My kids are learning things at school that are taking them from kid land and I’m not happy about it.
Laina’s friend taught her what the middle finger means, Maile’s friend kissed a boy, and yesterday Kainoa pointed an object at me and said “Pew pew pew”.
My son wants me dead.
All my years of hard work, keeping these kids shielded from the eff word and “relations” and violence is coming undone. When Kainoa shot me with his finger and his brain I quickly looked at my Mom and said, “well where did he learn that!?!”, convinced she’d been playing some sort of violent cops and robbers game with my boy when I left him in her care for an hour.
“Oh Kathy, boys will be boys…they make guns out of anything! That’s a losing battle right there…believe me, I’ve been in your shoes and I fought the battle and I lost” she said.
“No way, he is three years old and has never played with guns before…he doesn’t even do that whole karate kicking thing that other boys his age get into. He has not been exposed to that stuff and I intend to keep it that way.”
But I can’t keep up. My kids are coming at me from all sides with the things they’re bringing home. They’re name calling with words we’ve never uttered in our house before.
Just yesterday I actually heard myself yell, ” MAILE!! If you EVER tell your sister you’re going to punch her in the penis again you’re going to be in BIG TROUBLE!”
What is going ON around here!?!
I’m struggling. Struggling between wanting my kids to just remain in this happy care-free kid land that they live in and allowing them to learn about the reality of the real world. The world that has guns and kissing and bad words.
Me no likey.
June Freaking Cleaver says
I guess you need to move to an island where you control all communications, electronic transmissions, transportation and homeschool the little darlings – that’s the only way you’re going to shelter them from reality seeping into their speech and actions.
Let me know how that works for ya.
Deprogramming your children is one skill that’ll get lots of practice in the years to come.
Oh, have they asked what “gay” means yet? Can you vlog that discussion? :)
Theresa says
Hey, I have been on this ‘Island’ idea for years. You could give out passes where people could come and visit once a year, once approved. It could be glorious….
Or ‘Lord of Flies’, could go either way…
Rachael says
Before I had kids, I swore we would never play with toy guns. I didn’t want my kids to play fighting games like that. Well, guess what? I have two boys. My older one is almost five, and he’s learned from other kids and from the world. I know he doesn’t want to harm anyone, but sometimes his games involve guns and bombs and fighting. I did not teach him this stuff, much in the same way he inherantly likes dirt and cars and trains. I think that our job as parents once they start to learn this stuff is to teach them about real life – what’s real, what isn’t, the difference between play and hurting someone. It’s really all we can do.
Jessica says
School can be a terrible influence on kids. I didn’t like it when my daughter started kindergarten and learning all kinds of bad things but there wasn’t much I could do other than teach her the difference between good/bad.
trash says
you should keep them in a box under the stairs. It has worked a treat for my children ;-)
Dianna says
I know from experience that boys WILL make a gun out of anything. Years ago, I was an assistant Sunday School teacher for pre-schoolers. Of course, we had nothing resembling a gun in that room, but those little boys would hold up a wooden block and make “shooting noises”.
It’s very scary when our kids are learning about the real world. Good luck!
dysfunctional mom says
Stuff their ears with cotton and then wrap them in bubble wrap! It’s the only solution I know of….
the ‘punch your sister in the penis’ part is hilarious!
Emily Humphries says
I have three boys and the gun noises are a total loosing battle. I try to focus on getting them to stop saying I killed you and such. But I fear I maybe loosing there too. Oh well I’m the mom and I’m in charge. Well at least I like to think I am. It’s hard to be the mom. Hang in there. I feel like I’m loosing most days too but we can only hope that when the get older they will understand the decisions that we made for them!
EmmaJewel says
I’ve had all the talks with my kiddo, because he’s so darn curious and smart. I can’t BS this kiddo, and really, I don’t want to.
I had a hard time feeling comfortable talking with my folks about anything private, maybe because I was so shy – but anyway – CJ has asked me questions since he was 18 months old, “That’s Lucy’s daddy, that’s Sara’s daddy, that’s Michael’s daddy… Where’s my daddy?” (Oh, we don’t have a daddy in our family.) “Oh… okay!
Then the 3 year old:
“how do babies get into the mommy’s tummy?”
(Well, when a mommy and a daddy want to have a baby, they put their private parts together.)
