I love it when people who don’t me know assume I don’t have kids.
Women have a way of being condescending to other women who don’t have the notch of motherhood on their fancy belts…you know…like you just couldn’t possibly understand what they’re going through unless you’ve been there.
Because apparently women who don’t have kids can’t FATHOM what it would be like to be sleep deprived and moody.
I met a new mom at a bar over the weekend when I was waiting for a friend to join me for drinks. She had a two month old baby at home and this was her first night out since the baby had been born. And because nobody was really talking to her (or me) and she was RIGHTTHERE I thought I should extend an olive branch of communication.
“Oh my!” I said, “The first night out with a new baby at home can’t be easy!”
“It’s not so bad” she replied, “She normally goes to daycare so she’s used to being away from me.”
“Well good for you!” I shouted over the music, “So tell me, what do you think is the most challenging part about having a new baby?”
She smiled thoughtfully…”Ohhh…nothing really.”
Nothing challenging about a two month old?
*Insert eye roll*
It was in that moment I decided,
a.) I could never be friends with this woman.
b.) She’s a liar and can’t be trusted.
and c.) I had an intense craving for hot wings.
“Nothing?” I said, “Wow! That’s pretty impressive…newborns are not easy!”
That’s when the condescending smile appeared…like I couldn’t possibly know what I was talking about, “Oh…do you have kids?” she asked.
“I have THREE,” I said, “and between the crying, whining, spitting, sucking, spilling, non-sleeping, and POOPING I’d say they’re no walk in the park. I DON’T KNOW WHO YOU THINK YOU’RE FOOLING!”
Your Southern Peach says
Gotta love that “ignorance is bliss” approach of a new mom.
Brae says
I don’t know. I have 2 takes on this.
1. (And I’ll probably be flogged for this) She doesn’t think it’s difficult because she’s usually at daycare, so the bulk of the daily crying spitting puking and so on rests on her shoulders only for a portion of the day.
2. I didn’t have many challenges myself until my 3rd baby came along. My first two were cake. Slept well, ate well, didn’t cry much, were angels, and I really didn’t have much of a hard time. I was a SAHM. But now I have 4, and things are more difficult and more challenging. She might not have been lying. Maybe she has a very easy going baby. Maybe she’s one of those people who just rolls with the punches really well.
Mama Kat says
I considered #2 briefly before deciding that every baby is challenging…no matter what their activity level.
But then I don’t think I’ve had an ‘easy’ baby so I guess I wouldn’t know. It sounds like an oxy moron to me. :)
Tara says
Word, Mama! I have two AND I have been both a stay at home mom and a WAHM, but that certainly does not mean it is not challenging.
I personally would have a hard time even implying it is not difficult to be away from my newborn, simply because I am always away anyway. That revelation alone, as a brand new hormonal mom, would have sent me sobbing out the door.
I just love that you had the chance to tell her you had three. Wish I could have seen her face after that!
Julia says
I think she’s lying because I think when you have a baby you are brainwashed to act like it’s a piece of cake. When anyone who has had a newborn knows it’s not. I know there were a few months were I kept trying to act like it was easy to anyone who asked when deep down inside I wanted to scream, “this is so much for challenging than I imagined!”
Susan in the Boonies says
I vote for “she’s lying”, or, she has a live-in Nanny for nighttime duty, but, that’s just because having a newborn was never, ever, ever a walk in the park for me.
Fact is, someone acting like having a newborn is No Big Deal means to me that somebody else must be doing all the suffering, because SOMEONE has got to take care of that little thang.
jo@blog-diggidy says
i agree with the other ladies, she prolly has a live in nanny, is in blissfull denial or maybe maybe she’s just on crack! ;)
Rachel says
Oh, she’s lying alright. Easygoing baby or not. “Nothing really?” Ew!
Rachel {at} Mommy Needs a Vacation says
Nothing challenging about having a 2 month old. That woman was a bold faced liar. She clearly did not have a baby at home.
So did you get some hot wings?
Mama Kat says
I NEVER GOT THE HOT WINGS!! Altogether a disappointing evening.
Jocelyn @ ScooterMarie says
No shit! Newborns? Easy?? Ha. HAHAHAHA. Yeah right, girl, get over yourself. (her, not you of course ;) )
S Club Mama says
NOTHING challenging? She can take my kids for….an hour. they’ll show her a challenge.
wendy @mama one to three says
Oh I hate when this happens! I actually feel bad for women who feel like they have to lie about mommyhood being hard. I will tell anyone who will listen (or not run away) how difficult life feels sometimes. when my kids were babies I was a freaking mess most of the time–I don’t think I could have hid it.
