I’d never been hiking before.
It’s something that always sounded neat, but that I just never knew enough about to get myself moving.
After Maile’s reaction at the falls this summer I decided I needed to get the kids involved in some outdoor activities.
Lately their infatuation is with scrounging together all the quarters they can find then begging me to take them to the mall so they can spend them on the gumball machine. And that’s just not acceptable.
On Sunday I told them that, in fact, we were not going to the mall, but that we were going hiking! To which Maile responded with a monotone, “We don’t like walking.”
The rest of the morning went downhill from there. From kids barging in on me in the bathroom, to kids whining about how I don’t do enough for them, to kids complaining that nothing I cook them tastes good…I kind of lost my cool. And I think I scared my husband…because he quickly hopped up and ushered the children out the door to accompany him on his coffee run.
But I wasn’t going to let them ruin my day. I decided to go on the hike without them. A nice leisurely stroll through nature is probably just what I needed to pull myself together a bit.
The problem with being a rookie when it comes to something like hiking is that you don’t pay much attention to things like “elevation” and “incline”…I found a hike about 30 minutes from our house, saw that it was about 2 miles long and decided I could handle that.
Never mind the fact that the two miles was all up hill.
I sent Pat a text at the beginning of my hike so that he would show the kids the fun I was having all by myself:
I wanted them to feel bad, but instead he responded with this:
Determined to force them all to come crying back to me about how much they wished they had gone with me I trekked on.
And on.
And on.
Holy hell this hike was a HIKE. I tried to look natural, but I. was. Dying. Was the whole trail uphill? Not to mention you can’t even enjoy the surroundings because you risk tripping on a tree root and then cascading down the entire mountain head first.
I wondered if anyone had ever fallen off the side before. I wondered why everyone seemed fine with the fact that this entire trail was UP HILL. Why was I the only one struggling?
I wondered who these mountain men were with their wool socks and their backpacks and walking sticks. Is this what they did for fun every weekend? I wondered if the view at the top was REALLY worth the trouble. It had to be right? Because why would people be making a sport of climbing mountains if the view from the top was anything less than life changing?
I had to find out.
I climbed and struggled and rested my hands on my knees and climbed and struggled and pretended to tie my shoes and climbed and when I just couldn’t take it anymore I asked a couple girls giggling on their way down past me, “Hey! Am I almost there?” and they were all, “Well…you’re almost to the halfway mark!”
And then I screamed obscenities at them and they ran away.
The halfway mark??
THE HALFWAY MARK!?!
It was at this point I decided hiking was like childbirth. You suffer and carry on and push through the pain and the end result is a gift. A gift that makes the entire challenge worth every contraction.
The only difference is…
…turning back is not an option when birthing a child…
…but it sure as hell is when you’re climbing a mountain.
I never did make it to the top. I smiled all the way back down the trail and when a struggling family of five asked me if they were almost to the top I smiled and said, “you’re almost to the halfway mark!” and then thanked God my kids were somewhere chewing gumballs and not begging for piggy back rides down this God forsaken trail.
Forget hiking…I know what I’d rather spend my Sunday’s doing.
Gigi says
That was classic. Totally sounds like something I would have done.
June Freaking Cleaver says
Maybe you should start out with the old lady mall walkers. Even terrain AND giant gumballs…WIN/WIN.
Connie Weiss says
I just found the perfect excuse for NOT hiking.
Mountain Lions can smell blood….so you shouldn’t go during certain times of the month.
Now I have an excuse for NOT making whoppie AND hiking! Win/Win!
Jenny@flutterbyechronicles says
That is so funny Connie.
Rachel {at} Mommy Needs a Vacation says
Hahaha!!! I love hiking but not with children.
Jessica says
I just went on a backpacking excursion with the youth group I help out with. Let me just say that I will never.go.again. I had no idea the how horrible hiking was. Ill stay home next year, thankyou.
Arnebya @whatnowandwhy says
I like walking, but I’ve never hiked. And boy! I can’t imagine how much harder it would have been w/the kids.
Krista says
My husband is obsessed with hiking. I’m cool with it once in awhile, but one view from the top of a mountain is much like another. Plus I start killing myself to get to the top so that it’s over and don’t enjoy any of it. I tell him hiking is just a word to make people think there is something special about their walking and give them excuse to buy a bunch of gear at REI.
Marta says
Ha. I feel the same way about hiking. You forgot to mention the worse part: the bugs. Mosquitoes, spiderwebs, ticks, the whole shebang!
Stasha says
OK. I am SO not a hiker but there is a place that my family LOVES to go to.
