My husband has been rambling on about a man cave for years now. First it started in the garage and the potential for some serious masculinity to happen in there. I’m not sure exactly what he was envisioning. A tiled floor? Shelves of organized power tools? A recliner and flat screen tv? Eventually I filled the space with strollers and bikes and used daycare furniture and you better believe he grumbled about every shifted screwdriver.
He grumbled his way into our spare room and set his prospects on a new man cave there. This man cave would store his collectible comic books. He would have shelves of sports cards categorized by sport and athlete arranged by year or date of birth or whatever. He would have an extended office desk made of wood imported from India and on it he would have three flat screen computer monitors arranged to view current trends in the stock market.
After listening to more grumbling when I moved Kainoa’s old crib and the mouse cageand my computer into his future “man cave”, I had finally had enough.
A man cave? Why in the world does a man need a cave? It’s not like the children are swinging themselves from his legs, begging for food all day. It’s not like he has to listen to a three year old screaming “no” while running naked up and down the hallways. It’s not like he has a five and seven year old to get ready for school each morning. He doesn’t have to field countless questions about how babies are born…
Quite the opposite actually. My man comes home from work at 5pm and our kids are down for bed at 8pm. He has three hours of interaction before he gets to retire to his “lair” for the evening and that’s it. They don’t dare hound him and whine at him because DUH, that’s what moms are for.
So why?
Pray tell.
Do men need a room filled with their precious tools and gadgets?
More importantly…where?
Pray tell.
Is MY man cave?
Where is my safe harbor? Why do I find myself crammed between a toilet and a wall with my hand covering one ear and a phone jammed into the other? Probably on a pile of dry pee from the last time my son decided to “go by himself”. And by “son” I mean “husband”. Why do I find myself army crawling through the garage and into the warm embrace of a god-forsaken mini van for a recharge and some chocolate while my husband kicks back in a recliner with a cold beer?
Where the flip is my man cave??
When I came to Pat with my problem he responded quickly with his answer, “the kitchen is your man cave”.
You’ll excuse me.
Ahem.
The….kitchen? Is my man cave? THE KITCHEN!?!
The one room in the house where demands are at the height of their demandliest? Where I am expected to prepare, cook, clean, scrub, bake, and serve every member of this household?? I don’t know who decided that the woman got to be the domestic goddess in the kitchen and that the man got to rest his poor tired bones in a tricked out man cave, but I’m demanding a re-vote and I’m taking the man cave.
I am. TAKING…the man cave!
{ 54 comments… read them below or add one }
ahahhahahahaha
I am so with you on this one….. lets take it Mama!!!!
Love the new blog layout!! Very pretty…. =)
Hahah I love this post! Women definitely deserve a “Man Cave” as well! Men have it so easy and they don’t even know it, lol.
I have a den and the computer room. My husband used to have a man cave room on the second floor, but when we brought in a new cat, that was the cat’s room and he moved his man cave to the basement. It’s much bigger and nicer anyway.
My husband’s man-cave/office is his bathroom. He’s like Fonzie sans leather jacket and Hooper triplets.
I think you’re going to start a whole new Mom Cave revolution here.
PS Thanks so much for linking me as a favorite from last week’s prompts! I’m very flattered!
I’ve written about this before. My husband has a man cave. The Boy has his own bedroom. Hell, even the cat has a room.
I have to take a drive in my car to get a break – and I have to share my cave with passengers.
There’s something wrong about this…very wrong.
AMEN!
It is not a man cave but WO-MAN cave!
YES! And it should actually by a LADY cave, with NO MAN in it ;)
Oh geez, isn’t the bathroom enough for them? LOL
I finally got my ‘man cave’ when the last of our 4 daughters headed off to college…I took over one of the bedrooms and created a study for myself. If Hubs comes anywhere near it—well, let’s just say that after 27 years and 4 daughters, he knows better.
LOL! That was PERFECT! I, too, am desperate for a “cave” of my own. But less “cave” and more “quiet retreat” with a door handle that gives little electric shocks to anyone who tries to get in. Like Pat, my husband told me that my “happy spot” was the kitchen. Turns out that his “happy spot” became the couch…when it was time to go to bed!
