3.) Neighbors.
On May 16, 1966 Erma Bombeck published an article titled “Good Neighbor Policy” and said, “…Yes sir, you show me a woman who doesn’t neighbor – and I’ll show you a woman who gets talked about by the ones who do!”
In 1966 women had coffee with one another. They actually walked to each others homes and sat at their tables and drank coffee and watched their kids.
Just CHEW on that for a minute.
I have lived in my home for over eight years and have nary set a foot in a neighbor’s home. I mean I like them fine, but I would never consider going out of my way to befriend one. I wonder if Erma’s neighbors all spoke English. That seems to be part of the problem in my area.
It’s kind of hard to take the Indian family seriously when their little boy yells “put your butt on his face and POOP on it” at the park while his non-English speaking grandparents look on adoringly.
The Ukranian family at the end of the street came to our door in tears one summer because our cat killed their pet parakeet after they had set in the backyard for fresh air and sunshine. We bought them a new bird, but for some reason I don’t think it was quite the same.
The Mexican family to our other side used to complain about the same cat and how it would “sheet” in their yard. Of course, we apologized profusely on behalf of our “sheeting” cat, but it’s not like we could put it on a leash. So that relationship has always stunk.
My interactions with my neighbors is actually quite limited, aside from the one time I waved frantically at a neighbor to get OFF his cell phone in his driveway so that I could use it to call my husband to come rescue me after I locked myself out of the house with a 1 year old waiting inside.. He didn’t speak English either and I’m still not sure he understood what was going on…other than some crazy white lady was insisting on using his telephone.
Sometimes I regret that we aren’t closer. I remember the good ol’ days running down to Misty’s house to ask her Mom for a cup of sugar for the cookies my Mom was making. She would happily fill my cup and Mom would send me back again with a plate of warm cookies for their family.
When I run out of sugar nowadays I substitute an extra cup of flour and they just never turn out as well.
A neighbor would be handy for sugar….but that’s about where I draw the line. I’m sure I wouldn’t trust my kids to “run to the neighbor’s house” and play for an afternoon without getting kidnapped.
I’m sure I wouldn’t enjoy hosting those same play dates with their children showing up at my doorstep unannounced throughout the day.
I’m sure a cup of coffee at their dinner table would interrupt with the cup of coffee I enjoy at my dinner table with Twitter…and Facebook…and YouTube…and Gmail….and Twitter again…and Facebook again…and well, you get the picture.
I do believe the times have changed my friends.
Neighborhood cliques are SO 1966. The Good Neighbor Policy of 2012 is a little less ‘neighboring’ and a lot more ‘nod and wave and keep on moving’.
Diva (in Demand) says
That’s funny because I make it a strict point NOT to get to know the neighbors. I used to fuss at my husband for talking to them at the mailbox. LOL
Stacey says
Our current neighborhood contains people that I can actually borrow sugar from. It kind of rocks. Our last neighborhood mostly contained psychos who ran over my kid’s bikes. I kinda don’t miss it. At. All.
Kimberly says
I have lived in this house for 4 years and I still don’t know my neighbors. Honestly? I really don’t care to either.
Alison at Mommy is a Power Ranger says
My mom’s neighbor just borrowed sugar from her the other day. I live 2 blocks from her and my neighbor is an office building, which is fine with me because I’ve had some pretty nutso neighbors.
Missy says
That’s exactly how my neighborhood is. I think I’ve been in 1 neighbor’s home for dinner once out of the 9 years we have lived here. In fact, I don’t even know most of their names. Sometimes it makes me sad and other times it makes me glad.
Brooke @ Covered in Grace says
You are very right… it’s so different now…even than 20 years ago. =(
However, on my street there are still tons of ladies sitting on their patios watching their kids play. I make it out there when I’m not in class… but we don’t drink coffee… our bonding beverage of choice usually has a little more “kick” to it. ;) ;)
Linda says
My post today laments the good old days of neighboring also…while I have had several neighbors over for our Christmas Open House, and we did go on a camping trip with one of them – only once – I have never been invited to their homes either. Interesting, that! Hubby has lived here 20 years and I have been here nearly 6 – he also talks to the neighbors at the mailbox, or cutting the grass…but I prefer anonymity. Good post today!
