4.) Write a list of 10 things you have said to your kids that other moms might not say.
I wish I wrote down every time my husband or I said something so completely ridiculous to the kids in an attempt to either help them understand something, get them to do what we want them to do, or to get them to behave themselves. These are the top ten phrases that have left my mouth so far this week:
1. “If your brother wants to think he has a baby named Pickles than just let him be!”
2. “Go get a band aid for your sister please…they’re in the living room under the couch.”
3. “No, Selena Gomez did not have a baby yesterday after drinking water in Egypt. Your friend is wrong”.
4. “If you don’t brush your teeth right NOW I’m going to come in and lick your face!” (<—doesn’t work).
5. “I don’t know the answer to this, I barely passed third grade. Go ask your Dad”.
6. “STOP tackling the dog!! Our pets are my FRIENDS and you cannot HURT them!”
7. “There are too many people talking at once! My brain is full…READING TIME!”
8. “What do you mean ‘is your medicine in the rice krispy treat’?? Why dontcha eat up and I’ll tell ya…”
9. “When I asked you to bring me the toilet paper I meant like…a roll of it…this square is not going to cut it.”
10. “No, I don’t have a boyfriend. I’m married to your Dad remember?”
Kim says
When my girls would be bickering, I’d pick up the newspaper, open to the classified ads and say, “Gee, here’s a family wanting to trade kids…don’t you think that would be a great idea?”
They got the clue that they better straighten up, or they’d be eating dinner at someone else’s table.
Kim@cCo-Pilot Mom says
Sometimes the things that I hear myself say just make me stop and go, ‘Did I actually just say that?’ With some of the conversations I overhear (and participate in,) there is never a dull moment!
Teacher Girl says
For some reason I couldn’t click on this post from the homepage. Had to come over from my Google reader. Anyway, linked up and love your post! Too funny.
BalancingMama (Julie) says
At least you know whee the band-aids are…
dumb mom says
I say #6 ALL the time. and I used to say #10, but now I usually go with, “No I don’t have a boyfriend, but I’m in the market if you know anyone because your dad is being a total punk today.” Kidding, I don’t say that. Not out loud anyway.
Mrs. Weber says
These are hilarious. I love the last one best…Too funny!
Since I have a 2-year-old, most of my comments have to do with things you should do in the bathroom. ‘Nuff said.
Katie says
#9 is a classic! I said it myself 35 years ago.
Mimi says
and that’s just this week? lol I have a little book of my kids sayings, but not the “off the wall” comments, remarks and responses I say. Probably a good thing. They could use it against me down the road. =)
Kate says
Now I’m going to have to write down the crazy stuff I say. I said stuff this week that made myself stop because I couldn’t believe I’d just said that!
Bandaids under the couch– Do you live at my house?!
Dionne says
I am pretty sure I don’t know who Selena Gomez is so I know I never used that line! However, I have had to remind my 4 year old that I am married to Dad! Yet, “No, you may not have the alligator at the table” is a line that I am not sure many moms have used.
Dara Dokas says
I love your 10 quotes! It’s so reassuring to know I’m not the only one who says things that sound goofy, out of context only of course. I crack myself up thinking about things I’ve said to my daughter. Of course, she doesn’t think they’re funny at all. I wish I had written them all down too. Thanks for the laugh this morning!
Jen @ Cuddles and Chaos says
These are hilarious. #2 is probably the closest to my house. And my oldest daughter would be horrified. She loves to point out my parenting failures and my inability to keep a clean house is one of her top complaints.
Also, that picture? Yeah, it totally made me spit water on my keyboard.
Runnermom-jen says
First of all, I LOVE the drawing!! And I feel the same way about helping the kids with homework! It’s scary everything I CAN’T remember from school.
Funny list :)
Stacey says
I just giggled all the way through your post. Those are just classic. The one about the bandaids…well, I understand why they would be under the couch. So stinkin’ funny!
Teresa says
A baby named Pickles and Band-aids under the couch. Too funny!
Diane@BeStillaMinute says
Number two cracked me up so hard because I just told my nine year old to go get them the other day…out of the car! I have no idea why they were in my car but I knew right where they were.
Gingerj says
OMG!! I am almost peeing my pants right now….LMAO!!! The kids are asking me what is so funny and I can barely come up with an answer that will make sense…LMAO!!!!
“No, I don’t have a boyfriend. I’m married to your father, remember!!!” OH. My. Gawd.
Thanks again for the giggles, actually the heart filled belly laugh I am having right now!!!
Chris Carter says
Oh yes…the things we mothers say! Oh I have millions of things that blow out of my mouth every single DAY! I seem to say this one the most:
“I am going to have to hurt you very. very.very. badly if you don’t do —–”
And:
“Stop farting in your brother’s face!!”
“Did I tell you how much I don’t like you right now?”
“GOOD GRAVY you are KILLING ME today!!!”
“Just go away. GO AWAY!!”
Jennifer says
Kids are funny, but sometimes our responses to them are even funnier.
another jennifer says
I’ve said various forms of #6 many times this week. The most effective seems to be “Stop tormenting the puppy! How would you like it if she trapped you in a box?”
Darcy says
lol my toddler gives me shreds of TP…so not helpful!
Lisa@Pocketfuls says
Oh my, there are always too many people talking at once in my house! I think you can’t really blame us moms for saying some of the ridiculous things we do — our brains are always too full of noise! (Sounds like a good excuse, anyway! ;) ) Great list of funny sayings, and thanks for the opportunity to share some of my own, too!
Jen says
Ok! Loved this!!!
Andrea says
I love this. And would love to be able to contribute one of my own but seriously the ridiculous is beginning to blur with the normal. I barely flinched when my four yr old told me his broken heart was in his stomach this morning.
Gin says
“Why don’tcha eat up and I’ll tell ya?” Lol! Dumb and Dumber parenting at its finest!
Oddyssey says
Oh my gosh, these are hilarious! I laughed harder as I kept reading. I don’t know which one I liked better. But seriously, the band-aids are under the couch?! We keep ours in the first aid kit, which is… umm…. well, actually, I don’t know where it is at the moment. Come to think of it, it’s probably under the couch… nevermind….
MJ from iNeedaPlaydate says
These are great! And, I keep the band-aids in that crack between the stove and cabinets!
Frelle says
I love your quotes. I’ve written down some of my stranger ones.. like “please take your penis off the wall, it’s not for writing with”. #rollseyes #preschoolson
Stacie @ Snaps and Bits says
Love that you store your bandaids under the couch ;)
Lisa says
These made me giggle! Love the brush your teeth or I’ll lick your face threat. Wish that would work :)
May says
I have got to get you a better recipe for Rice Krispie Treats!
Kristen @ Motherese says
Wait! Wait! Please tell your son that I do have a baby named Pickles! Ever since he was a baby (and for hotly disputed reasons), my 3yo has had the nickname “Pickle.” I figure he might get sick of it at some point, but for now he is proud to be the Pickle Baby.
Love your list. Thanks for sharing it and for hosting this awesome writer’s workshop!
Alicia says
Oh my gosh, thank you. You totally made my day!
Leigh Ann says
I have totally used #7 the past 2 days and it has been awesome. I forget that they need a little enforced quiet time now and then to save my brain from ALL THE TALKING.