Dear Ellen, Australia Sounds Nice

Dear Ellen,

Remember that time we attempted to go bike riding along the ocean shore? We wanted to be right up close to the waves, but could barely move our bike as it sunk into the sand with every pedal. We fell to the ground in fits of laughter over our silly idea. I think in the future we should definitely stick to the boardwalk! LOL!

What do you mean you don’t remember that incident? Well Ellen, that’s because it never happened, but it’s just one snippit of the fun times we could have in store for us if you would just open your heart to having a new friend.

Sometimes it’s hard to trust “new friends”. I get this.

Does she really want to bike ride along the ocean shore or is she hoping to win a spot in my studio audience with a friend where she’ll act thrilled and overwhelmed when cameras pan the crowd and stop at her for a surprise seat on the stage? Is she hoping to be presented with a giant check? Does she want a trip to Disneyland for her family? A new car?

The truth is Ellen, I want none of that from you quite yet. I know what it’s like to be on your side of things. Believe it or not, I have a YouTube channel with over 100 subscribers. With every new subscriber, my star shines a little brighter.

There’s a lot of pressure that comes with the kind of fame you and I experience. That’s why I want you to look at me, not as a Crazy-Ellen-DeGeneres-Fanatic hoping to get famous and rich by being on your show…but as a peer who is already famous and rich. I want you to see me as someone who understands and can relate to what you’re experiencing.

Speaking of experiences, I hear you’re taking your show on the road to Australia! That sounds absolutely amazing, not that I would know as I’ve never been to Australia, but I think you will have a fantastic time! Is it true they have kangaroos everywhere? I believe I watched an episode of Oprah where she actually got to HOLD a Koala Bear. That would be fun. Someday I hope to have fun like that.

I hear you can expect to fly for about 14 hours to Australia…not that I expect anything from you at all, but I happen to have that kind of time to kill next week and I feel like Australia might be a really great place to finally meet in person after all these letter exchanges. And by “exchanges” I just mean “deliveries from me” and by “deliveries from me” I just mean “blog entries” but you get the picture.

Australia would be the perfect destination for our long overdo bike ride on the beach! I hope to hear from you soon. Cheers to making some really great memories down under MATE!

Your loyal friend,

Kat

A complete list of the previous 20 letters to Ellen can be found here.

Comments

  1. says

    OMG This is hilarious and oh so familiar. I mean, I may or may not have had a one-sided letter-writing campaign that has gone on for years with the one and only Tina Fey, who would be my instant best friend if we ever had a chance encounter. I’m not sure why Ellen is playing hard to get. At least your half of the conversation is out there.

  2. says

    Australia IS nice, I can vouch for that. Alas, the 14 hour flight? Not so nice.

    I hope you get to exchange these letters with Ellen one day. I keep meaning to organise a visit to her show-taping one day. I mean, if I’m only going to take one experience away from my time living in LA, it’s to be in her audience. Ahem.

  3. says

    I can’t believe that’s not a real photo. It doesn’t look like it was photo-shopped or anything. I think both of you really did ride on the beach in Australia with a giant bow on the bicycle, and you’re just leading us all on for dramatic effect, then in 2020 you’ll announce to the world that the two were separated at birth and were reunited when you recognized her on TV.

  4. Susan says

    Australia is gorgeous! I was blessed to take a 6 week trip to Cairns (Queensland). Ellen should make a point to go there for the rainforests and the Great Barrier Reef…although the shark I saw scared me to death, but I did find Nemo and Dory asked me for directions (see Ellen needs to see Dory!). It was a strange sight to see grown men wearing speedos (known as budgie smugglers) and girls wearing knee length board shorts (boardies). The only thing missing from the trip was being able to spend it with Ellen! Though I think you, Kat, would be a blast to go with! I had a 30 hour trip (started in Alabama then layovers everywhere). The food was much better on the trip back…those Aussie’s know how to cook! I hope you and Ellen can become BFF’s…and when you do, could you mention my name? I rather like her too!