My girl is shy.
I understand her because I see myself in her but I found myself apologizing for her for years.
I’m sorry she doesn’t want to hug you. I’m sorry she shrivels away when you speak to her. I’m sorry she doesn’t shout her “thank yous” when she opens your gift, I’m sorry she bursts into tears when you step in to gently redirect her.
It’s not you…she’s just shy. She’s sensitive. She’s thrilled to see you, she just doesn’t express it so much but I swear she’s excited right now!
I had an aha moment when Maile’s third grade teacher once listened to one of my apologies and instead of nodding in an “oh I understand your daughter is different” kind of way she rather looked at me and said, “You realize this is her gift don’t you? What a beautiful little girl to have that quiet space in her.”
And it kind of took my breath away.
I had known it, but there was something about hearing someone say it out loud that made me feel a mixture of shame for allowing myself to be influenced by what I felt like other people expected of my child…and also gratitude. That this woman understood it almost better than I did in that moment and that we were lucky enough to have her teaching my daughter for the year.
My little girl, with that quiet space in her, what a gift she is to me.
Happy tenth Birthday Maile!
For Maile:
Happy Fourth Birthday
Happy Fifth Birthday
Happy Sixth Birthday
Happy Seventh Birthday
Happy Eighth Birthday
Happy Ninth Birthday
Shana Norris says
Kudos to that teacher for looking at shyness in such a beautiful way. I was so, so shy as a child. Now, not so much. Now I’m just more of an introvert. But when I was in 3rd grade, I’d have loved that description of my personality so much more than the ones I got!
Rachel J. says
That line took my breath away as well. I, too, was a shy kid, and I wish someone had understood me that well. Happy birthday to your precious girl!
Francesca says
This is such a beautiful post, Kat. It seriously brought tears to my eyes this morning.
Happy birthday to your sweet girl. xo
Susanna Leonard Hill says
What a lovely, sweet post, Kat! I have a shy one too, and I wish one of her teachers would have ever recognized her quiet space rather than comment on how they wished she’d be more vocal, more outgoing. Even more, I wish I’d had these words to articulate to them that the quiet is important. Happy, happy birthday to your quiet one :)
Sam says
I love that! My daughter is also shy and I’ve often felt guilty and wish that she wouldn’t cry or run away when people try to talk to her or touch her (especially when my uncle hands me a $50 gift card for her and she won’t even look at him.) I’m going to remember this when I wish she were more outgoing.
And holy cow! I can’t believe that Maile is 10 already! I didn’t realize that I’ve been reading your blog for so long- they were all still in daycare when I first started reading!
Alexandra says
What a gift of a teacher. And how stunning is your reaction? If I could do it over, I’d stop letting others influence how I think my children should be. “Accept a child for who he is and watch them blossom.” I loved this, Mamakat. xo
Thekitchwitch says
Oh. Alexandra specifically pointed this out to me, and I was so glad. I wrote last week about my difficulty accepting the quiet space in both myself and my daughter. This brought me to tears and filled my heart with good things. Thank you, Kat.
Betsy says
This is beautiful. I only had quiet girls for specific stages. And what a gift that teacher gave you! =) Happy birthday to her!!
Renee says
Thank you for posting!
You have no idea how much this post means to me. I too struggle with my daughter’s shyness.
To know I am not alone in feeling this way is wonderful.
Stacey says
What a wonderful way to look at it! I have a girl with a quiet space in her too. It’s hard to explain, so maybe I will stop trying.
Gigi says
What a beautiful way to look at shyness! I’m going to have to remember that.
Happy, happy birthday to your beautiful girl with her lovely, quiet place.
MJ says
Oh, how I love this! I was that kid, and now my youngest is so much like that. I love that her teacher recognized her gift.
Tiffany says
Oh I’m shedding tears over this one! What a gift indeed!!!
Shannon (@DEsUnion) says
What a beautiful teacher! I was one of those kids and have one too. I had a pastor tell me once, when I was apologizing too, “She isn’t shy. She is just a quiet person.” I now defend her when someone calls her shy:) I bet your quiet one is a wise, very sweet girl!
Shannon
Domestic Engineer’s Union
Christine@TheAums says
I love that picture of you kissing her in the pool.
Sam says
This is really great! I don’t feel there are enough ‘quiet places’ in enough people… yay being a Mumma who encourages the layers of her babies.
pattisj says
Happy birthday to your adorable ten-year-old sweetie!
Tracy P. says
This post goes in the top 10. Ever. Maybe top 1.
Too many “proud mom moments” go to the mom with the winsome child, and it’s too often the standard we set for ourselves as parents. To raise people pleasers. God bless that teacher who so kindly reminded you that the better goal is to raise people who are comfortable in their own skin, who can then offer their true gifts to the world.
Happy (belated) birthday, Maile! Wow, double digits! :-)
Leah Elizabeth Locklear says
Oh I love this! Getting me all teary eyed at work… what a lovely teacher she had! She is precious! I am so glad I found your blog!! WIN for me!!! ~Leah~
OneMommy says
Brought a tear to my eye — my son is that one with that “quiet space” inside. He definitely got it from me, but even more extreme. I get angry at my husband when he defines him as “shy” to strangers, and I worry how school will go.
I pray he gets a wonderful teacher who understands and appreciates that gift.
Laura @ Said I'd Never Do says
What a beautiful post and what a beautiful sentiment from her teacher.
Andrea says
She is beautiful. What a gift to have her!