically the people who are most likely to harm me or my kids are people who already know us.
Celebrities and authors and journalists and all kinds of people use their first and last names without a second thought and you don’t see anyone going after their children!
I can try to hide as much of my identity as possible but let’s face it, the internet makes it impossible to hide everything…if a bad guy wants to find me bad enough he will.
And who do I think I am?? Why would anyone think I’m important enough to want to bother? Doesn’t that seem self righteous!
There is some truth to a lot of that, but more than anything I believe that I used those arguments to justify allowing myself to share whatever I want online. I switched my blog to public after six months when I realized that a.) my family didn’t respond fast enough to my posts and b.) that Dooce lady was making serious money on her blog and dammit, if she could do it then so could I.
Here I am three years later, wondering if my decision to share everything was a wise one.
When my kids get older and want their own social media accounts, what have I shown them about being safe online? What kind of example have I set?
And the truth is, I just don’t know. I can’t shield my kids from every bad guy out there who wants to look at them, but do I need to put their lives on display to a larger audience? Do I need their approval for that or as their mother, is it okay for me to display a picture of my daughter baking Halloween cookies if I want to? Is there truly danger in that or am I being paranoid?
I don’t really think my family is going to be bludgeoned to death by a blog stalker and I’ll be the first to admit I watch a TAD too many late night mysteries. The chances that any of us are going to be victimized by the information we share online is probably pretty slim…but if there IS a chance, however small, why make it easy?
Heather Spohr was beyond disgusted when she was contacted by police in the UK after photos of her baby girl were discovered on a pedophile’s computer with child porn.
I don’t think shutting blogs down and hiding from the internet is the answer, but I do think taking precautions to assure you are doing what you can to protect yourself is important. Heather now has a plugin on her site that does not allow visitors to right-click copy any of her material. If that plugin had been in place from the beginning, would a pedophile have gone the extra mile to figure out how to steal pictures from her or would he have moved on to the next mommy blogger?
We don’t know who is reading our blogs. We don’t know what they are doing with the sweet stories and pictures we are sharing. But we should learn how to protect ourselves. We should be setting good examples for our kids and we should be learning how to blog with caution.
Here are just a couple suggestions of things I think we can all do to be safer in blogland:
- Install a plugin that does not allow visitors to save your photos to their own computers.
- Do not post bath time, bum, or other “indecent” photos (though I’m aware even the most innocent photos can be abused).
- When posting photos pay attention to addresses, bus numbers, license plates, street signs, and any other identifiable background information.
- Do not openly share your first and last name on any site.
- Do not blog about when you or your family or your significant other is going to be out of town.
- If you must use a last name, consider using your maiden name…it is typically not affiliated with your home address nor is it normally shared by your kids.
- Read blogs like StopSign Internet Security Blog that regularly update their site with relevant online safety pointers.
- Create a Facebook page specifically for your blog and keep your personal Facebook page separate. (thank you Audrey for leaving that great tip in the comments!)
- Ask your readers to alert you should you slip up on any of the above.
Dear readers, please alert me if I slip up on any of the above.
You are my neighborhood watch. Let us help each other.
Happy and safe blogging!
{ 50 comments… read them below or add one }
When your kids no longer want their stuff on your blog or on your FB page, they’ll let you know.
Just make sure you tell them about security settings when they’re old enough for their own accounts.
And print out this post and save it for them, so they’ll know the tips, too.
Oh, oh. It’s way too late for us not to use our own names. Now what?
Thanks so much for this reminder about online safety and for the link to the plugin. I didn’t know that such a plugin existed, but this post stopped me in my tracks and I actually downloaded it and installed it on all of our sites before I even finished reading your post.
Thanks for taking the early morning shift on my neighborhood watch!
Amen. I just spent last week dealing with people who are friends of my brothers ex at my doctor’s office stalking my blog and creating drama. I spent most of my time comparing keywords that were used to come to my blog against network locations and blocking IPs. It was ridiculous.
I do the use your maiden name online thing. I don’t know what made me do that from the beginning, just that I didn’t want my kids last name on the internet. If you search hard enough because you know my last name, you can find me, but you pretty much have to know me to be able to search for that. My son has a Facebook account, but he isn’t allowed to have his last name up there. He goes by his first and middle name, which means no one can search for him and I am the one who authorizes his friends. I’m sure when he’s 16 he’ll want to change it, but for now he doesn’t mind.
