I’m a seriously horrid tooth fairy. My kids lose their teeth, we get excited about the fairy, and then the fairy falls asleep.
I mean, how many teeth are they going to lose? How many chances am I going to get?
It doesn’t matter anymore. Instead of playing the whole “oh my the tooth fairy must have had a busy night!” song and dance I grabbed Maile by the shoulders and said, “I’m the tooth fairy.”
Maile giggled, “no you’re not!!” I’m certain she was picturing me with wings and a wand at that very moment. Her mother squeezing herself beneath the pillows of all the toothless children around the world.
“No Maile…what I mean is that there is no tooth fairy…parents take the teeth and leave dollars under their kids pillows. I’m totally serious, here’s three bucks.”
“But what do you do with all the teeth?” she asked.
I hadn’t prepared for that one. I felt trapped, but I’d already revealed the truth, so why stop there?
“I throw them in the garbage.”
“You throw our teeth in the garbage!?!”
“yes.”
She shrugged her shoulders, stuffed her money in a Barbie wallet and carried on with the rest of her day.
When Pat got home from work he high fived Maile on the news of her lost tooth and then followed up with the tooth fairy questions, “did the tooth fairy come!?!”
“No” she said, “Mommy’s the tooth fairy.”
“Yeah!” Laina jumped in, “AND DEN SHE THROWS DEM IN THE GARBAGE!”
I feel good about myself.
Jessica says
My daughter told me the tooth fairy didn’t exist. I was happy to tell her the truth. Made my life easier. No more having to remember. At least until the next kid starts losing dem teeth.
Tracie says
I came clean about the tooth fairy the day of the very first tooth. It made life easier.
Except for tooth disposal. Because my daughter insists that we save each tooth in its own individual, labeled ziploc bag. This is why I have six teeth in ziploc bags sitting in a drawer. What am I supposed to do with them?
MIe says
I fell asleep when my daughter lost her tooth aswell several years ago, and she still had the tooth under her pillow when she woke up. That’s how she found out, and i had to tell the truth.
I am still waiting for my twin boys to start loosing theirs, maybe i can get a second chance at being a good fairy? :)
Dominique @Dominique's Desk says
My eldest started loosing his teeth this year and I didn’t bother telling him about the tooth fairy.. It really saves a lot of hassle and we too just toss the tooth in the garbage.
Sarah says
Once the whistle was blown on the tooth fairy in our house, we made a lump sum payout on all future lost teeth and washed our hands of the whole thing. So liberating.
Victoria KP says
The tooth fairy has had to leave a lot of letters of apology to my kids for being late–once she claimed to have gone to the wrong address, another time she claimed her wings got iced up because it was so cold out.
I really can’t wait to stop being the tooth fairy. I don’t mind being Santa and the Easter Bunny. But this is really getting to me!
Karen and Gerard says
Honesty is the best policy. If you can’t keep up with the tooth fairy duties, it’s best to just forget it. $3.00 is way too much for something you just throw away though. We used to get a quarter, I think, or was it a dime? Anyhow, no where close to a dollar!
tracy@sellabitmum says
Oh wait – we are suppose to throw the teeth away? I had plans to make them each a necklace to give to them at their high school graduations.
Annie @astonesthrow says
Don’t feel bad.
My girlfriend continually forgot her tooth fairy duties, but instead of just telling the truth, she began writing her daughter checks from the tooth fairy.
I think she is brilliant. :)
Incidentally, when I finally shared the info with my oldest, I also put her in charge of tooth fairy duties. She never forgets for her brother.
Sarah says
That’s so sweet of your eldest! Love!
Arnebya says
Ha! @ Victoria KP b/c the tooth fair has left letters of apology at my house too. I think the damned fairy had too much wine and passed out and by the time she realized it the sun was up, the kids were up, and the tooth was still there. Sometimes I wonder why we bother to continue the charade. I am considering that the tooth fairy will simply not exist by the time the boy loses teeth. Santa and I have been on bad terms for years. Seriously; can’t we even go half and half, Santa?
Crystal says
My ex husband decided to break it to our daughter when she was 4 or 5 about Santa, the Tooth Fairy, Easter Bunny…all of it.
Jen says
Well, you still have Santa……
Liz B says
I am right there with all of you. We tried to keep the lie alive as long as possible, but we had some interesting stories along the way. The one I remember most is in a post I wrote some time ago. I wanted to spill the beans, but he had two younger sisters and I didn’t want to take the chance that he would tell them!
Great post!
http://noexcuses318.blogspot.com/2010/06/my-favorite-tooth-fairy-story.html
Liz
rachel says
I hate the damn toothfairy.
Cari says
Yes, whoever started this should be flogged. My daughter lost her first tooth a while back; I knew Tooth Fairy fail on my part was emanate; so I did the same thing you did. I flat out said there was no tooth fairy. Except, my daughter refuses to believe me! She might have mentioned something like, “well you might not believe, but I do!” Crap.
Kim says
Hey, you are teaching your children one of life’s most important lessons: honesty!!! I have no idea how I’ll know at what age to break the ‘truth’ to my children, but I hope it works out okay.
