I don’t know why it took me so long to see what is so clear.
I’m that mom who preps her kids before any possible change in the routine.
“Five more minutes before it’s time to brush your teeth!”
“We’re leaving here in ten minutes you guys…”
“Okay listen up! When we pull up to the house you will get out of the car, you will quietly take your shoes off at the door, you will go potty, and you will get in bed for naps.”
All of those scenarios have happened. I thought that we were supposed to prepare our kids in order to keep them from freaking out by a change to their routine that they are not expecting.
What has taken me seven years to realize is that my oldest daughter is fearful. If she anticipates any kind of pain or discomfort, she will grow quiet and squirm and worry and tear up every time she thinks about it. And she doesn’t stop thinking about it.
I told her two days ago that we would be going to see an allergist. Her eyes have been itchy and hurting, she has stomach aches, eczema, and fatigue. (I know that last one sounds weird, but she will get up in the morning…play a bit…and then go back to her bed to lie down by herself. She’s never done this before.) After learning about the appointment she got quiet and fidgety. She did not want to go and she continued to ask about it. When was it? What would they do? Did she have to go? Would it hurt?
I answered her questions, but nothing made her feel better and it bothered me that something as simple as a doctors appointment could cause such anxiety in her world.
For the next two days I worried about her anxiety. Was this a “thing”? Was she always going to worry about everything? Was the excessive eye blinking actually a tick? Was it caused by anxiety? OHMYGOD WHY IS SHE SO ANXIOUS!?! Could this go back to the gluten? Does she truly have a gluten sensitivity that I’ve been ignoring? What can I do to make her more comfortable? Should I be home schooling her?
It wasn’t until the two of us were sitting in the patient room waiting for the allergist…Maile worrying about the test…me worrying about Maile worrying about the test and worried that she seems worried all the time about everything…and it finally hit me.
I’ve created a monster. The two of us should never be given even partially negative news ever.
Problem solved.
The results to the scratch test were all negative. No cat, dog, or wheat allergies, but I opted for the blood test just to be sure (she had tested positive for a gluten sensitivity over a year ago). I had no idea that they would actually be drawing blood from Maile’s arm. The first time she had a blood test it was a tiny prick on her finger. When the nurse got her tools out and wrapped a bandage around Maile’s arm I quickly covered my mouth with my hands. We were SO not prepared for an actual real life blood draw.
When we left I told Maile how proud I was of her and that I thought she was going to really freak out when she saw the needle.
Her response?
“I freaked out in my head Mom.”
Me too Maile.
ALL THE TIME!
Heather says
You just described my oldest daughter and I! My husband says I worry like an old woman!!
Angie says
“I freaked out in my head, Mom.”
Priceless!
And… amen!
Helena says
I just had a blood test, and I thought I was going to pass out when I saw the needle. Your daughter handled it so much better than I did (I promise I’m not bragging).
Mama Bee says
I do that :( I did that recently to my son when I told him I am thinking of changing his school next year (in 9 months) Bravo! Gave him 9 months to worry about it! felt like a complete moron after the words came out my mouth. But I do EXACTLY that for everyday things, I’m like a narrator to their lives, i get so bored of listening to my own voice God knows how they feel lol.
JDaniel4's Mom says
I tend to be the worrier and over thinker my son is much more laid back.
Angel says
Oh I hear ya.My mom was a worrier from the word go.Unfortunately she worried about the things that were off the wall. When I became a mother I worried over snifflies and sneezies and the bumps that make us say what are these? Been there done that and I think as women we are worse way worse. Welcome to the club my dear
Kristen ~DVCMom~ says
Wow, that could have been a story about my youngest daughter Katie and I. Trying to prepare the kids for what comes next, even when it’s a simple things like going to the mall, or getting ready for bed. My youngest daughter has been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. Hrmm… I guess we know who that came from.
Shell says
No more bad news, ever…where do I sign up for that?
Blood draws are stressful. I’m freaking out thinking about the next one we have to do for my 4 y/o. Every 2 months. Takes at least 4 people to do it with the way he fights. I’m freaking out in my head thinking about it.
