Writer’s Workshop: Top Ten List of Summer Don’ts

May 25, 2011 · 97 comments

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5.) Your top ten list of Summer Don’ts

10. Don’t complain about the heat. We get it. It’s hot. The same thing happens every year around this time. You spent all Winter complaining about how cold it was so buck up and enjoy the heat.

9. Don’t buy your children bubbles. I don’t know who decided handing a child a long tube filled with sticky soap and a tiny wand was a good idea, but I’m here to tell you it’s not. It will be spilled. On your carpet. You have been warned.

8. Don’t take fashion advice from the catwalk. None of these will look good on you.

7. Unless you are under the age of 22 and/or have no children and/or are Beyonce…do not consider wearing a monokini this summer. I don’t care what Victoria whispers to you, this is not a secret the rest of the world needs to see:

6. In fact don’t consider wearing any type of provocative swimwear when clearly the burkini is the way to go. Let’s cover up ladies! I’m bringing burka back.

5. Don’t get pregnant. Nausea and Summer do not go well together…margaritas and Summer on the other hand…excellent combo.

4. Don’t let your kids stay up late. True that it’s lighter later and they don’t have school in the morning, but they are no more tolerable now then they were six months ago. Nighty night munchkins.

3. This. Don’t.

2. Can I get some face with my flower please? Let’s not over do it ladies.

1. Mermaid tales are for Halloween and/or Ariel and/or amputees. Don’t let me catch you wearing one of these at the beach.

Now it’s your turn!

Mama's Losin' It

Choose a prompt, post it on your blog, and come back to add your name to the link list below. Be sure to sign up with the actual post URL and not just your basic blog URL (click on the title of your post for that URL). For good comment karma try to comment on the three blogs above your name!!

The Prompts:

1.) Write about a time you got in BIG trouble as a kid.
2.) Not your mother’s daughter…how do you parent differently than your mother did? Is it a good thing or a bad thing?
3.) Photo Story: Share photos of your most recent trip to the beach (maybe an excuse to go!).
4.) Write a poem about starting over.
5.) Your top 10 Summer Don’ts.

Mama Kat Loves You When You Love Her



{ 94 comments }

Alison@Mama Wants This May 25, 2011 at 8:15 pm

Oh brilliant, brilliant. I thought monokinis went out of fashion the moment Borat wore one.

And #3 – I vomited in my mouth a little.

Samantha May 25, 2011 at 8:17 pm

#5 is so true. I was in my third trimester for most of the summer and it was the worst thing ever. You cannot cool off while cooking another person.

Anne Province May 25, 2011 at 8:21 pm

Dang it.. I really, really wanted to wear a monokini this summer! Guess I’ll go for the Burkini, but by golly I’m wearing it with a margarita in my hand!

Jenny @ I'm a full-time mummy May 25, 2011 at 8:21 pm

Oh man.. #5… Though it’s summer all year round in Malaysia and I don’t feel nausea at all, still… I’m in my 2nd trimester now, I can’t even fit into my swimsuit anymore!

Janice May 25, 2011 at 8:21 pm

Monokini……..so that’s what those things are called. I don’t know why anyone would want to wear one and have weird tan lines for all of summer…..

And a Burkini…….wow, I’m just learning all sorts of summer fashion today!

Thanks mama kat!

Erin May 25, 2011 at 8:28 pm

I was pregnant throughout the summer with my second and was MISERABLE!! And then I couldn’t sport the monokini!

The Reason You Come May 25, 2011 at 8:33 pm

Um, I’ve been guilty of #3 – boobs almost popping out of the bikini top, and heels. Yes, heels on the beach. Whoops. They weren’t glass, though.

I did eventually realize I looked weird and took them off.

Bruna May 25, 2011 at 8:41 pm

I WISH I could wear the monokini! So not fair. As for heels on the beach, I’m so with you on that being a DON’T!

Tonya May 25, 2011 at 8:45 pm

I am so with you on all of these, especially the monokini. WTH?!

Truth be told, I wish my body was hot enough to wear one.

Sigh.

Stasha May 25, 2011 at 8:47 pm

See and I read somewhere designer bag makes it all better. Not on number 3 it doesn’t. Only number 6 can fix number 3.

