Writer’s Workshop: Dear Man, Say Sorry

January 23, 2013 · 43 comments

Post image for Writer’s Workshop: Dear Man, Say Sorry

2.) Dear Man, (an open letter…offer a word of advice, an issue you’d like to address, or a solution to a problem for the opposite sex).

It there’s one thing I know, it’s men.

Over the years I have learned how to capture, properly train, and talk to a man. When I discovered that not only do they speak different love languages than us, but that they’re also actually from an entirely different planet, I made it my life’s mission to help them survive in our world.

I recently discovered two words that will make every man’s life one thousand times easier…

Dear Man,

There will be times when a woman comes at you with anger that makes you want to defend yourself. She might be upset by something you did, said, looked at, ate, touched, forgot, slept through, and much more. Your inclination might be to raise your voice. You won’t think you deserve her anger, but when you raise your voice to defend yourself you will undoubtedly make her angrier.

For example, let’s say you leave for work at 6am and the dog follows you downstairs. Your wife might prefer you let the dog outside since you’re up with him and she’s still trying to nab 30 more minutes of sleep after being woken throughout the night with various children while you slept peacefully (again). If you don’t let the dog outside there are two possible outcomes:

#1 Your wife will be forced to jump out of bed in just a tank top and dainties, rush downstairs to let the dog out and freeze her buns off while waiting for the dog to finish his business.

And/Or

#2 Your dog will poop in the house and your wife will be forced to clean up the mess. (As if she has the time to add that to her busy morning routine with your children!) (again).

For argument’s sake, let’s say you do NOT let the dog out in the morning.

Your wife might send you an angry text, criticizing your decision because you KNEW that by refusing to put the dog out you were going to inconvenience her NO MATTER WHAT. You might respond by telling her to “get over” herself and that might make her REALLY angry.

When you get home from work she might come at you again. You could get annoyed that after all those hours passed she’s still uptight about the stupid dog. You might tell her you were running late for work and that’s why you didn’t let the dog out. That it’s not your fault. That she should be angry at the dog and not you. Perhaps you’ll get mad at her for being mad at you.

Man? This is exhausting for both of us and I’m going to arm you with two words that will nip these arguments with your wife right. in. the. bud.

I’m sorry.

That’s right, I’m SORRY!

Practice with me, “I’mmmmmm sorrrrryyyyy…”

Relatively simple words, they can be difficult to say, but they mean so much! And whether you mean it or not? They take your angry wife by surprise…she might still be mad at you, but what more can she say after a  sincere apology? Nothing. Sure she can continue to stew over it if she chooses, but she’s kind of stuck. She can no longer run her mouth at you in an attempt to get you to understand and validate what she was experiencing because you validated her feelings the moment you spoke the words!

I’m sorry.

With a simple and calm, “Oh babe, I’m sorry! I meant to take the dog out, but I was in such a rush to get to work I guess I forgot!” Or how about, “Wow, I had no idea my not taking the dog out was going to be such a huge disruption for you! I’m really sorry about that!”

By doing this your wife will feel heard, validated, and? She might still love you.

However, when your sorry comes one week later (after a lot of stewing and grudge holding) and it sounds like this, “I’m sorry you’re having such a hard time with the fact that you don’t like to take the dog out in the morning. There. Is that better?”

The answer will be NO. An apology is not an apology when you’re apologizing for how someone else FEELS or how THEY reacted. You must apologize for something YOU did OR DID NOT DO.

Got it?????

You’re welcome,

Woman

 

Now it’s your turn!

Mama's Losin' It

Choose a prompt, post it on your blog, and come back to add your name to the link list below. Be sure to sign up with the actual post URL and not just your basic blog URL (click on the title of your post for that URL). For good comment karma try to comment on the three blogs above your name!!

The Prompts:

1.) What are you reading?
2.) Dear Men, (an open letter…offer a word of advice, an issue you’d like to address, or a solution to a problem for the opposite sex).
3.) Show us your kitchen!
4.) Tell us about a time you were grounded…what did you do?
5.) What made you laugh this week?



Mama Kat Loves You When You Love Her



{ 42 comments }

Azara January 23, 2013 at 10:35 pm

“Capture and properly train” – haha! I love it. I haven’t done a Writer’s Workshop in awhile, but that prompt was too good to pass up. Looking forward to reading the other entries.

Gretchen January 23, 2013 at 10:44 pm

Oh yes. I hear you. My husband has a peculiar inability to accept blame for anything that ever goes wrong. If he breaks a glass, it’s the stupid glass that was in a bad place. If he stubs his toe, it’s because of the stupid door. That’s in the same place it’s always been. But still, it must be the doors fault. Much remember to teach this “I’m sorry” thing to my son.

hilljean January 24, 2013 at 1:34 am

Since it’s a picture of JT on the top, I am assuming this is NOT about your husband. That was a good move.

