3. Write a blog post inspired by the word: balance.
Kainoa was eating pizza on the couch and then left his plate of pizza to go do God knows what. Our dog grabbed a slice and ran under the table and Kainoa was all, “Mom! Jack has the pizza!”
Jack was doing his best to swallow the piza whole, but it was a large slice and he’s a small dog so I grabbed his collar and he began peeing the longest pee ever. Apparently peeing is Jack’s coping mechanism when someone tries to take pizza away from him. He inherited that gene from me.
I yelled at Kainoa for leaving his food unattended when he KNOWS our dog is sitting in the wings ready to pounce, I rushed the dog outside, and then I got on my hands and knees to clean the nasty mess he left in our dining room.
Most humans would recognize this as a bad time to ask your mother for a favor. Don’t ask me to take you shopping, don’t ask if we’re doing anything fun today, don’t ask me to make you lunch. I’m cleaning up pee that is only here because YOU left pizza for the dog to pee about. Don’t talk to me. When I was a kid, if I noticed my Mom was upset about something, I would tiptoe the hell out of whatever room she was in or she would make me CLEAN THINGS.
Unfortunately, Kainoa has not learned when to leave him mother alone so I feel inspired to share this list of 14 situations you can categorize into the “Bad Times To Approach Mom” department of your brain:
1. When she’s on her hands and knees cleaning up ANYTHING.
2. When she’s on the phone.
3. When she’s yelling at your sibling.
4. When she just finished yelling at your sibling.
5. When she spent money on you within the last 24 hours.
6. When she’s sleeping.
7. When she’s mad at your father.
8. During the Bachelor Finale.
9. After 9pm.
10. Before 8am.
11. When she’s sick.
12. After someone has vomited.
13. Before you have completed a task she asked you to complete.
14. When something is on fire.
Since balance is important, tomorrow I will share some situations in which it is okay for you to approach your mother with your needs…I will need a minimum of 24 hours to come up with that list and it might be much shorter.
What did I miss?
Astrid says
This is a great list. I wish I had this at hand when I was a teen, because I could never figure out when not to approach my Mom.
stef says
Bwahaha. So funny and all true. The sad thing is that I don’t think my Husband knows and gets these rules.
kelley says
I think you covered it! Man I need one of those “clean house curtains”! Brilliant!
Kimberly says
My kid is ALWAYS up at 6 or earlier so I mean, I’m never blinded by light.
I think I’m part vampire already.
This made me laugh out loud – literally out loud.
Jerralea says
My kids always got in trouble the moment I got on the phone … it was like automatic.
Great post!
Beverly says
Those were funny. And All True.
John Holton says
Those GIF’s are hilarious! We don’t have kids, but Mary has a similar set of rules for me…
Emily says
Bothering me while I’m on the phone is my number one. After nearly 10 years he just hasn’t gotten it!
Paula Kiger says
These could all be me! And now that we are in eldercare land, I could add a few of that nature too! It’s like some law that we sit down to eat and he has a dizzy spell that gets us all sprinting out of our seats, bless his heart.
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