“Is that when the sperms go swimming?”
…. …. …. (uh, yes.)
“well … … … where do they go?”
and the conversation moved on from there.
11 years old (just a few weeks ago)
We were watching something on the OWN and the commercial for Lisa Ling’s “Pray Away the Gay” report kept coming on.
“Mom, what’s gay mean?”
(It’s when a man loves another man, or a woman loves another woman.”
“Well what’s wrong with that?”
(I don’t think anything is wrong with being gay. Some people believe that it’s wrong, though.)
“They do? … … … Well that’s stupid.”
Proud mama there!!!!
Really, though – I’m just honest. CJ knows about the lessons I’ve learned from my past, and that he can always talk to me. but … “Mom, this is private, we need to talk about it in my room or the bathroom.”
HAHHAHAHAHH! I love this kid!
Kelly Deneen says
Gah. I am NOT looking forward to dealing with all of this and more. My 3.5 year old daughter is in preschool, and she already is learning things I do not like. I am guessing this won’t get better until they are married and have lives of their own. Crap.
Jennifer says
My Bud turns everything into a gun or a sword. I can’t stop it so I just go with it. He actually asked for a gun for his birthday. We live in Texas though so guns are like second nature around here. We just start teaching gun safety from a very early age.
We have some awkward conversations that come from something they learned at school, and some that just come up naturally from curiosity. Bud: “Where’s sister’s willy?” Me: “Girls don’t have a willy, they have a vagina.” Bud with a look on his face like I’m an idiot: “Momma, everybody gots a willy.” And no, I have no idea why he calls it a willy because we don’t.
Amethyst Moon says
Oh I know what you mean. I started trying to shelter my girls, but the older they got the more things seeped in. I found that it worked best to just talk about things, and let them know what is appropriate tosay and what’s not. Starting with honesty early has left the lines of communication open so they have felt comfortable coming to ask about things. It’s not always comfortable for us, but rather than just saying “don’t do it!” ask them what and why they say what they do.
Her from @6degreeslove says
I feel for you. My two were simply adorable cherub angels before we moved in with the other four boys. Now they are all devil children, talking penis’s, guns, video games, and…horror…mean words. Okay, it wasn’t the boys. It’s just life. I know they would have done this regardless of who we lived with or what I did. Turns out, unless we want to sensor the entire world and/or home school the hell out of them, they get this stuff whether we want it or not. :( Sigh. Nothing like I imagined when they were born and I saw soft visions of children playing, shirtless, in the woods building homes for fairies and having picnics under soft lit white tents….poo on real life.
Melissa says
So you mean it’s not ok to threaten to punch someone in the penis? Well.. this is all so new to me..
Christine King says
Ah and so the long ride begins! It’s not all that and and fodder for some really great posts! I can hardly wait hehehehe
Chris
JHS says
Maybe he’s expressing his anger at you for dumping him at Grandma’s while the rest of the family went to Disneyland! :-)
Seriously . . . having raised two boys, this is how it works. They are getting bigger and the real world is something they need to learn to deal with. Better they learn the correct reactions and responses from YOU, so I would not discourage them from coming home and trying new things out in your presence. It keeps you informed and allows you to correct & explain.
I will never forget the first time my oldest put up his hand with his palm facing me, rolled his eyes, and said, “Talk to the hand, Mom.” Quite a memorable discussion followed. (Ahem.)
As for your first commenter who questioned what to do when a kid comes home and asks what “gay” means . . . a simple, straight-forward explanation works best. “Some kids have two mommies or two daddies instead of a mommy and daddy. And that’s ok!” The sooner they learn to accept others, the better.
GOOD LUCK.
Lynn MacDonald (All Fooked Up) says
I’ve always taken the approach that reality will eventually intervene so I’ve told them frankly about the world from a young age. I thinks it’s better coming from you than from outside people. Of course, that’s just me…so
On the other hand, my kids are all sorts of awesome so perhaps you should listen to me. hahaha
Lisa Perry says
Ugh. Funny to read this today as I’m considering breaking down and getting iCarly videos from the library for my 3rd grader to watch. I don’t want her to but I had a friend kindly mention that maybe the reason she’s having trouble finding a good friend in her class is because she doesn’t know what they’re talking about. (We don’t have cable, she’s never seen High School Musical, etc.)