Jessica May 25, 2011 at 8:48 pm

I’m kind of liking the hooker heels on the beach.

dysfunctional mom May 25, 2011 at 8:56 pm

Guess I’m going back to the store for a refund on all my new summer wear……….
I’m SO with you on the bedtimes! Night time is MY time.

MarytheKay May 25, 2011 at 9:05 pm

Mama Kat, you NEVER fail to make me LAUGH. Your pictures this time are hilarious!!! Too many funny things to mention!!!

Thanks for such a great weekly link up! It always challenges me to step outside something I’d normally write about–which is SO GREAT. So, thanks.

Sara @ Periwinkle Papillon May 25, 2011 at 9:11 pm

I’m totally embarrassed to say I DID buy a monokini for this season. I have no business wearing it, but I can’t wear a real bikini after my kids ravaged my tummy and left crazy baby scars. Humor me. I MIGHT still wear it.

Carrie May 25, 2011 at 9:23 pm

I have to agree whole heartedly about number 4. Can we say “Blackout blinds”?? Those babies are going UP!

ElizOF May 25, 2011 at 9:45 pm

Burkini rules! I’d love to test a monokini at least once in my lifetime… Does wearing one in my bathroom violate the rules? :-)

Kimberly May 25, 2011 at 9:48 pm

Monokini?? Yuck! And heels on the beach is a definite no-no!

Stephanie @ The Blue Zoo May 25, 2011 at 10:11 pm

What?!?! Darn it.. Now Im going to have to return that awesome mermaid monokini.

Holly May 25, 2011 at 10:16 pm

Well, it never gets hot here, even in the summer, so a burka swimsuit would surely be a great idea!

Georgia Girls May 25, 2011 at 10:28 pm

LOL!! Love monokini and burkini :) The whole laying or lying on the beach thing confuses me. NO ONE likes to get sand all up in their shorts or salt water in their mouth. Those kissing scenes in videos or movies? NOT realistic. But then I’ve never tried rolling around in the surf, so I could be way wrong.

Jessica May 25, 2011 at 10:40 pm

I have that whole outfit you showed in number 3 sitting in my closet waiting to wear once the weather gets warmer. I even have those shoes, I’ve been wearing them around the house to break them in. You just shattered my summer dreams. Now what will I wear?

Lex May 25, 2011 at 11:38 pm

Confession: I always buy bubbles! :D My kids aren’t allowed to bring them into the house. They stay on the deck or in the garage until they will be used.

That stuff up there is showing some wild beach wear. I wouldn’t mind the burkini. I am speaking only for myself.

Julie May 25, 2011 at 11:54 pm

I am totally digging the burkini. But how shall I show off my lace up sandals from #8 though?

Rayshelon February 26, 2014 at 11:21 pm

Just do me a favor and keep writing such trhnceant analyses, OK?

Lisa May 26, 2011 at 12:10 am

I’m so planning on a burkini this summer. Finally a suit that doesn’t require me to stand on my head to wax my unmentionals. Too funny. Lisa

Heather May 26, 2011 at 1:21 am

I think the heels on the beach is best…what, you don’t do that when you go to the beach over the summer? Ooops ;)

Melissa May 26, 2011 at 2:09 am

Haha, I did the Top 10 Summer Don’ts too and one of mine was about how people complain about the heat too. ;)

Peg May 26, 2011 at 2:16 am

Great advice. Especially the no pregnancy in summer one. I had my first in September…. in New Orleans… which meant going through an entire summer pregnant as all get out in heat as hot as hades! NOT a good combo.

tracy May 26, 2011 at 2:50 am

Love it. I totally think my friends and I will play mermaid this Summer.

Minivan Mama May 26, 2011 at 3:08 am

Well, I’m screwed. ; )

Diane May 26, 2011 at 3:16 am

Crap! And I was really looking forward to rockin’ that mermaid suit I bought last week. Now what?

And number 5? Had both my kids in the summer…didn’t learn my lesson the first time!

Jenny May 26, 2011 at 3:21 am

aww man I wanted to wear my hooker heals with my bikini this summer…. Guess I can’t now ;)

Lady Estrogen May 26, 2011 at 3:31 am

If you bring the burka back, I’ll gladly follow. Awesome.

Mrs. Weber May 26, 2011 at 3:37 am

Sounds like we were on the same page for some of ours. I just reallllly want to know where you found the mermaid tails…WOW.

