1.) A mom fail moment.
I promised myself I would never blog about this.
I was beyond upset with myself.
It started with my four year old.
It ALWAYS starts with my four year old.
Okay that’s not fair to him…it usually starts with my four year old.
On this particular day everything was sending him into a tantrum.
Example:
He wants milk…no not that cup the blue cup, the blue cup THE BLUE CUP!!
Come on Buddy you can ask nicer than that…there’s no need to scream…
BLUE CUP!!!!! NOOOOO!!!! BLUE CUP!!!!!
I’m getting you the blue cup Bud, just calm down.
BLUUUUEEEE!!!!!!
God mother of freaking all I’m getting the blue cup!
I mean the red cup!
We had been going through scenarios like that all day. I was fed up and desperately looking forward to nap time.
Nap time means a break from kids. Nap time means work gets done. Nap time means time to get back on track after whatever derailed me that morning.
Only instead of napping he was crying, kicking his door, yelling and hiding. I was relieved that the conference call I was on was not a video Skype call. I would have been mortified if the receivers had seen my red face and devilish child.
When the call ended I was seething with rage and rushed up the stairs one final time. Not only did he NEED that nap, disrupt my call and damage a door, but he was single handedly waking every other child in the house and I needed a break from all of them.
“YOU WILL GET. IN. YOUR. BED AND YOU. WILL. SLEEEP!!”
To which he responded with more screaming.
He needed to go potty. FINE GO POTTY.
He needed his blanket. GET YOUR BLANKET!
He needed his fan on. IT’S ON!
He needed water. ENOUGH! YOU DON’T NEED WATER!!
To which he responded with more screaming.
FINE!
I marched to the bathroom to fill a glass with water, stay calm stay calm stay calm…boy I wish I listened to that inner voice every once in awhile.
Here! Drink your water.
NO! I don’t WANT water!!!
Stay calm stay calm stay calm.
You said you wanted water…take a drink and go to bed!
I DON’T WANT IT!!!! he screeched.
I had passed my limit.
He’d pushed me too far for too long and I was already breaking under too much stress and not enough sleep.
I took the large glass of water and dumped it directly over his head.
He screamed like a girl.
I’m sure the shock of cold water dripping down his face was the last thing he expected.
I stormed out of his room and found my usual “pull yourself together” spot on the stairs where I cried for about five minutes as I replayed the new low I had stooped to.
And now it’s a regular threat. “Do you want me to get the water!?! Okay then…lay down and go to sleep.”
Now it’s your turn!
Choose a prompt, post it on your blog, and come back to add your name to the link list below. Be sure to sign up with the actual post URL and not just your basic blog URL (click on the title of your post for that URL). For good comment karma try to comment on the three blogs above your name!!
The Prompts:
1.) A mom fail moment.
2.) Top Ten Reasons Bacon is Awesome prompt.
3.) Songversation. Take a current song that teens and tweens are listening to, share the lyrics, and offer a conversation that you might have with your child about the song.
4.) Write a post that begins and ends with the same sentence.
5.) Top ten reasons why you’re glad you’re done with school.
{ 86 comments… read them below or add one }
Ohhh I have had those days, but I never thought about the water over the head, I might use that. =)
I think I would have end up chucking that cup of water across the room and into the wall.
Oh, I’ve been there. For me, it was canned corn. She wanted CANNED CORN – I hadn’t even gotten to sit at the table for dinner yet, and she wanted MORE CORN!
I picked up the corn that was on my plate, with my hand, and threw it on her plate…kernels skittering all over the table and on her, and on the carpet.
And I felt like the worst.mother.ever.
She called tonight…talking about her own children. She still likes me, I guess. And your son will still like you, too.
Love it! I threw a whole plate of dinner away one night. Plate and everything into the trash can. It was a Curious George plate and I hated it anyway. But I’d had enough of the I-hate-everything-you-cook-and-will-sit-here-and-scren-like-a-wild-man-for-an-hour drama. Enough. Glad to know they still like you when they get old!
Oh my gosh, your four year old sounds JUST like my three year old. We have had many many days like that. It makes me cringe to think of the point I have gotten too sometimes. Although instead of pouring it on his head, I probably would have chucked it across the room.
