When I started blogging Kainoa was a brand new baby. Maile and Laina were ages three and two and I had a gaggle of daycare kids in and out of my house all day long.
My every moment in life was revolved around keeping my kids alive. On more than one occasion my husband came home to find me in tears at the end of the day because when baby Kainoa napped, the children played and when the children napped baby Kainoa played and I was just plain worn out.
I remember reading other blogs…women who had older kids wrote about how difficult summer was because *GASP* their school aged children were going to be HOME everyday!!!
I’m going to be honest.
I was a little judgey. And tired. But mostly judgey.
You’re whining because your self entertained EIGHT year old, who can color and watch movies and have play dates and is able to access a semi-logical portion of their brain is home everyday??
God forbid you have to spend time with YOUR KIDS!?!
Here I was home everyday, all day, and all year long with three kids who all wanted to be held, rocked, entertained, cleaned, and fed at the same exact time ALL THE TIME.
Well my friends, times have changed. My two and three year olds are now six and seven and holy mother of God school could not come soon enough.
I finally get it. It’s not about not loving them or enjoying who they are, it’s that school aged kids are a whole different breed of child to learn to deal with. Are they easier than a two year old? In my opinion YES, but so is a cage full of parrots and I don’t want to be alone with those all day either. In a lot of ways school-agers can be just as needy as toddlers.
They pick at each other, they poke, they prod, and they argue with me. Do they color? Yes…but certainly not on a used coloring book. Do they watch movies? Yes…when they can agree on something they all want to see. Do they have play dates? I don’t welcome children into this house unless I’m being paid to put up with them. Period. So no.
This summer has been filled to the brim with activities planned for them in an attempt to keep them moving and engaged and happy. But I’m telling you, I could run them ragged for two weeks solid at Disneyland and the moment we returned they would be all “I’m bored…what are we doing today…SHE TOUCHED MY ARM!!!”
And though I’ve been holding on to afternoon naps with every ounce of will I have left in me, they just will. not. sleep anymore!
This year, my two oldest will be in school full time. My youngest gets to go to preschool…and I? For a few hours a day, a few days a week? Will relish in the sound of the dishwasher humming away in my quiet house while I do whatever I damn well please.
I’ve been looking forward to this for years. It’s like Christmas is coming and it’s going to last ten whole months. Once I get a taste of what life is like in a semi-quiet home I can pretty much guarantee I’ll become one of those moms who complains about all those unnecessary holidays the kids are getting. Because you know what? I’ve earned it!
The valuable take home lesson of the day today is:
Kids don’t stop being difficult as they age…and any woman who has survived six years of tantrum throwing toddler(s)…CAN COMPLAIN ABOUT WHATEVER SHE WANTS.
Wendy says
The cooking picture is the funniest, truest moment of motherhood one can never fully understand unless you have been there!
Mariana says
I’m don’t have kids yet (and I won’t be for a while, I’m only 18) so I feel like I strangely relate to this. Before I started reading so many blogs and consequently so many “mom-blogs” I used to roll my eyes whenever anybody complained about their kids. Now I just try to remind myself that one day that will be me and I don’t want to tempt the universe. So here’s cheers to you, and to other moms out there, for teaching me to get over myself. :)
Domesticated Gal says
Your post? Gives me hope. Because my soon-to-be-2-yr-old/might-as-well-be-2-already definitely does not sync up his nap time with my 2-month-old. And she? Does not sync up her night times with mine.
Kisatrtle says
Amen! Mine are in school all day and i got the bright idea to join them. Now when summer ends i want them to go back and not have lunch so i can stay home lol
Kim says
This. Is. Perfect.
I’m in the exact same position this school year: a 2nd and a 1st grader (yay! No more Kinder schedule with which to contend!) and a preschooler. Today is the first day that they’ll all be at school. I’m celebrating with a back to school beer in a seedy bar somewhere. Cheers to freedom!
Karen Blados says
That cooking image should be next to motherhood in the dictionary! When I was pregnant with my first, a male friend who was home with his kids said, “Raising kids never gets easier. It just gets different.” Truer words have never been spoken.
kat says
This year I get four mornings off a week! Yay me! And yet I say I want another one…..after a few days I might change my mind about that one!