Paula Kiger May 26, 2011 at 3:51 am

Kat, your list made me laugh! As usual …. But seriously I think we residents of North Florida ought to get some exemption to complaining about the heat. At least when we’re pregnant (I had babies in June and July so I know whereof I speak!).

Claire May 26, 2011 at 3:55 am

i love number 5. margaritas? yes, please.

Vinobaby May 26, 2011 at 4:01 am

Oh, but I was planning on squeezing into a monokini with plastic stripper heels for the big Memorial Day beach party this weekend. Damn. You spoil all my fun.

Cheers.
VB

Arlett from Chasing Joy May 26, 2011 at 4:03 am

Sadly my last Awesome Beach Trip was to Bermuda last May. I need to get on my vacation plans. I see Jamica in my future.

Stacie May 26, 2011 at 4:08 am

The mermaid pic! So hilariously awkward!!! :D

Jennifer@ The Mommy Mambo May 26, 2011 at 4:09 am

Amen to the pregnant DON’T! Made my list too :) Along with the margarhita need. Loved the fashion don’ts. I’m so out of the loop I had no idea the clown look was in. And that swimsuit….well…..up hers. :)

Dominique @Dominique's Desk May 26, 2011 at 4:33 am

Really fantastic swimwear.. I’m sticking with the tankini this summer

Runnermom-jen May 26, 2011 at 4:40 am

Hahaha…cracking up right now, as usual. I totally agree with the bedtime as usual. And margaritas and summer? Perfect combination :)

thepsychobabble May 26, 2011 at 4:55 am

Great list. Love the photos:)

Jen May 26, 2011 at 4:59 am

*hangs head in shame*

I guess I will have to return that mermaid tail to the store.

Darnit.

Kristin_OPC May 26, 2011 at 5:11 am

The burkini? Really? Hahaha!

And I am with you 110% on not letting the kids stay up any later than necessary!

Kristy May 26, 2011 at 5:16 am

Oh, wow, those mermaids! Maybe the birkin swim wear is the way to go these days…

Natalie May 26, 2011 at 5:19 am

Other bonuses for wearing the burkini? You don’t have to worry about sucking in your stomach, you don’t even need to be in shape, you also don’t need to worry about trying to get or spray on a tan!

Exurban Cowgirl May 26, 2011 at 5:49 am

i hate bubbles…so nice to finally have a safe space to admit that. thank you!

Annie @astonesthrowfrominsanity May 26, 2011 at 6:12 am

One of my kids poured bubbles down my air conditioning duct. Yeah. It looked like the the Brady Bunch washing machine episode.:)

Jennie May 26, 2011 at 6:21 am

LMAO! I needed a good laugh this morning and I can always count on you for that…so thanks!

Nicole, the queen of this life May 26, 2011 at 6:26 am

I was preggers in the summer and I lived in deep south Texas, by the border to Mexico! People have no idea how close to homicidal one can become. You’re right. Just don’t.

Ann May 26, 2011 at 6:35 am

OMG! I almost peed that was so funny!

Jennifer May 26, 2011 at 6:37 am

But I already bought my stripper heels for the beach. Do I *have* to take them back?!

Adrienne May 26, 2011 at 6:46 am

You had me at don’t complain about the heat!

JDaniel4's Mom May 26, 2011 at 6:50 am

I could never keep up with JDaniel wearing a mermaid’s tail.

The Drama Mama May 26, 2011 at 6:55 am

My summer don’t are fun, then end in a serious note. If you could take a minute to read it, then pass the link contained within along, I would love that. It could make a difference in saving a child’s life this summer.

Caroline May 26, 2011 at 7:03 am

I will definitely not be seen in any of those *fashions*. You don’t have to worry about me! In fact, I’m with you on bringing the burka back! That’s all anyone wants to see of me as I am 6 months pregnant! Ooops! Broke that rule:)

Cam - Bibs & Baubles May 26, 2011 at 7:08 am

agree with all of the above. though, i won’t be rocking the burkini. just sayin. :)

Bridget May 26, 2011 at 7:16 am

I kind of like my monokini, it covers my stretch marks perfectly! However, I agree that margaritas and summer are a perfect pair.

