You know those life stories that just never die? No matter how old you get or where you go or who you’re with…SOMEONE brings them back up?
These are my top ten life stories.
Or rather…my sober ten:
1.) I told my sister to eat dog poop. Correction, I dared my sister to eat dog poop. Confession, I convinced my sister if she ate dog poop that our Dad would come back to life. (It didn’t work)
2.) My cousin Matt was forced to give me half of his Easter candy when I fell during the egg hunt and lost all mine. (BECAUSE HE STOLE IT)
3.) I shopped in the men’s section in high school.
4.) I owned. and wore. The exact same shoes as my high school Computer teacher. (At least he was stylish?)
5.) I threw up approximately 32 slices of pizza at Misty’s birthday party…in the middle of the hallway…and then watched as playful party goers unknowingly smeared their feet in it.
6.) I failed driver’s ed. As in, had to repeat the entire class over again. But still thought I was a pretty fantastic driver.
7.) I stole the family car when my mom and step-dad went out of town and took my brother to the movies. And also broke it. And also killed a cat. I was fifteen.
9.) In a fit of rage after my brother threw my cat off his leg I grabbed his small lizard by the tail, swung it in three full circles and tossed it to the floor. It died the next day.
10.) I peed in a bathroom drawer while sleep walking and then angrily asked my sister what the hell she was staring at.
Ahh that felt better to get it all out there in the open.Hopefully we can just let them live on the blog now and stop rehashing the past. Right?
Now tell me one of yours!
{ 39 comments… read them below or add one }
Haha! Too funny. There are so many I can think about..some may never see the light of day!
Hell, I’ll give you my top five that are all too often brought up:
5. When I was little one of my cousins convinced me that a molar was a butt hair.
4. I’ve pushed my little sister through a window because I had PMS.
3. I farted repeatedly the day before my husband proposed to me when he tickled me and I fell off the bed.
2. I wrote a Spice Girls-ish anthem song called “Back Off” when I was twelve, recorded it on my stereo and mistakenly allowed my family to find the tape, memorize the lyrics and then belt them out at a restaurant on my birthday.
1. Got caught by my future mother in law, crawling out of her son’s bedroom window when I was fourteen – it was also the first time meeting her.
Hilarious! I have so many of these stories and might borrow your post idea!
Great list, I ended up doing my own post on it today but here is one:
I woke up and got ready for school but no one else was up. I went upstairs and told my parents with force that they needed to get up and Heather needed to get up, we were all late!! My mom looks at the clock only to find out I had gotten up and got ready at 3am.
I believed when my sister told me that you didn’t have to stop completely at stop signs if they had a white border. D’oh.
OMG! MY sister told me the same thing about stop signs with white borders! She also stabbed me with a pencil in my thigh, and I still have a little bit of graphite stuck in my leg 31 years later. Ahh, siblings.
LOL! My older sister told me the E meant enough on the gas gauge.
ok, this brought back a great story that never ever ever dies when i get together with my uncle and his cute family. i peed in the garbage can after being block from the bathroom by a rainbow colored brick wall. READ: http://www.seriouslyahomemaker.com/2011/01/block-head.html
thanks for bringing it back!
angie
I peed my pants in kindergarden and tried to convince everyone, including myself, that it was just really hot out and I was sweaty.
I used to make my two younger sisters dance naked in front of me, sometimes with a wash cloth on their heads. Many years later while all drinking beer, AND with the spouses of everyone around I admitted it in front of everyone to include the washcloth part. One of my sisters looked at the other one and asked,”She was the one that made us wear the washcloths? I guess brother Jim was the one that we didn’t wear them with.” LOL He was so BUSTED. I didn’t know he did it too.
I promise we aren’t all a bunch of pervs. Just me.
OMG these are classic! I can’t even imagine you being like that…so hilarious!
I cut a girls hair in high school but she deservedit
Haha! This had me laughing out loud! Way to make my morning. I think the one story I can NEVER escape when the family is together is how me and my brother, at five years old, set my parents’ bed on fire. Fun times.
Hahaha! Sleep Walking, Mess Yer House Up.
I stumped on a girl’s foot during a bathroom break in elementary school. She punched me in the face. I think she maybe overreacted a bit.
Hugs and Mocha,
Stesha
Love this! It makes me wish I had siblings while growing up! FYI: did you realize there is not a #8? Haha!
Oh! I forgot my story. In 4th grade I was convinced I needed to cut my hair like my mom’s (dork alert!!). I walked to the salon by myself and somehow ended up with a flat top- they shaved the back of my hair!! I was stupid enough to show my college roomates my school photo from that year and it ended up a screen saver for the computer lab.
I slept walked during an all-school lock-in. I tried crawling into a much older boy’s sleeping bag. My baby-sitter rescued me and put me in her bag.
These are hilarious! I so want to go back and be a fly on the wall in your house!