Have you heard of the Nisqually National Wildlife Refuge?
http://www.fws.gov/Nisqually/
The paths are easy to walk on. There is no uphill. It’s all flat. It’s like a boardwalk. So you don’t have to worry about tripping over roots or tumbling down a mountain.
It is seriously one of my favorite places to go. We try to go at least once a season (4 times a year) because it is different every time you go.
Jenny@flutterbyechronicles says
That is how I felt on a hike in the smokey mountains. It was never ending so we gave up and turned around. Thought I was going to die trying to get back to the car ;)
Cindee says
Omg we did that the sign said two miles. No place did it say uphill add crazy road. I completed the jount a life experience. Did I mention I have fused back and spinal implants. The things we do for love
Domesticated Gal says
Hikes are like ninjas in the dark – it looks all clear, until one sneaks up and whacks you. My aunt tricked me into going on one a few years ago. She called it “Hadley Hill.” Which technically was correct. Except for the part where the Hill? Was a freakin’ MOUNTAIN.
Fortunately, there were blue berries and a Really cute forest ranger at the top.
Which almost made me forget the fact that I was about to have to hike back down.
Hillary says
Hahah! Defeat! Love that text message. I’m sure your hubby had to laugh. It’s that moment of saying, “epidural, NOW!”
No Drama Mama says
Those pictures are gorgeous, and I’m totally jealous! Also, laughing my butt off. I love hiking, so I am taking great pleasure from your misery. But seriously, please try again! A walk in the woods is sometimes all that keeps me sane. That and shoes.
adventuresindinner says
Bleh! Hmmmm…shopping or ‘treking’? I wish that I liked hiking but I always stand back partway through and wonder “Why am I doing this?”.
blythe says
Try rattlesnake ledge– it’s a beautiful, doable hike with a great view, and it’s very accessible from Seattle!
Denise says
I live in the epicenter of amazing hiking. I love to go hiking, but I’ve noticed there is an adverse reaction when I ask friends to join me. I guess they imagine spikes on their shoes and climbing ropes tethered to their waists just to hit the trail. Instead, I’ve asked my friends to go for a walk on an unpaved path with me.
Lose the term hike, think of it as walking on a dirt path. Maybe you’ll even enjoy it!
Jen says
I have never made it through a full hike my entire life. Probably because I always choose the gumball.
Kimberly says
This was exactly what I would have done. Determined to prove them wrong but totally not able to hike!
jo@blog-diggidy says
yeah, i’m not a big fan of the out-of doors myself…i do like camping but in a camper with electricity and running water and such, not the kind where you have to sleep on the ground in a tent with no toilet….
Mariah says
Don’t give up on hiking… it gets easier each time. My son and I hiked 50 miles this summer (over 5 days) It was intense, but also spiritual and it brought us really close!! Your kids are younger, but DO IT!! :)
Kim @ The Family Practice says
Go to Iron Goat trail in Skykomish – its flat (actually ADA accessible) and has awesome tunnels. It follows the original train grade through Stevens Pass. Just stick to the lower trail – we made the mistake of thinking the upper trail would have really awesome stuff and be worth the uphill battle – it is most certainly less interesting than the “lower trail” and was the most intense hike I’ve even been on (perhaps because we had to carry the stroller and the child who was supposed to be in it!)
Patty Ann says
Oh, I have so been there!! I want to do something that is good for me. I want to make a difference. I want to change. But, then I go hiking or biking or walking and I know that I would rather be somewhere else. Especially if I take my kids along. We end up with a lot of red-faced cranky kids and some seriously funny pictures of us “enjoying” ourselves.
Tiffany says
I love hiking…but this sounds like a doozy!! Stinking gumballs. I never have quarters for the machine. Ever.
Scary Mommy says
What the hell were you thinking?!
Jean Summers says
Gives you a whole new appreciation for walking sticks, doesn’t it? ;-)
Jennifer says
I decided one morning that I was going to take my kids “hiking.” By myself. We have a state park a few miles from our house, and I thought it would be fun. It was NOT fun. It was hot and humid and Bud was still too little and I had to carry him. And there were spiders. I haven’t gone back with them by myself again. I’m just spider fighting material.
MangoChutney says
I wouldn’t have made it to the top either, especially when you’re alone, you don’t have to prove it to anyone that you did or didn’t make it to the top, you could say you did ;)
Angie @ The Little Mumma says
Ha! The last picture of you? Is perfection.
I knew hiking was a bad idea. This has been a public service announcement and for that, I have to thank you.