I’m debating holding off another school quarter, and hoping she gets put in a class next year with some good friends of hers… who are as gloriously sheltered as she is!!!
As for guns, keep up the fight! The one time my 3 year old started to mimic what he had seen a boy do at a MOMS Club event I just said “Oh, are you going hunting? That’s what you use a gun for. Let’s find your trains….” and we’ve been good since then!
Nicole @ Moments that Define Life says
I hear you on this. It’s tough to see them picking things up that we want to shield them from. But, when it comes up I try to use it as a teachable moment. I say things like, “Some words that we hear, we don’t say them because they’re not nice words.”, “Shooting your Mother is not ok. Even if it is pretend.” , “Actually, honey you don’t have a penises, you have Vaginas because you’re girls – and punching isn’t right. It hurts no matter where you do it.” – stuff like that ;-D Hang in there Mama K. They’re going to survive this and still be great kids because they have you to guide them through.
Nicole @ Moments that Define Life says
PS: Kainoa is so stinkin’ cute in that picture. Just sayin’
Faycin A Croud says
I once bopped my brother with a purse because I’d seen a cartoon character do it. I was shocked when it really hurt him and unhappy when I got smacked for doing it. And I remember the period when I thought I was real cool for peppering my conversation with the F word around my friends. It was interesting when I found out that it was okay for my father to do so but not for me!
My son is an only child so we never had the “sibling wars.” He went through a period of “shooting” everything too. I guess that may be something that every kid does.
Vicarious Chelsea says
AGREED!
Lilly comes home with “stupid” and “damn it” and “I don’t love you.”
She’s 4.
It breaks my heart.
She also comes home with, “so-and-so didn’t play with me, and was mean to me, and said bad words like poopy.”
It’s enough to make me want to homeschool.
Except… then I’d have to homeschool.
Losing battle, I tell ya!
Meghan says
As far as the shooting goes, at our house the phrase is “We shoot animals, not people!” … but I say this to the same 2 year old girl who when I unpacked her play purse it contained a wallet, cell phone, keys, hairbrush and pistol, so I am really just redirecting the focus… she also likes to pretend hunt the animals on hunting shows on TV so that gives her a frame for that…however, it did bite me in the rear a few weeks back when she “shot” her daddy..and when I went to correct her she told me he was a squirrel….errr… maybe my parenting advise on this topic is not so solid… hahaha.
Also, I fully intend to put my two girls in a pit until they are grown… I don’t even want to think about what’s yet to come!
Paulette says
I can totally relate! We try (and yes sometimes fail) to be the best example for our kids. Imagine my horror when my son (9) went round telling us things were so gay or so and so is a fag! These words were never spoken in our house. Guilty of other bad words, sure the occasional slip. Add to the fact that if it’s bad or wrong my son wants to do it. How much of it is a boy being a boy, wanting to get rise out of us the way some kids like to do or how much is caused by his BPD/ADHD/ODD? I may never know. I just take the opportunity to point out on his level that something while popular are not right. I always begin by asking if he knows what the word he’s using means. When he says no I tell him and point out that he should never use words he doesn’t know the meaning to and he can always ask me bout what he has heard or seen.
All we can do is teach them the best we can bout life and the world and trust them to do what is right. Hang in there!
Kaye says
My youngest grandson (4) gave me the finger the other day. I’m old enough not to fly off the handle and know it’s wise to figure out why they are doing that—so I asked him if he knew what the finger meant. He looked at me and matter of factly and said, “yeah, it’s the F word”. I doubt he knows what the F word means so I told him that was a bad word and a rude gesture and if I ever caught him doing it again I’d stick a bar of soap in his mouth and wash it until it was clean. His eyes got big and round and he asked me, “a real bar of soap?” He understood that.
