Dear Ellen, My Baby’s Daddy

December 5, 2011 · 45 comments

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Dear Ellen,

We all know about the recent tabloid articles where one woman claimed Justin Bieber was the father of her child. It’s downright disgusting what people will do to get the attention and money they think is just floating in celeb pockets. What I find equally despicable is the fact that relatively ANYONE can simply claim to be pregnant with Justin Bieber’s baby and BAM! they’re in the news. Why was the world giving this woman a platform?

If there’s one thing I can’t stand…it’s the people who drag celebrities through the mud for their own benefit.

That’s not what I’m about.

I’m about truth. About being truthful, embracing truth, and leading a truthful life so as to set a positive example for my children.

And this is where you come in Ellen…it’s time for me to be honest…

I’m raising Justin Bieber’s baby.

I’ve been living a lie for so long that now it’s time for me to come clean. The problem is…I’m not POSITIVE this is Justin’s child…there are a couple different potential fathers and here is how I’m hoping you can help me:

(Click here for video).

Thank you Ellen. In advance.

Your friend,

Kat and baby John Doe

Mama Kat Loves You When You Love Her


Gigi December 6, 2011 at 2:38 am

I loved that! Especially when “John Doe” blurted out his name and said he wasn’t confused!

Angie December 6, 2011 at 3:43 am

LOVE this! Poor John Doe is so confused he doesn’t even know his name! I can’t wait for the concert, it’s one for the DVR.

Kisatrtle December 6, 2011 at 4:08 am

Tracey Chapman…hahahahahahahaha

Angel December 6, 2011 at 4:12 am

BWHAHAHAHAH Ya know Toby Keith sings a song called “Who’s your daddy” with a whole different connotation to it however ahem.

Kathy December 6, 2011 at 4:24 am

Love it! Great idea I hope she goes for it!!

trash December 6, 2011 at 5:11 am

The tears were my favourite.

Daddy Scratches December 6, 2011 at 6:09 am

That poor boy. I look forward to finding out who his daddy is … and to simultaneously taking in some delightful musical entertainment.

adventuresindinner December 6, 2011 at 7:22 am

Hah! Hah! Must not watch at work ;-)

Jenna @ Newlyweds December 6, 2011 at 7:53 am

Hilarious, you did have quite the year, lol!!!

Kim Griffin December 6, 2011 at 7:54 am

Hilarious – there are no other words!

Brilliant ~ Ellen will love it


Shell December 6, 2011 at 8:13 am

OMG. The tears just kill me.

Susan in the Boonies December 6, 2011 at 8:19 am

Baby John Doe screaming out, “I’m not….” (confused), but getting edited out was my favorite part.

The check’s in the mail, hon. As well as the paternity test.

jo@blog-diggidy December 6, 2011 at 8:22 am

LOL you crack me up! i think you’ll get a call anytime now!

Alyssa @NearNormalcy December 6, 2011 at 9:10 am

Do you really produce crocodile tears on cue?? You’re a rare talent, woman.

Roxanne December 6, 2011 at 1:37 pm

I was super impressed by that too!

Cari December 6, 2011 at 9:23 am

ME TOO! No, not really, that would’ve taken palettes of vodka. I do think you should get some kind of vlog award for the tears, giiirrrlll; I am impressed.

If Ellen doesn’t call you, I’m not watching her show anymore, or today.

Kristen December 6, 2011 at 10:27 am

Snoop Dog, Boyz 2 Men, Kenny G…you were killing me!! Can you just turn these into 24 min shows without commercials for our viewing pleasure? You have lots of fans…the world is your oyster ;-)

Jen December 6, 2011 at 10:28 am

Damn, girl! Crying on camera is hard but then again so is not know who that daddy is.

My thought are with you in this time of need.

Patrice December 6, 2011 at 10:43 am


Paulina J! December 6, 2011 at 12:43 pm

Those tears!!! Nice touch.

Ali December 6, 2011 at 1:01 pm

Poor John Doe. I need to learn how you made those tears show up. I would be able to rule the world with my evil genius + that little ditty.