Sarah says
My kid is firmly entrenched in the beliefs, and I still enjoy it (although I also happen to be a terrible tooth fairy). The older one, when he found out that Santa, um, had an understudy, found it to be wildly amusing. I hope that it goes the same way with the younger one, when he’s ready.
elly says
We had a tooth fairy mishap earlier this week. I blamed it on my daughter for her and my son staying up way too late and then the tooth fairy couldn’t stop by. I told her the tooth fairy was on a very strict schedule and couldn’t just swing back by. She’d have to put the tooth back in the tooth container and go to bed on time.
Jenny says
I came clean a while back. It’s so nice to have one less imaginary person to worry about ;)
MangoChutney says
That’s cute! I thought I was the only forgetful one, lol.
Via says
$3?! I only got a quarter. Come on now. That’s inflation, fairy. ;)
Kir says
awesome….seriously. THIS is the mom I am, I just tell them, I mean I don’t tell them about Santa yet (they just stopped being scared of him) but this will be something that I just dash before I have to fess up. ;) I ADORE you for this.
Susanna@Susanna Leonard Hill says
I became a sleight of hand expert.
Child with sad face: “Mom, the tooth fairy didn’t come!”
Me with shocked face: “Are you sure? Let’s check!”
At which point I would reach under the pillow, feel around a lot to make it look good, and come out with a dollar. “Here it is! I knew the tooth fairy wouldn’t forget you!”
It took them until they were well into their late molars before they figured me out, but it only worked because sometimes I did manage to stay awake and remember :)
Mary says
We let them in on Santa Claus too. If we are the suckiest of all suckers….I don’t know who is. It’s just all too exhausting ~ making sh** up all the time.
Sarah says
We’re still playing along… oldest is 8 and I think she knows. Middle child is 5 and loves fairies and imaginary worlds, but she often asks, ‘Are you the tooth fairy really?’. Youngest is still growing teeth and oblivious!
Have you seen ‘The Tooth Fairy’ film – http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tooth_Fairy_(film)
We love it. Hilarious!
Tracey aka KidLit! says
Forgot once and palmed some quarters under the pillow. My oldest daughter (9) is in the break between front teeth and molars. The break has been nice. My son is soon to start losing his. Right now, we are dealing more with the baby getting her’s in. Owie. I sooooo will be passing on the wand of toothy forgettfulness to my eldest when the baby finally loses her first. Lord only knows how bad my memory by then.
Rachel {at} Mommy Needs a Vacation says
This is hysterical. I love that you were just up front about the whole thing. I might follow in your foot steps! I can’t be sneaking around the kids bedroom late at night. Forget that.
Heather says
So glad I’m not alone on this one- at our house it takes the tooth fairy 1-2 weeks to remember to stop at our house…maybe I, too, should just let go of the fantasy- they’d be happier getting their money quicker!
Nicole @MTDLBlog says
Haha! We’ve only lost two teeth so far in our house and haven’t forgotten yet, but this post has me thinking maybe we should just be honest….definitely simplifies. But don’t ask me to give up Santa….or our magical Elf which gives me good behavior leading up to Christmas…..I could however give up the Easter Bunny. Because really, what is the purpose of the bunny? I’m attached the Santa, the Bunny can go.
Ann says
You know that Norman Rockwell painting “The Discovery”? That’s what I kept picturing….
Roxanne says
I always wondered what moms were supposed to do with the teeth. My mom kept a couple in her jewelry box & I thought that was creepy. T should start losing teeth by next year, so I’ve been thinking about it. I’m considering not doing the tooth fairy bit at all. Because I’m sure I’ll forget every-single-time.
Mrs4444 says
Totally LMAO over here….Thank you.
Lola says
My boys never did believe in the traditional Tooth Fairy. I recall when my 8 year old (who is now 12) lost a tooth and his little brother (who was 4 at the time) said to me, “Mom! I saw the Tooth Fairy! She was BIG with FANGS, CLAWS and RED EYES!” Holy shit, Kid! We are talking about the TOOTH FAIRY, not SATAN! I guess I shouldn’t have let them all watch Hellraiser that year. Oh, and when your kids come home from school crying because some asshole children told them that the Easter Bunny and Santa are dead? Yeah…those my kids. Sorry.
Jennifer says
I have no idea how you got away with no tears, but I’m totally impressed.
amanda says
I don’t have kids yet, but when I was in the tooth fairy years, my mom let my sister and decorate little boxes to keep the teeth in (so she wouldn’t have to dig under our pillow looking for it). That was short lived. She came clean about the tooth fairy but still offered small monetary rewards for not having any cavities at dental checkups… which is something kids can actually control and work for by brushing their teeth well.
Theresa says
I haven’t said this lately, or perhaps ever, but I fuckin love you…
Jessica says
Hilarious!!! Ill probably be the same way. No way in hell will I be sneaking around my kids bedroom late at night. They are just getting teeth so I have a while before I worry about it, but sneaking at night could lead to waking them up. Which would lead to them thinking they can sleep in my bed. Hell no. Its bad enough I have to share it with the love of my life :)
Nicole, the queen of this life says
I just can’t get myself to do it. I don’t really want to dash the tooth fairy and Santa AND the Easter Bunny all at the same time. But…ugh…I just can’t do it.
My son is in college.
Just kidding!! He’s 9.
heather clark says
i used to have an old wine bottle filled with salt water, seashells, and sand that i hid their babyteeth in. until the big fat kitty broke it. i had to come clean.
Tracy P. says
That is awesome. A little reality therapy never hurt anyone. Hilarious!