I was thisclose to getting kicked out of Yosemite for walking through the men’s bathroom/locker room to get to the pool. What? You know how long the lines into the women’s bathrooms are!
Not even kidding. They had to be convinced to let us stay.
I took my jeans and panties off in one pull. Next day decided to wear my jeans again. Went to Wal-Mart. Panties from the day before are apparently still nested in my jeans. Walking, I managed to work them down one leg. I was speaking with an employee and bam! Panties just dropped out of pant leg, onto my flip flops.
My friend and I skipped high school, doh, and went to my boyfriend’s apartment. Whilst walking through the door, I am flamboyantly telling her about his mom’s substantial vibrator collection in her night stand. We turned the corner and there she was, lying in bed. She took a sick day. Awkward!
Walked up to a man from behind and gave him the biggest squeakiest suffocating bear hug. He turned his face around and I realized it wasn’t my boyfriends Dad.
oh I got more. Thanks for the laugh! You give good laugh!
Amazing! Great idea.
Poor lizard.
LOL . . . I guess truth is stranger than fiction, or maybe, you’re just strange ;) I see this was your “top” 10 which means there must be a whole lot more. I’m sure of it. Thanks for the smiles. :)
Oh – that was TOO funny! It had to be liberating to get that off your chest…. you have not had a dull life, that’s for sure!
When my husband and I moved into our first apartment, there was only one bathroom. Something we’d eaten didn’t agree w/us and he was already in the bathroom when it hit me. I HAD to go. But where? Sink? Ew. Tub? Double ew, plus he was already in there all moany groany. Trash can! Yes! The small trash can that I’d just emptied my used feminine products out of that stays behind the toilet even! I’m not all that big, but imagine a teeny tiny trash can w/a flip top smaller than a Big Gulp. The ass to can ratio was…ungood. Some in the can, some on the floor, some on my pants, some on the bottom of the sofa (that I have always denied was what it was; it’s just dirt!). To this day, if someone says they need to visit the can, it holds a totally different meaning for us.
Wow, awesome post! I’d love to know what else is on your list.
I once got my sister stuck in a leg of my mom’s leggings (early 90s) which made her fall over. When I realized that at 6yo I wasn’t strong enough to stand her back up or pull her out I quietly walked out of the room and continued to play in the house.
She eventually found her way out of the leggings, though I’m not entirely sure how long she was in them.
I cannot remember this story but have been told it so many times.
When I was about 1 1/2 yrs old it was a hot summer day and we were at my grandmas house, my uncle was sitting on the couch with his sweet OP short shorts on with one leg up. I was learning to walk and was crusing along the side of the couch when I saw something I had to grab. He jumped up and yell and I cried not knowing what I grabbed was his BALLS!
You peed in a drawer?!?! Oh of all the things I assumed I knew about you from reading your blog, I never would have guessed this one. Nor the statement that you fail driver’s ed. You’re such a great driver every time we see a video of you in the car :) I love this post!
i am happy to see my husband made the list at #2! (ps i am SURE he STOLE your candy.)
Wow! You have had an eventful life! I don’t I’ve done even ONE thing that… ah… interesting. And I have 4 siblings! Congratulations!
Memory # 2 is All Heresay.
Could it be that your feet were too big, you fell BEFORE you had any candy, and your opportunistic cousin Matt was simply playing the cards he was delt?
I was babysitting my lil brother, I got mad so he scooted across the dining room table…as did I, it broke when I scooted……I made him help me fix it before our parents got home by threatening to show an “incriminating” baby pic to the girl he liked!!
Same brother, years later……AGAIN pissed me off while we were home alone!!! I said he’d better run and hide. When he did, and locked himself in a bedroom…..I stood outside scraping the door with a spoon–all the while telling him it was a Butcher Knife!! (SSHHHH!!! 25 years later I still haven’t told him the truth!!!! LOL)
I locked my little sister and her friend out of the house one afternoon during a thunderstorm. She lost that girl as her friend.
Oops.
When I was pregnant with my eldest, I woke upin the middle of the night with a wicked desire for milk. In the morning, the milk was no where to be found. That is, until I opened the cupboard to get a glass. My daughter is now 9 and I still haven’t lived that one down.
When I was 7, I brought home a stray dog. I told my parents I won him in a spelling bee. Luckily… that story has finally died.
hmmm… this has me thinking about what my top 10 would be. I can’t really thing of 10. At least not 10 sober ones!
I just wrote an entire post on it ;) These were fun to remember! And yours made me almost pee my pants. Or my drawer(s). You know, whichever.
http://simplehomeloving.blogspot.com/2011/07/top-ten-funny-life-stories.html
oh you’re even amazing in your embarressing stories, it simply isn’t fair ;)
In the name of all that is holy you should be a Catholic. You are REALLY good at confession!
Are these family stories or true confessions? Aren’t there any stories where you’re the hero? :)