Reasons I Love My Husband: How You Like Them Apples?

Pat’s attention to detail is something to be admired. I don’t dare re-tell a story in front of him because I have no doubt he will correct me.

me: And then Pat said he’d make me cry if I left him…
pat: That’s not what I said.

me: Yes it is!
pat: No. I said if you left me I’d give you something to cry about.

me: Ugh…well pretty much the same thing!
pat: No. It’s not the same thing.

And then I usually just give up because it’s just a side note to my story and if I choose to argue with him about it then I’ll forget the entire reason I started telling the story in the first place.

Which I kind of think might be his goal in life…to confuse me.

Sending the man grocery shopping is always interesting. He’ll either bring exactly what was written on the list, or he won’t buy the item at all. It would not be out of character for him to call home so I could clarify the quantity and color of the apples I’d like him to pick up.

One time I had asked him to pick up groceries after work…it had been a particularly rough day and at the end of the list I said, “Why don’t you add a sharp knife to your list because I’m going insane over here.”

Thirty minutes later he called me back, “Kat there are a ton of different knives here…what kind do you want and how sharp is ‘really’ sharp?”

I explained that I was just joking, but since he doesn’t really find me funny I can see how that kind of went over his head.

Sometimes I feel bad…like maybe there’s something I’ve done to this man to make him so terrified of bringing home the wrong kind of apple.

Sometimes I think it’s really cute that he just wants to get it right the first time.

But mostly…I just feel thankful.

Because I know that my man is never going to come home with yellow apples.

Reasons I Love My Husband:

1.)He brings me warm bottles to give to the baby in the middle of the night when I am cussing him out in my head.

2.)He ignores my juvenile behavior and patiently waits for me to get over myself and discuss our finances like an adult.

3.)He sits back until I give him the “look” and then he swoops in and rescues me from a sure death of toddler suffocation.

4.)He sat at the door of the operating room, after I was rushed in following an emergency c-section, waiting for word of my condition…for six hours.

5.)He drives 45 minutes out of his way to go get me sushi on Friday night because I’m hungry and moody and tired and he wants me to be happy.

6.)He says things like, “Kat. Who are the most important people in your life? We are all here. We all love you. We’re not going anywhere. Just remember that.” and makes me feel better when things start getting to me.

7.)He takes time away from HIS job and comes home on a moments notice to help ME with MY job.

8.) When I’ve had a tough day with the kids he lets me talk it out until I run out of gas and then suggests we send them to a different daycare.

9.) He wears my pink polk-a-dotted apron without so much as a blink when I want to take a picture of him for The Blog.

10.)He will never leave me for Kathy Lee Gifford because he thinks she’s outdated and fears for his life.

11.) He supports my shopping habit and watches the children as I single handedly delay our family’s future for a few cute tops…ok a lot of cute tops…and some shoes…maybe a clutch.

12.) He’s one of those smarty pants people who is not on the up and up with hidden messages and does not care about superficial stuff…including the condition of my hair, windblown or not.

13.)He doesn’t take sides when I tell him to whack our son for an entire day of horrid behavior but instead delicately puts his hand on our baby boy’s head and turns to me to say, “My God Kat, he’s burning up!!” and then asks me to fetch the motrin.

14.) He knows that you can’t go putting the alpha male of this house in the runner up carseat, hence demoting him to an inferior position in his own domain.

15.) He buys me stuff to keep me from breaking his stuff.

16.) He writes me poems telling me he doesn’t want any more babies, but at least he’s being nice about it.

17.) He reminds me of our anniversary when our anniversary is nearly over and doesn’t hate me for forgetting even though I kind of hate him a little for not bringing me diamonds when he was the one who remembered.

18.) He doesn’t bring home yellow apples.