This is the email I sent my sisters last night:
I decided to heck with it! I’m going to face my fear and try on some shorts at the mall today. We’re going to Hawaii and gosh darnit, I don’t need to be a big baby about not showing skin when nobody there knows me. I can be whoever I want to be and just MAYBE I’m a shorts wearer over there!
So I went to the mall and tried them on.
Nope. Definitely not a shorts wearer. I will never try them on again. They’re so ugly.
About a month ago I was having the same conversation with them about hunting down a swimsuit. By God, I can wear a swimsuit at the beach and perhaps dip myself into water like a normal human!
When we took the kids to The Great Wolf Lodge I was beyond uncomfortable. I’m pasty white. I’m older and fleshier. And I feel like I’m wearing a leotard. I made it my mission to find some swimwear that would make me not pasty or old or fleshy or leotardy.
So I ordered this:
Because look how trendy and amazing she looks while still very covered up!
Insert laughter because no.
That swimsuit jumper will not transform you into a Victoria’s Secret model, I should have known. Victoria lies to me. It actually made me look even more like an out of place mom who doesn’t leave the comfort of her laundry basket in the living room than I already was.
After multiple orders and try on sessions in the comfort of my dark closet, I did finally narrow down my search and I plan to cut a hole in the middle of my bed sheet to use as an appropriate cover up. It’s either that or the burkini.
I can totally be a swimsuit wearer!