There are plenty of things I never learned in school that I was probably supposed to learn. I don’t know if the schools are to be blamed for this or if maybe I just skipped the days we went over these important courses, but I definitely had some catching up to do on my journey to full grown adulthood. Here are 6 things I never learned in school:
1. Anything Shakespeare
It’s a sad state of affairs when a child graduates from high school learning everything she knows about Shakespeare from Claire Danes and Leonardo DiCaprio in the 1996 hit movie Romeo and Juliet. Say nothing of all the other “classics” the rest of the world seems to have read while I was busy copying down vocabulary words from a chalk board that I would later be tested on and then never again use in life.
2. Where Alaska is.
I don’t know how I managed to skate through high school without ever learning the exact location of Alaska. It could be because EVERY map I ever saw showed Alaska in it’s own happy space right over there by Hawaii. I had NO idea it was up in the corner of Canada until a coming to God moment I had in a college Geography class. I stared at a map while we were discussing latitude and longitude and I was all, “wait…THAT’S Alaska!?!” Hey teachers…how about showing an ACCURATE MAP of our country when teaching us about…our country.
3. How to change a car tire.
All those days I spent learning what the value of X was sure didn’t come in handy when I found myself on the side of the freeway with a flat tire. Algebra, French class, chemistry…those are great and all, but how about a “Real Life Problems You’ll Need Help With Someday” class. Changing your car’s tire/headlight/oil, successfully plunging a toilet, swaddling a screaming baby, finding studs in a wall, properly hanging pictures, cooking a steak without poisoning your family…you know, the basics.
4. The value of X.
All those days I spent learning what the value of x was and I still don’t have a clue.
5. How to read a map.
Okay I take some of the blame for this. I do vaguely remember a number of teachers putting maps in front of my face and me just feeling like, “lines…all I see are lines…where’s Alaska?” I had no idea how to use one to get myself from point A to point B and my mother still cackles when she recalls my phone calls to her, “Mom?? I’m trying to get to my volleyball tournament, but I don’t really know where I am…there’s a McDonald’s and a 7-11 on this street and I think I see a park? Can you help me?” I still can’t read a map. All hail modern day technology and whoever that is in my phone telling me how to get home.
6. How to properly flip quarters into cups filled with beer.
Look, I know teaching beer games would probably be frowned upon in most schools, but perhaps they could view it more as a “life rescuing” course. Armed with the correct strategy to actually win these games, just think of how many future college drunks our schools would be saving. You want me to stay sober and safe? Teach me to win! Makes perfect sense.
Is there anything you didn’t learn in school that you should have?
Now it’s your turn!
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1.) What do you miss most about your childhood neighborhood?
2.) Draw a picture that you feel accurately depicts one of your last tweets.
3.) Someone you talked to today…
4.) Your middle name.
5.) 6 things you never learned in school.