The cooking picture reminds me so much about my life just one year ago……
MommaC says
Welcome to my world! My oldest is 2nd year college. My youngest is in first grade. The middle kids are in 6th and 8th grades. They are all in such different places and I often feel like I should run away and let the animals run the zoo.
The kids went back to school 3 weeks ago. Yesterday I had 2 home sick. I was PISSED! LOL! They were home ALL SUMMER for crap sake, and then had the nerve to be HOME SICK?
Enjoy your quiet… I know I do! =]
Amanda @ Serenity Now says
The cooking pic made me laugh…I have a similar one! My oldest starts kindergarten next Monday and my younger daughter is starting preschool. I am more than a little excited about having a couple of hours ALONE!
michelle @ this little light says
Sing it, sista! Truer words were never spoken. “A cage full of parrots …” had me laughing out loud.
My own little lovebug stepped on the bus for the first time this morning. I got choked up … then I got over it and skipped back home to enjoy a hot cup of coffee IN PEACE! xo
Kristin Sidaway says
AMEN, SISTA KAT!
Rachel {at} Mommy Needs a Vacation says
Amen!!! The beginning of the year school is the most wonderful time of the year! Sadie is in preschool 5 mornings/week & Tyler is in for 2 mornings/week.
It is the closest thing to heaven that I have ever experienced.
Krista says
In my opinion, all moms can complain about anything they want. That’s our reward for listening to everyone else’s crying and complaining every day of our lives. My oldest is 2.5 and her brother is 8 months. My goal in life is for them to take a nap at the same time everyday. Nothing else matters. Preschool cannot come soon enough.
Emily D says
Krista, I have a boy and a girl pretty much the same ages! 26 month daughter and 9 month son, and I am having the same issue. THEY NEVER SLEEP AT THE SAME TIME. I don’t get it! One is always asleep and one is always awake. I never get a break- not to mention do I ever have an opportune time to run errands and crap. Ugh. Glad I’m not alone ;)
Book4MyDaughter says
I love this post—especially the fact that you can look back and admit that you used to judge mom’s who complained about summer with older kids. It’s funny how our perceptions of life continually change as our children get older. I’ve been working a 9-5 job since my daughter was born 11 years ago. There was no such thing as time off in summer, and I never felt like I had enough time with my kids. Then, a year ago, I started working from home rather than the office, AND my kids got old enough to be home after camp, etc. I never thought I’d wish for LESS time with them, but I did this summer. Now I am doing a happy dance around the house—in between meetings—so happy to have them back in school!
Ambrosia says
Amen. I am exhausted at the end of the day when it’s just me and little ones, but it’s not like older kids are any freaking easier!! If it’s not nonstop neediness of a baby/toddler, then it’s nonstop entertainment, breaking up of fights and curing the “I’m bored” of the older ones! Moms – we all need a break. Enjoy the quiet – I’ll sit here just a little jealous. ;)
Jennifer says
I just don’t understand why they just can’t get along, and why they come to me when they’re “bored.” I gave you a playmate. Go play. Let me
play Angry Birdsreaddo the laundry in peace.Lady goo goo gaga says
I feel like since pregnancy – this whole motherhood thing is something you have to really go through yourself to get – It’s like when you have your second kid – and you think of how you thought it was hard to have one newborn – and you think – what the heck was I complaining about???
TisforTonya says
I love that you just gave me permission to complain about anything I want… My 5 are now 16,14, 12,9 & 7… and yes, it was WAY harder 7 years ago – in some ways… but now that I have mid-day “me time” I cherish it… because from 7:20 to 9:30 I’m dropping kids off and then the pick-up/dance classes/scouts/church routine begins at 2:00… easier to be sure, but still a huge pain in my ever expanding butt.
tanya jose says
i’m so envious. i’m counting down & Ry is only 2. LOL
Jennifer says
Thanks for the reminder to not be judgmental! I have a 20-month-old, and am about to have my second in about five weeks, so I am about to be in the middle of fussy babies and cranky toddlers! I’m excited, but I am absolutely sure that it won’t be a picnic either!
