“My child’s well being is more important to me than my child’s opinion on me.”
Yesterday Kainoa got in trouble for going outside when I told him he couldn’t go outside. Truth be told, I left him home with Maile and Laina and I did not want him to go outside until I got back home from my quick errand. He got angry and stomped around because his friends were outside, but I stood firm. I gave him the option of running my errand with me and since he didn’t want to do that, I just told him going outside would have to wait until I got home.
When I returned, Kainoa was outside playing with his friends.
I immediately went into “shocked, angry, but mostly disappointed” mom mode and told lectured him about trust. I grounded him from electronics and playing outside for the rest of the day and I told him I had trusted him to follow the rules when I was gone and now that he disobeyed I really can’t trust him to be home without me again.
He was all, “Well you didn’t say anything about that trust when you left!”
He threw all of his nerf gun into the garage, said goodbye to his friends, ran into the house and locked the front door.
He locked me out of the house.
I entered the house through the garage instead and was all, “Well now that’s two days without friends or electronics. You keep acting like this and I’m going to tack on another day for every bad move!”
He stomped to his bedroom and slammed the door and 5 minutes later I followed suit only to find him playing with an electronic he had in there.
I was all, “Unbelievable. Less than five minutes after getting in trouble for disobeying me, here you are doing it again!! That’s three days of no friends and no electronics!”
I took the tablet away and an hour later I was wondering if I had been too hard on him. What is he going to DO for the next three days? He’s going to drive me crazy. Is this punishment for him or for me? And am I really that soft of a mother that I can quickly overlook blatant disrespect because I hate seeing my child upset?
And then the Facebook Gods intervened with a video of exactly what I needed to hear in exactly the right moment:
(video here)
She hit the nail on the head. My child’s well being IS more important to me than his opinion of me. I’m NOT here to be his friend or to keep him happy 100% of the time. I’m here to make sure he grows up to be a lovely human and right now that needs to start with listening to authority, following rules and treating his mother with respect.
I just need to watch this video on repeat for the next three days while he detoxes from every source of entertainment he’s come to know.
I WILL HOLD MY GROUND!
I hope.
Kimberly says
Oh I love that video!
While my dad wasn’t the best parent on the planet, he always used to say that he wasn’t here to be my friend – that he was my parent first. And that’s right. Mind you though, he was wrong on a lot of things….
Stick to your guns Kat….buy the damn ice cream too.
madamdreamweaver says
You go! Kids need a detox from all the constant mental stimulation from all these electronic devices. I’m in favor of more crayons and empty card board boxes that stimulate imagination.
John Holton says
That video was a riot. Watching her eat ice cream and add chocolate chips and wine to it was hilarious!
And she was absolutely right. My father’s philosophy was “I’m not his buddy, I’m his father.” Mom was the same way. Your kid is mad? Tough! Good for you.
Gigi says
Hold your ground!!
Abby says
Preach it!
It’s the best/toughest job on the planet.
Don’t give in. Pour some wine, watch the video again.
Emily says
Loved that video! If you don’t stand your ground your son will know he can get away with disobeying you in the future, said the perfect parent, hah!
Paula Kiger says
I don’t know how well I did on that front — I feel like I could have taken a harder line, but what is done is done. Loved your story and props to you for staying strong.
Karen says
Liked the video and no, you did not over react with your son in my opinion. Flagrant disobedience and then disrespecting his parent is not acceptable at all.
Jerralea says
I’m with you! Stand firm!
(And believe me, that issue right there was the hardest part of parenting for me – by far!)
Donetta Sifford says
So relateable. My 14 year old daughter pushed me to my patience level over Spring break. To her I am ancient but I still remember being 14 unfortunately for her. Her argument was she didn’t lie. So I had to explain knowingly deceiving me is the same thing as lying. I grounded her. I was more disappointed in her “dumb” act than anything because I know my girls are intelligent. It will be awhile before she gains my trust back and I know she hated me that week. But I stood my ground because I decided my job was not to make her happy 24/7 but rather make her understand trust, respect, and honesty.
I hope you can stand your ground. Kids seem to know how to make parents feel guilty for being parents. lol. Good luck!
Christy says
Good for you Mama! The consequences of wrongdoing when we’re little is hard; but the learning experience is worth it. Too many parents these days that don’t have the nerve to do what you did. 3 days without electronics? What DID kids do before the days of gadgets? Haha. Boredom is not a kids enemy. I LOVE this woman in the video. She is a hoot!
Irina McMartin says
Omg, I love the video. And I totally agree with everything! It’s so nice to see minds alike. Love the post!