What is with you strangers who don’t know how to shut your pie hole when it comes to public advice on child rearing? And why don’t I ever have a quippy response in my back pocket, ready to be thrown at the next offender?
Yesterday I took the kids grocery shopping and as three year olds will do, my sons feet hit the ground running. Before I had a moment to scream “YOU COULD DIE!” he had already darted in front of a couple wheeling their bag of groceries back to their Volkswagon.
“Kainoa!” I said, gathering him to my side in the way protective and worried mothers do when their kids run through parking lots.
And 100% for show.
“You need to watch where you’re going! You cut right into this lovely couple’s shopping cart!”
“YEAH OR HE COULD GET HIT BY A CAR!” The grumpy lady snapped.
I had no ready response. We were in a parking lot…clearly cars were an issue as well. How many points did she want me to make to my three year in the 20 seconds it took her to pass us?
What could I say? It’s not like I can start a street fight with strangers in parking lots right there in front of my kids. Which is what I wanted to do. But perhaps a “see Kainoa! Even that really old lady agrees with me!!” or “Hey Lady! I DIDN’T ASK YOU!” or really anything at all.
Instead I mumbled under my breath, “God I don’t like people.”
And then Maile was all, “you don’t like people mom?”
And I was all, “no Maile. Sometimes I don’t. But I do like you. For now.”
No sooner did we get into the grocery store do my girls start bouncing around the grocery cart like wild children who have been cooped up in the house all weekend. Which is exactly what they were.
Laina jumped directly into the path of an old man.
“Laina!!” I said, gathering her to my side in the way protective mothers do when their kids run in front of grocery store patrons. And 100% for show. “You need to watch where you’re going! You cut right in front of this man!”
To which he responded by stopping, looking at me with disappointment, back to the kids with compassion, and then back to me with the disappointment again, “They’re just being children!”
I had no ready response.
Had I prepared myself with a response I might have said something like, “Why don’t you go tell HER that!” while pointing out to the crazy lady who just MINUTES before laid into me and my kid about the dangerous parking lot.
Or maybe I could have said “Boy you old people just don’t keep to yourselves these days do ya!?!”
Alas.
I said none of this.
Maybe I should look into street fighting.
It would probably be more effective.
What would you like to say to nosy opinionated advice giving strangers?
hilljean says
Yes! Oh my gosh. For some reason I’m totally mute in these scenarios. I don’t know what the heck it is…maybe it’s a built in defense mechanism since I’d probably get the crap kicked out of me, or shot or something. I don’t know. Mama Bear comes out for the bad ones though, I know she will when its really necessary. Those obnoxious old farts can rot.
See. She can come out :)
Mimi says
You’re gonna take on all the ol’ geezers of the world? Good luck. I had a crabby lady at work the other day who was down right rude…and there were no children involved. What the heck?! Crabby people…*raspberries* That’s IT! You don’t have to say anything. Just have a sign and you ALL give them raspberries all at once. That’ll show them who to mess with!
Jessica says
Geez, dont people mind their own business these days? I get sick and tired of the looks or comments I get when I take my two year old into hell, or WalMart as some like to call it. I definitely feel your pain! Yeah…Ive got no advice for ya. Good luck!
Becky says
Honestly? It’s none-of-your-damn-business.
;)
Heather N. says
Yeah strangers pretty much suck. A few weeks ago I had a run in with an advice giving stranger. I went to the post office and had a near accident with a woman pulling out of a parking space. I was mid turn into a parking space when she decided to pull out. I had no where to go and was pretty much in the middle of the road. She was in a huge van and was looking at me with “I am bigger you move” kind of look. I refused too cause I was mad. She had to back up and maneuver to get out.
I pulled in upset but ready to let it go. UNTIL the guy who parked next to me (who happened to be behind me during the incident) gave me a nasty look and shook his head when he got out. I lost it. I glared at and said “WHAT?” to which he responded “Nice driving!” all rude.
I have never in my life stood up for myself to strangers, normally I slink off and get upset later. Well this time I stood up for myself. I responded “What are you my driving instructor?” He then started to tell me everything I did wrong. So I said “Yeah well you are just a jerk.” Which of course he couldn’t respond to so he left. Then I went inside and felt like crying for being mean to him. I spent the rest of the time running errands being extra nice to everyone just to make up for it.
