2. Write a poem inspired by the last conversation you had with your child.
I called you my sensitive one, because you cried.
So many feelings going on inside.
I knew I could help you. “I’m her mom!” I said.
“I know everything going on in that little head!”
My life became a mission to make you smile
And to keep it planted there awhile.
I swung you and swayed you, swaddled and soothed you.
So many nights paced, patted and cooed you.
We baked and we chased, we sang and we raced.
If I could keep your life fun, it would stay on your face.
But the older you got, the less you were sleeping
How could I stop your worry from creeping?
Girls days spent shopping, quick errand hopping,
bubble gum popping, ice cream treat stopping.
Little dog walking, board games and hiding,
Trips to the zoo and weekends horse riding.
Reading new books and spoiling you rotten.
Praying your fears would soon be forgotten.
Crashing waves, mental health days,
Crawling through the dark by your side I lay.
I tried my girl, but there’s darkness brewing.
Nothing I can coax will keep you from stewing.
All these years later the tears are still steady.
I guess I thought you’d stop, when you were ready.
In silence I think back, did I do all I could do?
“You don’t help me”, you say. And then I cry too.
;
Kim says
It’s so heartbreaking when we see them struggle. despite our efforts to help. So hard.
Mama Kat says
Exactly! But I guess it’s inevitable in life, there comes a point where we have to step back and just be here for them as they work through it.
Andrea says
Our mission is to protect our kids from everything we can. What’s hardest is when they’re hurting and we can’t fix the source of the hurt. Having a sensitive child is heartbreaking – I know this so well. Beautiful post.
Mama Kat says
Yes! You said it…we do everything we can, but still have these demons we can’t fight. All we can do is try to arm our kids with the tools they need to fight it on their own. It’s a really helpless feeling.
Katherine says
It’s so hard to watch our children worry, and know that a lullaby and a kiss just aren’t quite enough any more. Beautiful.
Mama Kat says
I cringe to think of walking them through break ups, job loss, losing friends, etc… It would definitely be nice to rely on a lullaby and a kiss!
Jerralea says
So very touching! I wish we could keep every sad thing from ever touching our children but it’s impossible. All we can do is let them know we are there for them.
Mama Kat says
So true. Sometimes it feels like that’s just not enough.
Stacey says
This was really sweet. I have a daughter that struggles with anxiety and I could see her in this poem. Beautifully done!
Mama Kat says
They’re such sweet little loves, but it has been really challenging for me to not be fix this for her. I had a difficult childhood with the loss of my Dad and my one goal as a Mom was to provide the happiest, most carefree, magical childhood ever for my kids. I would do anything to shelter them from facing any harsh realities of the world for as long as possible. But I can’t fight her brain…it’s frustrating.
Stacey says
That’s a good way to put it. You really can’t fight their little brains. The best I can hope for is to teach her how to cope with the anxiety, give her skills she can use, and be a safe place for her. It is truly awful to see such little people battling such grown up problems. It is probably the most difficult part of my parenting journey, that inability to fix it.
Monica says
I see a lot of myself as a child in this poem–always the sensitive one, shy, crying easily, and childhood insomnia.. Thanks for sharing–as always I love the honesty in your writing, but especially in regards to the difficult parts of parenting, which I don’t see written about as often.
Mama Kat says
As my kids get older I’m a lot more guarded with the difficulties I have with them. It’s different when they’re toddlers and getting into my makeup. Their issues are a lot less funny. Even this poem I’m sort of hoping gets buried to avoid hurting her feelings. But it was cathartic to write and I feel like these waters of anxiety/depression are being navigated by a lot of parents out there who might find a little comfort in it.
Monica says
As someone who struggled with my anxiety/depression on my own through most of my adolescence and teenage years (and back then I didn’t have a name for it), I think that being willing to acknowledge it and being aware of it so that you can support her will do more for her than you realize. I really struggled with communicating about these things with my parents, partially due to their lack of understanding and recognizing them. Even if you can’t “fix it” for her, just being able to be there for her will be helpful for her.
Mama Kat says
I’ve heard that just being there is enough from a few people, so I try to remember that and always have a reassuring presence to offer her. It doesn’t feel like it’s enough, but I guess time will tell.
kelley says
so sweet, some days it is so hard to be a mother. She’ll be all right and so will you. Stopping by from mama kats kelley at the road goes ever ever on
Mama Kat says
Thanks Kelley! I certainly hope so. :)
Tai says
You are not alone! Healing light and love to us all!
Mama Kat says
Thanks Tai!! Can we stick them in a time machine and make them 3 again??
Jill says
That was such a sweet, sad post. Your writing is beautiful.
Erin white says
Wow, very beautiful.. Hugs to you both!
Tina says
My kid seems to let everything slide off his back, so I try to keep my anxieties to myself. Sometimes, though, I can tell he’s upset, and it’s okay to step in. I can’t fix everything for him, however, and that bothers me.
Dawn says
What a wonderful poem. It’s so hard to see our children struggle and feel like we can’t help. But as long as she knows you’re there for her, you are helping. I hope she works through it all quickly and successfully.
Dyanne @ I Want Backsies says
Oh, my heart! It’s tough when a bandaid and a kiss won’t fix it anymore. My daughter will be 16 next week. She’s the scrappy type, not terribly sensitive, but I think when she snaps, she snaps hard, because she doesn’t let her emotions go like that very often.
Dominique Goh says
Aww it really breaks out heart when our kids say such things but we know that certain things they need to go through themselves in order to grow.
May says
Knife to heart…doesn’t it get you when you become the focus of their frustration? If it is any consolation, I believe 100% that you do help her.
Rachel says
AHH! I didn’t mean to spam your site. It kept telling me there was an error so I kept reloading my linkup. I don’t know how to delete the duplicates! I’m so sorry! My Recipe Exchange Pins posted a gazillion times!
Sandra says
Oh gosh you just made me cry…
I have no words. I get it. It’s never enough.
Marie at the Lazy W says
Oh mama. Oh boy. Biggest, warmest hugs ever to you both. xoxo
Crista says
I have 3 kids, 2 of which are perfectly capable of doing things without me nagging. My mother on the other hand, wants me to do everything for them. I refuse to let them turn out like me who sometimes needs to be dependent on others. I won’t get into specifics but she basically thinks I am lazy for making the kids do things that, in her opinion, should be left up to me. I believe that kids should do things for themselves because frankly, if we do everything for our kids they will think that as adults they aren’t capable of doing things on their own. I don’t want my kids to feel scared when they finally get out into the world, I want them to go head on. I love this post!