Angel May 26, 2011 at 7:18 am

Bwhahah where do you find these pictures.. crack me up.. I don’t like margaritas can I have a fuzzy navel please or a Long Island Iced
Tea..

Kristin @ What She Said May 26, 2011 at 7:37 am

WTF is up with those mermaid costumes? Do people really wear those?

I was pregnant two summers ago – 2nd tri all.summer.long. Luckily, it was an unusually cool summer, so I didn’t have to waddle around in the insane heat. But yeah. I missed my margaritas. And beer. And wine.

And I don’t understand the concept of the monokini. If it doesn’t even look all the flattering on freaking swimsuit models, then how to the rest of us stand a chance? That said, I’m not sure I’m quite on board with the burkini yet.

Lindsay May 26, 2011 at 7:40 am

I hate swimsuits. I could so ROCK a burkini though.
Old Navy should stock up on that stuff…. I think you’ll have started a new fashion craze.
I laughed at a lot of these…especially #3. Nothing like a porn star on the beach.

Amanda May 26, 2011 at 7:50 am

I never thought I’d ever say this but… I HEART the burkini.

morgan May 26, 2011 at 7:55 am

Okay .. the burkini made me shoot ice water out my nose! I was not prepared for that! :)

Courtney @ The Mommy Mattesr May 26, 2011 at 8:45 am

LOL Where did you even find some of these photo’s?! Who DOES these things? The mermaid tales? Really? Hilarious. And I don’t know who ever said the Monokini was cool, but they were wrong. I don’t care WHO you are.

Jenni May 26, 2011 at 8:59 am

I had a monokini…when I was 12 and I didn’t think it was a good idea then (although did have the body for it then). Funny enough I was talking with a friend (who btw is 20 and disgustingly skinny) and she was telling me about this cute Hello Kitty bikini I needed to buy. I of course shot that down, and is when she suggested the monokini that Hot Topic also had (and just couldn’t understand why I said no way). Really it was too cute (and I do appreciate that she thinks my tubby arse could pull that off).

Christi May 26, 2011 at 9:16 am

I’m totally with you on the burkini. I think it would be a great look on me!

Khara May 26, 2011 at 10:17 am

Haha! Oh please let me be at the beach the same day as you when you bring the burkini.

A Mommy in the City May 26, 2011 at 10:28 am

Let’s bring back the burkini!

LB May 26, 2011 at 11:04 am

I absolutely LOVE your list! Amen to #8. I refuse to let go of the “No white shoes between Labor Day and Easter rule.” This is not Miami, and the folks at Cosmo are not real. Just browse your favorite shoe store and you will see that nobody’s buying that load of crap. Seriously, the only white shoes you’ll find in the store fronts in November are those from summer on clearance! Just say “no,” People!

Kir May 26, 2011 at 11:09 am

oh how I love you….for all these!
POST THEM SOMEWHERE WHERE Everyone can see them and know what NOT to do.

*now I’m going to go to work on “not getting Pregnant” lol ;)

Paulette May 26, 2011 at 11:35 am

#8 is my fav, mostly cause sometimes that stuff doesn’t even look good on the starving models.

Dead Cow Girl May 26, 2011 at 11:40 am

Actually, not to be a Nerdy Knowit all, but that isn’t a burka. It’s a salwar. A burka is the hotly debated outfit worn by islamic women who are not allowed to be seen in public. It covers the face and it usually black. It was just made illegal in France and women are being arrested for wearing them in protest – as it is an intragel part of their religion. It’s highly debated whether or not the burka oppresses women.

I am ALL about bringing the salwar back though! I bought several in India and was sure I would wear them Ever Damn Day as they are pretty much just like wearing your jammies all day. Except with a fancy scarf.

Simoney May 26, 2011 at 12:59 pm

Dear Mama Kat
You are so funny.
I am wondering when you will be selling those Burkinis on your etsy store? They look HOT.

PS darn that blinkin time-zone thingy, I am YET AGAIN late to the party.
Its either too early or too late with me, but I HOPE somebody will come by and read my cute story anyway.
http://www.greatfun4kidsblog.com/2011/05/not-my-mothers-daughter.html

Paulina J! May 26, 2011 at 1:57 pm

I LOVED this post and was actually laughing out loud (LOL) at work which might lead to my dismissal. Just kidding! Loved #6 and 7. “I don’t care what Victoria whispers to you, this is not a secret the rest of the world needs to see”. How do you come up with this stuff?!?!?!?

jackie May 26, 2011 at 2:21 pm

OMG, I totally agree with you on #10! It drives me insane. I don’t complain at all about the heat. I have to enjoy it while I get it!

