‘Live like you were dying” is a Tim McGraw song that perfectly illustrates what I’ve been doing for the past three days.
If you’re reading this then I’m alive.
And that’s good news.
For me.
Maybe not for you if you don’t like me. Which is laughable because obviously I’m extremely likable. I mean who, besides Sharon from third grade, doesn’t like me? Sharon at least has a good reason. I hit her in the head with a softball when I couldn’t make up my mind WHO to throw the ball to.
Third base Sharon wanted it, second base Rachelle wanted it…and I just plain could not make up my mind. The opposing team finished rounding the bases as I deliberated and at that point both Sharon and Rachelle gave up on me and turned around.
Which is precisely when I decided Sharon was the right pick, even though she did have a bobbed head of red hair that I didn’t particularly care for. She turned around, I threw the ball, and that red hair bobbed for real.
All that to say, I’m sick. Strep, fever, cold, fatique…you name it. I don’t know how I manage to rally during the day and then fall apart at night, but that’s what’s going on.
I just turned to my husband and said, “I’m experiencing sharp pain in this region of my head right here and it’s not a headache…it’s like scalp pain.”
And he was all “hmph.”
And I was all “I just did some research and I’m pretty sure I have neuralgia. It’s not common and usually misdiagnosed and there’s not even a real treatment for it. It’s caused by nerve damage in your neck and lack of sleep and a few other things that I identify with.”
And he was all “it not common?”
And I was all “Well that’s what it says here.”
And he was all “Well I’ve had it before in right about that same place.”
And I was thinking, of course you have.
I came home with strep and a fever and that NIGHT Pat allegedly had a fever too. He stayed home from work and “slept” the fever off. I can’t have a sick day without it being stolen right out from under me by The Man Cold. And now I can’t even have my own neuralgia without him hopping on that train too. Why can’t I get a break in this house? Why can’t I get a little of my own neuralgia? And maybe a hug. And maybe a day to just “sleep it off”…with a smoothie…and some donuts?
I DON’T ASK FOR MUCH.
But what I said was, “Well I’m just telling you my symptoms. I’ve never experienced this sharp pain in my scalp before (I abhor the word scalp by the way) and since I’m sick and experiencing all kinds of other REAL symptoms, I just thought your should be aware of what I’m feeling. That way, if I slip into some kind of epileptic seizure tonight you will be able to tell the paramedics that I talked experiencing sharp NEUROLOGICAL PAIN. And if not, then great. I’ll wake up, the pain will be gone, life will go on and we don’t need to have the discussion again.”
Deep down I believe Sharon is sitting at home somewhere stabbing needles into the head of a doll she’s named Kat and to that I say…damn you Sharon.
WE’RE EVEN!
heather says
This made me laugh! I go through the same stuff with my husband!
Jessica says
I hope you feel better soon.
My husband takes off running when I get sick. I start coughing and say my throat hurts and he suddenly has to go out of town or stay at work late or something.
Erin says
Aww I feel for you! And I hope you get better quick! Does it help if I tell you that even though you were sick last Sat you still looked marvelous?
And? I was so glad I got to meet you!
June Freaking Cleaver says
Have you posted this information elsewhere on the webs? It appears that The Boy uses similar descriptions when he’s sick.
And his face has the same expression as yours in the pic…though he tends to lean toward the ultra-dramatic end of the spectrum.
Just last week, he was sure he was going to have seizures from a fever.
Lucky for him, one of his bipolar meds is an anti-seizure medicine, huh?
And when his fever would break, he’d come to me so I could feel his head, and end up with sweat all over my hand.
I hope you used your powers to fool your mom or the school nurse when you were a kid? If not, your skills are going to waste, because it doesn’t seem to be working on Pat at all.
Gigi says
I have the same types of conversations with my hubby. I get the feeling he’s not listening and won’t be able to accurately describe what I was experiencing prior to “the incident”. *sigh* Apparently, I’m a goner.
stefanie says
i actually do have occipital neuralgia but mine manifests itself in the form of a headache. every now and then i get a tingle in my scalp but it’s not common for me. there are treatments for the every day symptoms of neuralgia as well.
Scary Mommy says
Jeff is always stealing my sick thunder too, the bastard. Glad to hear you are alive. Unlike Sharon, I would miss you if you were gone.
Jen says
Oh you poor, poor baby. I have been plagued by some illness too. Let’s go check ourselves into one of those special hotels that celebrities go to to recover from plastic surgery. There are people there that I am sure would take care of use.
Do you think our blogging celebrity will be enough to get us in?
Dianna says
This post had me laughing!
My hubby tends to downplay my symptoms too. I think they’re secretly afraid that something MIGHT really be wrong with us!
Rachelle says
HAHAHAHA. I think I, another Rachelle, have a similar doll made for me… except the girl who made it is the elder sister of a little girl who got a little too close while I was twirling my metal lunch box before my hula lesson… OOOPS.
Hope you feel better soon!
Cari says
I hope you’re on the mend. Here, here for the sick day. No rest for Moms I tell ya.
Great post despite your illness:)
KIr says
oh you poor girl, I hope your head feels better soon. I get complex migraines and they sound like that…except my whole face goes numb too.
