Next to guilt, regret is one of my least favorite emotions. That feeling that you would give anything to go back and change a choice you made that ultimately lead to an unwanted result.
Like that time my Mom found a poem I had passed around my sixth grade class. It was filled with cuss words and was discovered by my teacher who then told my Mom who proceeded to ground me from the annual summer trip to the local waterpark.
I was SO bummed. I would have given anything to reverse time and go back and throw that stupid poem in the garbage.
God forbid you’re unfortunate enough to experience the sharp edge of regret. When regret is coupled with yearning. I spent my whole life idealizing my childhood and wanting nothing more than to just go back to when our family was whole …when the big laughing man was alive and well and the rest of us weren’t left missing him.
I have a feeling I’m living the moments I’ll want to go back to someday. God forbid anything ever happens to my family, these days are exactly what I’ll be yearning for.
I’ve been thinking about taking my girls on a little road trip to visit a friend of mine and it’s crossed my mind that at some point on this long drive a drunk driver could cross traffic and cause an accident that would leave me regretting the decision to ever leave my house.
We won’t go, I’ll think to myself…not worth it. The risk is not worth the reward. We’ll stay home where we’re safe and drunk drivers can’t get us.
But then I’ll think, crap, we’re not safe here either. Even just a short trip to Target could cost us our very lives!
So then I’ll think, that’s it…with today’s technology we should be fine in our house forever. People can visit us here. We can order pizza and we’ll be safe!
And then I’ll think, what about a kitchen fire? Maile’s going to want to learn to cook and that is just BOUND to be a giant disaster!!!
And it’s at then that I have my my Aha! Moment and suddenly understand why 90% of all mom bloggers seem to have depression and anxiety disorders.
We make ourselves freaking crazy with all that thinking and what not.
Lucky for me there’s a stable character in my head who keeps the rest of us in line. You’ll be FINE! she says, most people live their whole lives without being hit head on by a drunk driver on a road trip to see a friend…stop worrying so much!
It’s so nice to have someone remind you that you’re perfectly sane and that everything is gonna be okay and that you can go on your trip without fear of living the rest of your life with regretful yearning.
She’s a lovely gal.
Deep breath.
We’re gonna be juuuuust fine.