Jenny December 6, 2011 at 1:06 pm

Tracy are a riot. I love the crying on cue with tears…bahahahahaha.

imperfectmomma December 6, 2011 at 1:22 pm

I cant….my cheeks hurt…so funny! The cheeks on my face btw….

Nicole @MTDLBlog December 6, 2011 at 1:33 pm

The dramatic pause at the end…and the tears!!! Oh my, the tears!!! You are a riot.

S Club Mama December 6, 2011 at 2:52 pm

I love Kainoa!

Momma December 6, 2011 at 3:58 pm

Tracy Chapman!!!!!!!!!!!!! BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Poor Kainoa is going to be scarred for life not knowing his real name!!!! :)

Joanne December 6, 2011 at 4:31 pm

Hysterical! Clearly you’ll do anything to get on her show. I’m surprised you’ve gone unnoticed for so long. I personally think she would enjoy your sense of humor. One day…

Recovering Supermom December 6, 2011 at 5:37 pm

Oh my goodness….you had me rolling. The tears were my favorite, too. VERY impressive! :)

Celeste December 6, 2011 at 10:00 pm

Literally busted out laughing! Whew, LOVE it! Damn Kid Rock, he played me!


Jamie December 7, 2011 at 5:15 am

The tears!!!!! Only you!

Hollywood Farm December 7, 2011 at 9:55 am

DUDE!! I wanted to comment on your Little Mermaid Vlog as i felt like I was looking in the mirror! Do you know how many times I kick out that tune during random moments of the day, in random places?

And now YOU!
You have vloggy proof that, Part Of Your World is embedded in our brains forever!!!
What’s wrong with us?! I loved the added effect with the chopping block!
BLAST!!! Oh no!
I feel the chef’s song in the ending scene coming on……how does it start? Wont be able to concentrate until I sing it….xoxo

Dani December 7, 2011 at 10:33 am

Now THAT was funny! Thank you for the comic relief!!!! :)

Tiffany December 7, 2011 at 10:55 am

You are hilarious. Hilarious!!!! Kenny G, Tracey Chapman!!! LOL!

Brittany {Mommy Words} December 7, 2011 at 6:10 pm

Oh dear, such questions. Such a concert we would see.

You rock. The search is on.

MangoChutney December 8, 2011 at 7:14 am

What a year is right! Oh poor baby John Doe, in such denial;)

Jennifer December 8, 2011 at 12:07 pm

Tracy Chapman {bwahahahahahaha} And how on earth did you pull off those tears? I’m super impressed.

Heather Duncan December 13, 2011 at 1:35 pm

How did you keep from laughing…….bwahahahahhaha. You are my kind of woman, humor is the key to sanity (or insanity)! your great and a riot to read……

Alexandra January 3, 2012 at 8:22 am

Spending the morning here and wondering, again, why not 700 comments a day?


widge February 1, 2012 at 1:00 am

absolutely can not stop laughing. WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN ALL MY MOTHER BLOGGIN LIFE!?

Christie B. March 4, 2012 at 4:25 pm

I just love you! You’re hilarious!

Erin April 4, 2012 at 2:57 pm

Hahaha! Your face at the end… no words, hahaha. So glad I found your blog, you’re awesome! :)

Marvelous Mo's Mom May 23, 2012 at 10:16 am

You are bloody amazing! I heart you.


Jodi T. August 9, 2012 at 10:53 am

New to your blog…

Just wanna say… YOU ARE FREAKING HILARIOUS. LOOOOVE the serious pause at the end.

Keep it up! Ellen is bound to bring on the show one day! :)

Working Hard Mom May 24, 2013 at 2:45 pm

Are you kidding me….no contact….no show. This just can’t be. She can have kids that sing, like those two girls….omg…tired of them. You are a breath of fresh air. WAKE UP ELLEN…THIS GIRL HAS GOT IT.

Amanda June 4, 2013 at 9:50 am

This made me laugh so hard, I had tears rolling. Thank you.

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