Shannon says
With my youngest entering kindergarten this year, I was starting to feel a bit guilty…thank you!
Bee @ Juggling Act Called Life says
Amen! I never quite got it until my kids were in school either. Kids may get older but raising them never truly gets easier. It just changes and evolves. While I am actually sad that my kid are back in school I can honestly say I do not miss the bickering! If they’re not bickering at each other then they’re bickering me.
Jenny says
I only have one, but I agree it gets harder the older they get. Especially when they start sass mouthing.
Melissa says
Amen!! I finally get it now, too. I love that pic of you holding the baby with the two at your feet. Man alive, I don’t miss those days! That said, my oldest is giving me such a hard time that yeah, morning and school cannot come fast enough!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I cringe when I think about all 3 of them being in school at the same time, 3 times the homework, lunches and activities. But for now, just taking it one day at a time…
Adrienne says
Every stage and age has it’s blessings and challenges! Count ’em and complain about ’em. And find some meaningful non-kid stuff to focus on during the quiet times. Seems to have gotten me through to the empty nest!
Natasha says
The picture of you cooking is my favorite. My girls are 15 and 17 now. My issues with them are the attitudes. But I have to admit I miss when they were younger.
Jen says
We have totally earned every moment of silence that school brings us. I had my first day yesterday and couldn’t wait for it to happen again today.
God bless school. God bless teachers. And God bless mommy’s quiet time.
WebSavvyMom says
–>You’ve definitely earned the silence during the day.
tracy@sellabitmum says
A to the Men. Also – I don’t like that my 8 year old is smarter than I am and winning the battles is getting more difficult…like she totally has it figured out that parents don’t know what we’re doing.
S Club Mama says
won’t you have daycare kids to watch?
Julie says
Just read your post as I dry my eyes after my 22 year old son left for North Dakota. My husband and I were relieved and proud when he (finally) went into the Air Force 2 years ago. He came home for a long visit almost 4 weeks ago. It was nice to see him coming and going and although we hate the gamer videos he constantly watches on the computer when he is home (and not eating) I miss not being able to ruffle his hair as I walk by.
I had just gotten used to the quiet when he came and now I will get out my usual list of things to do after work and turn up Pandora Radio station to fill the void. Think of the quiet of when the kids are at school as practice.
Marta says
You’re totally right! You can complain about whatever you damn well please!
The Mommy Therapy says
You are so right! I have one that just started school, one in preschool, and one home all the time and they are all difficult in their own way. The return of school was glorious though and something I am still grateful for everry single day.
Over the past 6 years I have definitely determined that kids are not going to stop being difficult, but….the breaks that school gives and the ability to sleep most nights does vastly improve my ability to deal with them versus during the baby years!
My Inner Chick says
—And I say Amen, too, Sistah.
Marie says
I wrote a blog post (http://murraysmomma.blogspot.com/2011/08/why-i-dont-do-home-daycare.html) about the wonderfullness of daycare providers everywhere. As much as I love our son and as much as I want more kids, I could never stay home all day with them. I prefer the “absence makes the heart grow fonder” philosophy.
Kudos!
-MM
Rhett says
I don’t have any kids, but I do run a daycare out of my home. I’m lucky enough that I only have three kids here – at the moment – and they’re 3 years, 2.5 years and 11 months. Occasionally I also have my 2.5 year old nephew as well, and a 6 year old starting before and after school care this month.
I work 10 hours a day.
And I cannot tell you how happy I am when they go home. I love them. But at the end of the day, I want to sit, with my coffee, and relax in front of The Big Bang Theory, and speak to adults.
Kim says
I kept chuckling during this post, because I can’t imagine doing what you did, taking care of more than just your own children in your home and never getting a moment to breathe even after the other children went home, because you still had your three to take care of! My oldest is only four and I am finding her age way more tiring than 1, 2 and 3 years; maybe it is because of the mind games she’s now able to play or her need for more mental stimulation at a frequent change, or maybe because she thrives at preschool so when she is home she wants the same direction and fun exciting times her teachers provide her with. We’re with a year round school here, so instead of three months of summer we get several 3 week breaks throughout the year. I still don’t know which is better, but either way I think once my three girls are all in school (which won’t be until four years from now) I think I’ll probably feel I’ve earned the right to sigh and complain :)
Lola says
You know what’s really nice about school age kids? When they come home from school they are big enough now to use the blender to make mommy a frozen daiquiri.