Mom fail moments are so real, but so not fun. Its nice when they do something cute to make up for it, isnt it? Ugh, good luck!
Hugs! At some point we’ve all been there. Once worked for a lady who dumped tea on her toddler son. She was like 60 when she told me the story of why. Much the same as you, her son was in toddler meltdown fit.
I probably would have done the same thing in a moment like that. Sometimes I just can’t handle the screaming. It was just water, and it was cold. It’s okay.
I know what you mean. My daughter has had water poured on her, though ours was over her taking a shower. She wouldn’t get in, so I brought the shower to her. Either she sleeps in a wet bed, or she gets in the shower. Guess who won? Not my finest moment either, but it happens. It was just water.
Hahahahaha! Hilarious! I think that was brillant! So much better than chucking at the wall, as I guess I probably would have done. That is something funny you will get to tell, “the brink you brought me to when you were little!” when he complains about his own kids!
Um, you just hit “Hero” status in my book! Bwahahahahaaaaa! I audibly gasped after reading that! Ugh, I’ve had bad days, but not like that. At least not yet. And God forbid that time comes (I’m praying hard it doesn’t come), I really, really hope I have the guts to do something as spectacular as that! I mean, what’s the point of having a parenting fail if you don’t do it big?
Can you sense that I am giving you a standing ovation right now?
Ahhh. Thank you for admitting to that Mama Fail. Because every mama has a fail like that. One that we’re embarrassed of, one that we hope they don’t remember–or tell anyone else about.
Also, I’m so glad it worked out to your advantage. Every cloud has a silver lining.
Totally would have done the same thing. The screaming!!!
I just can’t take it!
Oh wow.
I know that feeling.
My second daughter was usually the one, when she was younger, to get me to that point.
Thankfully age seems to have mellowed her a little – or at least increased her communication skills… or something?
But hey, the water worked, right?
{and just keeps on working…}
This week I chose the 10 Reasons to Be glad I’m done with school. I even have a really cool Nerd Montage and have dug out my old class photos from the SEVENTIES.
Can’t see the title on the linky tho, the text has kinda whigged out.
Think I’m number 10, if you want a laugh at bad hair and uncool retro.
It just says “Glad” – ha!
xx
This will be a story in years to come that you will be able to think of together and laugh yourselves silly. :) Bless him. xx
You know what? I think the water was a good thing. My little sister (who is 11 years younger than me) used to throw horrible tantrums all the time. One day, like you, my mother had had it and dumped a bucket of water over her. It calmed her down and she began to associate the water with being calm. Later on my mother would put her in the bath whenever she was out of control and it totally worked.
Oh, this made me laugh. It happens to the best of us.
Oh, I have completely been there! We all have, I bet. Think about it this way: you created a funny memory to share! :-)
I have so been there. Not with water but I’m sure with something.
Oh, actually this post made me smile. I would have loved to have seen the expression on his face when that water hit. Relax — you didn’t hurt him. Maybe you got through to him just a little bit (it is nearly impossible to ‘get through’ to 3 & 4 yr-olds most of the time). It sounds like I melt-down I would have.
Hang in there Mama…
Oh man… I’m there with my two year old right now. It drives me totally crazy. Someday I’ll dump a cup of water on him. It’s only a matter of time…
Of all the things that you could have done in anger at that moment that was the least amount of fail ever. Actually I think it was pretty brilliant. Plus you got a great threat out of it.
I poured water on a kid I was babysitting because she was freaking out & being physically violent, hurting anything in her path. It didn’t hurt her and she stopped screaming. Also? She was a lovely child for the rest of the summer while I cared for her.
Personally, this is a #MomWin.
Sometimes you have to get creative when things get out of control.
You know what, I think that this was a brilliant parenting move. I am serious. I know that you felt bad about it because you lost your cool but things could have been much worse.
You could have hit him, beat him or yelled at him until your throat was raw but instead you simply poured water over his head which got your point across.
And just think that now, you have a brand new bargaining tool.
Damn, being a parent is hard.
I think we can all relate! I sort of wish I had picked this prompt because I have never (yet) found the right venue to write about the time in Publix (awesome southern chain of grocery stores) when I got into a screaming match with a senior citizen who confronted me about my son standing on the metal rim of the grocery case while looking at the lunchables, which were at a height only Shaq could really manage. It just degenerated from there. Ugh. (And my husband threw a sprite on my daughter once … that probably won’t ever make it into the blog!).
