4. Write a blog post inspired by the word: heart.
The idea of blogging as a parent is controversial in some circles. Is documenting our life as parents fair to our kids when they do not have a choice in the matter? You think you are sharing a little piece of your heart, but are we exploiting them? Are we embarrassing them? Are we setting them up to fail future job opportunities? Will Harvard see that my child put poopy fingerprints all over the wall during naptime and decide they are not cut out for a law degree?
People debate whether or not these are “our stories to tell”…and I’ve always countered that in my head with “but I’m telling MY story…they just happen to be main characters!”
Despite the hatred for the parenting niche of blogging, I continued. What began as funny toddler stories and family activities naturally gave way to my own personal narrative as the kids have gotten older. I still share the funny things they say and family activities, but I sprinkle in my other interests…reading, video making, fostering dogs, a smidge of politics perhaps. I just like to write so I don’t really see reason for me to stop, but I’ve always wondered if my kids would grow up to resent me for what I’ve shared about them.
It’s still too early to tell, but I was delighted yesterday when Maile was giggling about memories from when they were younger at dinner time. She talked about that time she wanted candy for dinner and I kept saying “no” and she finally exclaimed that I was making her so “NERVOUS” when she really meant “frustrated.” Or that time we went to the Seattle Center and she took a deep breath and was all, “OH! Just smell that country air!!” Or that time she named her piggy bank “Steady” and a little bit later could be heard talking to it, “Steady girl…steady!”
I asked her how she even remembered these stories because I honestly have no recollection of them and she said she needed family pictures for a project at school today. She got online and searched my BLOG for family pictures! She was so deep in the archives (I barely remember writing those blog posts) that she got caught up searching her own name, reading the stories, and printing pictures for her project.
I cannot even describe the relief. We all had a good laugh about the smaller versions of themselves. The stories she found never would have been retold by me because I barely remember them happening let alone the exact verbiage and cute way they said their words. What a fun little gift to all of us. And how awesome that she did not have to wait to come home and search for pictures for her project.
POINT MOMMY BLOGGERS!!!!
Fingers crossed I don’t come back and update this in five years with a story about how she was denied entrance in Harvard…
Andrea says
It really becomes an issue of whether or not to share as they get older, doesn’t it? I was never a true “mommy blogger” but I still thought about whether or not they would be embarrassed about what I say about them. Like you, they are merely main characters in the story that is my life! :)
I love that your daughter was able to get family stories from your blog! Sometimes I wish I had tailored my blogging life to reflect our family more for personal history’s sake, but I didn’t. Oh well. At least my kids will have all the silly things I thought about to go back to when I’m gone, if this internet thing keeps going strong.
Mama Kat says
Yes, our kids will definitely end up with a great perspective on WHO their mother was when (if ever) they decide to really dive in and read. There is a lot of risk involved when you choose to share your family the way that many of us bloggers did. I often still debate myself over what I would do different. Would I use their real names? Would I have used the term “crack whore” to describe myself in those early blogging days? There is a lot of cringe happening on this website of mine! But ultimately I’m glad to have some fun tories to share with them!
Kimberly says
This is pulling at my gut at the moment – because my son is eight now and although he’s still young, he’s at that age where things do matter.
I’m starting to steer from his story and focus on me and I always have that phrase and I literally went HA! when I read it “It’s not my story to tell”.
He’s going through a health issue that is impacting our family, my health and… and oh am I wanting to write because I know so many women, moms can relate. I’m stuck and no one in my little bubble here can relate but, again, not my story to tell.
I’m an oversharer and it’s hard. You get it. I think all of us bloggers and writers do. It’s such a fine line I think.
I really appreciate this post. So. VERY VERY MUCH. So timely. So timely.
Mama Kat says
I think it’s a really natural transformation away from them as topics for us, but yes the desire to share it all is always there for me. That being said, it’s one thing when we’re writing about trick-or-treating and birthday celebrations or sledding on snow days, but as they get older a lot of more serious issues surfaced that forced me to use my better judgement about. Your situation reminds me a lot of what I’ve experienced with Maile. She was shy/anxious as a toddler, but when school started it morphed every year into something worse.
The stress of school everyday made her really sick and eventually she started having full blown panic attacks. I was DYING to write about it. I thought maybe people could help me or maybe I could help them…some posts I wrote really did scratch the surface on what was going on here, but out of respect for her I held back on writing a full blog post dedicated to what she (we) went through. Now that she is 13 she actually gave me permission to go ahead and write it, but I still have held back. Does she fully understand that by giving me that permission all of her future friends/boyfriends/teachers etc would have access to that information? I’ve drafted out a lot of my feelings just so that I don’t forget important pieces, but I have a feeling we’re not out of the woods by a long shot with that one so I’ll probably just hang onto it for now.
I feel like in terms of family memories though, it’s the happy memories and activities we will enjoy reading more anyway.
Kimberly says
Maile is so wonderful for allowing you to share part of her story – to help others. And you are just as equally awesome for giving her control over her story. I know that feeling of wanting to just write and reach out because OMG my city lacks resources and I think my son’s therapist probably cringes when she sees my phone number come up on the caller ID. Just kidding…maybe…
He constantly worries about people finding out about what he’s going through – that people knows that he’s “different” (even though we tell him he’s not). To me that’s my “no you can’t write about it mom”. Maybe when he’s older and when he understands more? I don’t know…
But he is a very crafty writer though! He has written some wonderful pieces in his class and even keeps a journal at home. So who knows. Maybe his story is meant to be shared by himself :)
You’re a good mom Kat. I think you’re doing all the right things. xoxo
John Holton says
Telling family stories is a great hobby in my family, the more embarrassing the better. And trust me, Maile was not the first child to decorate the room with feces. My guess is the admissions director at Harvard did the same thing. I think everyone did, or was tempted to.
Jennifer says
My children never embarrassed easily so that was never an issue. My bigger issue these days is I have a grandchild whom I am raising and yes, some parts of her story are not mine to tell.
I love what your daughter did. You have captured her history in a really nice way. <3 I love that.
Mama Kat says
Yes, I agree about not sharing personal histories when they dip into certain areas. I have a foster niece who has been in our family for years and I love her SO much, but I’m very careful to make sure he face is not shown in video and photos I upload. We do have to stay aware of where that line is in terms of publishing content online.
May says
My “kids” are grown adults. They were teens and a barely young adult when I started blogging. Because of that I never give their names and never rat them out for anything truly embarrassing. But let’s face it. They would have way more ammunition than I would for those type of stories! But seriously though, it really has been a great way to gather the memories.
Marcy says
Great story and outcome! I have thought a lot about this issue and always take pains to get permission from my (now adult) sons before I post anything. There were a few years in there when I irritated them with my camera and they constantly asked if things were for the blog. I always took a lot of pictures before my blog, though, and continue to take pictures even when things aren’t for the blog. Overall, I’m glad I didn’t have a blog when they were really little because I think I probably would have crossed the line of not giving them the privacy they were entitled to when they were too little to consent.