Moral of my VERY long story = Even when you stick up for yourself it doesn’t make things better.
kristi says
I was always scared to take my son into stores when he was smaller, he is autistic and would act out EVERY.TIME.
One day a lady came up to me and I was ready to tell her off and all she did was pat me and say “Honey he is beautiful.” I will never forget that lady.
All I had gotten previously was glares and negative words from complete strangers. It is hard to stand up to people but normally I say to my kid LOUDLY, “Wow! People sure are rude!” And they get the point and walk off. Hmph!
Smart Ass Sara says
Well, I’m one of those people who will completely tell a kid he’s out of control. If I see a kid running up and down in a grocery store, I’ll say something to him like, “This isn’t a track, you can’t run in here.” Or something. BUT I also have two kids who know if they step one foot outside of where they should be the wrath of mom will come down. I take no crap. One misstep and we’re going back to the car and if that means we’re eating frozen waffles for dinner because mom couldn’t grocery shop? Well that sucks for you, doesn’t it?
I remember one time when my daughter was 2 1/2 and I was very pregnant she ran from me in Target. Obviously, I couldn’t run. So I start hobbling in the direction she went and some stranger guy brought her back to me and was like (to her), “Don’t you EVER run from your mother again. Someone could steal you.” Not only did I almost piss my pants, but I think she actually did. But she never did it again. So I think *sometimes* hearing something from a stranger might make more impact. And I think that’s good. Remember when we were kids? If you did anything wrong in your ‘hood your parents knew about it before you came home? That’s a good thing. :)
Ariel says
Great perspective!
Vinobaby says
I never know what to say at the time–I become completely tounge-tied and think of some snappy come back 5 minutes later.
The worst one I can remember was years ago. Kiddo was still a baby. A crochety old lady in line in front of me wrinkled her nose as she said,”You need to change her baby’s diaper. He stinks.” My Mommy nose thought differently (and was correct) but I was so floored I didn’t say a word. I’m guessing she passed gas and was trying to cover.
Tina says
Want them? :o) ha ha!!
I took my 4 and 6yo boys to Walmart with me this weekend…UGH!! Actually turned out okay though, got the cart with the two kids seats, threatened belting them in if they did not stay seated…then handed one the itouch and the other the android…the played Angry Birds and I shopped. Actually turned out okay! :o)
Janelle says
I think you should look at them with desperation and say “Please pray for me.” Even if you aren’t religious I think it will make them feel bad and then maybe they will actually pray for you….and I think everyone could use a prayer every now and then.
Alexandra says
This is what I’ve said,
“Wow. IT’s been THAT long since you’ve been a kid that you’ve forgotten what it’s like?? I hope I NEVER forget the excitement of being alive.”
Caroline says
I’m with you. I never have anything ready to say. I just sort of gape at them, say sorry, and move on. I think I would like to say, “I’m doing my best, there’s a lot going on here!!”
Loukia says
I NEVER EVER know what to say when these things happen to me. I am always speechless, and then I’m like, “F*CK why didn’t I say this… or this?” What is it with people and their stupid opinions anyway? I have a sister in law who is as annoying and bossy as they come. My son was jumping in the pool, and I was right behind him, watching each jump, to make sure he was safe. My MIL was like, “OMG be careful!” And I was like, “Yeah, I’m watching him, don’ t worry.” Then my SIL was like, “Don’t worry, MIL. I would be the FIRST to tell him not to do it if it was not safe. It’s safe. He’s fine, don’t worry.” And I’m like, Are you freaking kidding ME? He’s MY SON. And I WOULD BE THE FIRST to tell him not to jump if it wasn’t safe. GAH! Sorry, I can’t blog about this since my family and people I know read my blog. Damn them.
Ann says
When I’m confronted with in your face rudeness – I’m usually mute. Which works well with my mother’s philosophy….”Good Manners are free – they’re meant to be given away”. I figure it’s my opportunity to be the better person.
I have a grandson who is a wild man and understand sometimes it’s difficult to control how fast he’s moving or his occasional craziness. I have all the sympathy in the world for you!