Pattyann May 26, 2011 at 2:25 pm

Totally love your list!! I think I will post it on my fridge as a guideline! (Not that I am in any danger of ever wearing a monokini!)

Bankerchick May 26, 2011 at 6:51 pm

I can live with the burkini, no one would want to see me in less!

Sharon May 26, 2011 at 7:05 pm

This was funny. I love that you wrote This. Don’t. next to the picture with those plastic platform high heels. And seriously, thanks for reminding people who CLEARLY do not look like a young teenager or Beyonce’ to wear those tiny monokinis. It really isn’t pretty on MOST people.

You gave me a chuckle on some of these people. Oh, and what is with people wearing flowers in their hair now? I spoke at a church not too long ago where most of the young mothers between 25 and 35 were wearing these flowers and headband thingies attached to some horrible looking Mutated scrapbooking flowers. . . I had a hard time keeping a straight face. All I could think was, “don’t be judgemental”. . . and the next thought to follow was, “I wouldn’t put those on a tombstone, much less my head.” It was really hard to keep focus. But anyhoo. . . I digress.

Alli May 26, 2011 at 7:15 pm

That was damn funny! Love it!

Kid Id May 27, 2011 at 2:59 am

What??! Are you saying that just because I like how #7 and 8 look on a 9-foot 100-pound model, it won’t necessarily look as good on me??!! What if I just cover myself up with “age-defining” make-up?

Mimzy Wimzy May 27, 2011 at 6:33 am

I absolutely love your weekly writing prompts! This is the 2nd week I participated and I intend to keep on going with them!

I think I need the burkini!!

Paula@Simply Sandwich May 27, 2011 at 7:40 am

Love #7! I have seen this “don’t violated and it is really not pretty. Actually the entire list is spot-on! :)

Candy May 27, 2011 at 9:25 am

Loved this! Im from alaska but does anyone actually wear heels to the beach?

Faida February 27, 2014 at 9:45 am

I believe avoiidng processed foods is the first step to help lose weight. They can taste beneficial, but packaged foods have very little nutritional value, making you consume more to have enough power to get throughout the day. For anyone who is constantly taking in these foods, transitioning to whole grains and other complex carbohydrates will aid you to have more energy while feeding on less. Great blog post.

Anka May 27, 2011 at 10:08 am

LOVE IT! you’re awesome :)

tori nelson May 27, 2011 at 12:16 pm

Sweet Mother Pearl, I think #3 might be my neighbor. Does she work nights and sometimes go by Diamond?

Kim@todayismysome-day May 27, 2011 at 7:15 pm

Love this! Can I get some face with this flower? Ha! Brilliant! I always thought those giant flower headbands looked silly on babies; they are ridiculous on women! Came over via Serenity Now.

Jen {at} take2mommy May 28, 2011 at 6:13 am

I was considering this prompt on Wednesday but couldn’t come up with any really really good “don’ts.” I love your list. Perfect and hilarious.

Kay @ Mommy Fabulous May 28, 2011 at 9:43 am

Burkini? Funny! If I ever see someone rockin on of those on the beach! Whew! I’ll have you in mind!

Kassandra @ Coffee and their Kisses May 29, 2011 at 10:19 pm

Girl, you had me crackin up! I’m a new RSS follower and following along with your prompts now. :o)

utah hostage May 30, 2011 at 8:42 am

I know all too well that summer and pregnancy DO NOT work. I will never let him forget it either. “I carried you through the hottest summer EVER recorded and you were 2 weeks late and you should bow down to your mother for doing all of that…FOR YOU.” Think it will work? LOL

Julie Ann May 30, 2011 at 9:22 am

Hilarious! Loved yoru site- each time Iscrolled down I lol a little harder! All your points are spot on from the bubbles to the what not to wear of the beach! book marked! ;-)

OneMommy May 31, 2011 at 10:47 am

Some great advice – LOL. I totally agree with the no on run-way stuff. Yuck. Always makes me wonder who came up with it.
~your newest Networked blogs follower

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