Great reminder!
Excellent reminder that we *do* need to stay vigilant – at the end of the day, we really don’t know who is reading our blog at any moment. I have never used my full name, place of business, my childrens’ names, etc. and I am very conscious about the photos I do choose to share….Heather’s post was an eye-opener to say the least.
Thanks for the link to that plug-in, too.
Great pointers, and we should all be in the business of looking out for each other. Thanks for taking the lead!
Thanks for the info about that plug-in. I’m working on getting it installed on my blog.
Great points above. On my running blog, I’ve actually stopped talking about out of town races because I don’t want to advertise that I’m traveling.
Just curious, do you have a business card with your blog name on it? If so, do you have your real name on it? I’m still trying to figure out how to handle that.
Thanks so much for this eye opening post again! I read your first post about the powerpoint and it totally freaked me out. I no longer refer to my son by his real name, and I always blur images when needed. I have the no-right click plugin, but didn’t have the CopyProtect one. I just downloaded it now. It’s so sad that we have to do stuff like this, but that’s the world we live in right? I will still blog and live my life online, creepy peeps be damned!! Thanks, Mama Kat!
I have my last name, but there are 3 million of that last name in this state. I have often done searches on myself, hubby and kids and removed our personal info from any site that displays our address or whatever. My number is not listed in the phone book for that very reason.. But thanks for the heads up..
I used to not worry about this stuff but now, with the crazy woman, I have to worry about ALL of it. UGH
Thanks for this post. I didn’t know about the way to protect my photos.
I received an email the other day where the author asked me where I lived because he or she lived in the same area and was “intrigued”. It was creepy, to say the least. I had put an town name on my store deals which is how this person discovered that we were potentially from the same area. I did not answer the email, even though I live in a very small town and more than likely this person is harmless….but you never know!
I’ve asked myself these questions several times over the last couple of months, especially since a piece of mine was recently posted in Woman’s Day magazine with my full name,town I live in as well as blog address, and being that I’m filming a major documentary about obesity and the health epidemic in our country. There isn’t anything I can do about it now.
It did kinda shock me though when I received several handwritten cards in the mail after my piece hit newsstands, and then late one night, we got a call from a woman in Florida who had read my piece and wanted to reach out and connect with me. The phone call came in after 10PM and just really freaked us out. I don’t think she meant any harm, but it still unhinged me a little bit. We’re listed simply by last name only in the phone book (our carrier charges $10 a month to remain unlisted), but I wonder how many other people she called? We didn’t answer because we didn’t recognize the name or number on the caller ID.
I got an email from her the next morning, same name on the caller ID, and she listed her phone number in her email, practically begging me to call her. It’s times like that, that I wish I had used my maiden name on my blog and for things that are now being published…however that was the name I’d used when I was on the air for more than a decade, when I was working as a DJ for Clear Channel stations – and never once did I deal with some of the odd people I’m now coming across due to my blog.
The other thing I really wish I had done was to separate my personal Facebook account from my blog. It’s too late to do that now, but it’s something your readers might want to seriously consider doing, if they haven’t already. My Facebook account originally started out for family and those friends I’d gone to school and college with, and now there are hundreds of bloggers on my friend’s list as well and it’s too late to go back, without hurting feelings or causing undue drama, and try and move a lot of those people over to a fan page for the blog. My blog is really tiny in the huge scope of things…but this is all stuff I wish I had thought of before I started writing so openly – and believe me I share a lot of our lives with my readers.
Thanks for a great post!
I never put my last name online.. if necessary I use a friend’s last name. As for my kid, he’s name is never mentioned on my blog or on twitter.. he’s just The Kid. Pictures of my kid and rarely of myself surface online. I was stalked online by someone who I knew.. and who I needed to stay out of my life for the safety of myself and my child.
My name is super common so I don’t really worry about that, but some of the other stuff freaks me out.
You can also disable right click on a Blogger blog by installing code in an HTML box from your Design tab. I think this is it:
var omitformtags=["input", "textarea", "select"]
omitformtags=omitformtags.join(“|”)
function disableselect(e){
if (omitformtags.indexOf(e.target.tagName.toLowerCase())==-1)
return false
}
function reEnable(){
return true
}
if (typeof document.onselectstart!=”undefined”)
document.onselectstart=new Function (“return false”)
else{
document.onmousedown=disableselect
document.onmouseup=reEnable
}
If that doesn’t work then anyone can email me and I’ll help them get it set up.
