I’m a seriously horrid tooth fairy. My kids lose their teeth, we get excited about the fairy, and then the fairy falls asleep.
I mean, how many teeth are they going to lose? How many chances am I going to get?
It doesn’t matter anymore. Instead of playing the whole “oh my the tooth fairy must have had a busy night!” song and dance I grabbed Maile by the shoulders and said, “I’m the tooth fairy.”
Maile giggled, “no you’re not!!” I’m certain she was picturing me with wings and a wand at that very moment. Her mother squeezing herself beneath the pillows of all the toothless children around the world.
“No Maile…what I mean is that there is no tooth fairy…parents take the teeth and leave dollars under their kids pillows. I’m totally serious, here’s three bucks.”
“But what do you do with all the teeth?” she asked.
I hadn’t prepared for that one. I felt trapped, but I’d already revealed the truth, so why stop there?
“I throw them in the garbage.”
“You throw our teeth in the garbage!?!”
She shrugged her shoulders, stuffed her money in a Barbie wallet and carried on with the rest of her day.
When Pat got home from work he high fived Maile on the news of her lost tooth and then followed up with the tooth fairy questions, “did the tooth fairy come!?!”
“No” she said, “Mommy’s the tooth fairy.”
“Yeah!” Laina jumped in, “AND DEN SHE THROWS DEM IN THE GARBAGE!”
I feel good about myself.