Mama Kat says
I do too! I feel the same way about people who use flowery language on Facebook to talk about how beautiful life is. I mean it’s nice that people are staying so positive, but it seems so forced to me.
Stasha says
Strange people in this pub of yours… I am getting on the ferry next time before you chat up a three eyed monster in ballet slippers named Banana next!
Tiffany says
Hilarious! a friend of mine and I were just talking about that yesterday. She has two boys 2yrs & 3mnt, and I have 1 1/2 year old and pregnant with another boy. We were talking about how “easy” some moms make it all out to be. The cloth diapers, coupons, and baby sleeping through the night at 6 weeks. I say liars! LOL I actually blogged about it today, glad to see a theme going on in mommyverse!
Life As Wife says
We don’t want to admit it’s hard or that we’re having a bad day because then we’re pegged as the “bad” moms or moms who can’t do it.
I have no shame, I’ll admit it. Being a first time mom was hard as hell. I wanted to peace out. But the love – oh the love- makes all that crap worth it!!
Jessica McFadden - A Parent in Silver Spring says
You rock – and as a fellow mom of three who works her a$$ off in the trenches – I would totally be friends with you. I would have scared you away in the bar kvetching about how tough it is!
Kristi {at} Live and Love Out Loud says
I probably would’ve thrown one of my hot wings at her. Okay maybe not, but I’d definitely want to.
Amanda | OneMommysThoughts says
I too could never friend a liar like this woman you met. Who is she kidding?! Being a mom is NOT easy. I don’t care if you have god’s greatest baby. The baby is only part of what makes it hard. You have to factor in your body, mental state, husband (we all know they are part of what makes being a mommy hard) and the financial stress. What a joke! How dare she say to a mother of three that it really isn’t hard!
Amanda Austin says
There is approximately NOTHING EASY about a 2 month old baby. NOTHING. I still have PTSD from my baby’s first 3 months of life.
Jess Out West says
Clearly she has a well stocked pantry of mommy-pills.
And she should not be in a bar – because drinking and mommy-pills should not be combined UNLESS you are locked in the privacy of your own bathroom with the iPad, shopping on Etsy. With earplugs in. And the water running.
Two kids are kicking my ample butt. Said with love.
Jannica says
does the fact that she’s drinking alone, raise a red flag for anyone? She’s mental…that’s my opinion
Jayme (RandomBlogette) says
She is totally lying and now I want some hot wings. No matter what there is a challenge with every baby, even if they are “perfect”.
Yvonne says
I know when I’m sitting in a bar drinking by myself things are NOT good, and certainly not easy.
Jen says
Well, you told her. Good thing too.
Ashley {at} My Front Porch Swing says
Um, yeah. I call liar. Although, I wonder how much of it is guilt that she is away from the baby so much, so she feels bad about complaining. (I never experienced such qualms. In fact, I still complain and my “baby” of the two is nearly 3. Ahem.)
Nothing is difficult. This is going to drive me crazy all day.. *shaking head*
Mel B says
This woman sounds like my SIL. While pregnant and puking 5-7 random times a day with our second baby, she was pregnant with her first. I remember her calling one night. I asked her how she was doing and her response was, “Great! No problems. I really don’t get all these women who complain about pregnancy. I just don’t see what could be so hard about it.” At this point I handed the phone over to my husband so I could go puke…again. As they say, ignorance is bliss.
Domesticated Gal says
Um, she was sitting in a Bar ALONE. That right there Screams “Momma Needs a BREAK.”
megryansmom says
It probably is a cake walk for her. Her daycare provider has the baby all day, got her on a schedule. Baby goes home for one feeding and goes to bed. They might even have a night nanny. Sorry. Flog away, I probably deserve it, but moms like that just rub me the wrong way.
CrissieC says
I was thinking the same thing Megryansmom! Maybe I’m wrong and she is a superwoman. But I feel like she has some sort of 24 hour support system, be it HER mom or a nanny or something. But it bothers me none the less. When you have children I believe its YOU who should raise them, especially when YOU are home on Mat-leave for the year!
Courtney @ The Mommy Matters says
I agree. She’s probably not dealing with actually getting her child on a schedule. Sounds like she’s got enough people paid to do that for her.
Simone @Greatfun4kids says
hahahahahahaha
thats all i got
x
Courtney @ The Mommy Matters says
Oh yes. This totally cracks me up. I can’t stand mother’s like that. Everyone knows that your full of it when you try to act like being a mom isn’t hard. And that whole, “I never want to be away from my kids…They are life’s greatest joy and I don’t know why parent’s don’t want to be with them 24 hours a day…” crap is complete garbage, too. I love my son more than anything. But geez. Sometimes, mama just needs a break.