I think you should definately get a day off to sleep. If I lived closer I’d come over and nap too. (oh you thought I’d offer to watch the kids and do the laundry..oh, well I’ll keep one eye on Law & Order marathons and shut the other one..*promise*)
sending neurological hugs. xo
Andrea says
I hated my Sharon in grade school too! In fact I get the willies everytime she shows up on Facebook!
Marina says
I can definitely identify with “The Man Cold.” I’m a nurse and sometimes secretly hope to catch something that I can have all to myself rather than the crap our son brings home from school and just passes around to the family willy-nilly.
I too could use a sick day that’s just for me. Here’s to hoping you are on the mend but let me suggest you fake it even after you feel better just to give yourself an extra break!
Christine King says
Yup hubbysickness by association seems to be common. Have you considered a good smack upside his head so he can refocus on his own special pain?
Feel better soon!
Chris
Deborah says
Whenever my mom said she had a pain, my daddy had the same one, except maybe just a little bit worse. When mom would take some for pain, daddy wanted it too. One time she took her birth control pills and next thing she knew, there was daddy taking one too. We all laugh about that still to this day. Even though my daddy passed away three years ago. It’s still funny. Sure do miss you, daddy.
Melissa R says
Hope you feel better and get at least 15 minutes to yourself during the day (good luck)!! My hubby is a baby when he is sick… he told me one time that his momma did this or that for him when he was sick… so I told him to call his momma!! Seriously we need you around to laugh with/at! You make us all feel better so I can’t have you dying on us : )
Michelle says
So so funny…just shared it on face book! Feel better. :)
Lisa says
Ahhh the man-cold. Yep, had a dose of that last night too. I hope you feel better soon!!
JDaniel4's Mom says
This sounds painful! I hope you feel better soon!
ashley @ little miss momma says
are you the most hilarious girl ever = YES
I am wiping away the tears to tell you that I know EXACTLY how you feel. as does every other married gal in the universe–those hubbies just can’t handle when we get the least bit under the weather–they must steal it for themselves-arg!
Wish I could have chit chatted your face off at the conference but you were a sickie and I didn’t want to smother you. actually i did want to smother you, but i was respecting your boundaries.
ashley
Jenn @ South of Sheridan says
Hope you feel better soon!
Bruna says
Oh Kat, you never cease to amuse us with your stories and your sense of humour. You must be so fun to live with. Hubby is a lucky guy.
As for being sick and getting your own sick day, I here ya! We never get to sleep all day like men do. SO not fair!
Shell says
You might want to find that voodoo doll if you ever want to have your scalp pain go away. ;)
Paula/adhocmom says
Ugh. . I never ever knew WHO to throw that softball to. I mean, you have to make that decision like SO quickly. It’s no wonder therefore that you had to hit someone in the head. Seriously, you had NO choice!
SuzRocks says
I diagnose myself with diseases and syndromes all the time. And my husband thinks that there is NOTHING wrong with me (except my mental issues, which he clearly accepts as a problem), I told him that one day he would be sorry when I died of my congenital heart defect that was limiting my exercise capacity!
Jennifer says
Sorry to hear that you are not feeling well… but I am happy to hear you have words that you don’t like! My husband thinks I’m nuts (I am occasionally). High up on the list are almost all “oi” words i.e. moist (ahhh I can’t even type it!) and loin (although I love a good pork tenderloin), odor, tasty, the list goes on and on. I’ll probably spend the next hour trying to recall words I hate. Well at least my mind will get more exercise than if I spent it on Facebook.
Feel better!
Jennifer
Pamela D. Hart says
“I DON’T ASK FOR MUCH.”
Same here! And I GET even LESS!
Awesome post! Women all over can relate to ….the man cold!!
P.S. I found you while blog hopping. Glad I did. I needed a laugh today, thank you.
Carri says
Sick husbands are THE WORST! Giant babies. Feel better soon!
Emily Humphries says
oh I’m so glad to find someone who’s husband act like mine does when I’m sick. Seriously why can’t I just get a little sympathy once in awhile when I feel awful! My husband expects me to take really good care of him when I’m sick but I never get the same kind of services. Oh and now my four year old is throwing a fit. So glad I found your blog thanks for sharing!
Jen says
Mommy never gets a sick day. The only time my husband took a day off to help me was when I was pregnant and got the stomach flu – not morning sickness, the real flu. I’m pretty sure he thought I’d divorce him if he didn’t ;)
Sharon says
Oh that is just horrible, I mean you having fever, Strep, sore throat, headache, etc. Would you like me to make you some chicken noodle soup?
Nicole @ Moments that Define Life says
OMG. First……SO funny. Second, I also tell my husband my symptoms when I feel abnormal/sick, you know, to “put it out there” in the event I require extreme medical care, he can help them pinpoint the problem. “Well she did mention a screaming headache, right here” (pointing) – then, they’ll find my brain tumor, you know, sooner and take it out and I’m good to go. Had I NOT told him my symptoms…who knows! ;-)
I hope you feel better soon!
jackie says
hahahaha!!!! Funny! I go through the same thing with my husband. He thinks I’m crazy.
