You gave birth to a baby in December, congratulations!
But now you’ve found yourself in the December Baby Conundrum. Do you celebrate the baby’s birthday in December where it’s overshadowed by Santa Claus AND Jesus simultaneously? Or do you celebrate your baby’s half birthday in June where life is significantly less busy, you’re not broke, and the weather has improved tremendously.
If this is not a dilemma you face then good for you. Might I discourage you from engaging in sexual activities with your partner during National Abstinence Month.
This will ensure the December/June birthday conundrum is a conundrum you will never be forced to face.
Ladies and gentlemen, today is my half birthday and I have celebrated my half birthday since the day I was born. I’ll wait a moment as the shock of that announcement sinks in.
My mother didn’t even send birth announcements or recognize my existence in the family until I was 6 months old.
When I turned 6 months old my father lifted me from my crib with tears in his eyes and announced to my bewildered mother, “It’s a GIRL!!!” There were cheers and tears as I was passed around the house. Cigars were shared among the men and the women took turns cooing into my face.
I was elated to finally receive the recognition I’d been pining after for 6 months and so began the rest of my life…celebrating my half birthday became a holiday I quite look forward to.
If your child was born between December 15th and December 31st I encourage you to celebrate his or her birthday in June for the following reasons:
1. In December everyone is busy spending money on their own families and will undoubtedly gift your child that extra package of socks they purchased as a gift filler.
2. Your child’s December birthday party will be added to the list of events to avoid…sandwiched betweet the annual work Christmas party and Aunt Betty’s ornament exchange.
3. If you celebrate in June, your child will not have reindeer and Happy Holidays plastered across their birthday presents. (something that never actually bothered me as I quite enjoy reindeer).
4. You will run out of gift ideas in December, but with 6 more months of planning you will have a new list of must-haves to work with in June.
5. All the clothes you gift your child in December will be too small in June and it would be a shame to make your child wait another 6 months for a pair of pants that actually reach the ground.
Lastly and most importantly, if your child plays his or her cards right, she will undoubtedly manage to force your family to celebrate her birthday twice in a year. There will be important ages you’ll want to celebrate on the actual December birth date…sweet 16 is a big one and your child will not want to wait 6 more months to drive your car. 18 will need to be celebrated because your child will not want to wait 6 months to treated like the adult she is. 21 cannot wait because there are cocktails to be had and your child will be itching to test out her ID at all the local pubs.
Six months after the 16, 18, and 21 birthdays your child might ask you what the plans are for celbrating and gift giving and you might be all, “but we celebrated your birthday in December this year remember?” Your child will smile sweetly and maybe not remember. Or maybe your child will give you puppy dog eyes and say, “but if we don’t celebrate it now in June and then skip next December to get back on track…then I’ll have waited an entire YEAR AND A HALF to have my birthday!!!” You will decide that is not fair and BAM! Your child will have managed two birthday celebrations in one year.
The only drawback is that your child will have trouble identifying where they stand on the Zodiac calendar. While technically they may be considered a Capricorn they might feel more in touch with Gemini. Other Capricorns might not accept your child because they think she’s Gemini, while Gemini’s might not accept the Capricorn in your child.
You risk a serious identity crisis as our world works to accept all signs of the Zodiac equally, but it’s worth it.