Lola says
This is EXACTLY why I blog. I am Queen of being a day late and a dollar short. However, I always come up with the PERFECT response when I’m in the shower like 2 weeks later. THEN? Watch out Assholes!! Lola’s gonna rip you a new one…even though you’ll never hear it…or read it…and it’s likely you have completely forgotten about the incident that’s been tormenting me for days on end. G-d, I’m pathetic.
Jessica says
I think it’s hardest to deal with the OLD people giving advice, just as you did. I don’t have children myself, but I think I would be tempted to just go ahead and smart off back.
I mean, I don’t want to be rude and ruin someone’s day by acting like them, but they need to know that they’re offending people. Obviously, you approached these two things with your children because you care and because you’re being a parent – why do they feel the need to speak up?
You could totally be one of these parents who does absolutely nothingwhatsoever about their children’s poor behavior.
Dana says
These situations drive me crazy! when one of my three do something that gets us a response or a look I usually look right at the person and say “take it easy” or just a long “eeeaaassyyy”
they are usually so surprised I said anything back that the look on their face is all I need.
Cam - Bibs & Baubles says
i vote street fight!!! even in the case of old people. how else are they going to learn to shut their pie hole unless you shut it for them. back to reality: if not snappy response comes to mind you could always shoot a good dirty look their way.
lori says
I started waving and smiling at people who stare. It works every time. Sometimes, they just get confused. Either way, I’ve never gotten more than an eye roll back, lol.
A Mommy in the City says
I just did a vlog on all of the crazy things strangers will say to me about my daughter. I even had one tell me I don’t care about her. I have said some pretty mean things back, almost always because they are so rude and obnoxious and nosy that I get sick of hearing it all of the time. People need to mind their own business and let us be the parents for once!
Tessa says
I get irritated at the comments, but I also find myself commenting occassionally. Usually somewhere along the lines of, “hang in there you’ll (totally meaning all of us parents) get through this”.
Jen says
I have stopped making eye contact with people in stores. My kids are CRAZY and always running into people, knocking things down and what not.
But since I don’t see the people commenting at us and rolling their eyes, then they totally don’t exists.
angie @ seriouslyahomemaker says
My husband and I like to respond with: “Ya know, there are just too many parents these days and not enough children.” or… “I hate you.” or… “Shut up and keep to yourself, they’ve survived me this long I think we’ll make it through your presence as well.” But not really. dernit.
tracy@sellabitmum says
I always yell at them in French or Spanish or some made-up foreign language. Totally freaks them out and then they are all pissed as I evidently could not understand what they said in the first place.
Corinne says
I agree, I almost ripped this old lady a new one the other day, she told me my son got hurt(which kids are bound to do) because I was not watching him.
Rachel {at} Mommy Needs a Vacation says
People are unbelievable aren’t they? I usually try and find a way to trip them.
Jen {at} take2mommy says
I usually never say anything in response to unsolicited parenting advice. But I do usually give the opinionated strangers my evil stare. It’s quite a psychotic look that I have. But they deserve it.
Ryan (The Woven Moments) says
I go passive aggressive in a heart beat and say things as I’m walking away like, “Boy I wish I’d lived LONG AGO when parents were perfect!” or “Honey, that’s what we call ‘sticking our noses in other people’s business.’ And it’s not nice.”
This may or may not be the reason that my partner likes to grocery shop alone.
Amiyrah @ 4 hats and frugal says
Hahahaha this is exactly the writing prompt I chose to talk about. It seems like it’s always old people giving opinions, but just today I had a former school teacher give me her opinion about not babywearing a child. Mind you, she let it slip that she never did it with her kids but I guess because she thought I was a 12 year old with 2 kids she just had to step in and scold me. Mind you, she didn’t even say hello first. Nosy opinion first, then introduce yourself. Thanks!
Ixy says
I’m with Ryan – I’d say something like “You’re being incredibly rude. This is none of your business,” and then tell my daughter “This person is rude and we don’t have to pay attention to rude people,” and walk away. If they said anything else, I’d slap them upside the head. Just kidding…sort of. If someone could just distract my daughter from Mommy’s stellar conflict resolution skills, there might be a grocery store throwdown.
