Together Holding Hands

Lately the girls have been asking a lot of questions about my Dad. Why did he die, how old was I, do I miss him.

I answer honestly…he was sick with cancer, I was seven, and yes.

For awhile they were just curious, but now I see they are sad for me because they have a Dad and surely they wouldn’t want HIM to get the Cancer.

Last week I overheard Laina’s worried whisper, “MAILE…did you see Daddy has some grey hair!?! Ohhhhh…I don’t want Daddy to die!!”

Clearly they don’t quite get it all the way, but they’re close.

Yesterday in the car we were listening to the radio and in between songs Maile said, “Mommy? Sometimes when I hear sad songs I imagine you and your Dad walking together holding hands.”

And then we got home and she drew a picture.

Of me.

And my Dad.

Walking together.

You know…in case I wasn’t finished GRIEVING or something.

Thanks for ripping that wound wide open Maile!


  1. says

    Ha. They don’t get it, but their intentions are sweet, you know? And I think Maile’s age is around when kids become uber-aware of the possibility of death. She hasn’t had it happen to her w/a very closer person (I’m assuming) so your dad’s death is all she can liken it to. Hell, maybe he’s communicating with her. Does that sound creepy? Ok, nevermind.

  2. says

    Did you just break down and cry? I did.

    Kids, they mean to be so sweet but they don’t and just bring up all those old emotions.

    • says

      Actually I didn’t! This isn’t the first time so I think I’ve built a defense when she brings it up on a whim. I was more just intrigued about what it was about the song we had listened to her that made her think of me and my Dad. Such a sweet girl.

  3. says

    Aw, how sweet! After my mom died, my daughter, then 5, was concerned about her own “arrangements”. We live near a cemetery and cut through on the way home from places and she would tell me where she wanted to be buried and what she wanted at her funeral or on her plaque. I had to beg her to stop talking about it because I couldn’t bear it. She was killing me. To think that she thought she had to be concerned about this was too much, but I guess she was just mulling over this whole new idea that people die and what it means. To be honest, I think she enjoyed my reaction. Little booger!

  4. says

    OMG – such a great post! First, I got a little tear in my eye…until I read your reaction and then I was just laughing!!!

    You are sooo funny (especially when you share your heart-wrenching emotions)!


  5. says

    I think maybe this is her way of grieving for the grandpa she never knew too. It is interesting to think we can experience a loss of someone who was gone before we arrived, but I think it is true. What little girl doesn’t want a grandpa? Or to get to go on that walk with him and her mom and hold both of their hands along the way.
    This one tugged my heartstrings.

  6. says

    This made me cry, the thought of her imagining you and your dad together.

    I didn’t even think about it until I read the comment before mine, but my mother lost her father to Cancer when she was 14. My sister and I never really asked her anything about it or him. All of our other grandparents are still alive, but we never knew him. Is it weird that we never asked her about it? I did often think about how different all of our lives would be if he had lived.

    My maternal grandmother (whose husband died) is going to be 84 this year and she is my 2.5yo daughter’s best friend. Sometimes I burst into tears at the mere thought of how sad my daughter will be when my grandma passes. Just to be prepared I already bought a children’s book about grief and death…but I hope we don’t need to use it for a very long time.

  7. says

    Cady asks questions about David’s mom and my dad all the time. We do the same thing. One time she said, “I can feel Grandma Faye smiling on me from heaven.” I still cry thinking about it.

  8. says

    Seriously, I can’t pull it together… that is the sweetest thing. I’m glad I have yet to do my makeup today.

  9. says

    I read this today, two days before Father’s Day. I lost my dad ten years ago and I still head for the card section for Father’s Day…..maybe she saw something about Father’s Day? She was just trying to be kind but she was also scared. Be blessed that she could actually verbalize/show it. Frame the photo or at least let her know that it meant a lot to you. She’s a kid. Awwww. love, Laurie F,