Victor, I Hate You

When I was getting up with babies around the clock I was so sleep deprived that whatever my last thought was, or whatever I last dreamed of, became an obsessively repeated word in my head while I fed my babies. For example, if I happened to have a dream about Britney Spears singing Oops I Did It Again, I would rock back and forth thinking, “I did it again. I did it again. Britney did it again. Oops did it again. again. again. again. Britney I did. I did Britney again. Oops.”

And then I’d get mad at myself for not being able to shake that one solitary thought from my head. It was a sad existence, those middle of the night feedings, and since my kids are well beyond that now I haven’t experienced that urge to punch myself in the face for years.

Until today.

I made the singular mistake of purchasing a toy train for my son while we killed time during his sisters horse lessons. He couldn’t decide between Thomas, Flynn, and Victor and before I could decide if a five year infatuation with these trains was normal he had Thomas clutched to his bosom and we were off.

About an hour later he was all, “Can we go back and get Victor now?” and I was all, “Um, no. Since when do we just willy nilly go buy toys at your will, aside from today when we got Thomas?” These kids are so entitled.

And like some strange repetitive robot, my boy has since asked for Victor 9,432,213 times. When can we get Victor? Why can’t we get Victor? He has his own money for Victor. Victor is not that far away. If he stops asking for Victor can we get Victor. He’s sorry for saying the word Victor. He won’t say Victor anymore. But seriously, he’s waaaants Victor. He won’t be my friend if he can’t have Victor. Victor. Victor. Victor.

Victor, I hate you.

Part of me wishes I had recorded the entire evening so that you could see that this kid is crazy, but then after viewing it I’m afraid you’d seriously think something is wrong with him and leave contact numbers to your psychologists, because what five year old on this God green planet says the word VICTOR 9,432,213 times!?!

It got to the point where, just like when I was sleep deprived and nursing, all I could think about was Victor. Every time I attempted to have a thought about anything outside of Victor, there it was again. VICTOR. I threatened to send my boy to his room, but can I really send him to his room for saying the word “Victor” too much? The answer to that is yes, but I knew it didn’t matter, the second he came out it would start all over again.

Jesus taught me a real lesson tonight…and that is, if you’re going to buy your son a toy willy nilly, you should probably buy the entire stock of toys to avoid listening to him beg for them 9,432,213 times throughout the course of the rest of the evening.

Got your message Jesus.

Loud and clear.

At this point I’m just relieved it wasn’t Percy he was asking for.


  1. says

    It has to be the age. My five-year-old daughter just did this exact same thing to us this weekend which resulted in me taking away the little coin purse we bought her. We went to a holiday bazaar and she saw a coin purse at the Turkish booth and I got it for her. Later, in the base exchange, she saw a Barbie she wanted and I told her Christmas was coming. We walked the entire store while she whined and asked for the Barbie in various forms and I hissed through my teeth, yelled, snapped and growled at her. After about five minutes, she shortened it to simply, ” Barbie!”, “Barbie!!” at random, but annoying intermittent intervals like Max on Max and Ruby! I took the coin purse away from her for not being grateful she got that. And that resulted in a total meltdown which resulted in stares from others and me remembering why I hate the holidays! Toys EVERYWHERE!

  2. says

    Ah. My 3-year-old just figured out the old “Beg’n’Whine” method of torture. He’s asked for toy cars, tampons, bath crayons, bags of ice, and more tampons during our last few outings. I need to teach the kid the meaning of NO… and that tampons aren’t actually disposable dart guns.

  3. says

    No, your kid isn’t crazy. Or maybe my kid IS crazy. Or maybe WE are crazy. Whatever the case may be… 6 year old son does the same thing!
    He’s obsessed with wrestling action figures. Yes, yes, I know…bad mother/wrestling/violence…yada, yada, yada. But anyway…..last week while my oldest was at soccer practice I took G, my 6 yr old, to Target with me and let him pick a toy to buy with his gift cards from his recent Birthday. Of course, we spent 45 minutes in Target picking said toy and he finally decided on a certain wrestler, The Rock, to be exact.
    The poor kid had a stomach bug all day on Saturday but woke up Sunday with a new vigor for life, which included NEEDING to go to Target to spend the rest of his gift cards to buy the other wrestlers he wasn’t able to get the other day. He talked about it non stop. All freakin’ day. We even gave him a time. At 5:30 it will have been 24 hours and you may enter the world again (hopefully) germ free (coincidentally, that is also what time the Texans game would be over and Daddy would be free). He didn’t care about the time. He wanted to go right then.
    Needless to say, he asked repeatedly ALL day long. Most parents would then say, “Sorry, son, no toy. You couldn’t listen and kept asking for something.” We are not most parents.
    After the football game, my husband took the kid to Target and got him the dang toy.
    Thank goodness.

  4. says

    Ha! Love it! Who hasn’t been there with either their daughter or son? It’s enough to drive you MAD… (Victor…) I always threaten to take away every single (victor) toy they own if they bring up the GREEDy little “I want I want I want” again… (victor) Usually if that doesn’t work, I scream and yell make them cry in a dramatic glorified Come to Jesus moment… falling to my knees and begging them to shut the HE– up!!! (victor)

  5. says

    Mine does this too. Drives me nuts. I’ve started repeating everything back to him that he says to me in an effort to get him to stop repeating himself. It works sometimes. I can’t even imagine what it would sound like to someone listening to us.

  6. Marie says

    I am so glad that I’m not the only one going through this. Our son is five too, and he’s STILL obsessed. How many Thomas the Train birthday parties can we have? Well, to date, it’s five. Good grief!

  7. says

    1. Sleep deprivation–the most debilitating condition I have ever experienced.
    2. Five year infatuation, normal? Is a 13 year infatuation with tigers normal? Or baseball? I’ll let you know how old they are when they outgrow these things. If ever. I will say, the hot wheels have begun to subside.
    3. Victor? Am I dreaming, or did you once foster a dog named Victor? That you took back? I mean, I’m not one to invoke karma, but um….