Gold Schlogger At A Frat House

I was introduced to gold schlogger at a frat house in Seattle and because I hadn’t yet learned my limits with alcohol and the cool thing was to just drink a lot, I knocked back a number of shots, grabbed my beer cup (refilled as necessary) and soon found myself hugging a toilet on the floor of the community frat house bathroom.

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There is so much about this that makes me cringe now. The amount of alcohol consumed. That I somehow managed to find myself alone on a bathroom floor when my friends typically never left my side at parties. The *gag* BOYS COMMUNITY BATHROOM TOILET! Ewwww! And the fact that I was too inebriated (and sick) to care about ANY of that.

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I remember this guy walking in and shouting out to his brothers, “Dude! There’s a chick in here!” Perhaps some muffled laughing. He walked over to me and put his hand on my shoulder, “hey are you okay?” To which I slurred something like, “just go away I’m fiiiine!!!”

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Because clearly.

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And then he was all, “Come on we need to get you out of here…who are you here with?”

And I was all, “Hey where’s my friennnnds?”

And he was all, “Just come with me, this is gross and you have to stand up. You’re not going to sleep in here all night.”

And I was all, “But I’m comferrtable…”

Because clearly.

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And he pulled me to my feet. He practically carried me down the hall…he opened the bedroom door…he walked me over to a bed…

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and he turned to all of my friends and said, “she needs to get some sleep you guys…she’s pretty sick…”

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It never crossed my mind that I might be in danger of anything more than a horrid hangover back then. I naively believed nothing could happen to me as long as my friends were in the building.

I was just having fun.

But I wish I could find that guy now, and thank him for not raping me. Such a polite young man!!

I don’t drink gold schlogger at frat houses anymore.

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Beauty In The Details

There’s a pretty awesome story that was published back in 2009 about an autistic artist named Stephen Wiltshire who spent 20 minutes in a helicopter over New York and then drew an 18 foot replica of the city.

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The beauty in the details he captured is absolutely mind blowing and you can read more about it here.

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Now I don’t mean to make this “all about me” again, but Stephen Wiltshire reminds me of a certain little artistic prodigy I happen to know very well…

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After just ten years of living in the Seattle area she was able to sketch this replica of the city in less than 20 minutes.

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Just saying.

A World Like That

What if balloons still brought us as much joy now as they did when we were kids.

And when we spotted them we just HAD to have one.

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And when we lost one it was like the WORST thing that could ever happen!

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What if losing balloons was as bad as things would ever get.

I think I might enjoy a world like that.

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Joke’s On Me

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It’s not that I was trying to be MEAN…it’s just that I always did enjoy a good old fashioned prank. I guess this one kind of backfired, but they can’t all be winners!

Surely you’ve done something mean to your siblings a time or two…

It’s Brittany B*tch

Maile: Mom? Who sings that song about Scream and Shout?

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Me: Brittany Spears and Will. I. Am.

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Maile: Can you play it?

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Me: No, I don’t have that one on my phone and there’s a bad word in it anyway so I’m not excited about you singing it.

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Maile: I know what the bad word is. Brittany bitch. My friend told me bitch is a bad word. Is that right Mom? Is bitch the bad word Mom?

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Me: Yes, now that’s enough, it really isn’t a nice word to be saying.

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Maile: …Well I like that word.

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Laina: I THOUGHT SHE WAS SAYING PITCH!

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Downward Facing…What Are You Doing?

I once took a yoga class for college credit.

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I tried really hard to center myself, but could not turn off my inner 13 year old who was screaming, “Oh my GAH, what are you even doing? Everyone here looks funny!!!!”

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I did my best for the sake of a passing grade, but I will always wonder about downward facing dog.

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Technically we’ve been posing like this since we were children right? What used to be my “search for quarters under the couch pose” is now a back stretching pose of peace.

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Easy enough, but our instructor would walk around every one in the class with a rope during this pose. He would stand behind us, stretch the rope around us and pull us backward…toward him.

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It was to help our backs stretch into the correct position so that we would actually feel the tension in our muscles. He was…helping us…

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And everyone just let him walk around, adjusting their poses with what my 13 year old inner child could only describe as a thrusting rope.

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And since it was the only experience with yoga I’ve ever had…I’ve always wondered if that was NORMAL or if my yoga instructor was completely perverted.

Anyone??

Fat Raccoon

Last night I discovered the fattest raccoon I’ve ever seen eating our cat food in the garage.

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In an attempt to snap a picture I slammed the garage door shut on it’s head.

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Damn thing got away.

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