We all need a “splash of water” in our face every once in a while. That was a priceless moment and a lesson I am sure that will not be forgotten by your 4-year-old (well, at least until he decides he NEEDS to wear his Red Shirt… no his Yellow Shirt… No his red shirt – can you tell I’ve been here?)
I use the police. They hide now when a cop car passes and live in constant fear of being tasered. It’s good to have a healthy-ish respect for the law. And to know that your mama will douse you in a glass of water if you loose your shiz:)
Although I know you felt terrible, I thought the water on the head was great! Like others above, I probably would have thrown the cup at the wall. I think you have found the reset button on your child! I’m still looking for the reset buttons on mine.
I finally linked up this week!
reading that i feel normal. my son sounds exactly like that and for months i’ve been trying to figure out what behaviour disorder he has lol but everyone keeps telling me he’s just a boy
Hee Hee! That was so called for that I can’t call it a fail. You could have done worse so I call it a Mom feat of restraint!
I locked twin A out on the front porch one day after he had told me in a fit of rage that the neighbor kid’s mom was a better mom than me because basically there are no rules over there. So I locked him out and told him to go next door that she would be his new mom. Worked like a charm. He squalled for about 10 mins beating on the door before coming in and letting me know how much he loved me and would never leave!
Hmmmm…okay maybe I’m a tad guilty :)
wow. wow. I’m filing this away for later use!
THANK YOU for sharing this story! My #3 is apparently your son’s soul twin and I have plenty mom-fails of my own. I’m praying my kids grow up with lots of grace for their parents. Or maybe selective amnesia.
Yup, been there. Been there A LOT. For use, it wasn’t a cup of water, it was plopping our kid in the bathtub and using the shower on her.
Worked once or twice…now she’s moved onto other devilish things and the cold shower threat seems to do nothing.
I have wanted to do this at times. Especially when JDaniel goes on and on about something he wants, gets it and doesn’t want it any more.
I can imagine doing that. Sometimes it’s just too much!
Hahaha! I have done the water over the head before, too. It is hard to admit, but funny later. It’s just a little cool down. ;) I sit on my basement steps for “my time out.” And I have had many of those days.
That’s NOT a fail! That’s a Saving Grace! a Hail Mary! (whatever you wanna call it!) I’m sure the water woke him up. And now… you have that threat. Loved it… I felt it… I laughed with it, too!
I think this was a brilliant move. I would try it with one of mine but they’d probably just laugh at me!
I’m with Lisa, I think that’s a moment of brilliance. :) It reminded me of the moment in Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing when the dad said “eat it or wear it.”
I am glad you decided to go ahead and blog about this. I wondered how you can be with kids all day and still keep yourself together. It’s sharing moments like this that helps us all feel like we’re not in this craziness alone.
So glad to know I am not the only mom who has those mom fail moments. It seems to happen a little more often now that the youngest turned 2 and the 3 1/2 year old is starting to like to push my buttons…
We all have those “mom-fails”…I have too many to count. I love your honesty, thank you for sharing it, it makes the rest of us feel better knowing we aren’t alone :)
I have SO had that day. And I probably cried too. (My spot is my closet floor.) At least he knows now that he is pushing it if you threaten to get water. He probably won’t even remember it when he gets older. (At least that’s what I try to tell myself.)
Maybe that’s just what he needed, the shock of the water to help him break out of his emotional run. There are so many times I can’t figure out how to stop a melt down, until eventually my little ones just tucker out from physical exhaustion, but I wish there was some way to stop it before it gets to where they are so worn out. I have so little tolerance for the fussing, whining part of childhood, especially if I’m going on little sleep. Two’s were easy compared to three’s and four’s. I don’t know why people say terrible two’s when it only gets harder.
Ohhhhh, this is SO something I could see myself doing! I don’t think it’s a fail – it was obviously pretty effective and now you’ve got the “water threat” for a long time :)
You are not alone ….I would’ve done the same thing!
At least it wasn’t hot sauce. ;)
LOL! Well, you cant win them all. Oh wait…ya kinda did didnt ya?
