How To Spot A Crazy Person

Today we’re going to learn how to spot a crazy person and stay the heck away from them, because however wronged you ever feel after an interaction with one of these people there is absolutely nothing you can do to get even.

A crazy person will always feel comfortable taking things a notch further than you would think possible. You will never win in a match of getting even with a crazy person because crazy people have no limits and will do anything to win that match.

They are out of their damn minds.

So who ARE the crazy people?:

  • A crazy person is that person in your life who you can KIND OF imagine burning your house down. “Our HOUSE BURNED DOWN!?!?! It was Uncle STUART!?! My God, who let him out of his house alone!?!”
  • A crazy person is the person you can KIND OF see punching your mother in the face if your mother’s face was within punching distance. “What happened to Mom’s eye?? She got too close to Cousin Brian while playing croquet in Grandma’s backyard? When will she ever learn?”
  • A crazy person gets belligerently drunk at your wedding and dances seductively with each of your sisters, never taking his eyes from their chests. And nobody knows who he was. “He’s not from MY side…I thought he was from YOUR side!”
  • A crazy person delivers milk for a living and talks at your dog through the window when he drops it off. Coochie Coochie Coo!!
  • A crazy person is the person on the freeway who follows you into your neighborhood after you ACCIDENTALLY cut them off…orrrrr that’s your neighbor and things are a little awkward now.
  • A crazy person is the neighbor who shows up at your front door ranting about your cat “sheeting in his yard”. A week later your cat goes missing…you don’t think??? I mean he wouldn’t have. Right?
  • A crazy person is a two year old who screams about wanting to go outside, but then screams once outside because he wants in, and then screams once inside because you should know he still wanted to stay out even though he said in, but DON’T put him OUT again!
  • A crazy person is any reality show housewife featured on Bravo.
  • A crazy person can occasionally be a husband who visits garage sales on weekends and comes home with pogo sticks and used cabbage patch kids that smell like eggs. Someone else’s eggs.
  • A crazy person is any person who might get offended by this post because either a.) They can relate or b.) they feel they were misrepresented.

We’ve all had our fair share of run-ins with people who have lost their marbles…what did I miss?

What kind of crazy have you been hanging with lately?

Comments

  1. says

    A crazy person calls your friend’s special needs kid “dumb.” Or maybe the crazy person was me after my reaction to my friend’s special needs kid being called dumb.

  2. says

    A crazy person is an ex-spouse who has “amnesia” all of a sudden, but only regarding things that involve you. And you have children with this person. So technically, if they do not remember things involving you, they should not “remember” their children. Yet they do. With no problem. It’s just you they don’t “remember.” And they introduce themselves to you each time they see you and ask the children who you are. Every.time.

    And I wish that story wasn’t true. :)

  3. says

    I don’t consider myself crazy, perhaps I have a slight case of the “mental issues” but that’s mostly because I like to overanalyze things, things like even how I overanalyze. Yes, I overanalyze my overanlyzing. It’s very healthy.

  4. says

    A crazy person requests that her blog designer change her blog titles to a font that makes one want to puke when they see it and then can’t get her friends to help her pick a new one that is easier on the eyes.

    • says

      Ha. I feel misrepresented in this post and your comment, Angie. A crazy person requests blog designers help her with a logo and layout design, hates them all, then can’t tell them what exactly she hates b/c didn’t they do precisely what she asked?

  5. Erin white says

    I hear you! And raise you the crazy neighbor who tries to run from a tow truck while your having his truck towed for parking in the space(over and over) that your paying good money for and breaks away to miss putting his car through your living room by a smidgen!

    I love your humor and life experiences! Keep it coming:)

  6. Dee says

    Dunno know about the two year old, unless you’re of the mindset that all two year olds are crazy. Hmmm, distinctly possible but I’ll give the benefit of the doubt over the crazy factor.

  7. says

    A crazy person is anyone who has to continually ask you if you are mad at them until they successfully make you mad at them

  8. says

    When approached for something they did wrong or offensive, a crazy person can turn the argument around and leave you feeling like the one at fault!

    • Tina says

      Yes!! And if you are too closely associated with this crazy person (i.e. you happen to live with them), you then proceed to wonder if you yourself are a crazy person for living with them!

  9. says

    I swear, have you been following me? And living my life??? I have been laughing at your descriptions and the comments…wonderful humor…only thing is, its too true!

  10. says

    A crazy person is someone who calls in a complaint and talks for 45 minutes telling you their whole life story about how her husband left her, how her daughter witness a horrible crime and how she hasn’t had any good sex is days without actually telling you what her complaint is.

  11. anonymous says

    it’s easy….just come to my family reunion. Can’t use my real name ’cause they think I’m the one who’s crazy.

  12. says

    A crazy person is the neighbor who stalks your blog and writes politically charged and slightly offensive comments. When you don’t respond, she writes more and takes it a notch higher.

  13. Tina says

    A crazy person is someone who does everything they possibly can to make others miserable….and then becomes upset with them for not being happy.

  14. says

    A crazy person is someone who goes out of their way to convince you about something they believe in… then do the opposite of what they just preached about. A clear example of Do As I Say, DEFINITELY Not As I Do!