Your Southern Peach says
I do the SAME thing and became aware of it recently too. I’m constantly giving “two minute warnings until…” in hopes that it will make my oldest son transition easily, which never seems to happen. I’ve found that NOT giving the warnings allows him to fully enjoy what he’s doing in the present moment before moving onto the next activity.
Jamie Bishop says
I’m anxious just reading this! ;-) I think sadly I’ve passed along some of my paranoia and anxiety to my own kids…poor kids! But what can you do? You know?
Bruna says
Love this post! Could so relate as my almost 5 year-old sounds just like your daughter witht he worrying about everything. She even reacts the same way. Sometimes I feel MY worrying about her, and her seeing this, doesn’t always make things better either. I think you handled everything well. Your daughter seems like a real sweetheart and I’m glad she tested negative for allergies.
Jennifer says
Yeah, I’m not at all sure where she gets it from….
But I do have to say that I’m a major planner when it comes to new things. I like to expect the worst so I can be prepared. I’m pretty sure Baby Girl inherited this quality characteristic herself.
Lindsay says
The anxiety of the post was completely negated by that beautiful picture. Maile looks so precious and HAPPY and you look absolutely blissful :) Your kids are so stinking cute!
Eight is Enough~Jenn~ says
I, so far, have been very lucky that none of my children seem to be too anxious. I, too, have always tried to prepare them with the realities of doctor’s appointments, dentist’s, etc. Just love her and keep telling her how proud you are of her! I love her comment to you!!! So sweet.
Christine says
Oh I am right there with you! I freaked out in my head just reading about the blood drawing!
Jenni Chiu says
I KNOW!
I’m trying so hard to be one of those chill, easy going moms, so my son won’t have a care in the world.
It is NOT going so well.
I am the wart of worry.
Jenni Chiu says
I KNOW!
I’m trying so hard to be one of those chill, easy going moms, so my son won’t have a care in the world.
It is NOT going so well.
I am the wart of worry.
Liza@Blahggy says
I’m a worrier. Thanks for sharing – you may have helped me in raising my daughter! She’s only 6 months, so I’ve got time to correct some things! Oh! And the blood from the arm. Oy! Sailor had bad eczema and we give her a teaspoon of Flax Seed Oil every day (and cut out her rice cereal) and it’s practically clear. Maybe you could try a tablespoon or a pill of it? Just a thought!
ash says
“I freaked out in my head.”
Priceless. She’s going to be a fabulous parent. Good job Mama.
And congratulations on the good results!!
Sharon says
Wow, My mom used to do this with us.
You sound like you are doing everything to make your kids life normal!
However, “Normal” is just a cycle on the washing machine. LOL
Meanwhile, good job, Mom! And Good job, Maile!
Cathy says
Total side note – my son has celiac. I know all about the gluten thing.
Allison @ Alli 'n Son says
Like mother like daughter, huh? Isn’t it funny how those traits are passed down?
Liza@Blahggy says
We’re going through a lot of lotions, too. I’ll have to try the one you mentioned. We switch back and forth between this all natural lotion and jojoba oil – it’s supposed to be the closest match to our skin’s natural oil. And it soaks up decently – doesn’t leave her too slippery.
stef says
Oh, I hate those kinds of suprises. Shots and blood withdrawing are so tough when kids don’t expect it.
Venassa says
I freak out in my head all the time!
I only hope when I have kids I don’t pass along to them all my crazy traits – like being terrified of throwing up.
Kim says
I think many times kids take on their parents fears and concerns. I have no good reason to fear flying except that I knew my Dad did and I’m sure that’s where it came from. I also know that even as an adult, if I know what something is going to be like ahead of time, I’ll concern myself or worry about it needlessly. Anyway, glad Maile only freaked out in her head and seemed to be okay! :-)
lauren says
her symptoms sound a lot like what i went through before i found out that i had high yeast levels. it took years for me to figure it out, because doctors typically don’t test for it. it can be brought on by the use of antibiotics, so if she’s been on one (or more than one) lately, it’s a possibility. it’s also easily managed with probiotics.
either way, i hope she (& you!) feels better soon! good luck!!!