Jen says
I can so relate to this post. I don’t really know any of my neighbors expect for the ones that yell at me about how rowdy my kids are. It really is sad because I remember growing up in a neighborhood where my mom could quick leave us with the neighbor to run to the store… I want to leave my kids with a neighbor and run to the store.
Sadly, this will not happen.
Jill of All Trades says
Can’t seem to get the link thing to work so am just going to comment. I’m taken the ball and rolled with it on the neighbor thing. Starting Tuesday I’ve written about our different houses and the neighbors we’ve had along the way. That is 36 years of neighbors! Enjoy and please come by and visit!
Kasey says
Your cat ate their bird? That’s so sad yet funny at the same time!
I live in a friendly neighborhood but not ‘come over for dinner’ friendly. Sometimes I like it since it gives my daughter people to play with but sometimes it drives me crazy because I’m not always in the mood to see people.
Peg says
We only have one neighbor. It’s works out pretty well. They watch out for our house and we watch out for theirs but the visiting and coffee like the old days? Nah… we do take them treats occasionally but that’s about it.
Adrienne says
Times have changed for sure! I fantasize about my kids playing outside with other kids. That would be so nice, I think. Then? I start to wonder if those kids smoke pot or steal money from their parent’s underwear drawer when they’re not home. Which is, btw? Always. I don’t want their kids in my house, and I defintiley don’t want MY kids in theirs.
See? This is why I let my son sign up for Facebook! **winks**
Kat says
I am so glad that more people don’t share the “Wisteria Lane” neighborhood like me! When I used to watch Desperate Housewives I used to think, “Man, wish my best friend lived next door” but now that you talk about the neighbor kids knocking on my door, eating my food and using my bathroom…..maybe not so much. Facebook is making me more of a recluse! Good thing the French like to keep things neighborly, but from a distance! We get along just fine!
Julie says
Ok, so I’m totally the opposite. I would love to know my neighbors. I did in my old neighborhood, and it was great. I had one who would keep an eye on my place while I was out of town, another who would ask to pick the persimmons growing in my back yard and then bring me the bread he made from them. I did have a crazy one who checked the mail in a tutu and alien antennae, but he burned his house down and moved. Sigh.
I guess I’ll settle for having the guy who returns my dogs when they dig out of the fence. He’s nice.
Delilah says
In our old neighborhood we were surrounded by a guy who wore nothing but his tighty whitey’s and sat on a lawn chair in his gararge staring at my house, a family with an elderly Asian grandmother who would walk right up to our house and stand staring in the front window all the time, a family who considered their side yard to be an acceptable graveyard for all broken appliances and old sofas…..that was great. Yeah. We didn’t do many playdates or coffee visits. More like restraining orders and health code inspectors. Good times.
bcIMthemommy says
WOW! I admit that I would like my neighbor to the north to move away because they are bringing the whole neighborhood down but I can’t imagine living like you do. I guess there are reasons to be thankful that I live in the Midwest. Neighbors are still friendly and although we don’t “do coffee in each other’s house” there’s nothing like sharing a beer across a chain link fence while watching for an impending tornado.
Domesticated Gal says
I used to think I was missing out, not knowing my neighbors, then I visited my grandmother. Who knows ALL her neighbors. And spends her day staring out her giant window watching them coming and going. If she can’t tell you where they’re going, who their doctor is, and what hemorrhoid medication they prefer, you bet your sweet cup of sugar she’ll be on the phone to her friend down the street to find out!
Bridget @ Le. Rheims says
I swear I wrote my post last night. BEFORE reading yours Mama Kat! :) I think you take my sister’s attitude more than mine though. She’s all about the smile and nod and keep on walking.
morgan says
We actually have an amazing (and abnormal) culdesac. Dinners, game nights, movie nights and sit-on-the-bench-while-kids-play type of neighborhood. Love it.
Also … my link is on there twice (28 &29). Sorry … a little linky lunacy.