Although I COMPLETELY agree with your decision to overtake and conquer the Man Cave, I will say that my kitchen IS my safe harbor. It’s where I destress and forget about my problems over a batch of chocolate chip cookies or a freshly baked loaf of cinnamon bread. Of course, I don’t yet have a family to bake for, nor screaming children clinging to my body parts, but there’s a reason why I try to “pimp out” my kitchen (heck, I even blog about my mixer). It’s where I go to lose myself in culinary creations and leave my baggage at the (kitchen) door.
Still, though…if you need backup in your invasion of the Man Cave, I’ll be at the ready, with blow torches and ninja throwing stars.
I’m with you 125%. In fact, I think next time GC comes home, I will just disappear into the “man cave” (ie OUR bedroom) and lock the door and leave him to fend off the children….
The kitchen? Wow. Take the man cave, girl! Take it!
BRAVO!!!
You just described my life exactly….The spouse in my house doesn’t have the balls to tell me that the kitchen is my man cave!! Everywhere I go, the children follow……..no solitude in any room of the house. I have actually considered getting arrested so I can have some down time in the county jail.
I asked my husband if he could have me committed for a weekend. A quiet padded cell sounds so peaceful :)
He wouldn’t do it. Selfish.
You sing it girl!!! That’s right…why the heck can’t we have our on lair??!! I want mine equipped with a door that locks, by the way, because I don’t even get to pee by myself! You make not only a great point, but a very insightful observation….we are totally getting SCREWED…and not in a good way!!!! The kitchen?? Oh heck no!!!
The KITCHEN?! Did you hit him with a pan?! My hubby has a man cave – well, the beginnings of one. I think I’ll go girly it up today, hang a sign on the door and lock it up so he can’t get in. You make perfect sense! They don’t have munchkins hanging on them all day!
OMG Sooooo with you on this one!!! I LONG for a sanctuary of my own. Something zen. Something soft. Something for NO ONE, but me!!!!!
I seriously daydream about my own room. I have it decorated in my mind. I know the colors, the furniture, the curtains, and the lovely smell that smells nothing like children. There are no goldfish crumbs or tv’s blaring football or annoyting kid’s shows. Oh and my room is sound proof. I can’t hear what’s going on in the rest of the house, unless I open the door and intentionally listen.
Someday, Kat, someday…. But first, you lead the charge!
Let’s start a revolution. Declare war. Prepare yourselves men, because while you have been lazily getting chubby and drunk in your man cave, we have been chasing kids, lifting kids in heavy carseats and are stronger than you. We are TAKING THE MAN CAVE!
Okay- I was all hyped up for a few.. but I don’t know what I’m talking about. My husband is deployed for four months. The whole house is my lady cave right now. But there is no retreat and solitude when you are single-parenting.
You go girl!
Our house isn’t big enough for a “man cave” or extra rooms or whatever. We have one living area and we all share it. Or really the truth is more like it is the kids play room and they let us watch TV there.
haha hubs just sat up his Man Cave in the garage with a love seat, recliner and his tv on the wall, but I am kinda digging it cause the kids think it is super cool and keep going out there to hang with him leaving me all ALONE in a quiet house ;) looks like it has backfired on him!!
and by “son” I mean husband! Love IT!!
My husband said the SAME thing; that the kitchen was my “man cave”. And the one cozy decorated room I do have left I’ll probably lose to the daycare next year to add more space.
I’ve asked my husband to build me a heated shed in the backyard… one that I can sit in and not hear one single sound. He thinks I’m joking, but I’m very serious.
Haha! I completely agree with you! There is no such thing as the man cave in my house!
(Wild Applause)
I agree with you completely. I don’t understand why men feel the need for their own cave…what are they hiding from exactly? Don’t they dodge most parenting and household duties right out there in the open for everyone to see?!
Could it be the decor? A need to escape floral arrangements and ridiculous amounts of pillows on every available sitting surface? Not at my house, anyway. My husband’s always requesting me to hang curtains or put some nice pictures over there (um, okay, Martha Stewart, I’ll get right on that).
There’s no way my hubby would ever call the kitchen my man cave seeing as how I’m pretty sure I have some sort of fatal allergy to that room and all things related to it…except eating, of course (which we do in the living room like any good, decent American family).
I need a Mama Cave. I need a month’s vacation. I need a shower.
I’m in.
Amen!!
I would have lost it if my husband told me the kitchen was my ‘man cave’.