You’ll survive motherhood :)
Kaye says
and then you’ll be a grandma :O
andrea says
unfortunately, the “real” world isn’t what anyone wants it to be.
when we make the choice to have children, we are automatically weighed down with the responsibility of raising them up to be kind…happy…considerate…full of knowledge…healthy…blah blah blah.
it’s near impossible to see the situations that you will have to navigate through as a parent, but without fail we find ourselves bombarded with “other people’s” children…super sized fast food…video games…bullying…blah blah blah.
i take the position of being very open with my children. i think it would be a disservice to them if i kept them in a bubble as to what planet earth and its people were really like. that would leave them completely unprepared to live in it. so i discuss, i offer myself up for difficult questions, we giggle through sex education conversations, i walk that fine line of age appropriate information.
basically, as parents we have to find that balance between our own morals/values and that which is acceptable/attainable within the confines of the society we will be handing them over to.
i need some oreo cookies and an ativan…i’m such a downer.
misty says
That’s the worst! The day my daughter came home and said “I’m a lesbian and drink cum, is that a bad thing?” i thought i would die. Having to tell her sweet little chubby baby face anything about any of that made me angry…
Alicia says
I enjoyed reading all of the comments. Yesterday, I let me 4 year old play in the “back yard” that we share with the other townhome neighbor kids… some of them I didn’t know… and I was a nervous wreck watching them trip each other and throw rocks towards one another… I am a little (ok a lot) protective of my boys and if learning bad words and pretend shooting were the worst thing that they could be exposed to, I would be okay with that… I’m sorry, but somethings just can’t be undone (at least not without a lot of time and therapy)! THAT is what scares me to death!
Kate says
Oh good luck!
I was in the 1st grade & I had to get the birds & the bees conversation because there was a VERY advanced girl in my class who taught me the crude version. Yeah, she was pregnant at 15, then 17, & then again at 19.
AND there was a neighbor girl who taught me the finger & brought over some awesome home videos that her aunt & uncle had made. Thank GOD my mom saw the video tape labels before they ever made it into the VCR. But Alexis had already told me what happened, so I got another convo from my mom about the porn industry. It was awesome…I was 11.
So….GOOD LUCK! :)
Erin says
I would have laughed hysterically, I am laughing hysterically right now! I would have had to resist the temptation to say “I’d like to see you try” when it came to the girls!
Casandra says
I was a preschool drop out. Why? My mother. When she asked me what a learned at school I quickly kicked her in the leg and shouted something about power rangers. Yeah.
Cam - Bibs & Baubles says
ugh! Me no likey either. I’m terrified of that day. I wanted so badly to be a mommy but I find myself apologizing to my 1 year old for the world he’s been handed. It’s ugly and our protection only goes so far. :(
Shannon says
Raising six kids in a public school has taught me that I will NEVER be able to shelter them…then again I never really tried.
My oldest (biologically) has NEVER been sheltered. My parents sheltered me and I resented them for several years because I was the weird kid. I didn’t feel like I could relate to them and nor could they relate to me. Later I rebelled like no other and ended up pregnant at 17.
K is 12 (almost 13) and we have on more than one occassion had the “birds & bees” talk. At 12 she is very self concious about her looks, weight and hair. We have had to come to an understanding that I will always be here to answer any questions she has no matter how uncomfortable and she knows and trusts that she can talk to me about ANYTHING!
Sometimes it’s extremely hard to watch our children grow up when all we want to do is hide them away from things that could potentially hurt them but as a parent I too had to grow up and realize that I had to find a way to deal with the things they were learning (good & bad). I applaud you for posting about your feelings on the situation. It will help keep you sane!\
Oh and I agree boys can make toy guns out of anything. Sometimes our youngest doesn’t even make one. He just looks at the others and says “bang bang…you dead”.
Carri says
I feel bad for those kids. Could you imagine having idiot parents teaching you how to cuss and “shoot” at a young age?
Your kids will be fine. They have a great mommy!
Shell says
My 4 y/o and his GIRLFRIEND make each other “I love you” cards and KISS.
Seriously.
And then my 2y/o met that girlfriend and decided he wanted her. So he pushed his brother down and kissed her.
Dear Lord, what am I in for when they are teenagers?
Not Winning Mom of the Year says
OH I would laugh but I have two boys that are starting to remind me of mini adults. My almost three year old says things like “so glad you could join us today mommy” or “may I have a coffee too?” Feel for ya
Jen says
I don’t think you can keep the world from reaching your children but you can teach your children what is right and what is wrong. That is all we got.
jane@flightplatformliving says
ooooo its scary, my 3 year old is going on 18 and i just want to hem her in! dont punch the in the penis again! best thing ive read all day! xx