Am I wrong for thinking that’s not a fail – it’s a success!!!! Maybe next time he won’t torture you quite as much :)
Oy. Sometimes I cry because I just want the little…f-fuh-fellows…to just do what they ought without my pulling rank. It is exhausting. Sounds to me like you did okay.
See, in Tennessee we just call this a Stand Up Bath. No shame, lady!
I think you actually exhibited remarkable restraint. It’s not easy when a child does not have any rational thoughts. I once threatened to put my daughter (when she was 4) to bed for the night (at 5:30) if she didn’t sit down and eat her dinner. I counted to 3, she didn’t sit down, so I put her in her room, and I stood there holding the handle as she kicked, screamed, cried, sobbed, begged, pleaded, bargained with me though the door. I would periodically go in when she said she had to go to the bathroom, or she’d cry that she “just wanted to tell me she’s sorry,” but then she’d think it was over—she was getting out. I didn’t give in. I’d close the door, hold the handle, and it would start all over. This went on for about 3 hours, until she finally passed out. It was AWFUL!
But, in the end, 8 years later, I still never get past the number 2 when I ask her to do something. In the end, it was a win—just like yours.
Great post—the build up and tension throughout was palpable.
Great post! I can picture me doing the same thing to my 5 year old son.
This just makes me want to sit down and cry because this is about every other Saturday/Sunday at my house lately. My boy gets in these moods and I just want to pull my hair out…or tan his hide!! This weekend…I’m getting the cup of water out!!! Thank you for posting this – even if you promised yourself you never would – because moms like me need to hear that others are going through this!!!
Love it. Not a fail. You didn’t beat the living daylights out of him or curse at him or lock him in the Harry Potter closet….water dries. :-)
As much as I know it’s costing you to put this out there (and if you don’t get a nasty comment or e-mail WHERE DID YOU FIND YOUR AWESOME READERS?!?!) I’m glad you wrote it. I adore posts that talk honestly about losing it, because we’ve all done it, and it takes the sting and crippling Mom Guilt away from it.
Of course we all strive to be the mom calmly reaching for the blue-blue-isaidblue-no-red cup and letting the defiance and temper roll off our backs…but we’re human. Bad days happen. It’s what we do afterward that matters most.
I have been parenting almost 20 years now and I have a 6 year old that knows how to push my buttons. Like others I have to say this put a smile on my face, if nothing to know but that in those moments as a mother when you are biting in the inside of your mouth raw, that I am not alone.
I frankly wish more moms would be open about these moments. I know there are some that would be aghast at what you did but frankly I think kids need to know that Mom is a human too! We all have limits and sometimes they push us to our limits. I know in those moments when I drop the F bomb my feisty 6 yo knows Mom is not playing….or as she told my hubster the other day after he yelled at her (he is not the yeller) “Daddy why don’t we have quiet time.” Bravo my dear!
Heck, he learned a lesson and wasn’t hurt. I’ve been in that situation far more times than I will admit, being the short temper in the family.
I love this. All moms go through moments like this. I would have dumped the water too. But hey, now you have ammunition. It worked, even though you felt bad about it. Tough love sometimes is the best kind.
Awesome! We had friends who went through a phase where their kids would lie about almost anything. The kids didn’t like broccoli, so their threat when they thought they had caught them was “Honest to broccoli?” If they got caught in the lie – they had to eat broccoli straight from the freezer. LOVE those kind of tools. Every mom needs them in her back pocket for THOSE days!!!
At least you did not throw the whole glass at him… I wonder if that would work with my kid…
Um, so my computer and your linky just aren’t getting along … any chance you can remove my entry? Or change the link? It’s supposed to be http://gwenelle.wordpress.com/2011/08/25/top-10-reasons-im-glad-im-done-with-school/ but somehow it picked up my Twitter link instead :( Thanks!
And I totally agree with the other comments; that was a more like a Mom Win! I’ll have to remember that when I have kids. Thanks for sharing your object lesson :)
Well at least now its a technique you can use to get him to go to bed. I wonder what my son would do if I poured water on his head. I don’t think it’d go well. He’d probably tell on me to dad.
We all have moments like this!
Thanks for sharing this. I have done this too and was feeling guilty. I feel better now!
