Mama's Losin' It!

I’m Not In Charge

February 21, 2012 · 13 comments

Me: We need to replace the carpets, they’re disgusting. And also the couches, I’m tired of them. And also the hardwoods…is that expensive? I wanna go shopping.

Pat: Wow. How are we not dirt poor? Oh that’s right…because I’m in charge of our finances.

Me: Oh come on, I would NOT make us poor…what have I ever done to make you think that?

Pat: You want to spend all our money on couches, carpets, and your wardrobe.

Me: I was joking! Mostly.

Pat: You throw cash in the recycling bin…

Me: Once!

Pat: You forget to collect money from the daycare kids parents…

Me: Once!

Pat: You wait to deposit checks for six months and then they expire.

Me: Once!

Pat: You schedule bills to be paid after their actual due date and we get charged late fees…

Me: OKAY I GET IT! So I made a couple mistakes…

{ 13 comments }

Writing Prompts

February 20, 2012 · 4 comments

Every week you’re invited to join me in Writer’s Workshop by responding to one of the provided writing prompts posted each Tuesday. The directions are simple:

Choose a writing prompt from the list provided that inspires you most.
Write.
Come back this Thursday and paste the URL from your post into the list of links that will be displayed…this way anyone can click on your post thumbnail and head over to your place to see what you wrote.

To view more detailed instructions on how this weekly meme works, check out the Writer’s Workshop FAQs.

Writing Prompts:

1.) Capture what it’s like to spend a day or a moment talking with your kiddo. (inspired by Big Mama Cass)

2.) A time you were tricked.

3.) An ordinary day told by photos. (inspired by Baby Rabies)

4.) I wish I could…

5.) What is the one ‘vice’ you can’t give up? (inspired by Mommalogues)

Link up this Thursday and enter your email address below if you’d like the writing prompts emailed to you each week!!:

{ 4 comments }

Normally I save the mullet hair and camouflage for Taylor Swift inspired love songs. I like to pick songs that capture a bit of yearning and desire from the singer and then I like to envision the kind of people who might really ‘relate’ to these songs. For example we might adore Chicago’s “Faithfully”, but if you picture the longing lover in a mullet and camouflage it’s suddenly kind of funny.

In this case, I felt compelled to perform a tribute to the late Whitney Houston and chose Saving All My Love as the perfect song. It happens to be one of my favorite Whitney songs, even if it is about a woman who wants her lover to leave his wife and family so that the two of them can make love all night long. I mean, so WHAT!

Enjoy:

(video here)

{ 35 comments }

The TALK

February 18, 2012 · 19 comments

My husband is definitely not going to be the ‘talk’ giver. He’s far too long winded and it is destined to be a regretful conversation. I can give them the birds and bees chat, but I’ll surely make it as scary as possible so that they abstain from sex until their mid-forties. That seems normal to me. No really, can I just have them watch MTV for that chat? I mean after all that’s how *I* learned!

(Video here)

How about you? Who’s going to have “the talk” when the time comes?

{ 19 comments }

This One Time…We Were My Little Ponies

February 17, 2012 · 5 comments

This one time I used to dream about being My Little Ponies with my Mom…

We were purple and pink. My favorite colors. And everything was happy and rainbows and flowers just like you see on TV.

And then my Mom would be captured by Skeletor and he would lock her in a room with moving walls because sometimes in dreams these things happen.

The walls would slowly move towards each other and my Mom, the pink pony, would scream to me for help, “KATHY!!! DO SOMETHING!! DO SOMETHING!!!!! KATTTHYYY!!!! HELP ME!!!!!”

But I couldn’t do anything. I was a freaking pony. (the purple one). So I would just stand there on my four legs with my voluminous pony hair and I would watch my Mom get smashed by the squishing walls, “MOM!!! MOM!!!!! NOOOOO!!!!!”

When I was 15 there was an Oprah show about Night Terrors.

“You used to have those!” My Mom said, “there was just no comforting you when you would slip into those. You would scream and scream and no matter what I did you just would not settle down. It got to the point where I stopped trying and would just yell from the living room ‘Kathy, It’s just a dream! Kathy! Kathy shut up!”

I glared at her.

She looked at me, “I mean really…you couldn’t hear a darn word I was saying…any idea now what you were dreaming about back then?”

I would neigh and giddy-up and panic and then at the very MOMENT when the walls were going to squeeze her to death I’d jolt awake. “Oh dear sweet Jesus it was just a dream! It was just a dream…my dear sweet lord Jesus it was just a dream…” I would calm my beating heart and feel overwhelmed with relief that indeed we were not ponies and my Mother was alive and well. Thank God.

Alive and well and apparently yelling at me to be quiet from the other room. Was I disrupting the latest episode of DALLAS Mother?

“YES MOM!” I said, “I HAVE A HUNCH!”

She has since repented and I forgive her.

Author’s Note: Don’t feel sorry for me…we really get a kick out of this story (except for the actual nightmare which still makes me cringe when I think about it) and I have no memory whatsoever of my Mother shouting at me to quiet down. The only time I remember at anyone shouting at me to quiet down when I was supposed to be sleeping was that one time I fell off my bunk bed and broke my collar bone and lay on the ground whimpering in pain throughout the night while my brother kicked me in the head for being so noisy.

JUST ALL FUN AND GAMES AT OUR HOUSE!!!

I’M FINE!

Tell me about one of your more memorable dreams…

{ 5 comments }

← Previous Entries