Hope you feel better.
kisatrtle says
I love ya! Hope you feel better soon!
Jennifer says
Men just think they suffer. They know nothing. I wish they could feel some of the pains we do for just a smidge of time, but we all know they couldn’t take it so they never, ever do. And that sucks.
jes says
at least you still look like a victorias secret supermodel when youre sick. and for that i say well done.
Stephanie @ The Blue Zoo says
lol Yea, my husband does the same crap! If I have a cold he has a worse cold, if my foot hurts then of course his whole leg hurts, and even when I have cramps he gets worse pms than I do!
Men. They are so ridiculous sometimes!
Mama Bee says
This has just proven to me that men ALL OVER THE WORLD suffer from man cold. It is a global phenomena that transcends race and culture. They have sickness jealousy. God Damn it I just want the right to be sick on my own! I get sick he gets sicker!
I am thinking of going back to uni to finish my bachelors get my master and do a PHD on the subject! It must be researched! it’s not normal!I will never forget trudging through the mud and ice when we lived in London all the while suffering from laryngitis while he was home with a “fever”… I didn’t have a voice!!
Gabriela - Living La Vida Normal says
My mom is notorious for trying to one-up me on the I’ve got something going on with me front. My husband thankfully doesn’t do it, probably because he’s heard me complain about my mom doing it so much. Sometimes I just want to be heard, a hug and a donut would be awesome too. Hope you’re feeling better!
Jeanette says
My mother was the same way! If my back hurt, her back AND right knee hurt. If I had a headache, she had a migraine. When I started having contractions, she had chest pains!! Ha!
I shouldn’t joke, because she really did have a lot of medical complications, but it was a real PITA sometimes!
Matty says
You sound just like my wife. She is forever telling me about the latest ache, pain or feeling that came along, and asking what I think about it. “Hmph” pretty much sums it up too. After she gives me that “you don’t care about me” look, she gets on the internet and diagnoses herself. Then after she researches it, I get the full explanation of what it might be. I just nod and give her my pat answer, “maybe it’s lyme disease”.
Jeanette says
So, I’m probably a little late in saying this but I LOVE your new design! The blog looks great!
I’ve had neuralgia, in my jaw! Holy mother trucker it was the worst pain ever. The only way I could get relief was to eat many percocets and lay on the bed with my head hanging off the side pointing directly down. And occasionally I would take Neurontin to knock myself out. It was really bad. It lasted about 2 months, nonstop, and then went away. Every time I have the slightest tingle on my face, I freak out because I’m afraid of it coming back. Me no likey.
Men are babies. And attention whores. And? Drama queens. No woman has ever had anything wrong with her that a man hasn’t had first.
Casey Freeland says
I’m fairly certain donuts and strep don’t go together at all. Donuts and coffee… well you know.
Anyway, I’ve found the man sick vs. woman sick is a matter of patience. I, being the dude, have less of it. She, being the goddess, has much more. And while I would never fake sick to one-up my love, I can tell you that when she is sick, I’m great for about a day, with the getting her stuff and taking care of the stuff and stuff. Then I get antsy. When I am sick however, she seems to actually WANT to take care of me… like, forever. And I kinda want her to. So I probably am “sick” longer than I’m sick.
This is just my own personal experience. This probably has nothing to do with any other relationships at all.
But it felt good to get it off my chest. So, thanks. And I hope you are feeling much better. Because he probably can’t take much more.
Cheers,
Casey
Heligirl says
I hear you girlfriend. What is WITH the men stealing our cold spotlights. The poor pathetic sissies. Lay in bed and complain, sleep, act all child like while worse ailments still can’t keep us from getting up, taking care of the kids, fixing meals, keeping order, what have you. I blame it on their lack of extra DNA because of that shorter Y chromosome. It’s not their fault they’re so under equipped. (BTW, love the new look. I’ve been a bit quiet for four months after losing my job – and related identity. Working my way back. Missed your humor. Thanks!)
S Club Mama says
LOL thanks for linking to this in your WW email – so sorry I missed it before. Hope your scalp feels better.
Adrienne says
Glad you made it through this “disease”! Your neighborhood looks dreamy in the winter. I’m a FL girl, so I only see something like that in pictures. :)
John says
Well…I had never heard of you till TODAY, as I was sent something from a friend, and once read it,linked me to this site. I must say, I ENJOYED IT actually,lol!! You are extremely funny and witty, and yes I agree with the many others here…that your hubby is a lucky man indeed, even IF he may not know it ( although I am preety sure HE DOES…). I also have to say, sorry guys… that this article is pretty much right on, but come on now, honestly….that’s what you women really LOVE about us men, right?? I mean you know, that “Mothering, nurturing” part of you…?? RIGHT?? LOL.
I will close it now, and no idea if this will even go up under replys, since the actuals were a long time ago, but…there it is..and I am liking your blogs alot!! Would be interested to know how I might be able to follow you, and stay updated with your blogs,etc. Thanks.
John says
OH gosh, I forgot to ALSO say, yes…it had me really laughing out loud when reading it…..thanks for that, it was MUCH needed today. Take care and God Bless!!