Thanks for sharing this article, especially the plugin! I have been relatively conscious of what I have been posting. I have posted only a few photos of my children, and it took me nearly six months to even use my own photo on twitter. I love your point about when your kids are going to want to use social media- what would we allow them to share, and why should we share any more than that? Great, great point. Love this article!
I’d been wondering about the way to disable the right click copy… I’ll be doing that right away…
I’m sure I’m more open than I’d intended to be in the beginning… especially since so many of my online accounts are now linked…
Some of us ought to “swap” and try to find out as much as possible about another blogger… it would certainly be a scary little peek into our supposed “privacy” – especially when the search is executed by a complete stranger!
I’ve never really had problems on the internet and I have always used my son’s real name along with my real name. Is it too late to change now, or should I start going back and changing things? Or, should I just let things go since the “damage” so to speak is already done?
Great reminders. I so wish we didn’t have to be concerned about all this, but clearly we must!!
Good for you! I’m kind of in your school of thought. I honestly don’t think I’m interesting enough to stalk, but I do follow most of your rules above, especially our last name, which is extremely unique. I would add to that, I don’t share the places where we work, or the name of my son’s School. But I was sad when I go on and actually Googled myself and most of that information was right there in plain site, not from my blog, but from some of the dozens of other sites I’ve visited over the years. That’s the shame of it. When you write on the Internet, you are writing in PEN.
Thanks for the tips! Though I’m way way out of US on the other part of the world, I’m quite phobic when it comes to being stalked or people knowing too much info about us, so yeah, thanks again for the tips. You never know who’s watching us…
Such an important topic. I thank you for sharing your story. I have had unfortunate encounters with people that want to harm me. These people were not on the internet, but people that I knew. It was a scarey and creepy feeling. They used many tatics, including hacking my computer, people are sick! We have to share our stories to expose bad people.
Thanks for the tips as well!
I agree. I’ve been doing this with my site since the beginning. Hooray for more people speaking out about it.
i’m checking out that plugin! thanks, mama kat!
I’m torn on this issue. Everything on my blog is real, down to my name. The only thing I don’t share are specifics on where I live (town, neighborhood, house pictures, etc.). I’m sure if someone wanted to, they could do a few internet searches and find me.
Meh.
I think it boils down to “What do you have a blog for?” If you’re doing it just to reach out as a Mom and join a bigger Mom Community–and write cute stories and pics about your kids–and you don’t have plans to go farther–then by all means, protect your privacy! Be anonymous!
But if you’re blogging because you want to be a writer, or make income from your blog, or become a Parenting Expert, or some sort of Big Deal on the internet, then just realize that very few of those bloggers stay anonymous.
And wouldn’t we face these same issues if we published a book? Or wrote for a magazine? We’re entertaining the public…and yes, the wack jobs are a part of the general public.
Lovely.
I’m asking someone ASAP to show me how to put that code in my blogger so people can’t save my pics…. thanks for the tips, dear! Freaky stuff.
I’m sorry that happened to you. I pulled my personal blog last year because the hairs on the back of my neck started standing up.
FYI: I’m sure you probably already know this, but I’ll share it anyway. No photo is safe from being copied from the internet. You can disable right clicking, but that does not mean that someone who really wants a photo of your child could not find a way to get it (screen shot, etc.) Scary stuff!
That sucks so bad. I am sorry that happened to you. Getting that stirred up so many emotions. I would be so mad, I couldnt even begin to tell you what stupid things I would do. I hope that does not happen to you again.
Re-reading my comment and I sound sort of asshole-ish.
Ew. Not my intention.
One other thought I had…some perv could work in the photo department of Wal-Mart and grab pics while developing my film. Or my kid could have her picture in the newspaper for volleyball or honor roll or a school play and a perv could cut it out and have fun with it.
I like your idea Kat: We shouldn’t live in fear, but we shouldn’t make it easy for them either. Think about what you’re posting.
