I remember sitting around a campfire with a bunch of women…my copy of Little Women tucked beneath my arm as I took a break from reading for a handful of G.O.R.P.
When my Mom married my first step-dad Bob, we married into a family of campers. I was thrilled about this by the way. Camping was something we didn’t really spend much time doing after my Dad died. And Bob was a die hard. He had a canoe, he knew the constellations, he carried a swiss army knife and he knew the name of every plant he came in contact with.
We were his very lucky pupils.
I say that sarcastically because while I really liked the idea of sleeping in a tent in the middle of nowhere, I was not thrilled about stopping on a walk every third foot to study a new species of fern.
Every summer we would spend time camping with Bob’s grown kids, their children, and a handful of their close friends at some property we owned out in the country. And every summer it was the same old thing.
Us kids would busy ourselves with the porn collection Neighbor Ted had hidden in a cardboard box beneath his bed in a detached garage/extra bedroom.
(Why these men never learn to properly hide their nudey magazines is beyond me.)
The men in the family chopped wood and drank beer and talked about elk hunting.And the women of the family chased kids and sat around the campfire reading novels, eating G.O.R.P and talking about Fabio.
A life size cut out of the famous romance novel cover-boy somehow made it to every trip.
And in case you’re wondering, GORP is a concoction of granola, oats, raisins, and peanuts…which is really just a fancy way of saying “trail mix”.
I started bringing my own books when Neighbor Ted’s nudey mag collection disappeared and I began feeling too old for rolling across fields in giant inner-tubes. It was at this time that I was privy to some of the adult “girl talk” the women sometimes engaged in around the campfire. Most of which, revolved around husbands and whatever it was they were or were not doing correctly.
“Well that’s men for ya!” they would say with a chuckle and an eye roll. As if all men had the same bad habits. As if being a man rationalized poor behavior.
I remember thinking that when I grew up I would not give my husband that “out”. That we would be best friends and that I would not excuse his behavior just because he’s a man. A man has brains…does he not? A man can be intelligent…can he not? I didn’t understand this clumping of a certain behavior and the passing it off as typical “man behavior”.
No. I would not continue this trend of man bashing.
My relationship would be different.
And now I’m married.
And my husband is lovely…my best friend indeed…but he forgets special days and he doesn’t remember things I tell him and he burps loudly without excusing himself and he plays too rough with the kids and he never surprises me with a babysitter and a planned night out and he chews loudly and he sleeps in and…and…and…he is such a man.
And I am SO that woman.
Gigi says
My youth was also filled with many a “I will never….”
Funny how I ended up doing all of them – at least once.
Christy aka Mamarazzi says
Ha! Too funny! I too am one of those women! Hey if it helps, you know the men “guy talk” about us too!
Julie says
haha, I think we all are that woman :)
Jen says
Aw, camping. Not a fan but nuder mags…. well, those can be fun ;)
Shell says
Awesome!
Eve @BeautifulSpitUp says
LMAO! I am SO that woman too. I agree with the above comment…I think all men are those men and pretty much all women and those women. Damn.
Tristina says
Oh I am so that woman, too.
Being surprised with a babysitter and a night out would be AMAZING. Too bad i have to “surprise” myself…
Jennifer says
Oh yes. 100% true. Have you seen the show The Middle? It is this really hilarious sitcom about a typical American family. The mom is just a little bit insane, legitimately. The other night we were watching and she was doing something kinda crazy and David said, “you see that. That is just how women act in real life. That is what we have to put up with all the time.” I replied, “well, do you see how her family treats her? That’s why we act that way.” He sheepishly agreed and looked away.
Erica says
LMAO! I am so that woman too!!! My husband’s idea of romance is ME cooking HIM a nice meal! MEN!
Allison @ Alli 'n Son says
You know everything about marriage and kids until you get married and have kids right?
I never knew that trail mix was also called GORP until a couple of years ago. I just assumed the girl who told me that crazy, from a crazy family who like to make up names. Guess I was wrong.
Sarah says
Oh…I am SOOOO that woman too. My husband doesn’t understand, though and gets offended by sch a dismissal.
But hey…that’s a man for you.
Heather says
Stopping by from the Hare Tribe.
I can completely understand the feeling of never wanting to give them the genetic out, but it’s SO true! And I’m sure the men were saying something along the same lines in their group.
Mama Kat says
Yay! I had so much fun making your tribes Heather!! I’ll try to remember to stop by and say hello to you ladies. How is everything going?
Old School/New School Mom says
I am so that woman too! I always thought the same thing, people just say that about their husbands, giving them an “easy way out.” I’m not going to be like that. But it seems there is some truth to it. My fiance (yep, the ring happened!) constantly forgets special days too, and never says excuse me or please. Grrr.
Andrea says
Wait a second…
There are men who hire a surprise babysitter for a night out?
you’re kidding right?
I want names….
We all become “that woman” embrace the sisterhood.
kisatrtle says
I am that woman too.
Candice says
I can honestly say “that’s men for ‘ya”. We now see that DNA wise they can’t help themselves. I see it in the fact that my husband does the same stuff my dad does and they’re not even related. You see what I mean? LOL!
Rachel {at} Mommy Needs a Vacation says
I am so that woman too and why the hell can’t I just be surprised ONE TIME with a freakin’ babysitter????? JUST ONCE!!!
Shawna says
So what were some of your favorite books at that age? How wonderful that you nurtured a love for reading, even if out of boredom, at such a young age.
My favorite girlhood book was A Wrinkle in Time.
Kerry says
I am so that woman too.
Sara says
HAHAHAHAHAAHAHA :)
this post made me laughhhhhhh. because they all STILL do that. And, I am DEFINITELY a book-toter now, too. I miss rolling around in giant innertubes.
…and I thought GORP stood for “Good Ol’ Rasins and Peanuts” ? either way, it’s still trail mix. :)
Bridget says
That woman. ha ha ha. I think it might be me, too.
Carrie says
Ha, ha. This is so stinkin’ true. I felt the same way about men when I was a kid but now I get together with other women and swap stories and we all get it. That’s men for ya!
Alexandra says
I love your posts…
Was thinking of how I’ve never let you know how much your blog means to me, I have an award up for you at my site. Because it’s about time I tell you, you are fabulous.
Lindsay says
Hahahaha, I love this! Adorable and oh so familiar! :)
Andrea (Lil-Kid-Things) says
Le sigh. I am so that woman too.
Thanks for the smile!
Crystal Lien says
This is such a GREAT post! I remember feeling the same way…and wanting it to be different…as if I was the “chosen one”!! :)
Crystal from SITS
mom taxi julie says
How funny that you were talking about Fabio. I just saw him on an episode of Suite Life with Zack and Cody the other day!
Heather says
LOL! It is sooo hard sometimes to not put all men in the same group, especially when they do something so typical of MEN behavior. LOL!
kat says
Another one of those women here, too….except for the Fabio thing. Never did, never will understand that one!
PatriciaD says
So love this post…too funny!! We were a camping family, too. It was the only way we actually got a vacation with 6 kids…eeks!! But I have to say we somehow missed out on any porn…the funny things parents either never know about or don’t know till the kids are long past the time to do anything about it.
Visiting from BlogFrog and SITSgirls.
Love your site and shared your grab a button on my site…Love those things!!
Joanne says
Neighbor Ted’s porn collection…LOL! Sounds like some good times.