How about a 9 year old who wouldn’t… I don’t even remember.
We had just been through a difficult move to a new state and were living in a house that was too small. My son was being obstinate about bed time or homework or ___________ (fill in the blank; we’ve all been there). At my wit’s end, and in a I-hate-living-like-this rage, I grabbed his Spin Doctors CD out of the player and in a more difficult than I imagined it would be move, broke the thing in half. We were both pretty shocked.
He’s 22 now. Doesn’t seem too scared of me. Now and then mentions he’d like that CD again…
Whew! They know every button and push them incessantly! Hang in there, Mom!
I swear sometimes it’s just so good to know you are alone. To see other moms just losin it like u do. I used to feel such shame in some of my behavior but I also know that Gio & Jacob take me to the brink of insanity somedays and water over their head is a small price to pay for both of to calm down it’s better than a spanking and it ceertainly gets the point across.
I’ve heard that a child’s job is to push you beyond your limits to see how u react, that they live to stretch beyond the acceptable but somedays that is OLD and you want a little cooperation, a little compromise.
Thank u for posting this and letting all of us know in our weak OMG moments we are not alone.
My Jaw dropped when I read this. This is me and my 6 yr old, almost 4 yr old, and soon to be 2 yr old. And I’m talking several times a day. It’s either one or the other back to back or all of them at the same time. I can’t stand the screaming. Your words are about my life, minus the water. Last night my 3 yr old did the same thing. She didn’t want to stay in bed, then she had to pee, so she went to pee, then it was water. I told her “enough, you don’t need water!!! You’re not getting any water!!! It got worse after that. She just started these obscene screaming fits. Thank you for sharing this.
Oh. My. GOSH. That was so freaking awesome! I was LOL because I have done that before, too–not while inside, but still. So great. At least you can use it as a threat now. :)
I totally identify with this–they really know exactly which buttons to push. But he’s okay and so are you, which is what really matters.
Oh hon…big hugs. I’ve so been there. xo
Sending you love. You must have beat yourself up a thousand times in your head over this. ((((((HUGS)))))
LOL!
Well sounds like it worked!!
{HUGS} to you!
I don’t even count this as a Mom Fail–kids need to know there’s only so far they can push. I once cut a pair of leggings off my 6-year old daughter-not my proudest moment, but we sure do laugh about it now that she’s 16. It in no way cured her stubbornness!
I have definitely had moments like that and I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s really okay. It’s lovely to be calm and pulled together most of the time but once in a while kids need to see you lose it–as long as no one gets hurt.
I find that I usually lose it when all the windows in the house are open and neighbors are walking by. Sigh.
Thank you for having the guts to post that and therefore helping the rest of us feel like we are not alone! I hope that, after reading these comments, you feel like you’re not alone either!
Thank you for this brave post. We have all been there and it’s so nice to know none of us is alone.
This is NOT a fail! My mom did this to my sister when she was little, only that she splashed the water right on her face. It was the ONLY threat that worked on her.
Is it completely weird that I’ve done the same thing??? In the same scenario!!!
What people don’t get is that sometimes as a parent, you gotta do what works. Can’t say I’m proud of it though.
Great post, and great prompts this week!
I could feel the tension rising in this post. I’ve been there, losing ALL control. I have not dumped the water but I’ve have had my fair share of moments where I regret what I did. I find myself bawling about it later too.
I probably would have done that same thing and cried about it later. I can’t handle the whining and screaming.
Tha you for sharing this and making us feel better for our own mom fails since we all have them but never talk about them!
One of those things that surely wasn’t funny at the time, but hilarious looking back after the fact. :)
sometimes i feel like all day every day is one big mom fail!
I don’t have children, but I feel like I would have done the same thing you did. When kids act like that, I don’t know how I’d be able to keep my cool. What you did was brilliant!
That is too funny. If i had done it I know Id be in tears, but the availability of the threat is perfect!
OMG. I burst out laughing immediately after reading that you dumped the water on his head. Poor kid, but even more, I can so relate to EVERYTHING. My son (3yr old) is the exact same, even down to the stupid fan. I have to admit there are times when I just have to walk away and disengage because it can start to feel like its getting ugly.
LOL! I have had days like this. I love that it’s a threat now.