Denise says
Hell to the yeah! At any age they are gonna drive you nuts. Precious alone time is just that … PRECIOUS!
Simone @Greatfun4kids says
Oh yeah.
And there you have it.
Another reason I just LOVE Mama Kat.
We are SOOO sympatico its like we are twins, separated at birth or something.I have had these EXACT thoughts.
I used to be Mrs Judgey. Mrs I-Can’t-Wait-for-my-kids-to-go-to-school so i can have that easy life where the teachers do all the work….
Bwahahahahahahaha!!!
Oh yeah, school-age kids just bring their own level of difficulties.
All the things you’ve said.
Plus other stuff.
like when they first hear on the playground what grownups do behind closed doors.
Or friendship dramas, fashion crises and tantrums thrown in public on a FOOTBALL PITCH where people are not so understanding of a 7yr old as they are of a 2yr old who cries when their team loses!
Ahhh Mama Kat, I have finally realised, that motherhood is just plain HARD no matter the age.
And look at some people whose kids have left home, i don’t think we’ll EVER stopping worrying about them.
But the upside of schoolagers…?
At least we get more SLEEP.
Something i am eternally grateful for.
xx
Jen {at} take2mommy says
At first I thought you were coming down on moms of older kids. And even though I’m a mom of sorta older kids (5 & 7) I found myself completely agreeing with you. Then I got to “school can’t come soon enough” and I laughed. It doesn’t get easier, it just gets different.
Also, I think my boys said “I’m bored…he touched my arm!” 2,347,029 times over the summer. It was torture.
Ann says
Enjoy your quiet time…you have CERTAINLY earned it!
Creative2xmom says
Oh, I so sympathize. I’m there.
Kimberly says
I only have one, so I get to skip the “she’s touching me” stuff but then again she has just me as her primary fun planner/playmate! Yes to the judgy once but now…she NEEDS to go to school!!!
Galit Breen says
Hee! So, so true! Who knew they would get like…that? :)
Christi says
Very true! What gets me is the CONSTANT talking from my 11-year-old. Now, I like to carry on a good conversation with her, but half of the time it’s just nonsense and noise just to hear herself talk. And right in the midst of a conversation she’ll spontaneously drop to the floor and do a few somersaults? You might think this would result in a slower pace of chattering, but no… she just keeps going and going and going.
Ashleigh Fields says
Bahaha, laughed out loud several times at your post. I only have ONE toddler and could somehow relate to this post. Even with only my little guy hanging on me all day every day while I daydream about naps, preschool, and wine, I too look forward to that “me time” I always hear about on TV. Thanks for posting ;)
Tonya says
I’d said you have definitely earned the right to complain. And enjoy the quiet. I can’t wait until my now toddler is a full time school goer. Sigh….
Sister Sister says
A kid around each ankle and one on the hip while doing something with the only free appendage you have….it’s days like that that make me reconsider this idea I have of maybe trying to homeschool…
Victoria KP says
You’re a very wise woman. Just sayin’.
Amanda says
I’m counting down the years! Just sent one to Kindergarten. I have a 2 year old and a set of 10 month twins at home. I dream of the day when they are all at school! But pieces of me remember to enjoy the baby moments because I’m not having anymore!
Joy says
When Wyatt started school way back and I was just at home with Abby I was like wow this is easy :) ha it didn’t last long. I started keeping a 1yr old then not to much longer her sister came along, then last winter I started keeping another kid full time. So over the yrs I have had an overflow of kids with anywhere from just my 2 kids to 5 kids at one time! But this all changed this year!! Abby headed off to Kindergarten and I completely quit 2 of the kids I was keeping, yep I only have 1 at home and get this she naps for 2hrs!! holy hell for 2hrs every day I am completely alone! and yes even though my 2 are “big kids” they are SOOO much worse than the 20mth old I keep. “I’m bored”, “she bugging me”, “mom tell her to get out of my room” OMG school could not come quick enough!