Mommy Boots says
Thank god. I thought I was the only one who wasn’t friendly with their neighbors. We often play the “Shit I Just Heard My Upstairs Neighbor Open Their Door, Quick, Get Inside Before You Have to Make Eye Contact” game. It’s fun for all ages.
Kristy @PampersandPinot says
Most of the time I want my neighbor’s to mind their own business.
Cecelia Winesap says
I don’t want to be friends with our neighbors, but I wish we could at least be civil.
Kara says
We lived without neighbors for 5 + years, and three months ago moved to an old neighborhood. I have gained weight thanks to all the food our neighbors bring. We are planting a garden with 2 of our neighbors, and I only dislike one neighbor because their dog literally tries to chew through the chain link fence to eat my children. My husband, who is not super-neighborly, hides inside a lot.
Joanne says
We have a pretty good neighborhood. There is the occasional open house party and cookout/bonfire on a summer night and there is a cul de sac where all the kids play pretty safely together and people look out for them. Even still, it is not the neighborhood I grew up in where my mom used to go have coffee with her neighbor, Miss Grace, every morning and they would have their chat before starting the day. My mom never knocked. She just walked in or called in the door, just like Laura Petry and Millie ( Lol!) Anyway, I kind of miss that. It would be nice to have such a comfortable relationship like that. I do think our tech advances have isolated us from each other.
May says
When I run out of sugar nowadays I substitute an extra cup of flour and they just never turn out as well. ~Oh, my gosh! Spit out the hot tea funny!
Love the conclusion too!
Neighboring is still alive and well in Topeka, KS and I am totally the non-neighbor that Erma speaks of!
{Adventuresindinner} says
I live in that type of ’66 neighbourhood. Don’t know what I’d do without their support since we have zero family in the area.
Susan says
I too live in such a neighborhood – and count the blessing. It sometimes takes a village :)
Jamie says
I posted twice by accident!!! I’m 46 and 47
Kaye says
How sad, I have a wonderful neighborhood–we still go in each others homes and watch each others (grand) kids. kaye—the road goes ever ever on
Color Me Amber says
Sorry about the multiple links above!! Something funky is happening on my end of the internet! I’m not spamming I promise!
Denise says
I grew up in the country where neighbors were not close together in proximity, but we were in each other’s business. When I bought my first home, I was excited about getting to know my neighbors. But everyone was so transitory. No one stayed long and it just wasn’t worth it. Now, I am in a new neighborhood and still have no desire to get that close to my neighbors. I like my friends to be a little further away so that I can let them believe I am PERFECT!
Meg says
So true. I couldn’t even tell you one of neighbors’ names.
Hope everything turned out okay with your one year old stuck in the house on their own. I can’t even imagine how panicked you were.
hillary says
I never had good neighbors until we moved to our current residence. So I wrote about how awesome my neighbors are. I know how unique my situation is, so I dread the day when I go back to having lame neighbors :/
Arnebya @whatnowandwhy says
We’ve been in our house for 11 years (Huh. It was 11 just yesterday. Wow). Anyway, there are only five houses on our block; we’re the second house. The people to our right: we know their names but it’s a 50 yr old man living w/his mama and he likes to get drunk and talk to himself in different voices. Seriously. He puts Sybil to shame. One night we went for a walk and walked along the side of his house just to prove to ourselves that there were other people over there with him. There weren’t; he was doing all the voices (but so well that it sounds like six people having a conversation at once. He’s very talented). We speak to his mother, not him, and our girls stay far far away. The neighbors to our left: morbidly obese and only come out to greet the carryout delivery guy who comes FOUR TIMES A DAY and doesn’t even go up to their door anymore. We speak when we see them, but we keep all of our children away. They may eat them. Next to them is the one woman we do make an effort to speak to. I noticed her grass would go uncut frequently in the summer so I asked my husband to cut it when he cut ours. He’s been doing it ever since. She’s given him a $50 gift card every year for Christmas since he started doing it and I don’t like her anymore b/c bitch it was my idea. The other houses are vacant.
Shell says
I am not a fan of my neighbors. I think I’m be comfortable living on a deserted island.
