This One Time…I Pooped My Pants

I remember this one time I had to go to the bathroom SO bad. I think I was five. Definitely out of diapers, but not in school.

The problem was that Mom had just mopped the kitchen floor and GOOD GOD you do NOT walk on Mom’s kitchen floor when it had just been mopped!!!

So I did what any smart thinking five year old would do…I went outside to poop in the backyard. Unfortunately, I hadn’t thought far enough ahead to bring something to wipe my butt with so I had no choice but to grab a nearby dirty towel that we had been using for our mud pies earlier that week.

I didn’t feel GOOD about it, but lacked any other sensible options.

Muddy towel across my ass? Check!

I waddled back into the house and hoped to go unnoticed.

I underestimated my quick smelling mother who came sniffing into the play room with a scrunched nose, “did somebody…poop??”

Nope, not me. Not a problem over here. I was as curious as she was…because I had pooped outside and used that muddy towel to clean myself so certainly it couldn’t be me she was smelling out.

She grabbed the back of my pants and pulled me to her, “Good God Kathy, what have you done!?!”

me: I had to go to the bathroom.

mom: So you went in your PANTS!?!

me: No…I went outside.

mom: WHY DIDN’T YOU USE THE TOILET!?!

me: Because you had just mopped the floor.

mom: WELL I WOULD HAVE LET YOU USE THE BATHROOM FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!

Yeah sure. Likely story Mom.

She proceeded to wash me down with baby wipes and put a diaper on me. She wanted to teach me a lesson…you poop like a little baby then you can wear a diaper like a little baby! I believe the lesson was meant to embarrass me, but I felt oddly comforted by the diaper. So clean now.

Thanks Mom!

Comments

  1. says

    Oh my that was too funny and too close to home right now. It’s funny how the things you do as a baby/child come back to happen again as you get older…get my drift…it’s not good. Diapers as a child, diapers in the nursing home!

    • says

      Oh my gosh they come back as grown adults and they also haunt us as we raise our kids. There’s just no escaping it!

  2. says

    Yikes! Well I think you made the right choice. And my what a considerate child you were…keeping the floor clean and all :).

    • says

      Thank you…I can see that we are kindred spirits and that you understand how important it was for me to respect my mother’s clean floors.

    • says

      Well John, that’s just the kind of person I am…always thinking of others. I wouldn’t walk on your wet floors either.

  3. says

    Ha ha ha… too funny. I’m like your mom though. Maybe I need to relax a little so my kids don’t start pooping outside!!! ;)

    • says

      She was crazy about that stupid floor! I called her as an adult and was like “Mom I feel myself yelling at the kids when they walk on my mopped floors…tell me, why do we care??”

      She said she didn’t know, but that her Mom always yelled at her for it so it just seemed like the thing to do. Haha!

  4. says

    LMAO!!! My daughter did something similar. Except she was 3, crapped her pants, changed them and scraped off any poop that was left behind with a dog toy. No joke. Thank the lord that child finally potty trained!!

  5. Gina says

    Hysterical, yet consuderate and clever of a 5 year old. Don’t know how I would have reacted as kid or mom.

  6. says

    OK, so you were only 5. I actually pooped in my pants in first grade. At school. Because meanie Mrs. Teacher would NOT let me go to the bathroom, and I was too shy to tell her it was an emergency. So it just came out. I was very thankful I was wearing tights that day, so I hope it wasn’t too obvious.

    Very funny story!

  7. says

    So funny, but oh, how my heart goes out to you!!!!!!

    Early last week, I wrote you a REALLY good post for your writing prompt about me getting in trouble as a little girl, but since I had to go out of town early on Thursday morning, I forgot to link up! I’m so sad!!! And now no one from over here will come and read it! :-(

  8. says

    This is hysterical! Funny when punishments backfire!! I just posted about when I sharted….only I was much older than 5…not one of my proudest moments!! =)

  9. says

    Oh that’s hilarious! I could see where my OCD could stress my kids out into a similar situation. (I’m working on that!!)
    Well I’m happy it didn’t traumatize you too badly!!

  10. says

    One time when I was about that same age I was in the grocery store with my mom, aunt, and two cousins when I had to poop really bad. I HATED public restrooms so I tried to hold, but couldn’t so I pooped in my pants. My mom put a diaper on me too.

  11. says

    Oh My Goodness!!!

    I just found you and read this post…. at work… and it took EVERYTHING I had not to laugh… OUT LOUD!

    This was too funny! I will be back…!!! I WILL try your prompts as well! Thank you!