I remember this one time I had to go to the bathroom SO bad. I think I was five. Definitely out of diapers, but not in school.
The problem was that Mom had just mopped the kitchen floor and GOOD GOD you do NOT walk on Mom’s kitchen floor when it had just been mopped!!!
So I did what any smart thinking five year old would do…I went outside to poop in the backyard. Unfortunately, I hadn’t thought far enough ahead to bring something to wipe my butt with so I had no choice but to grab a nearby dirty towel that we had been using for our mud pies earlier that week.
I didn’t feel GOOD about it, but lacked any other sensible options.
Muddy towel across my ass? Check!
I waddled back into the house and hoped to go unnoticed.
I underestimated my quick smelling mother who came sniffing into the play room with a scrunched nose, “did somebody…poop??”
Nope, not me. Not a problem over here. I was as curious as she was…because I had pooped outside and used that muddy towel to clean myself so certainly it couldn’t be me she was smelling out.
She grabbed the back of my pants and pulled me to her, “Good God Kathy, what have you done!?!”
me: I had to go to the bathroom.
mom: So you went in your PANTS!?!
me: No…I went outside.
mom: WHY DIDN’T YOU USE THE TOILET!?!
me: Because you had just mopped the floor.
mom: WELL I WOULD HAVE LET YOU USE THE BATHROOM FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!
Yeah sure. Likely story Mom.
She proceeded to wash me down with baby wipes and put a diaper on me. She wanted to teach me a lesson…you poop like a little baby then you can wear a diaper like a little baby! I believe the lesson was meant to embarrass me, but I felt oddly comforted by the diaper. So clean now.