Jennifer says
She’s a liar. Period.
I was at home with both of mine when they were two month’s old, but it wasn’t easier when I put the younger one in daycare at three months. When kids come home, they want momma, and they are very demanding about it. That means you are juggling babies/kids, dinner, homework (if you have older kids), changing clothes, playtime, hugs and kisses, etc. all at once. There is absolutely nothing easy about it. Plus that age is when the evening fussy period is in full force.
Christi says
I have a friend who gave birth to twins two weeks ago, plus she has an 18 month old, plus her husband is being deployed in January. She was so zen and calm about it throughout the entire pregnancy and I just kept wanting to shake her and tell her it’s okay to just totally fall apart and beg for help from anyone who will offer it! Well, now that the twins are here and the sleep deprivation is in full effect, the fall apart is under way. I like her so much more now that I get to see her in this state. Not to mention I get to bring them meals and see the teeny tiny little babies. :-)
Heather says
AMEN!!! I just recently started talking about how we sometimes hide what is really going on in our lives because we don’t want to seem weak or whiny!
Shell says
Please tell me you called her out like that. B/c anyone who claims this motherhood thing is easy needs called out.
Cindee says
No way could she be telling the truth. A two month old gave her a reason to go to the bar.I bet she ran out the door and never looked back. Even if your baby is good you wonder about leaving them are the ok? Liar I say.
Not a Perfect Mom says
a mom working full time while taking care of a 2 month old?
yeah, I’d say it’s probably not challenging…you know, if you dope the baby up on Benadryll every night after day care…
I can’t stand mothers like that…all smug…
and who goes to the bar with a 2 month old at home? I was lucky if I got to the grocery store for food for my other children
Tracy says
Why didn’t anyone tell me how hard having a newborn was while I was pregnant? All I heard was “Oh, enjoy every second! It goes so fast!”, when I would have preferred to hear, “You will feel like a psychotic zombie for the next 5 months.”, because I DID feel like a zombie. That made me feel guilty and shitty because everyone had been all, “YAY! TINY BABIES!!”. So maybe that chick was still brainwashed. I adore my daughter to bits, but come on! The beginning was ROUGH.
Erin says
Aaahhhahaha that is awesome! I have a friend had her 1stbaby baby 2about days ago, she is still in hospital and she said being a mom is soooooo easy and her last fb status update said “Ohhh everyone tells me here how I am doing everything right and I am such a good mommy, some people are just born to be mommys I guess” yeah let’s see how it goes when you get home shall we!
Ali says
Gosh, if anyone asked me if motherhood is hard they couldn’t stop me blabbering away about the lack of sleep, no time for myself, cleaning up constantly, having sticky surfaces everywhere etc etc etc …..
Carri says
I would have stabbed her with a fork. Did you stab her with a fork? Because you should have.
MangoChutney says
lol!!! with a side of a luggie
Laci says
Perhaps she was referring to a baby doll that she has only had for 2 months?!?!? A newborn a breeze, hahaha come on now let’s be honest there’s nothing easy about a newborn especially to a first time mom.
pamtastic says
Well…she’s obviously sleep-deprived and/or lost her every lovin’ mind.
Or she has a nanny…
And a chef…
And a personal trainer…
And…nuts…
Jamie says
Oh yeah, I’ve met this girl too. I kind of LOVE the look on their face when they find out I have four. Gotcha sucka!
Lady goo goo gaga says
Good for you, why do people feel compelled to be supermoms? Why??????
Amy says
This sounds so sad, like she’s completely detached from the whole experience.
MangoChutney says
She’s just saying that!The easiest 2mo old isn’t easy!!! I wouldn’t be friends with liars;)
P.S She may have her own nanny, that’s why!
Cyn & Co says
Wow.
My guess is between daycare, her baby’s daddy and her folks, she probably does ZERO for or with this baby. If that’s the case, her condescending smile is misplaced, unless she’s looking in a mirror.
No two month old, or two year old, or twelve year old is easy.
John says
Love it, I was rolling my eyes at the same time you were typing them in :-)
Mrs4444 says
Honestly, Kyle was a cinch the first three weeks. It was the next nine months of colic that were hell.
Krissy says
Great story! i’m glad you called BS! Mothering is not roses and anyone who pretends it is probably is secretly “drinking the kool-aide”.