I killed a cat. I was sixteen at the time and although I’d failed drivers ed I felt confident I could handle myself behind the wheel. I just happened to be a poor test taker, my driving skills were sublime.
At least…I thought so…until that cat leaped into my lane and I felt the quick bumpbump beneath my wheels.
That night I decided I would stop stealing my Mom’s car. I don’t know…is it actually considered “stealing” when it lives in your driveway and your parents just happen to be out of town when you decide to borrow it? I mean I know driving when you don’t have a license is frowned upon, but it’s not like I broke TWO laws per se.
Anyway, that was it for me. No more secretly borrowing my Mom’s car without my license. That cat’s suicidal jump in front of my vehicle was a warning from God to wait for my license before driving again and I’m not one to ignore God’s warnings even if my driving is sublime.
Last weekend as I was driving home from dinner with friends I thought about resolutions and how even though I don’t believe in them, that maybe getting my house in order should be something I work on. Clean more. De-clutter. Focus on domesticating myself and maybe stop spending so much time on Facebook.
Next thing I knew a family of racoons threw themselves in front of my car and before I had a chance to react I felt that all familar bumpbumpbumpbumpbump beneath my wheels. I glanced in my rear view mirror and knew it was over for them. And by “knew it was over” I mean “if they weren’t dead yet they would die soon and I sure as Hell wasn’t going to turn my car around to go check on a family of wild rodents so that they could spring back to life and claw my eyes out.” Is what I mean.
I knew instantly this was another message from God. Just as He warned me about driving without my license when he threw that cat in my way, here He was again with a message about my house and how it’s just fine the way it is and doesn’t need to be organized and cleaned and domesticated.
I took a deep breath.
I hear you God.
I hear you.
But dammit I wish you would find a different way of communicating with me!
Wendy says
BAHAHAHAHA!
Amber says
Definitely an unconventional way of getting his message across. I wonder if He’ll change tactics now that you’ve asked. And what form they’ll take.
tracy@sellabitmum says
I guess I need to make some roadkill today as there is no way I feel like getting organized this month. Well played my friend.
Nicki says
God works in mysterious ways! As long as you understand the message, you are gold! ;). Enjoy your unorganized house! :)
Insomniac Mom says
I can confidently say that I have created many a roadkill in my day, including the elusive white tail. I was thinking of getting stickers for my car a la football helmets (you know, the ones they put on there for sacks?) only in the shape of little animals so that I can proudly display my handiwork.
Tee says
You are to funny! I hope all your messages from God don’t continue to come in the form of flat small animals.
Kathy says
I hate to laugh at gods messages to you but I’m just glad you are listening!! lol! Happy New Year!
Erin @ I Should be Studying says
hahahahaha I laughed so hard at this.
Jennifer says
You may want to be careful about what you ask for. Killing a family of wild rodents really isn’t that bad in the grand scheme of things. His alternative method of communicating could be something a lot worse.
May says
Stitches….I am in stitches!
Marta says
HA. Hilarious. Yes, don’t try to clean your house we wouldn’t want you to run over a dog!
Tonya says
The universe works in mysterious ways.
Meow!
Cathy says
Thus far I’ve killed a deer, a raccoon (which, by the way, left CLAW marks in my bumper as it dragged along until it finally fell off) and three squirrels – one with a golf cart. But I’m a very goo driver.
Kiki says
Lololol!!!!!!!!!! If only I had more friends with your sense of humor!!!
MaryLauren@My3LittleBirds says
Good thing you have such a well-developed sense of intuition. You must have a strong prayer life : ) Now how can I get God to start telling me not to clean my house?
Jen says
I ran over a squirrel once. I didn’t think it was a message from God, I just didn’t see it because I was yelling at the kids to be quiet.
Andrea says
Wow you and God are tight! I however, have not been given such a clear sign. But I continue to wallow in chaos while I wait for it! You are blessed. ;)
Angie says
On New Year’s Day while out for a run I got rained on which then led to a perfect double rainbow. I was sure it was a sign from God about starting the new year clean. Then on the way home from the park where we ran, a kamikaze bird flew into our car. Dead immediately. I decided maybe I shouldn’t run anymore…
mrs4444 says
MK, this is brilliant. Very funny (sorry to the cat and the racoons). You’re a great writer.
I, too, killed a family of racoons once, on a lonely country road. I didn’t turn around…drove into the next driveway and knocked on the door. (Yes, this was before Stranger Danger.) Anyway, the guy answered the door with a gun over one shoulder and a leash in the other, saying, “Okay, what’d you hit?” Fortunately, I was able to drive home, and he said he’d “take care of it.” Nice, huh?
Jenn @ Home is Where You Start From says
oh my gosh, I think I love you.
thank you for validating that I don’t have to get up from this computer and clean my house.
XXXOOOO