The purpose of a man-cave is really for a man to “decorate” as he sees fit. The rest of the house is undoubtedly decorated, arranged, and planned by the female, isn’t it? The dining room, the bedrooms, the family room … all planned by the female. The man wants a place where he can have his stuff (that is no longer allowed in other rooms because it disrupts the “flow” of the room). Children are certainly welcome into the man-cave as long as they know the rules of what they are not allowed to touch.
Wheee! Take that man cave! I want one too.
Amen, sister!
this is the best blog post EVER. Thank you so much for making me laugh today– it’s just what I needed!
If I ever meet the man who coined the term “the man cave” I am going to punch him in the face with the very boxing gloves I bought for my husband for the punching bag he plans to get for HIS man cave. That would feel sooooo good!
You let him live?
And make doubly sure that when you have your WOMAN cave, that it has several sets of locks. And a motion sensor camera. And lasers. And a heavily armed guard.
And then I will come over and hide with you.
Hallelujah! Amen! Best blog post ever. Luckily, I haven’t heard this from my husband, but I hear it from my dad all the time. Absolutely ridiculous.
OMG! You freaking nailed it!
Okay s0 I’ll admit I’m addicted to House Hunters – I LOVE seeing other parts of the country, seeing how other people decorate their homes, seeing other couples fight about closet space and man caves.
She’ll say, “This would be a GREAT room for my sewing and scrapbooking.” Then he’ll smirk at her. “How about my electric guitars and my beer fridge and moose antlers?”
Really. He needs an entire basement for his moose antlers?
I love to laugh at these men.
(and then thank God I’m not married to them…)
Hilarious! Laughed the whole way through! The entire part about hiding in the bathroom was SPOT ON! Love it!
The kitchen? Really? Please tell me he currently has an iron skillet imprint on the side of his dumb face.
My cave is in the kitchen, too. The liquor cabinet to be exact. I rely on it to help me through the asinine situations that make up my day.
NO!
He did NOT say the kitchen was your man cave!
Did he?
Oh man, I’d be telling him there’s another small space he won’t be getting into for a little while……
Ahem.
It’s comments like that to which I am forced to reply, “You know I went to a women’s college, right?”
Wow, I can’t believe how similar our 3 posts are. You, Francesca and I are the holy Trinity of man caves! :)
I think the real reason men want a man cave is they just want a place to fart without the whole family dry heaving afterwards. In which case, I say – good riddance!
Preach on, sister!
Thank you. When I have a house big enough for my own gift wrapping station, he can have his cave.
LOL. My husband is wise enough not to whine about such things…because we have a neighbor that is a life-long bachelor whose whole house is a man-cave…so THAT is my hub’s escape. Mine? I go SHOPPING. Never buy anything (or rarely)…but its out of the house…the world is my cave…
Paint the man-cave with some really feminine color and set boxes of feminine hygiene stuff around…he’ll clear out pronto!
I do however, like the sweet mega-desk!
The kitchen? Those sound like fighting words to me!
Bah, you chicks. You’re all the same. Not understandin’ men and stuff. I’m a go back to my man cave.
Juuuust kidding. But seriously, many people need a space that feels like “theirs”. In my house, my wife and I each have such a space; our own “caves” as it were. That’s mainly ‘coz we have the luxury of enough rooms to pull this off. But when we shared a 1-bedroom apartment, I had a particular corner of the room that was “mine” (mostly computer and recording stuff), and hers was the entire dining area (table and all… we just ate dinner on the couch).
I don’t think anyone should be excluded from their desire for a ‘cave’, and I don’t think that we should retreat to our respective caves at the exclusion of our responsibilities (ie. hiding from the kids!) unless it’s agreed upon by all parties.
Or the short version: it’s not that he’s stupid for wanting a cave, it’s that he’s stupid for abusing it and/or not also understanding that you might want a cave, too. ;-)
On the other hand, if you are the kind of person who does NOT need or want a ‘cave’, that’s all well and good, but that doesn’t mean anybody is lesser for wanting one.
Ohh! im soooo down.. lets start the revolt!!
The kitchen!? Really? That may have ended with a broken jaw at my house.
I laughed out loud reading this post. I love your war cry at the end.
Okay no offense to Pat but, sounded like a “cave man” comment to me – yikes!