Thank you so much for that info. Very helpful. I recently imported by old blog into my new one and was walking down memory lane, looking at on old post of pictures, only to realize that I had a shutterfly link with my REAL LAST NAME in it. I try to be so careful and here I’ve got this sitting there for almost 4 years. I have also had friends email me when I’ve posted a picture with a company name clearly displayed near our house. So good to remember this stuff.
I do have a separate FB page for my blog and don’t share my personal one. I also try to be diligent about keeping where I live secret, although I’ve been way too lax about it recently.
These are fantastic tips and I’m going to look into that plug in.
AND I’m tweeting about this, too!
I’m totally paranoid about all of this. I *think* I’ve done an okay job with all of it, but you just never know.
Thanks for this post! I’m in the thick of my new page creation and I just emailed my designer to have that plugin added. Outstanding advice! I plan to have a blogging tips section on my new page, may I link this post up as a reference for my readers? Thanks in advance!!!
Thanks so much for the link love, we appreciate the kind words!
And also thank you for being so open and honest about your experiences. As a father of 3 young boys who are all beginning to get more and more curious about the Internet, I can completely relate to all of this. Your insight and tips on Internet safety are great for everyone online to hear.
I don’t share even first names and I don’t post pics of my family. For awhile I wondered if I was limiting my blog’s potential by taking so many precautions and then ironically, I saw a lot of more established bloggers like yourself convey regret at not having held more back.
So, I’m glad I went the route I did.
Great pointers! I actually got so freaked out by your sister’s email that I deleted all of my son’s pictures, and have stopped posting any of him. I’m going to have to look into that plug in thing. I never even knew that existed.
I have that code on one of my blogs but now I’m going to add it to all of them I think.
Thanks Kat for writing this.
P.s. You have to disable right click in Blogger blogs because we don’t have plugins lol
you are freaking me out lady. i just talked my husband into letting me use my last name on my blog and link my personal fb page to the blog fb site.
oops?
Thanks so much for sharing this, i worry about it all the time when i check my stats and see people from other countries stopping by! i am going to add the plugin NOW
Love the list. And will do! :D
I have been looking for a Typepad plug in to disable right-click downloads, but haven’t been able to find yet. At least one that I can figure out how to install. Maybe I should call a professional.
These are EXCELLENT tips and reminders. I have always lived in the midwest- you know, small town, quaint, “safe”. I never think about this stuff…and I need to…no one is safe from the creeper! Thanx
Is there a similar plugin for use with Blogspot to prevent people from right-click copying photos?
Sneaky Mommy did a tutorial for that here: http://sneakymommablogdesign.blogspot.com/2010/01/image-protection-disable-right-clicking.html
I recently wrote a tutorial over how to disable right clicking in Blogger. Check it out: http://sneakymommablogdesign.blogspot.com/2010/01/image-protection-disable-right-clicking.html :)
Thank you! A few people have asked about this and I wasn’t sure…I’ll be sure to share your link!
I wanted to thank you for this post. I’ve always tried to be safe, but not be nervous nelly. After reading this, I decided to take a few more precautions. I installed the plugin. Thanks for the link! But the big thing I did was my facebook fan page. I set one up last week and was bothered by it being attached to my personal page. But it was so much work that I decided to leave it. Until last night. I decided it was worth the time, and losing the few likes I did have, to create one completely separate. I feel so much better and so much safer! So thanks again for this post!
Thank you for the good post and advice. I don’t have children so no worries there but my blog is tied to our farm/business. I don’t use our last name on my blog but it is one simple click of a link to our business website and our name, phone number etc. This does make me uneasy on some level but how does a person balance safety and internet security with promoting their home based business, especially one like a farm where most customers are going to have to come to your home, because it is darn hard to mail a goat! ;-) This is something I have been thinking about for awhile.
Sorry to hear about the creepy email, geez that DOES sound creepy! It is too bad we even have to worry about these things, wouldn’t the world (and the internet) be wonderful if everyone was like “us” just normal, good people with good intentions and no creepy stalker tendencies?
When I first started blogging I would never put pictures of my kids in my posts. Then I started putting pictures up but they were profile shots, or shots that didn’t show them clearly. But then I subscribed to, if everyone else is doing it then I guess I can too! This only makes me regret that decision!!!
Now, for those of us not using word press, how do we prevent our pictures from being downloaded?