Paula Kiger January 24, 2013 at 1:58 am

You choice of graphics = perfect wakeup image! Thanks for that. :-)

BonnyBard January 24, 2013 at 2:54 am

So simple, yet so hard for them!

Karen, author of "My Funny Dad, Harry" January 24, 2013 at 3:12 am

Great advice! A soft answer does turn away wrath.

Tori Nelson January 24, 2013 at 3:44 am

My husband is good with Sorry. He pretty much apologizes before he knows what he’s apologizing for. I’m on my lady time, so at first sight of the tampon box he pretty much knew it would be a big week for apologies. Dirty dishes, dirty socks, whatever, at the end of the day he’s pretty much just sorry that I have mean ovaries and that’s not entirely fair :)

Tiffany January 24, 2013 at 3:51 am

I can’t wait to read the Dear Men posts this week!!! This should be read by all men!!!

Sue January 24, 2013 at 4:30 am

1) Love the bedroom artwork in the pic. LOVE.

2) Um…has a certain someone been negligent in letting a certain creature outside recently at your abode? Totally grasping at straws here…

Dianna January 24, 2013 at 4:42 am

Well, let’s hope that Man realizes he needs to let the dog out when he leaves for work in the morning. (Whatever family this applies to!)
Thanks for hosting!

Lady Estrogen January 24, 2013 at 5:27 am

With THAT face saying, “I’m sorry, babe”, I’m guessing it would be successful almost every time.

And yes, I have mine trained to go out every morning — with the dog. Snort.

Southern Angel January 24, 2013 at 5:58 am

First of all JT would only give me that look in the pic and all would be forgiven.. everything.. period. Secondly, I won’t say anything because mine will apologize, but then go back and do it again.. lol. I told him Mommy brain is not an excuse for him lmbo.

Jen @ Cuddles and Chaos January 24, 2013 at 5:59 am

Ahhhh, I love this and wish that I remembered to write my man letter! I might have to do it next week instead.

But seriously? So true. You can’t keep spitting your venom when someone says they’re sorry. You might be even more pissed that they let the wind out of your high horse sails, but you’ll definitely shut up!

Jen @ Cuddles and Chaos January 24, 2013 at 5:59 am

Also: that picture? I die!

May January 24, 2013 at 6:30 am

I just love the way you really “get” me!

Gingerj January 24, 2013 at 6:58 am

LOL! So true. The only thing I would add is a sarcastic “I’m sorry” right after an incident like the one above or many other daily interactions, doesn’t cut it either. ;)

Emily @ My Pajama Days January 24, 2013 at 7:00 am

You totally rocked this letter! Now if only my husband would read this too.

Monica January 24, 2013 at 7:06 am

You forgot possible outcome number 3: Wife puts off letting dog out until she cannot stand the sound of whining anymore. She rushes downstairs to let dog out, but is just seconds too late as dog is already peeing all over the floor. Wife slips and falls in the puddle and ends up rolling around in urine wearing just her tank top and dainties (and yes, this did actually happen to a friend of mine)!

Natalie January 24, 2013 at 7:54 am

Imma be honest: I really didn’t read much of the post because I kept staring at the picture of JT :)

Gina January 24, 2013 at 8:04 am

“capture and properly train” is perfect. The training part, after 24 years, is still an issue. Almost like potty training, there are some backslides. Loved this. And those two teensy words that I say all the time because I miss up are like extracting molars for “him”.

Kate @ Mommy Monologues January 24, 2013 at 8:08 am

lolol You’re hilarious!

Kelly K @ Dances with Chaos January 24, 2013 at 8:12 am

I am sending the link to this post to my husband. He is far to logical to get the logic to this on his own.

Miriam Gomberg January 24, 2013 at 8:12 am

OMG! That totally sounds like my house. I hate it when he is awake before me yet somehow doesn’t let the dogs out to pee. Glad I’m not the only one. We must be from the same planet then.

Mama and the City January 24, 2013 at 8:51 am

So true. A simple “I’m sorry” is the solution to most unnecessary arguments. I need to send this to hubs now.

Rachel Delaurier January 24, 2013 at 8:52 am

Where did that picture come from?!?!

Madeleine January 24, 2013 at 9:00 am

Hilarious AND true words of wisdom. Well done! It was the perfect breakfast read for a giggle.