A few weeks ago, one of our neighbors showed up an asked if her kids could play in our yard b/c it’s more fun(um, yes, I get lots of toys for my kids to keep them entertained- but MY kids, not the ‘hood). And she brought them with her, so I couldn’t say no. THEN she leaves them there. Um, I did NOT sign on to babysit her kids.
I still think I’m going to knock on her door some night and ask if I could use her hot tub- since her back porch is much more fun that mine.
Marta says
I don’t even know my neighbors names. At all. The ones right next door are new and very friendly and introduced themselves and I have been to their house once but otherwise I try to hope these people don’t see me run out to the trash with my pjs on.
Erika says
We grew up going to other homes. I have been in one house where we live now but she wanted to show off her remodel…people seem like they would rather chat online than in person.
Jennifer says
I think our neighborhood has the potential to be like the one from 1966, and sometimes I’m kind of envious of people that talk about their neighbors like they are friends, but in all honesty, I just don’t have the time to cultivate those types of relationships. I’m busy. I just can’t fit in anything else.
Laura says
Carolyn Brockland – #4 we absolutely love this pucrite and plan to feature it in our house at some point when life settles down a bit! We have gotten so many compliments on it!
Dara Dokas says
I don’t know if it’s a suburb vs. city thing, but when we lived in a suburb, we hardly knew anyone. We knew their cars and dogs better than the people. But now living in a city, we know our neighbors a lot more. Smaller yards? I don’t know, but I like it better this way.
Patrice P says
My old neighborhood is much more neighborly. Times have definitely changed!
Court says
We just bought our first house and had all these grand plans to get to know the neighbors but it seems it would be easier to pull their teeth. We still try, especially with one who has a daughter or youngest son’s age, but man alive do people want to be left the f*ck alone.
OneMommy says
Yes, the times have changed! LOL. I remember playing outside with our next door neighbors until dark. We often met at parks and had cook outs with the next door neighbors, too.
I won’t be doing that any time soon with the crazy lady who lives next to us with her 20+ dogs and goats. Although, since we’re 25 minutes from the store, it would be nice for a cup of sugar…
Sarah Ruth says
When I was a kid (like early 90’s) I would go borrow sugar or eggs from our neighbors for my mom. And I’d go in the neighbor’s houses any time to play with their kids or whatever. Just go hang out! I miss those days! My parents live in a neighborhood that is very much like that! I hope to someday.
Recovering Supermom says
My grandma has told me stories of how in the “old days” people would come over for coffee and sit and talk while the kids played. But she tells stories of how some women would come over all the time and overstay their welcome or dump their kids on her. I think she would have favored how neighboring is now. :)
tracy@sellabitmum says
Now I’m kind of all sad and stuff and want to mail you 5 lbs of sugar and maybe buy the house next you. Coffee next Thursday? You bring the scones.
mom taxi julie says
I find that kind of sad and it makes me happy I live in an older type area where almost everyone knows everyone. While there are some drawbacks and obviously you aren’t going to socialize with the crazies (there are always some kind of crazy people, aren’t there?) everyone always kind of looks out for eachother and their kids.
Bruna says
My neighbors are nice but we don’t hang out with each other. I actually get along well with the one who is 10 years older than me as opposed to the one who lives beside me and complains about her life. As much as I miss the olden days ( what once was), I’m with you on the “neighboring policy” of 2012. You’re right.
Paula Kiger says
I enjoyed this post when I read it a few days ago. My neighbor is also my coworker. Didn’t plan it that way …… would make for a good blog post. :-)
wordpress plugin developer says
What’s up, every time i used to check webpage posts here early in the daylight, since i enjoy to gain knowledge of more and more.
adult weight loss camps says
The evidence is beginning to pile up. The best way is to go to support groups and
see the despair of family members as they watch their loved one suffer this
pain and are totally powerless to do anything about it. Complementary temporary health insurance TV Series hosted by Lester J.
Seo Agency New York says
Hi there Dear, are you actually visiting this website on
a regular basis, if so then you will definitely obtain fastidious know-how.