Tami says
I go the way of overreactive agreement or kill ’em with kindness. My daughter knows I’m crazy so she goes along with it. To the parking lot lady I would have exclaimed “oh my god! You’re right! I never thought of that!” I would have also grabbed my child dramatically and cried “oh my sweet baby!” and thanked the woman more than once! I would have then corrected daughter in private about running off and explain laughter is the best way to deal with ugly people.
Jennifer@ The Mommy Mambo says
I’ve always wanted to spout:
“Yeah? Well, you’re ugly!” ….back at those glaring eyes reflecting a life of perfection they picture themselves living with children they never had or are yet to have.
Sadly we won’t get to enjoy that moment when their son points out how fat the lady in front at the checkout counter. All glaring eyes and snotty comments will beat down their ego and leave them feeling as you do now.
No. We’ll miss that. But rest assured. It will happen. :)
Jeanne says
I often find myself getting riled up on the car drive home brainstorming responses and wishing I could turn back time!!
Chasing Joy says
This is funny. I don’t have kids yet so I cannot offer any good advice other than to ignore the old fogeys.
Bruna says
I would love to tell people where to go, very rudely, but I never do. I just ignore the buggers.
Andrea says
I am almost done with my post on this very subject. Don’t worry I spelled out all of the bad words! ;)
Lex says
You need a “love it” button for some of these comments! They are so awesome!
I am never good with the whip speed comeback. I am so lame & usually I just sit there looking like a doe in the headlights. You, however, well it kinda surprises me. Kat, you are so losing it! (bad joke, so bad I know…)
Cinnamon says
I’m like you. Usually the response is waiting for me when I get back to the car. Well, except for the time that the lady behind me kept nudging me with her cart. I mean, my ass is big enough that a little nudging wouldn’t faze me, but she was practically pushing me out into the rain, while I was getting my umbrella out to cover me, my son, and hopefully some of the paper bags in my cart. After 2 dirty looks, and a “get over it lady” from me, she pushed me again. I calmly turned around and slapped her. She was so stunned, and I guess I was so quick that nothing else happened. Except of course, the minor heart attack I had when I got in the car and realized that I might be arrested. I had my defense ready though…I was going to blame it on Post-partum syndrome. Or some other BS.
Paulette says
So been there done that and yes, never ever have witty retorts at the ready. Just the other day at the local Marble Slab some old guy said something as he passed me headed out side about kids (mine) “not being watched must be like that at home too.: Then took his grumpy butt and his wife’s to eat their ice cream out side.
1) I was in line ordering their ice cream. 2) it’s an ice cream parlor for cryin out loud 3) my kids were sitting at the kiddie table being kids trying to patiently wait for their ice creams 4) did I mention it was an ice cream palor?
SweetPeaSurry says
When I was a little girl, my father would watch us kids every sunday while my mother went to the grocery store. She REFUSED to take us with her. REFUSED. It was HER time, her time alone, to think to browse, to possibly open up bottles of liquor for ‘testing’. However, as annoying as us non-child rearing or old people are, keep in mine we’re not used to having loose monkeys running around. I do however have a load of compassion for you with kids in the grocery store. It’s like a humongous playground for them, all those bright colors and designs, and built up pyramids of goods just waiting to be knocked over! *sighs* Kids will be kids, and adults will be adults, and often times we won’t think alike. Life is good!
Julia says
I don’t have a child old enough to be walking, running or talking for that matter. However, my 4 month old has just discovered that she has a high pitch voice that she can use very loudly. My husband and I go out to eat with her all the time, as we did before she was born we aren’t going to stop now, and of course she wanted to use her high voice in the restaurant. There were maybe 4 other people there eating. To me it is the cutest noise in the world but to an older lady a table away, I got the “are you really going to let your baby make those noises while I am eating/talking” look. I mean, come on, what do you want me to do scold her. She is learning for crying out loud. At least she isn’t sitting her screaming bloody murder and I am ignoring her while I enjoy my dinner.
Mrs Wonder says
To the man who at least understood they’re kids, I give props, although there was no reason for him to be so judgmental. You’re teaching them manners, not hindering their growth.