I’m guessing your husband didn’t let the dog out, oh, say, a week ago? I get it, I do.

LADY GOO GOO GAGA January 24, 2013 at 10:54 am

the picture alone is perfection!!!

deana January 24, 2013 at 11:04 am

I absolutly love this! Perfect!

Zoe February 27, 2014 at 9:50 am

My comments here are merley my opinion, and are in no way intended to insult anybody or to suggest that trainers are completely wrong to use e-collars. I have the greatest respect for Rick Smith and all of the excellent professional trainers out there, but I have to say I have been and always will be against the use of e-collars. I understand why they are used, and in the right hands they are effective and mostly humane. I always have to ask How were the Germans able to train such incredible pointers before the advent of electricity? The answer I think, lies in time and patience. E-collars are a great time saver, but in my opinion, they are no more effective at training a good dog than simply taking the extra time and being very, very patient with your dog. I have trained several German Shorthaired Pointers (an energetic and difficult breed to train), yet all of them turned out to be amazing bird or field trial dogs. All without the use of e-collars.The biggest problem I have is with people who use the collars with absolutely no concept of their true purpose, or how harmful they can be when used improperly. I have actually seen a professional trainer repeatedly bring a dog to its knees with the use of a shock collar, simply because the dog was headstrong and the trainer had no patience at all. I challenged him to try the collar on himself. He hasn’t used one since and is producing some truly amazing dogs. My lesser problem lies in the belief that many trainers are looking for shortcuts to training and don’t want to spend the time and patience needed to effectively train a dog. It really does take time to train a good hunter, and the europeans managed it for hundreds of years without e-collars.In summary, I believe e-collars can be an effective training tool, but ultimately they are merley time-savers and are simply unecessary if you take the extra time with your dog. But it does take a lot of extra time. If you must use an e-collar, wait until you have laid a very solid foundation before introducing the collar.

Ginny Marie January 24, 2013 at 11:10 am

“I’m sorry” goes a long way. My husband has also learned to say, “You’re pretty.” That helps, too.

Jen January 24, 2013 at 11:38 am

You tell them, sister!

OneMommy January 24, 2013 at 12:10 pm

The letter to man was soooo tempting! (But I wasn’t sure my husband would laugh at what I’m sure most women would have giggled at in my letter…) You nailed it! If they just would learn those 2 words, life would be easier for them!

Andrea January 24, 2013 at 12:46 pm

Oooh that is a good one. And you were able to focus on just one. I on the other hand had to compile a list of issues I’d like men to address. :) Just ten though, to begin with.

Darcy January 24, 2013 at 2:09 pm

Love the pic above the bed. JTs bedroom or yours? ;)

Your letter is spot on. My hubby learned fast that a happy wife = happy life…and apologizing does wonders.

Gigi January 24, 2013 at 2:57 pm

I’m thinking I need to print this out and hand it to the Man in this house. But somehow I think he STILL wouldn’t get it. *sigh*

NatteringNic January 24, 2013 at 4:43 pm

DS7 has been dropping hints about getting a dog. I was starting to bend…just the tinsy-est, weeniest bit. No more…thanks! *high five*

Jamie@SouthMainMuse January 24, 2013 at 7:16 pm

That video on the flirting was a riot. And a little too on the mark for how “these things” happen. And I agree, I’ll take out the trash any day but walking the dog in the cold before bed is TORTURE.

Raquel English January 24, 2013 at 8:56 pm

Kathy, I accidentally messed up & I entered twice on your link for the writing prompt. I’m very sorry, I tried to remove the one without the picture. Something happened… sorry babe…

Simone @Greatfun4kids January 24, 2013 at 9:02 pm

hahaha, cool pic, great letter. now I know who to send my Man to for advice! thanks mama.
xx

(PS I shared what I’m reading; I have a bloggy bookclub, so anyone who is also sharing what they’re reading come over and link up)
x

AnnMarie January 25, 2013 at 12:41 pm

I will repeat what I said on FB. Holy Hell, he is HOT! My God. I absolutely HATE when I get the “I’m sorry that you are mad” sorry. After those words are uttered, all I see is blinding anger. Can’t wait to link up. I have a feeling my letter will have to do with my kitchen. :)

Katie E January 25, 2013 at 12:46 pm

Hmmm…now to decide whether or not to show this to my husband, because it’s so true :) He’d probably say the same about how I say I’m sorry though.

@PamelaMKramer - A Renaissance Woman January 29, 2013 at 7:35 pm

Can I take this a step further and say if you let the dog out in the morning could you please let the dog BACK IN before you leave for work? That would be really nice. Please and Thank You!

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